Sacred Sex: BDSM

Bruno Dayan

Image: Bruno Dayan

“It’s hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That’s part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can’t refuse anything and can’t even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”

Cherise Sinclair


I am going to venture into new territory here, and I hope that I do this piece justice, and represent the community in a positive way. My intentions are to evoke thought, and bring about discussion regarding a very taboo topic; I am referring to BDSM.

At this point you are probably wondering why I have taken on this topic, why I have strayed off my usual Occult/Magick/Awakening topics to write about a sexual fetish; all I can say is that it’s passed time for someone to take this head on from a spiritual aspect, and bring forth a new way of thinking. I am not necessarily saying I am that person(s), but man do I hope to be one of them.

It seems that in the last 3 years since the release of E.L James’ “Fifty Shades of Grey” book and movie series that everyone has an opinion without really knowing any truth behind it. I want to clear things up because besides the fact that I am part of this community, people believe that this book series is an accurate portrayal of what it is to be in a consenting Dom/Sub relationship, but also because in recent months my fellow enlightened community seems to think that sex with a bit of kink is no longer Sacred, it is no longer spiritual. I just want to take this time to say that the pairing portrayed in Fifty Shades of Grey is an abusive, possessive relationship, and that is the furthest thing from what BDSM really is.

The truth is, BDSM is the most sacred form of sex you can have, above Tantra, above making love with passion and fire, above fucking; it is in the freedom of trusting your partner so deeply that you are putting your well-being, quite literally, in their hands and trusting them not to hurt you. Once your ability to make decisions for yourself has been taken away, your mind will venture into new territory, you do not have to worry about this position, or that sensation; the Dom controls it all for you.

You will feel sensations you never thought you had before, your mind will be pushed to its absolute limit and beyond, you will find that what is painful is a release and in that release there is pleasure.

You will finally understand what it means to own your Will, to live your Will, to find pleasure in your Will. The line between pain and pleasure is almost non-existent and once you go past a certain point in your mind, in your psyche you will suddenly feel the freedom, ecstasy and a natural high that cannot be compared to anything in this world.

Before I go further, let me define what BDSM is:

“The term BDSM is made from 3 pairs of words:

Bondage and Discipline

Dominance and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

“These words describe a wide collection of activities that fall under the umbrella of BDSM – and cover a whole range of relationships between two or more people, from casual, or one off situations, to more permanent arrangements.”

I personally am into Bondage/Discipline, and Dom/Sub. I am being open about this as a submissive sexual partner but as an Alpha Woman because I want people to understand, I want people to hear a first-hand account, with no filter and no Christian Grey.

There is a common misconception that Women who engage in BDSM have low self-esteem or that we have been abused, are trying to fill a void in ourselves, or that we are actually being abused in the relationship; none of that is true, not in a healthy partnership at least. Do some people wander into the world of kink because of sexual abuse and trying to fill a void? I’m sure, but it’s not the majority.

Even if it was, sometimes it can be very healing to a sexual abuse survivor to hold the control while not having to make any decisions in the moment; I say this because I am a sexual abuse survivor, I don’t know if that has anything to do with my interest in this lifestyle, I don’t know how much it has affected my decisions when it comes to sex, from a psychological stand point alone I know that, yes it plays a role.

BDSM is demonized because so many people don’t understand what they view as such an extreme act, but that is only because they are not willing to let themselves go; they fear the pleasure, the pain, the excitement, the moment right before orgasm and your Dom tells you to stop.

They don’t know any of that, because they are scared.

Am I suggesting that everyone partake in this lifestyle? Absolutely not, but I do believe that society as a whole is oppressed sexually. People are scared of sex, they think of it as an obligation in a relationship, or to have children, there are a million reasons why people have sex, and just as many reasons why people will not liberate themselves in the bedroom.

A sexually liberated Woman is a whore, a slut, she is broken, she is damaged…….those are just a few stereotypes off the top of my head. It is because of this that many Women stray away from having multiple partners, or from telling their partner what they want, what they like and don’t like, it is also why so many Women do not reach orgasm from sex alone.

On the other hand we have the man and if he sleeps with numerous partners he is “being a man” or he is given props by his peers. The Patriarchy and their hypocrisy at its finest.

Equality, people, equality.

Sex is a sacred act, you are literally sharing your life essence with another human being, and while one night stands, and random fucks are fun, they get old, they can potentially drain us, and we are left taking on the weight of our partner’s demons if we are not selective with our choices. Sex is about pleasure, but it is also about connection, about intimacy, about animalistic instincts, and transcending above this physical plane because in that moment we can escape.

I want to say the most important lesson out of this whole piece: THE SUB HAS ALL THE CONTROL, the Dom is merely playing a role to please the Sub, thus pleasing him/her self. In a healthy BDSM relationship there is first, and foremost consent–It is abuse if there is no consent, period.

You have to go over the rules with your partner, what is allowed, what is not allowed, what do you like, what you have tried, what you want to try etc. etc. There is sometimes an actual written contract, and the relationship itself can be romantic, or strictly about the sexual aspect, which in reality is so much more than sex.

You see I am not trying to get people to subject themselves to this lifestyle if they are not comfortable, I am simply trying to get people to own their sexuality, own their pleasure, own their pain.

Trusting someone to the point that you are willing to be bound, punished and pleased, only to be taken care of after by those very same hands is why BDSM is so Sacred. It is a true partnership built on trust, respect and communication.

Since when are those bad qualities to have in a sexual or romantic partnership?

To research the topic:

http://www.whatisbdsm.com/

http://kimdebron.tripod.com/id2.html

About the Author

Posted by

Jaclyn Cherie, who is also known by the name Noir has her roots in New York. She is an Author, Writer, Hedge Witch Luciferian, and Wild Woman. © Jaclyn Cherie and The Nephilim Rising, 2015-2017

Categories:

Sacred Sex

7 Comments

I love this article and I thank you for writing it! I want to share, from my own experience, and I really hope this comes out correctly.

I was in this lifestyle for many years and parts of me miss it deeply, but everything is as it is supposed to be, I am now with someone who is very different but is perfect for me.

I went through several short situations while looking for the right Master but once I found him I became 24/7 TPE in a very short time. Many people thought I was insane, and all the typical judgments came into play. I lost so many people in my life at that point, partly due to their feelings and partly due to “orders”.

This was not a completely “healthy” relationship but the benefits to my soul way outweigh any negativity that occurred. Most people would not understand this sentence but I think you will … In giving up everything and all that I am I truly found me, my voice, my strength, my power & my very soul.

By going through this relationship I was able to “repair” broken things in my brain. I was able to stop a lot of the negative voices and imprinting that was a constant in my brain. By finding someone who I trusted to hand 100% of my soul to I was able to look at me from the outside. I was able to see why I reacted to certain things I the way I did, I was able to understand my “triggers”, I was able to understand that the non-stop diatribe in my brain was nothing more than programming and I was able to “deprogram” my brain. I also learned, in a different way, that things I never thought I could take I could actually not only take but thrive, and find pride in myself, in going through them. I found out that I was way stronger, physically, mentally & emotionally, than I ever thought.

As I said, this was not entirely healthy, and when it ended I was a mess. I was abandoned, with no sense of self without my Master and I spent a long time floundering. In that time though, I reevaluated everything I had learned and discovered about myself and I emerged so much stronger and self-assured than I have ever been. In the process of being a slave, and then being abandoned, I learned how to master myself and I will be ever grateful for that experience and the lessons it brought.

I know your article was on the sexual aspects, and I am in no way trying to detract from that, but this is something that has honestly been on my mind for weeks now. I had the realization that without having been the slave I was I would have never had the strength and self-assurance to be the witch I am.

The lifestyle, when handled correctly, is a beautiful and empowering thing. I very much agree that it is not for everyone but I truly believe that those who it IS for find a connection and understanding of self, and others, that many can never truly understand.

Brightest of Blessings to you!

Liked by 2 people

I’m new to your page, quite a few women in my pagans group love reading what you write and that’s how I was turned to you. I love the way you write and explain things! I love how liberated you are! I love the way that you view things! I’m excited to read many more articles from you.

How long have you been involved in BDSM? Do you actively seek out partners who are on the same page as you? I guess my question is, how do you find them? I hope these are too personal of questions.

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Thank you so much for commenting, I apologize that I did not see this until just now. I am honored, and so freaking happy that my blogs have resonated with you and your fellow Sisters; thank you also for sharing my work.

I have been into BDSM for a few years, if I am being honest it has always been a part of my life; I just didn’t know what to call it or how to scratch the unknown “kink itch”. I have been celibate for 3 years so I have not had to actively seek anyone out in a long time but when I did, I am just up front and honest, there is no other way to be. “Average sex” bores me, and would make it so that I was completely unsatisfied so honesty is the best policy. Finding a Dom is actually really hard–I usually find the men who would be “into it” but have not ever done any rope work, or any type of kink.

The best suggestion is to find a local group in your area; there is always underground scenes where you can find anyone for anything.

I hope this helps, somewhat. I am sorry the answer was not more clear; finding a Dom is hard work.

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