LESSONS FROM THE STARS: A Survival Guide to Eclipse Season

Queen 3

image source

“Astrology is assured of recognition from psychology, without further restrictions, because astrology represents the summation of all the psychological knowledge of antiquity.”

C.G. Jung

I don’t know about any of you, but for myself this Eclipse season has been BRUTAL.

If I am being completely honest, Cancer season was particularly rocky this year, too.

So, it’s been a solid 2 months of just balls to the wall MADNESS.

I for one am over it.

The Universe, however, has other plans.

We are at the mercy of the cosmos right now.

And, don’t hit me with “We create our own reality” because I follow that Philosophy, but currently there is no creating my reality; it’s being written before my eyes as the planets and stars seemingly collide.

Let’s not forget that Saturn, Pluto, Neptune, Mars and Mercury are ALL Retrograde.

Only adding more chaos to our inner and outer world’s.

Saturn: Defining your boundaries and work ethic

Pluto: Spending time with your darkness

Neptune: Waking up and facing reality

Mars: Learning how to fight for your desires

Mercury: Communication breakdown, anger and anxiety

Plus, we’re in the middle of Leo Season, and the Lion’s Gate officially opens today.

The final (partial) Solar Eclipse during a Super New Moon in the sign of Leo coming up on the 11th is going to ease things a bit, but if the card I pulled this morning regarding the Eclipse is an indicator of things to come, we are in for a harsh awakening:

The Tower.

Baron

For many people the Tower is one of the most feared cards in Tarot, and in some cases that fear is warranted.

Who likes change?

Not me.

I hate quick, forced, harsh change; all change is hard, but I am talking about the kind where it’s just a shock to the system, you have no fucking clue it’s coming until it’s already happened.

This can be good or bad, as with all things, but the Tower *always* represents change, breaking of old patterns, and sudden realization, among other things.

Read more about the Tower, here.

So, are you freaking out yet?

Don’t fret.

Here are some tips on how I survive crazy cosmic events like what we’ve been experiencing.

Survival

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STAY GROUNDED: This is important always, but during Eclipse season when change is dancing all around us, it’s paramount to be grounded and present. It’s easy to let our minds drift off and become distracted but we must stay grounded in our current reality because we are still in rough waters with fire energy closing in around us. To read more about my tips for grounding, click here.

PROTECT THYSELF: Protecting ourselves is an essential self-care practice, especially for Witches. I don’t know about you, but for myself, fucked up people have been seeking me out, and clinging to me like the psychic vampires they are. Then, there are other people who are so blind with jealousy and ego that they make their attempts to attack blatantly obvious. It’s a Spiritual war out here. We must take appropriate measures; draw boundaries, cut out toxic people and situations from our lives, no matter how bad it hurts. Take Spiritual baths or showers at least once a week, but as often as you can is fine. Cleanse your phone, and most used items (purse, jacket, bag, shoes, jewelry, etc) with sage, palo santo or other consecration herb of choice. Make sure to re-ward yourself and your home, too. These Retrogrades are bringing out the worst in some people and they seek out our light to distinguish it; don’t let them. To read more about my protection tips, click here.

STAY HYDRATED: During this massive heatwave it’s super important to stay hydrated, during cosmic events it’s even more important. Water is a carrier; it holds vibrations. Plus, it’s essential for our bodies to function properly; it helps our organs function, rids the body of toxins, and keeps our skin looking young, and glowing (among a million other benefits). Carrying water with you and speaking a short incantation (even silently) before taking a sip can help calm you, it can cleanse your energy field of negative energy; think of it like an internal Spiritual bath. Add crystals (usually quartz crystals are safest) and fruits, or herbs to give yourself added Magick on the go.

LISTEN TO MUSIC: I am a lover of music, always have been. Do you know what loves music more than I do? OUR CHAKRAS. Music is a form of sound therapy, especially if we have an emotional connection to the songs we are listening to. The music does not have to be Spiritual in nature, it can be whatever gets you feeling good, whatever gets you moving. Music by itself will help clear and re-balance our Chakras, but when we add movement, we re-connect to ourselves, and etheric body.

EAT FEEL GOOD FOOD: What we put into our bodies to fuel us is super important, especially as Magickal practitioners. During Eclipse season you want to eat a lot of fruits, veggies, and high vibe, colorful foods; make sure to add spices and herbs where you can, and always look for ways to cut out foods containing excessive amounts of sugar. Nurture your body with foods that make YOU feel your best, and work at your best level. This is not a time to be hitting up the McD’s drive-thru; comfort your body with nutrients as you would comfort your Soul with meditation.

GET OUT IN NATURE: This is easier said than done right now, particularly because the heat index is crazy across more than half of the country. Even if you just go sit out in your garden for a few minutes in the early morning, and evening when the heat isn’t quite as intense. Or, go for a walk to the park, take a walk around your neighborhood/apartment complex. Find a way in your urban jungle. Then, find a spot where you can take your shoes off and get on the grass; this is two-fold, it grounds you and re-connects you to Mother. Nature is the best Spiritual cleanser in existence.

I know that nothing mentioned here is particularly special but, they are important reminders during a time when our minds seem to be scattered in a million pieces.

The lessons we are being forced to endure, and the changes we are being forced to accept are opening doors to huge opportunities, and new beginnings.

Embrace what’s to come.

Remember, destruction is a form of creation.

We got this.

You got this.

You are not alone.

RANTINGS OF A MAD WITCH: Darkness is Not a Trend

Darkness

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“Yet, no matter how deeply I go down into myself, my God is dark, and like a webbing made of a hundred roots that drink in silence.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

I am going to say up front that I don’t believe this essay will be well received by everyone but, when are they ever?

If something I say here offends you then I urge and plead you to ask yourself, “why am I offended?”

Your reaction has everything to do with you, and nothing to do with me or my words on this screen.

As with most of my pieces, this has been bouncing around in my head for quite some time; I have had wonderful, deep conversations with friends about this ongoing trend I wish to address.

Having been a public figure (by that I mean writing/administrating pages and blogs on Social Media) for a little over 4 years now I am granted rare glimpses into people’s lives and Souls.

In this time, I have learned a lot, grown a lot, even died a few metaphorical deaths in there—it has been a thrill ride and initiation of sorts.

When I first started on Dear Wicked I used the admin handle ‘Noir’ (French word for the color black) and many people still call me that to this day; it is a spiritual name given to me and therefore very Sacred.

Being an admin (especially as NR continues to grow) affords me the pleasure of getting to know a lot of people that I otherwise wouldn’t cross paths with; in the beginning, I was met with a lot of backlash because I was “too dark” and “too harsh”—I get it, I have a strong presence and I don’t sugar coat anything, so people at first don’t like me.

Sometimes people never like me.

I am not here to be liked though; I am here to provoke thought.

I would/do talk about and/or post about topics and subject matter that made/make people uncomfortable and instead of standing in and owning their discomfort, they project their fears onto me.

The ban list on that page grew rather quickly as small insults from readers turned into them trying to sabotage my career, and use Magick against me. Ah, what fun.

It was a shit show when I first started, still is most days.

At that time, I started to use Social Media as a gauge for the current state of the world; seriously, if you are ever curious about the current energies that are in play, just pay attention to commentary and behavior on these Social platforms and you will notice the trends I do.

Our community was plagued with what we have all come to call fluff bunnies; I don’t intentionally mean this as a term of disrespect and I honestly believe all Witches have their place and purpose but the imagery I wish to convey is aptly described and formed when I use the term “fluff bunny”. So, chill, k?

I was personally bombarded by these morality police, light worker, new-age, threefold believers who wanted to fill me with love and light while beating me into submission.

I come from darkness and was forged by flames, I will submit to no one.

Fire 2

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As for love and light, they have their purpose and place in the grand scheme of things but it is not with me, or within me.

My love, and my light come from a place of darkness. Read that line again.

In the last 2 years or so many of these same Witches have “come to the dark side” and how fucking ironic is that?

How ironic is it to see people who would outright deny their darkness now talk about embracing their Shadow and doing Shadow work?

How hypocritical that they are talking about these topics without ever having faced their Shadow?

I am just going to say this:

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

I understand that people evolve and paths change, and that is not what I am talking about here; I am talking about the people within our community who could not handle being called out on their judgmental light bullshit, so they switched sides and now want to claim the dark.

Witches, Occultists, Mystics—hell, people in general should strive for duality BUT there are some of us who lean towards one side over the other and *THAT IS OKAY*.

It’s okay to carry light and dark; it’s okay to carry just darkness; it’s okay to carry just light;

It is not okay to pretend to be something you are not because you don’t want to face the ridicule anymore; with truth comes ridicule, and the truer you are to yourself, the more authentic your life becomes, the more you will be outcast.

I am ridiculed for being too dark, not being balanced, and pretty much just for breathing most days but I stand in my truth, I burn in my truth, I stand on top of this crumbling world and shout my truth for all to hear.

No one can ever say that I have not been dedicated and true to myself, my path, or my Craft.

Lotus

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That is the key here: we must be true to our Craft and to ourselves otherwise everything we do is a lie and Magick is no place for liars.

If you claim the dark out of fear, or wanting to “be cool” the darkness in turn will claim you and, that is something you never want to experience.

Let people talk, let people stare, let people misunderstand you, let them draw their conclusions, and make their judgments; their words should have no effect on you.

And remember, to thy own self be true.

 

 

 

THE DARK MOTHER: Lessons from Lilith

Drepina 2

Image: Natalia Drepina

“I am the blood of the dragon. I must be strong. I must have fire in my eyes when I face them, not tears.”

George R.R. Martin

As I wrote in a recent blog I have been noticing a trend of the Dark Goddess calling to, and appearing for many people; it seems that as our world has plummeted into times of uncertainty and darkness, so has the collective conscious and unconscious; there to greet us is Mother.

We are in Her domain now.

At first, I was unsure how I felt about the Dark Goddess, in all Her forms, particularly Lilith, becoming trends—more and more I would see articles about firsthand experiences with Her; Witches and Mystics were finally opening up and telling their stories and sharing their lessons learned from the Dark Mother.

Conversely, I also saw a plethora of historical texts that vilify Her making the rounds, as well.

Is it at all shocking that a Woman who chose Her own path, showed strength and fought for individual sovereignty has been dragged through the mud?

Is it surprising that she is so misunderstood, and even those who choose to walk Her path are demonized, too?

What is it about this primordial energy that draws people in? Why are some terrified, and others fascinated? Why are people, especially (most importantly) Women finding resonance with Her?

What IS all the hype about?

Well, to put it bluntly, the world is full of angry Women, and the people who love them.

The days where the patriarchy rules, and Women are treated as second-class citizens are coming to an end; I know that it seems like it’s getting worse, and in some ways, it is—but it must get worse before it can get better.

There must be a catalyst; that catalyst must affect a lot of people so that the Revolution can gain momentum.

And, a Revolution is coming.

The Divine Feminine is taking Her power back.

The Divine Masculine is taking His power back.

We are taking our power back.

Monotheism, and the divisive tactics of “the system” are being destroyed—piece by piece, layer by layer.

So, what is She?

Who is She?

A Sex Goddess?

A Daemon?

A Sacred Whore?

A Monster?

A Mother?

A Succubus?

A Serpent?

She is all of this and so much more.

Lilith is everything that is wild and carnal within us.

She represents uninhibited sexual energy.

She is unapologetic rage.

She is the Womb of the Dragon—the spark of Creation.

She is the epitome of rebellion.

She is both apple and Serpent.

She is the Dark Mother who teaches us tough, hard lessons.

She is the personification of Shadow work.

She is every Woman.

And every Woman is Her.

The more Women and other groups of marginalized people are blatantly beaten into submission, the more power it gives to these Dark Divine Feminine energies, like Lilith.

These are the deities, and energies who refuse to accept oppression of any kind.

They are Dark Goddesses such as Hekate, Kali, Morrigan, Brigid, Hel, Baba Yaga, Aradia, Isis, Persephone, and Ereshkigal; they are rising from their dark abodes and daring us to jump into the Abyss.

Asking us to trust our senses as we navigate our way through darkness, the underworld and the unknown.

They are teaching us to fight, to have a warrior mentality, and to rely solely on Self.

The Dark Divine Feminine lives in all of us—regardless of gender but She is awakening rapidly inside of Women and THAT is the key.

When that Divine spark is ignited inside us, a door opens and there to meet us is our Magick; this is a huge reason why religion and monotheism are dying (I don’t necessarily think religion is the problem, as I have said in the past).

People are sick and tired of being told how to live, love and believe based on words written thousands of years ago that have no real-world application today. I would go so far as to argue that they never had any real-world application to begin with.

Lilith teaches us to submit to no one, to live on our terms, and to be free in our wildness.

She is not for the faint of heart and asks a lot of those who answer Her calls but, it’s worth it.

Every single moment spent in Her darkness is worth it.

Every single drop of blood, sweat, and tears have purpose.

So, if you can’t handle that, then ask yourself what are you doing on this path?

Articles for further study:

http://www.ancient-origins.net/myths-legends/lilith-ancient-demon-dark-deity-or-sex-goddess-005908

http://thegoddesscircle.net/dark-goddess-magick/

The Beast that Dwells Within

Brooke Shaden

Image: Brooke Shaden

“Rage — whether in reaction to social injustice, or to our leaders’ insanity, or to those who threaten or harm us — is a powerful energy that, with diligent practice, can be transformed into fierce compassion.”

Bonnie Myotai Treace

Ever since I was a little girl I have had a temper; a side to myself that others found unsavory, too wild, too opinionated, too loud, too aggressive, too stubborn—too much free will.

I have said in the past the only thing my Father ever gave me was this temper.

For years, and years people would try to tame me, water me down, try to fit me into a box…

I broke the box every time because what lives within me cannot be contained.

There is a part of me separate from my temper; this energy is not just my Shadow Self, it is fragments of lifetimes, people, memories, and the collective unconscious.

My Beast is justified rage, it’s a collection of all the injustices that have ever occurred; it is all the dreams that were dreamt but unable to be filled because of fear or societal pressures; it is the collection of pain, anger, sadness, and hurt of every life that has ever lived.

My Mom, my beautiful Crone, has come to call this beast Henry, a silly name for a not so silly presence. When we know he is coming we usually keep him at bay with various methods. His destruction knows no bounds, and he sucks the life out of me; though he/it is not separate from me but *part* of me. Mom knew about this energy while I was in her womb; she knew I was NOT made for this world.

This part of me is my connection to the Divine; manifested, glorious, beautiful destruction.

My temper comes in short bursts, destructive still but not long lived.

Henry, he won’t stop, he is insatiable.

I haven’t mastered this whole being human thing, and often I find myself struggling to just exist in this world day to day; adding Henry into the equation is not the kind of plot twist that I like. This destructive force is why I am so critical of myself and others (I can, without even knowing, come off very condescending and elitist; I’m working on it.)

Therefore, I continuously break myself down, study the pieces, just to put myself together again.

Sometimes in the process I break others, too, and that part, that part is the worst.

This morning when Henry showed up after my asshole cat broke my closet door and I hurt my back (I have 3 compression fractures in my spine currently so messing with the closet was no business of mine) I blew two light bulbs in the process.

And, reset the wi-fi—twice.

Part of the reason why Shiva is my Patron deity is because I relate to him in ways I cannot put into words. I relate to him in ways that make me sound insane, to be honest.

Like this post, for example. Makes me sound crazy.

Crazy is relative, I guess, so whatever.

Onwards with the crazy!

In Hinduism Shiva is one of three main Creator Gods: Brahma, the Creator; Vishnu, the Preserver; Shiva, the Destroyer. However, in Shaivism he is all three Archetypes.

In both traditions though he is known as the “God who must be drugged” to keep his destruction tamed.

As powerful and self-aware as Shiva is, he still is at the mercy of his destruction.

Even through Meditation and Yoga (Shiva is the God of Yogi’s; I practice Yoga as active meditation), killing ego and rejecting karma (in this context it means he does not act with the expectation of reward) he still has to conquer his own destructive force every single day.

Am I comparing myself to a God? No.

I am finding pieces of myself and my truth within the energy, Archetypes and stories of a God and in return the synchronicities happening in my life are guiding me forward; they have yet to steer me wrong.

I do use herbs, anti-anxiety medicine when necessary, and methods of channeling the emotion; have even bottled it up (literally) for later use but still, there is this force inside of me that can both wreak havoc and heal deeply; it is both harshly critical and mothering; it is both loving and loathing; it is everything and nothing.

It’s a part of me, and somedays I hate it.

Today I hate it.

Om Namah Shivaya breaks down as:

Om- Before there was a universe, there was (and is) the Great void of existence. Out of this void came the vibration which started the universe, which is known as Om.

Namah- This literally translates to bow.

Shivaya- This, of course, means Shiva; but more than that, it means the inner self.

When understood fully (and per Shaivism), it means “I bow to the inner Self”.

I bow, honor, love and acknowledge all parts of myself because I was told more times than I can count that I was not worthy of love; I was too hard to love; I would prove to be too complicated; too much effort without payoff; too independent.

I honor all parts of myself, even the negative ones (particularly those) because that is where truth comes from, that is where healing is found, and that is where wisdom resides.

I bow to my inner self because I refuse to bow to any other force.

I am sharing this story because today, and the past few months have been hard, words needed to flow and I know there are many of you who can relate to this; there are even a few of you who will relate to this without even knowing that you, too, have a Beast inside of you.

Don’t let them tame you.

Disclaimer: I am not condoning drug use as a means to suppress parts of yourself but I also do not see much of a difference between using marijuana or other herbs and being medicated (with poisons in my opinion) by a Doctor. I have tried both and medication simply does not work for me (I have Hashimotos which causes severe medication sensitivities and allergies).

As always, mental illness and drug addiction are very real and if you believe you have a problem, please seek medical help. I am addressing this because a blog I wrote recently caused another writer (hi, hater) to call into question my sanity. I am under the care of Doctor’s and do not need an uneducated opinion about my mental health but, thank you!

I am also not the type of person who tries to pass off everything “mental” as being spiritual or vice versa; I do believe in some cases they go hand in hand; I believe that in other cases they are completely unrelated.

Know thyself as you love thyself.

DARKNESS GIVES BIRTH TO LIGHT: A Reminder for these Trumpian Times

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Image: Stefano Corso

 

“Sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn’t fit in with the core belief.”

Frantz Fanon

The Political game has always been something that fascinated me and often I would find myself in the midst of debates, even at a young age; far before this election year, far before my awakening, far before I could even vote, it was just something always inside of me. I know nobody wants to talk about or read anymore posts regarding the election but bear with me and hopefully I can inspire some of my fellow discouraged rebels.

For a long time, I didn’t really side, or identify, with either party; I considered myself to be, relatively, non-partisan. Like most millennials I felt that I *needed* to think for myself, not be told by “the system” what, who or how I should be. A rebellion our parents once had but seemed to dimmer as they were beaten back into submission.

I know that millennials, particularly the ones younger than myself (I am 32) have a lot of stereotypes associated with them, and maybe there is truth to some of those stereotypes but this generation IS special. Not to get all pseudo-science, crazy on you but look up the Indigo, Crystal and Rainbow children, there are some interesting theories.

We seem to have rebellion in our blood; while it may not express itself well all the time in its delivery, it’s there, in all of us, waiting to be tapped into.

I feel the rebellion now more than ever.

I have recently been called a snowflake, libtard who “needs to go find my safe space” because I am not willing to accept our current Administration. I have been told that I am unpatriotic, and spoiled and that I need to accept “New America”. I have been attacked for being a Feminazi, while also being attacked for my white privilege.

I admit my privilege, I identify as an intersectional Feminist because I GET IT.

I supported the Women’s Marches that happened all over the world but I also know that white Women were marching for very different reasons than Women of Color, and/or Transgender Women. With this, I want to give a shout out to the Black Trans community; a group who face more violence than any other. I see you. I love you. Keep fighting.

White Women (which I am one, in case that needs to be clarified) are seeking equality because we have the privilege to do so; Women of Color are seeking justice because in 2017 they are still considered sub-human—how can they even begin to fight for equality when they are literally killed for having brown skin? If you cannot admit this happens, if you cannot understand our different causes and help our Sisters (all of them) rise with us, then you need to check your own privilege and ask yourself what the fuck is the point of fighting at all? It should be all inclusive, or nothing.

People who voted for Trump said they wanted anti-establishment but his cabinet is shaping out to be a who’s who boys club of elite men who all have shady business dealings, and checkered pasts to boot; men who line their pockets by rebutting science and raping the Earth for resources—some are billionaires for this very reason.

So, tell me, what do these men have in common with me? How do they represent ME? How do they represent YOU?

US-POLITICS-DIPLOMACY-TRADE-ASIA-TPP

Trump Signing Anti-Abortion Bill Surrounded by Men Source: Huff Post

There are no illusions or blinders on me when it comes to my country; I know Her for what she is and the blood on her hands, and in her soil. I love her despite that because I love the people and all their colors who make up this great Nation. You can love your country and want it to move forward, you can love your country while pointing out its ugly parts and past, you can love your country and be against your Government.

“Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.”

Theodore Roosevelt

To be frank, this entire election cycle and the drama that came along with it has made me feel defeated and discouraged; I never had too much faith in democracy in recent years (thought all politicians were bought and paid for) but I had enough trust where I thought, for sure, that a reality star who is an open misogynist, racist, sexist, classist, elitist would not get to sit in the White House.

Yet, here we are. Wishful thinking got me again.

I don’t know if I should laugh, or cry, or fight, or scream….

I don’t know what to feel so I feel it all but I have felt it all for so long that now, right now, I am numb.

I feel like I am waiting for something to happen and I don’t know what it is, or even if it’s good or bad. Terrifying, it’s all fucking terrifying.

I have stepped, dove and jumped into the abyss many times, but the collective has stepped into the abyss now, too, and that is such an unsettling feeling for an Empath, and Mystic like myself.

The entire world is sitting in the dark; take that however you will. This is why us torchbearers are needed now more than ever.

On this note, a friend sent me a quote yesterday that seems fitting:

“What if the darkness is not the darkness of the tomb but the darkness of the womb?”

Valerie Kaur

If this is the case and we are sitting in the womb of Mother, may we all be reborn with eyes open wide and a mind that isn’t blind; may we help Her rise.

We are in a perilous situation right now, and we are all in it together; regardless of what side we are on.

Yesterday I re-shared my blog about how to deal with the current world and being an Empath; tricks to help you cope and deal, but today I am going to focus on the Mystics, the Healers, the Light bringers.

How do we get through this darkness?

DON’T FEED FEAR, DEVOUR KNOWLEDGE: Since we are now living in a world of “alternative facts” telling the truth will become an act of rebellion; speak it, scream it, and shout it as loudly as you can. They can’t silence us all. Shine your light on their lies.

DON’T FEED HATE, SPREAD LOVE: This is a time where unity is more important than ever before but, unity can only happen when we understand that we ARE different. I think that those who state “We are all one race” don’t really understand the pain, struggle, and oppression that is experienced by people of color daily. We must listen to their experiences, and help them heal by speaking their truth with them; showing compassion, and empathy wouldn’t hurt either. Most importantly, we must love each other because it is only love that will make us strong, only love that will pull us out of this. And, y’all know I am not a kumbaya type of person but shit is real right now.

We mustn’t be silenced, or rollover in submission; we must fight back, allow our voices, all our voices, be heard. We must light our torches and shine them so that other’s may see the way.

We must heal the collective and show them that this isn’t the end; darkness is just the beginning.

TORCHBEARERS: It’s Time to Shine Your Light

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Image: Diggie Vitt Photography

 

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”

J.D Stroube

I think it is safe to say that last year was a year of change, death and destruction (metaphorically and literally) for just about everyone; I know it most certainly was for myself. With these emotions and experiences there comes Shadow work, an inevitable part of our journey; facing the darker nature and emotions of/within ourselves; having to own up to our mistakes, our pain, our “shit” and still look ourselves in the mirror afterwards.

Not an easy task on top of an already complex path.

My darkness, traumas, and inability to conform are what led me to the Left Hand Path, and Magick in general, as well as having a calling deep in my Soul. I thrived in the darkness, and darker shades of gray; I loved to roam in the Shadows of myself, the otherworld and the collective unconscious trying to figure out why the dark appealed to me so much.

I immersed myself in the energy and embrace of the Dark Feminine, and swayed my hips with the Charge of the Dark Goddess; I embraced the wrath of Kali by allowing my own rage to run free, and I walked with Hekate in the Underworld staring death in the face.

I challenged fate, the Gods, and went against everything that was expected of me.

I rebelled, I lashed out, I embraced my wild nature; I raged, I screamed, I cried, and apologized not once.

But, all good things must come to an end.

After going through numerous Dark Nights of the Soul and dredging through Shadow work for over 2 years, observing and absorbing other people’s darkness and embracing my own, I can admit that I have stayed in the dark too long and now, am being forced to become my own light and shine brighter than before.

You see, I let the darkness seduce me; I got lost deep in the Abyss and have been sitting here, stuck, for weeks now—months even, trying to find a way out.

I try to remain positive and keep it all in perspective but lately it has been next to impossible to do; the recent Mercury Retrograde was the hardest one that I can remember. I remain grateful always, and make the choice every day to turn my heart towards the sky but sometimes, it’s just fucking hard to do.

During a tear-filled phone call, earlier today with one of my Sister Witches she posed a question that was so profound it has led me to write this post.

She said, “How do you create and hold space for such deep sadness and despair while still living your day to day life?” Referring the collective and personal pain and sadness that she is feeling currently.

As those words left her mouth the epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks:

“The only way out is through.” -Robert Frost

Frost’s poems have entered my mind time and time again reminding me of the lesson I am to learn or the direction I must follow. Once again, his words sing out to me.

Our society has demonized emotions so much that the majority are completely numb to the ideas of compassion, empathy and, well, love.

How can the Healers of this world cope with such odds? How can the rebels who are here to awaken the masses make them feel something, anything?

How are we, the Healers, supposed to deal with the heavy weight of sadness and fear that is being felt but also hidden?

The first step, we shine some light in the dusty corners of their Soul’s.

We all have aspects of ourselves that are like a junk drawer (not our Shadow but something more human). It’s a drawer we all have in our homes that we prefer a stranger not stumble upon and go through; finding out how sloppy we can be.

Our Soul has that same kind of drawer.

Well, it’s spring cleaning time.

This world is in desperate need of awakened and enlightened people, and I don’t mean those fake gurus who want followers; I mean the real deal who wish to have you walk your path of independence rather than follow the herd—even if that means you walk a path different from their own.

I know, I know, people on the page have tried to defend the herd as being smart; in nature, it is a defense mechanism to keep them safe from predators, a way to keep them warm, and a way to have community.

Sheep and other herd animals don’t have egos though; the Alpha males may battle it out every once in a while, but the hierarchy is set in place, and animals don’t have the awareness to question it.

Humans however, we do. And, that is why following the herd has never fared well for humans.

When we follow the herd, we lose the individuality that makes us all so unique; we lose the ability to form our own opinions because they are fed to us. It is hard to walk alone, it is hard to break free from everything you have ever known but what is the alternative? Follow blindly?

While I feel the Shadow of last year still hanging over us, the fear of the unknown, and the panic because of the uncertainty of our future, I have hope.

Some people call me naïve to keep hope alive and maybe I am; fear is no better than naivety though, but worse.

I walk in to 2017 shedding the darkness and thick skin that 2016 gave to me and step into the fire of revolution and truth.

Most importantly, I step into the fire of hope.

Blessed are the Witches, Wild Mystics, Shamans, Healers, Awakened, Enlightened and Spiritual folks of this planet; it is our torches that will guide us through the darkness.

Blessed are the light-bringers and torchbearers;

Now go light the world on fire.

 

A Daughter of Baba Yaga

Baba Yaga

Image: Vania Zouravliov

“The Crone, the Reaper, She is the Dark Moon, what you don’t see coming at you, what you don’t get away with the wind that whips the spark across the fire line. Chance, you could say, or, what’s scarier still: the intersection of chance with choices and actions made before. The brush that is tinder dry from decades of drought, the warming of the earth’s climate that sends the storms away north, the hole in the ozone layer. Not punishment, not even justice, but consequence.”

Starhawk


An innocent moment, with what appeared to be an innocent vision, has completely shifted my path and my current way of thinking. It’s funny how the Universe works like that, one moment you feel stuck, stagnant, trapped, and the next you are given your freedom, you have received your answers. I am no stranger to occurrences like this but the timing is what has me reflecting back on the last two weeks, and realizing that everything really is all relative.

My life appeared to be random happening, after random happening and there was no rhyme or reason to my emotions, thought process, or decision making. I was flying by the seat of my pants, which for a controlling, OCD Cancer like myself, this is something that we just don’t do. I thought that I was suffocating because of my relationship/friendships, or maybe my living situation. I knew that something was off, that something was wrong, and no matter how much I cut out of my life, or how much meditating I did, the feeling always crept back in.

It started two weeks ago on a Sunday night, and I did not write about this experience because I don’t know much, if anything about the deity, and it is my belief that I need to be somewhat educated on a topic before I decide to write about it. I say now that I do not know much about this most beautiful darkness that came to me, I just know that She is here, and She is making Her presence known in every way possible. I am filled with the utmost humility that this Crone has chosen me as one of Her daughters, and I readily and willingly accept Her, and the wisdom she wishes bestow upon me.

This Sunday evening was like every other night, but I was under a lot of emotional stress and at the peak of my madness, I had not been this dark in years. All I seemed to be doing was eating, really rich foods, and craving solitude. I immediately thought I was going through depression, but that soon proved to not be the case. I was still taking care of myself; showering daily, keeping up with household chores, meditating, and all the usual activities I partake in.

I was just really, really dark.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I felt like something, everything and nothing were wrong with my life. I was in a chaotic downward spiral, and I couldn’t see where it was coming from. There were no attachments, no attacks, no breaks in my shield, this “attack” was being allowed, and I was the one allowing it.

As I drifted off to sleep I quickly was pulled onto Astral, I remember taking note of the lack of visuals for a brief moment, there was nothing, no color, no smell, no feeling, no texture, it was a place of absolute stillness, absolute nothingness; no guides, no spirit animals, there was no one with me, just my naked body, with a dagger strapped to my left thigh, charms on my neck, and a satchel around my waist. I had the tattoos that I do now, along with some other symbols, they looked Slavic in nature. They were randomly placed on my body, and there was a thick black, dense, energy that was illuminating from them. It was like this blackness had a mind of its own, or maybe even a Master.

I landed in a thick wooded dark forest, and I quickly noticed that the ground was solid, and freezing cold, which would signify winter, but the forest itself was thick, and lush with greenery. I took a deep breath of the clean, crisp, fresh air, as I inhaled I realized there were no animals making noise; I heard nothing.

As quickly as I had this thought I heard branches breaking all around me, first loud, then soft, then loud, then soft again; it was as if I were being taunted, but also a message that this power is strong but not there to harm me.

I felt something at my feet and I looked down to see a snake that was red, black and white. She had coiled herself between my feet and slowly started making her way up my leg, tightening her grip as she got higher. I did not feel threatened by this beautiful serpent, but I knew that this was not a Daemon that I was familiar with, this was not Lucy, Mo, or any other energy that I am somewhat used to. As the snake got closer to my vagina, she entered inside me, and at that exact moment a freezing cold wind gust wrapped itself around me. I lost my balance and fell to the ground, as I picked my face up off the dirt, I noticed the bottom of a robe in front of me, and a cane; as my eyes made their way up the crooked cane, I saw wrinkled hands adorned with many rings gripping the wood.

I quickly asked, “Who are you?” and the response was, “I am the moon you were born under. I am the shadow. I am the Crone. I am the reason you are here.”

I demanded a name, and I was thrown to the ground and roots started to wrap around my body, pinning me to the ground. The cold wind picked back up, and as if the wind itself was speaking I heard the name, “Baba Yaga! I am Baba Yaga, She is Baba Yaga, We are Baba Yaga, child, child, child, child…”

I can still hear the chilling chant and echo in my head.

I woke up from this encounter sore from the roots, but each night since that one I am brought back to those same dark woods, and I sit speaking with this Divinely Dark Crone. It is in these travels that I have realized my sudden love for gardening, Earth, Woods, tinctures, herbs, spices, resin’s, and really Earthly oils, not to mention the rich foods; carbs, cheeses, fresh seasonal fruits and veggies, have all been because Baba Yaga has decided to come into my life. She is making her presence known to me, and the suffocating feeling I was experiencing was her trying to get my attention, and me blatantly ignoring the signs.

I have often struggled with the insecurity if I am “Witchy” enough, and the presence of this powerhouse in my life is telling me that I am Magick, I am Nature, and I am the definition of the Divine Feminine in one of her many depictions.

I am forever and always a Wild Woman, and Witch.

Who is Baba Yaga:

http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Baba_Yaga