SUCCUBUS: The Truth You Don’t Want to Hear

Anna Gorin

Image: Anna Gorin

“To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth—I count that something of a miracle.”

Henry Miller

This blog initially started out as a rant, a bit of a defensive article about the demonization of Succubi; I was hoping, am hoping, to shed some light on the wide range of uses we have outside of “Stealing sexual energy”.

Because this is such an important blog, and message, I have teamed up with my fellow Succubus Leslie Chepstow.

It is time the truth was set free, and it’s time the truth sets you free.

When people hear the word Succubus they think of a whore who steal Men’s sexual energy, or they conjure images of a scary She-Daemon who does the same.

Succubi FEED ON sexual energy, we do not always steal it. There is such a thing as consensual feeding—it comes in the form of a consensual, open minded partner.

Shocking, right? (Insert Sarcasm)

It seems like everyone in our community lately wants to act like Lilith is some goddamn trend, like she is the new “it girl” of the Craft but yet NOBODY wants to admit what she is: A ruthless, coldhearted, monster with an insatiable appetite. She is also Mothering, sexual liberation personified, and the epitome of a free Woman but please let’s not water her down like all the other Women in history—she has earned the fear she instills in others.

Respect that.

Leslie writes, The Lilith in me stands in the flames of truth, unashamed of who I am, stripped and naked of pretense. I will give you a chance to understand me but if you are so arrogant to think I am beneath you, I’m un-evolved, not equal–the Lilith in me says fuck you.

Everything is not all buttercups and rainbows. Sometimes its horror and abomination, rage without remorse. When Mother calls to me I tremble with anticipation. In fact, the synestheste in me looks forward to the color of unleashed rage splashed in my mind.

Ironically, it’s the darkest part of me that will do my highest calling.

We are multifaceted Succubi.

I care; I really, really do care about people, animals and entities. That is why I use most of the energy in positive ways but at the same time I absolutely do not give a single fuck about bad people, bad entities or negative energy in general.

I face my darkest self every. time. I go. to feed. 

It’s not glamorous.

These entities are hideous and full of negative energy. 

They have done some horrible shit and need to be stopped.

(One method is to seduce them, bind them and flay the energy from them. Then leave an empty space like a good dominatrix.)

Regardless, the energy eventually must be transmuted.

Which is why, contrary to popular belief, Succubi have something to offer this world.

We can take something utterly negative and horrific and turn it into something good through the power of Kundalini. Lilith teaches us the power of the Serpent and its ability to rule over all Beasts.

That’s why I take *pleasure* in stealing the energy from those negative beings; humans or otherwise.

These days for both Leslie and myself, it is “otherwise”. We both feed from entities—in diverse ways but we both feed from non-humans. That is what we call evolution; that is how you can be an Evolved Succubus. You would think people in the Magickal community understood that.

Now, let’s address some misconceptions about us and clear them up once and for all.

  1. Succubi crave power over Men: There is this common thought that we all think “men suck, I want to get even.” No men don’t suck—the Patriarchy sucks.
  2. I want to be a Succubi because it will automatically empower me; I will be like Lilith: For this reason, the glamorization of Lilith is dangerous; she is not here to hold our hand or grant us wishes. She requires, being a Succubus in general requires, grueling Shadow Work full of blood, sweat and tears. THAT’S the stuff that matters, the stuff that actually empowers people. Society has put too much emphasis on sex being a source of power and control that we miss everything else sexual energy can teach us.
  3. The so called Magickally Evolved, Sex Goddess, <insert any title> Women who are disgusted by Succubi:

Let’s delve into this deeper.

These women assume Succubi are unevolved, unethical, energy sucking whores.

But,

These are also the same Women who constantly write about embracing the Dark Goddesses and literally PRAISE Lilith. Do they not KNOW who Lilith is?!

For example, I posted an article the other day from the Fb page WITCH—“8 Signs that you are a Magickally and Evolved Succubus”.

Almost immediately a Woman who claims to be a “Goddess of Sacred Sex” came through and commented: “A Succubus is someone who steals other people’s sexual energy. Yes, very Magickal and Evolved.”

These are the same Women who would never judge a group of people as a whole, they judge people as individuals–on merit and not just assume shit.

So, why, whyyyy are these so called enlightened, evolved “Sacred Sex Goddesses” assuming such negative stuff about Succubi? It doesn’t fit their MO in other areas so why Succubi?

I think there is a deeper thing going on.

I truly believe they are hiding some sexual hang-up, some deep fear hidden in a sugar coat of assumption.

Why else would they treat Succubi different than any and every other group of people?

Throughout time Succubi have ONLY been written about negatively, sound familiar?!

Witches, anyone?

Let’s talk about the double standard that we see, too.

Do you ever see male Vampyrs talked or written about negatively (Sanguine or Incubi)?

Oh no, plenty of people know of, write about and love male Vampyrs but us female Vamps, we are “whores who have no ethics and are notorious man stealers”

The hate directed at us is ***always*** from Women; the disinformation spread is always from Women.

It’s like the Patriarchy seeped into their brain or something.

Women tear us down, lump us together and throw us all in the same goddamn fire. We are excluded from so much within our very own Witch community because people refuse to understand.

So, we either suffer and keep our truth to ourselves (Why hide aspects of who we are? We are proud to be this way!) or we suffer the deafening solitude.

The solitude is great and all but, feeling like I am starring in Mean Girls most days fucking sucks.

How do we feed?

We take energy and change it into a luminous pure energy during the cleaning fires of orgasm and then we use this pristine energy to heal people/places/things/animals.

Leslie writes, When I worked in this plane I would find a willing human energy donor and then use the energy to heal horses. Now that I’ve completed my goal in this plane, I’ve moved on to another plane; I, like Jaclyn, feed from negative entities. I use the same method to clean the energy but depending on the entity the energy can be immense. The excess energy is given to Mother, for the “war” and I believe she sends it out to her daughters that need healing. And I keep some of the energy for myself. People like Jaclyn and myself had to become Succubi. We expend a massive amount of energy because of our level of Magick.

The point of this blog is to show people that we are not all monsters, of course there are some in the bunch who abuse their power but that is with ANY GROUP OF PEOPLE.

Aspects of us are Monstrous but Maternal; we want freedom, and liberation for all beings.

The real issue is that the world is terrified of strong Women; especially strong Women who are sexually free, and empowered.

We stand proudly in our fire of truth, in our power of sex, and do the jobs that require real sacrifice and Shadow Work while others skim the surface.

This is who Mother created us to be.

This is who we are:

Not superior, just refusing to be treated inferior.

SUCCUBUS: How I Discovered I Was a Sexual Vampyr

katerina-plotnikova-2

Image: Katerina Plotnikova

“Sex is an emotion in motion.”

Mae West

When people hear the word Succubus they automatically think of Lilith, and from there the opinions split; on one side, we have those who think Succubi are nothing more than Women and She-Devils who are out to abuse, manipulate, and feed off unwilling, and unknowing participants. On the other hand, we have those who understand energy Vampyrism (in all its forms) and that many of us apply a code of ethics and morality to our lifestyle.

If I can go off track for a second and refer to my blog about Psychic Vampyrism (a trait I also carry).

From my experience, not all Succubi can feed on both Psychic debris/energy as well as sexual energy. We each seem to be very particular about what we feed on, and how we do it.

There are also Sanguine Vampyrs who incorporate blood but I will not get into that because a.) I am not Sanguine and therefore don’t feel comfortable talking about their lifestyle and b.) Sanguine’s are secretive like no other because of the stigma attached to their practice. You think Sex Vamps have it bad, try being a “blood sucking Vamp” and it gets a lot worse.

They don’t have some weird fetish with blood, at least not generally speaking, they just happen to receive energy that way. I look at it like this, if their participant is willing and not being abused, then no one is in any position to judge adults partaking in taboo acts. I think this goes for all alternative lifestyles.

I feel like my entire fucking life is taboo, and that is why I try so hard to see all points of view no matter how radical, or archaic they seem to me.

Anyhoo…

I talked about Psychic Vampyrism getting a bad rap, and that many of us are truly misunderstood healers.

Of course, as with every group of people, there are good ones in the bunch and there are bad ones in the bunch, you can’t clump us all together. I would not clump all Luciferians, or Satanists together, nor do I clump all Witches together. I know that while we may have things in common we are still very much individuals in every way, and our experiences, no matter how parallel, are subjective, too.

I bring up Psychic Vampyrism because just like them, Succubi either generate complete fascination, or total disdain. Again, completely misunderstood.

I can’t speak for every one out there, duh, and I say that frequently; I just want to tell my story because I get asked questions about this all. the. time.

I am certain some of what I write will raise eyebrows but fuck it. Right?

When I say that I have always been connected to sexual energy, I mean it quite literally.

I remember, and my Mom has backed it up (how embarrassing) that I was masturbating at age 4, and very much in tune with my body. It was much more than just “curious touch”. I remember reaching orgasm at age 6, and from then on nothing was really the same; it’s like a switch flipped.

Some kids had their blankets, and favorite toys, while I masturbated for comfort, insomnia, and as I quickly found out, energy.

I know how this sounds, and I can hear the “you need fucking therapy” comments already.

I have been to therapy, and had many breakthroughs. To be clear, I was not shown how to masturbate, and was not a victim of sexual abuse until I was 8 going on 9; looking back on it and drudging it up in countless therapy sessions as mentioned, the abuse didn’t victimize me.

In a sense, it fascinated me but also made me feel angry and dirty; emotions I couldn’t reconcile until I was older and understood what consent was. Without consent, it’s assault. No one at that young of an age should be experiencing sexual touch with any partner; it should, for obvious reasons, be a solo act. Children are off limits, to everything. Parents should talk to their children about healthy touch and experiencing their own bodies, and not shaming them for it. Talk to any Doctor and they will say, masturbation is normal (probably not at such a young age as myself, but it is normal and nothing to be worried about).

To the surprise of many, including myself, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18. When I was in High School I was going through so much at home, both mundane and Magickally related that boys and sex were just not on my mind like they were my friends’. I had crushes but, they were based on quirks I saw or because a guy was smart, not because he was hot, popular or a good lay.

Once I had sex though, it was as if I had opened Pandora’s Box.

I was not shy, or timid, even during my first time; I remember it hurting so bad that it turned me on even more; the very beginning of my journey down the Masochist rabbit hole.

I enjoyed being dominated but also fighting for dominance myself and afterwards all I could think was, “This is one time, and one guy, imagine what else is out there.”

For many years, I unknowingly was feeding every time I would have a sexual encounter, which was frequent. Sex made me feel empowered, and strong but there were some partners that made me feel heavy; I was taking on their demons and didn’t even know it.

It was not until I encountered a fellow Succubus and she showed me the ropes did I understand that not all partners should be consumed, and not all partners are worthy of us; while Succubi feed off their partner’s life force, their partner also gets a “high” from being in contact with us. Our energy is like no other and often we will hear people say, “I don’t know why, I am just so attracted to you.” We also get comments about how comforting our homes and bedrooms can be.

Therefore, many Succubi are irresistible to their targets when they really put their intentions behind it.

By the way, the consumption of a partner is not just energy wise, either, it’s literal. You should not consume a partner’s vaginal secretions, or semen unless you know for sure you can handle all that comes with it. When we take in their bodily fluids either orally or through our genitals, we are taking in their life force; unless you have a filter set up, you will absorb the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I did not have a filter for the entire time I was having sex; so from ages 18-29 I was having sex freely, wildly, and in a way only a youth with no worries could fuck.

Every single one of those encounters came back to bite me in the ass.

I started to have dreams that were not dreams at all but flashes of memory, but not my own—the memories of people I slept with. I was having fears that made no sense, and began to have health issues that also made no sense. I had taken in too much bad energy without transmuting it to be beneficial, and it caused an Auric tear that allowed a lot of negative debris to come in.

I sought out my Sister Witch who is the Succubus mentioned earlier, and she helped me harness my power and then, I became celibate.

Makes sense, huh? A Succubus being celibate…

But, I had no choice.

I had to clean out all the psychic and sexual debris that I took on, and I had to heal the wounds created in childhood, and young adulthood; I also had to focus on myself because I was at the peak of my Spiritual Awakening.

In 2013 I stopped having sex, and for 1 year and 1 day, I did not even masturbate; I truly needed a full detox of all sexual energy because I had abused it, and in turn it abused me.

When I began to play with sexual energy again it was entirely different; I started with my own, obviously. Masturbation is one of the most efficient ways for us to get energy, and even though it is not considered Vampyrism, as you are using or recycling your own life force, it is something we can and should do in times of drought, so to speak. It is also a guaranteed way to make sure we are not taking in negative energy.

After I harnessed my own, newly awakened Shakti charged energy, I began to incorporate other’s.

This was done through long distance feeding, and usually through synchronized masturbation or, in a few cases the targets were actively engaging in sexual intercourse, and they allowed me to tap in, and feed. The most efficient way for us to get energy is obviously through sexual intercourse, or engaging in sexual acts ourselves but we can be creative with our feeding, too.

For me, it seems that I inherently take on, or seek out negative energy in other people; when I studied my Irish heritage, I discovered my Sin-eating ability and I think it connects to my Succubi side.

Sin eating was a practice that originated in Southern England but quickly spread throughout the UK. Usually a dying or recently deceased person would transfer their sins into a loaf of bread and pint of ale; the Sin-eater would come eat the bread, drink the ale taking on the sins of the dead, and allowing the person to be granted access to Heaven. For more history on this practice click here.

Succubi are the embodiment of all that is carnal and primal within us; she reflects the wild side of our sexual nature, and true empowerment through sexual acts. She shows us not to be ashamed by our desires, and deviations but to embrace them.

The Succubus is a misunderstood healer, a stigmatized and demonized Woman; someone who knows exactly what she wants sexually.

In many ways, the Succubus is the ultimate Feminist.

For these facts alone she is feared.

This is why Lilith is our Mother.

F*CKING: Screw Your Definition of Sacred

Matthew Gaynor

Image: Matthew Gaynor

“Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.”

Charles Bukowski

It seems since the page has taken a different route lately that I am being met with a lot of resistance, and back lash from my readership; both males and females alike have been up in arms over the sexual content and discussions happening regularly now.

Quite frankly, I’m shocked.

I am not new to the blogging/writing world, or being an Admin and I am most certainly not new to the concept that people don’t agree with everything I post but, to see people so upset over sex, and sexual articles on an Occult page is baffling.

I thought, overall, that we were a pretty open-minded community to all kinds of taboo topics, lifestyles, and desires; even though we need to do some serious work within the community about accepting our own.

Have I underestimated my fellow Witches and Occultists, or have I just been blessed with meeting some glorious douchebags?

I wrote a little rant on the page recently, and a blog a few weeks ago that touched on this topic and I thought for sure it would die down but, it’s only gotten worse.

One comment that was made twice has been ruminating:

“The Admin of this page is promoting empty Spiritualism by promoting Whoredom. There is no such thing as a Sacred Whore.”

First of all, I was offended.

I don’t “promote” anything; I tell my story from my perspective with a splash of practical advice and interesting articles I find along the way.

I have stated MANY times that I don’t want people to think like me, therefore what do I promote?

Whatever. I let that part go but, empty Spiritualism?

There is nothing empty about me,

Or my page.

Let’s make one thing clear: Consensual Sex is always Sacred.

Yup, even drunken one night stands; the boring, the passionate, the sloppy, the kinky, the sweaty and everything in between—it’s ALL Sacred.

You can give it pretty names like “making love” or “physical union” or you can simply say fucking–either way, it all originates from the same place, and it truly is all Sacred.

Let us not forget the emotional part though; different types of sex do require different emotional responses and sex is an amazing outlet to express oneself.

I debated with one guy who commented and his rebuttal at one point was, “by commercializing sex (ie. Sex work, prostitution, etc.) and engaging in casual sexual activity that it took away the sanctity of it all.”

I couldn’t disagree more.

Sidenote: sex work is work and I fully support sex worker’s rights.

There are many facets and layers to sex, sexual acts and sexual desires.

Sex is not “one size fits all”.

As stated in posts before if there is suppression of emotional, physical or Spiritual trauma that is causing the sexual promiscuity or perversion, if you will, then the issue needs to be addressed so that you can heal and move on.

But, if you happen to just really like sex, if you happen to just like multiple partners, or kink, or orgies, or anything else that your heart desires simply because it feels good and it is what YOU WANT TO DO, then more power to you!

To be inclusive, if you aren’t interested in sex and are a-sexual, or gray ace, more power to you, too!

Sex and sexual identity are complex issues.

Back to my point, the thought that I’m promoting “empty spiritualism” is crazy…

True spirituality is found in living, breathing, and becoming our most authentic self; one could say that Nirvana could be reached by this very practice.

Our truest, most authentic self is the pathway to our higher self which is the gateway to ascension.

Maybe my authentic self is being celibate for now or forever, maybe yours is one partner, maybe someone else’s is fucking the whole neighborhood; we each experience sex differently and no one way is the right way.

Our sexual Self is our primal nature embodied; it’s one of the rawest, truest forms of expression (this part is key which is why I said it twice).

As for commercializing sex as said in the comment, I don’t see a problem with it. People have exchanged sexual favors for money/goods/status since the beginning of recorded human history.

Let me point out that I am not including the horrific practice of sex trafficking (obviously) nor am I suggesting that there is no such a thing as forced prostitution; something that is very dangerous for the worker.

My keywords here are: safe and consensual.

I am talking about the fact that there *is* such a thing as safe, consensual sex work (regardless if it is illegal or considered immoral by some standards).

And, I personally do not think that money being involved takes away from the act being Sacred.

Since when does Sacred mean unity with one other person under specific circumstances, candles lit all around, and chanting some Ancient hymns?

Why can’t someone’s Sacred be wild, passionate fucking and/or multiple partners?

We all get off on different things, and I think that just like sex, Sacred is subjective.

When we start to force yet another stereotype of how we “should be” we lose sight of who we are.

We all judge people to one degree or another it’s human nature but, we really need to get over ourselves and stop judging people for their sexual desires and what they choose to do as a consenting adult.

Judging someone based upon the type of sex they have is self-righteous, sanctimonious, and rooted in superiority; not to mention it’s none of our goddamn business.

To sum it up, sex is energy, Sacred energy at that; energy may change but it always remains.

Certain situations make the energy more potent than others but it’s Sacred, even when it makes you uncomfortable and challenges your moral compass.

If you are projecting your morality on to others, something tells me your true motives need to be brought to light and questioned.

“Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people we personally dislike.”

Oscar Wilde

 

Masturbation and Magick: How I Healed Myself Through Touch

Anna O 2

Image: Anna O

“She imagined herself both queen and slave, dominatrix and victim. In her imagination she was making love with men of all skin colors–white, black, yellow–with homosexuals and beggars. She was anyone’s, and anyone could do anything to her. She had one, two, three orgasms, one after another. She imagined everything she had never imagined before, and she gave herself to all that was most base and most pure.”

Paulo Coelho

I hear people talk about Sex Magick all the time, great topic by the way, but when discussions come up it usually involves a partner, or multiple partners, why is no one talking about the most important kind of Sex Magick there is: masturbation.

The topic of masturbation was never discussed when I was a child, partially because my Mom was not sexually free yet, and my Father was a strict Roman Catholic. The whole act, and anything overtly sexual was shamed, actually. I first learned about masturbation because I was sexually abused. It opened my body up to strange, odd sensations but my emotions were being beaten down little by little. At 8 years old I was completely unprepared for everything that was going on, though the encounters only happened a few times, it was enough to cause damage to my Soul, and psyche; it was at that time that my unhealthy relationship with sex began, it became my drug.

When I was being abused, I would shut out the world, I would turn off everything, essentially I was making myself completely numb—it was the high of all highs, and the low of all lows, simultaneously. When the abuse stopped I would masturbate on my own because there was a signal to my brain to shut out the world. It was during this time that I was still living with my estranged Father, and my Brothers, and the peak of my Fathers wrath. (Note: My Father was not the abuser, so let’s not misread this paragraph, k?)

For an Empath like myself I needed an escape. At the time I didn’t understand that I was cleansing and grounding myself through my Root and Sacral Chakras, and the moment of orgasm blasted open my Third Eye and Crown Chakras. I was practicing Magick, a protective, cleansing form of Sex Magick, and didn’t even know it.

I lost my virginity during some dreadful encounter at 18, and once my heart was broken a couple times I became a man-eater; I didn’t care about emotions, or connections, didn’t care about anything really. My experiences in the past with men sexually were all interesting, and amazing in their own way but I chose terrible men, so I took on toxic energy. I used sex as an escape just like I used masturbation as an escape as a kid, also I was young and on some power trip– “I have a pussy, I hold the power” type thing.

It was a royally fucked mind frame, one that I didn’t see the pattern of until I stopped having sex. October 11, 2013 is the last time I had intercourse, or any sexual contact with a partner, and it has taken me all that time to heal the wounds, rid myself of the energy, and make myself whole again.

Now, I take on the world as a complete, self-aware, awakened, sexually empowered Woman, and will choose my partners as such.

I didn’t masturbate for the first year and a half; I was completely turned off sexually. I stopped paying attention to my Sacral chakra after my hysterectomy, how stupid. I just was losing touch with everything that makes me, me. I lost touch with the very Womanly ways that makes me so proud to wear this skin.

My journey to become one with myself started with forgiveness, of myself and every single person in my past who I was still attached to in one way or another; that’s a heavy weight to carry, and forgiveness is such an important lesson, only when one forgives, and let’s go, can new things blossom.

Then it was a battle through lonely, and being alone. We as people often confuse the two, and we need to be comfortable with both in order to appreciate companionship. You see, having a partner can be fucking annoying, you are sacrificing things that make you an individual to become a unit with another person, the whole idea when put into somewhat “Technical terms” sounds so unappealing; when you look at a partnership for what it is though, for what it was meant to be, I think nothing sounds more Divine.

Figuring out the difference between lonely and being alone was the hardest lesson to this day; giving up sex was easy, and for a long, long time even the sexual urges stopped. Even now when I do have a sexual urge it is never, ever based off looks, or raw sexual attraction in that way, it is always based off mental stimulation, in some cases a certain energy they give off, and it is rare indeed.

After these two battles came the most important lesson there was, facing myself on a sexual level. I had plenty of wounds to heal, plenty of sexual demons to face, and in order to move on with my life, I had to face them, head on.

I grabbed my hand mirror one day, took my pants off, sat in the lotus blossom yoga position and stared at my Yoni; I examined her, I talked to her, I touched her, I admitted my fear of her, and her power and I apologized for neglecting her.

Later that night I was in bed listening to my favorite Shiva Mantras, slowly my hand started to glide down my body, and I began to feel sensations I hadn’t felt in so long, goosebumps began to form on my skin, and my nipples became erect the moment I opened my flower up allowing her fragrance to dance in the air; I touched her, loved her and slowly began to remember her. It felt like old friends, old lovers, meeting again. When a sensation would happen that reminded me of my past, I would focus on it more, I would cry, I would hate my abuser, I would hate those men, then I took my power back. I reminded myself that this is my pussy, and I control her now, these are my sensations and I control them now.

I have become a sexually empowered Woman not through my experiences with partners, but through my sexual experiences with myself. I now know what I like, what makes my body move, and moan, no longer holding onto the residual energy of past lovers, and abusers.

I am completely free, my sexual power is mine, my orgasms are mine, that Magick is mine, and it has healed me in ways that cannot be described.

Sacred Sex: BDSM

Bruno Dayan

Image: Bruno Dayan

“It’s hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That’s part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can’t refuse anything and can’t even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”

Cherise Sinclair


I am going to venture into new territory here, and I hope that I do this piece justice, and represent the community in a positive way. My intentions are to evoke thought, and bring about discussion regarding a very taboo topic; I am referring to BDSM.

At this point you are probably wondering why I have taken on this topic, why I have strayed off my usual Occult/Magick/Awakening topics to write about a sexual fetish; all I can say is that it’s passed time for someone to take this head on from a spiritual aspect, and bring forth a new way of thinking. I am not necessarily saying I am that person(s), but man do I hope to be one of them.

It seems that in the last 3 years since the release of E.L James’ “Fifty Shades of Grey” book and movie series that everyone has an opinion without really knowing any truth behind it. I want to clear things up because besides the fact that I am part of this community, people believe that this book series is an accurate portrayal of what it is to be in a consenting Dom/Sub relationship, but also because in recent months my fellow enlightened community seems to think that sex with a bit of kink is no longer Sacred, it is no longer spiritual. I just want to take this time to say that the pairing portrayed in Fifty Shades of Grey is an abusive, possessive relationship, and that is the furthest thing from what BDSM really is.

The truth is, BDSM is the most sacred form of sex you can have, above Tantra, above making love with passion and fire, above fucking; it is in the freedom of trusting your partner so deeply that you are putting your well-being, quite literally, in their hands and trusting them not to hurt you. Once your ability to make decisions for yourself has been taken away, your mind will venture into new territory, you do not have to worry about this position, or that sensation; the Dom controls it all for you.

You will feel sensations you never thought you had before, your mind will be pushed to its absolute limit and beyond, you will find that what is painful is a release and in that release there is pleasure.

You will finally understand what it means to own your Will, to live your Will, to find pleasure in your Will. The line between pain and pleasure is almost non-existent and once you go past a certain point in your mind, in your psyche you will suddenly feel the freedom, ecstasy and a natural high that cannot be compared to anything in this world.

Before I go further, let me define what BDSM is:

“The term BDSM is made from 3 pairs of words:

Bondage and Discipline

Dominance and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

“These words describe a wide collection of activities that fall under the umbrella of BDSM – and cover a whole range of relationships between two or more people, from casual, or one off situations, to more permanent arrangements.”

I personally am into Bondage/Discipline, and Dom/Sub. I am being open about this as a submissive sexual partner but as an Alpha Woman because I want people to understand, I want people to hear a first-hand account, with no filter and no Christian Grey.

There is a common misconception that Women who engage in BDSM have low self-esteem or that we have been abused, are trying to fill a void in ourselves, or that we are actually being abused in the relationship; none of that is true, not in a healthy partnership at least. Do some people wander into the world of kink because of sexual abuse and trying to fill a void? I’m sure, but it’s not the majority.

Even if it was, sometimes it can be very healing to a sexual abuse survivor to hold the control while not having to make any decisions in the moment; I say this because I am a sexual abuse survivor, I don’t know if that has anything to do with my interest in this lifestyle, I don’t know how much it has affected my decisions when it comes to sex, from a psychological stand point alone I know that, yes it plays a role.

BDSM is demonized because so many people don’t understand what they view as such an extreme act, but that is only because they are not willing to let themselves go; they fear the pleasure, the pain, the excitement, the moment right before orgasm and your Dom tells you to stop.

They don’t know any of that, because they are scared.

Am I suggesting that everyone partake in this lifestyle? Absolutely not, but I do believe that society as a whole is oppressed sexually. People are scared of sex, they think of it as an obligation in a relationship, or to have children, there are a million reasons why people have sex, and just as many reasons why people will not liberate themselves in the bedroom.

A sexually liberated Woman is a whore, a slut, she is broken, she is damaged…….those are just a few stereotypes off the top of my head. It is because of this that many Women stray away from having multiple partners, or from telling their partner what they want, what they like and don’t like, it is also why so many Women do not reach orgasm from sex alone.

On the other hand we have the man and if he sleeps with numerous partners he is “being a man” or he is given props by his peers. The Patriarchy and their hypocrisy at its finest.

Equality, people, equality.

Sex is a sacred act, you are literally sharing your life essence with another human being, and while one night stands, and random fucks are fun, they get old, they can potentially drain us, and we are left taking on the weight of our partner’s demons if we are not selective with our choices. Sex is about pleasure, but it is also about connection, about intimacy, about animalistic instincts, and transcending above this physical plane because in that moment we can escape.

I want to say the most important lesson out of this whole piece: THE SUB HAS ALL THE CONTROL, the Dom is merely playing a role to please the Sub, thus pleasing him/her self. In a healthy BDSM relationship there is first, and foremost consent–It is abuse if there is no consent, period.

You have to go over the rules with your partner, what is allowed, what is not allowed, what do you like, what you have tried, what you want to try etc. etc. There is sometimes an actual written contract, and the relationship itself can be romantic, or strictly about the sexual aspect, which in reality is so much more than sex.

You see I am not trying to get people to subject themselves to this lifestyle if they are not comfortable, I am simply trying to get people to own their sexuality, own their pleasure, own their pain.

Trusting someone to the point that you are willing to be bound, punished and pleased, only to be taken care of after by those very same hands is why BDSM is so Sacred. It is a true partnership built on trust, respect and communication.

Since when are those bad qualities to have in a sexual or romantic partnership?

To research the topic:

http://www.whatisbdsm.com/

http://kimdebron.tripod.com/id2.html