Image: Vania Zouravliov

“The Crone, the Reaper, She is the Dark Moon, what you don’t see coming at you, what you don’t get away with the wind that whips the spark across the fire line. Chance, you could say, or, what’s scarier still: the intersection of chance with choices and actions made before. The brush that is tinder dry from decades of drought, the warming of the earth’s climate that sends the storms away north, the hole in the ozone layer. Not punishment, not even justice, but consequence.”

Starhawk

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An innocent moment, with what appeared to be an innocent vision, has completely shifted my path and my current way of thinking. It’s funny how the Universe works like that, one moment you feel stuck, stagnant, trapped, and the next you are given your freedom, you have received your answers. I am no stranger to occurrences like this but the timing is what has me reflecting back on the last two weeks, and realizing that everything really is all relative.

My life appeared to be random happening, after random happening and there was no rhyme or reason to my emotions, thought process, or decision making. I was flying by the seat of my pants, which for a controlling, OCD Cancer like myself, this is something that we just don’t do. I thought that I was suffocating because of my relationship/friendships, or maybe my living situation. I knew that something was off, that something was wrong, and no matter how much I cut out of my life, or how much meditating I did, the feeling always crept back in.

It started two weeks ago on a Sunday night, and I did not write about this experience because I don’t know much, if anything about the deity, and it is my belief that I need to be somewhat educated on a topic before I decide to write about it. I say now that I do not know much about this most beautiful darkness that came to me, I just know that She is here, and She is making Her presence known in every way possible. I am filled with the utmost humility that this Crone has chosen me as one of Her daughters, and I readily and willingly accept Her, and the wisdom she wishes bestow upon me.

This Sunday evening was like every other night, but I was under a lot of emotional stress and at the peak of my madness, I had not been this dark in years. All I seemed to be doing was eating, really rich foods, and craving solitude. I immediately thought I was going through depression, but that soon proved to not be the case. I was still taking care of myself; showering daily, keeping up with household chores, meditating, and all the usual activities I partake in.

I was just really, really dark.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I felt like something, everything and nothing were wrong with my life. I was in a chaotic downward spiral, and I couldn’t see where it was coming from. There were no attachments, no attacks, no breaks in my shield, this “attack” was being allowed, and I was the one allowing it.

As I drifted off to sleep I quickly was pulled onto Astral, I remember taking note of the lack of visuals for a brief moment, there was nothing, no color, no smell, no feeling, no texture, it was a place of absolute stillness, absolute nothingness; no guides, no spirit animals, there was no one with me, just my naked body, with a dagger strapped to my left thigh, charms on my neck, and a satchel around my waist. I had the tattoos that I do now, along with some other symbols, they looked Slavic in nature. They were randomly placed on my body, and there was a thick black, dense, energy that was illuminating from them. It was like this blackness had a mind of its own, or maybe even a Master.

I landed in a thick wooded dark forest, and I quickly noticed that the ground was solid, and freezing cold, which would signify winter, but the forest itself was thick, and lush with greenery. I took a deep breath of the clean, crisp, fresh air, as I inhaled I realized there were no animals making noise; I heard nothing.

As quickly as I had this thought I heard branches breaking all around me, first loud, then soft, then loud, then soft again; it was as if I were being taunted, but also a message that this power is strong but not there to harm me.

I felt something at my feet and I looked down to see a snake that was red, black and white. She had coiled herself between my feet and slowly started making her way up my leg, tightening her grip as she got higher. I did not feel threatened by this beautiful serpent, but I knew that this was not a Daemon that I was familiar with, this was not Lucy, Mo, or any other energy that I am somewhat used to. As the snake got closer to my vagina, she entered inside me, and at that exact moment a freezing cold wind gust wrapped itself around me. I lost my balance and fell to the ground, as I picked my face up off the dirt, I noticed the bottom of a robe in front of me, and a cane; as my eyes made their way up the crooked cane, I saw wrinkled hands adorned with many rings gripping the wood.

I quickly asked, “Who are you?” and the response was, “I am the moon you were born under. I am the shadow. I am the Crone. I am the reason you are here.”

I demanded a name, and I was thrown to the ground and roots started to wrap around my body, pinning me to the ground. The cold wind picked back up, and as if the wind itself was speaking I heard the name, “Baba Yaga! I am Baba Yaga, She is Baba Yaga, We are Baba Yaga, child, child, child, child…”

I can still hear the chilling chant and echo in my head.

I woke up from this encounter sore from the roots, but each night since that one I am brought back to those same dark woods, and I sit speaking with this Divinely Dark Crone. It is in these travels that I have realized my sudden love for gardening, Earth, Woods, tinctures, herbs, spices, resin’s, and really Earthly oils, not to mention the rich foods; carbs, cheeses, fresh seasonal fruits and veggies, have all been because Baba Yaga has decided to come into my life. She is making her presence known to me, and the suffocating feeling I was experiencing was her trying to get my attention, and me blatantly ignoring the signs.

I have often struggled with the insecurity if I am “Witchy” enough, and the presence of this powerhouse in my life is telling me that I am Magick, I am Nature, and I am the definition of the Divine Feminine in one of her many depictions.

I am forever and always a Wild Woman, and Witch.

Who is Baba Yaga:

http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Baba_Yaga