The Book of Radiant Darkness: Part 3

March 14, 2022

Continued from Part 2…

When writing this story, I aimed to use a present tense to emphasize the “here and now” nature of how I see it. It is not to be interpreted as referring to any sort of historical event somewhere in the past, nor is it dependent on any one text.

It is symbolically teaching about consciousness and spiritual practice.

I implemented a biblical writing style I think appropriate in feel and accordingly a verse system to make reference easy.

So, let’s break it down a bit at a time….

“1. In the beginning is the Abyss, a heart of radiant darkness dwelling in the unity of depth and silence, the waters of a womb pregnant with possibility, an emptiness of form yet a fullness of potentiality.”

What is pointed to here is the ultimate fundamental reality beyond all conceptual being. All description can only point at it, it can only be experienced. In the Gnostic system of Valentinus, according to Iranaeus, it is described as a kind of androgynous formless unity, a Father called Depth (Bythos) and a Mother called Silence (Sige), two aspects with no clear distinction possible so utterly unified are they, not Father and Mother but rather Father-Mother. Preceding the figurative moment of creation, the unity may be described simultaneously as empty given that no form, no conceptualization, is present, yet given this state contains within it the potentiality for all things, it may also thus be described as a resounding Fullness (Pleroma). It is the heart of all being. The concept is paralleled in the Saivite Tantric system in the concept of the Tattva of the Heart (hrdaya):

“It is this same ultimate principle that is worshipped in radically nondual Goddess Tantra as Kali Kala-sankarsani: the radiant Dark, the resounding Silence, the Devourer of Time—by which is meant the timeless ground of the cycle of creation, stasis, and reabsorption.” -”Tantra Illuminated,” by Christopher D. Wallis

Interestingly this concept is even found in Christianity in the work of the early church father St. Gregory of Nissa:

“For leaving behind everything that is observed, not only what sense comprehends but also what the intelligence thinks it sees, it [the heart] keeps on penetrating deeper until by the intelligence’s yearning for understanding it gains access to the invisible and the incomprehensible, and there it sees God. This is the true knowledge of what is sought; this is the seeing that consists in not seeing, because that which is sought transcends all knowledge, being separated on all sides by incomprehensibility as by a kind of darkness. Wherefore John the sublime, who penetrated into the luminous darkness, says, ‘No one has ever seen God’, thus asserting that knowledge of the divine essence is unattainable not only by men but also by every intelligent creature.” -“Life of Moses”

In Hermetic Qabalah this largely corresponds to the Ain Soph, the “no limit”, that precedes creation.

In terms of consciousness this may be described as pure Awareness, Self in the most authentic sense. Take a moment to look at yourself, who are you really? You are not your narratives. You are not your emotions or any other transient thing about you. They are all valid parts, but none are a whole and none are constant. What is the one part of you that is in fact constant, the “You” that is always there in every waking moment? Nothing other than Awareness itself, the arena in which all experience occurs. This pure Consciousness, the “Higher Self,” is what pervades all experience, it is what preceding all label and thought and is the source of all things.

Now, it is very common in spiritual circles to say things like “You are not your thoughts, feelings, body, etc.” As I said, “You are not your narratives.” And in a sense, this is very very true and can be a critically helpful and necessary realization. It opens the door to the all-important question: “If I am not these things, then who or what the hell am I?” But this language also has a built-in danger, a door can be opened to dissociation and spiritual bypassing, to self-gaslighting where things such as feelings, thoughts, and the body, or even material reality itself are dismissed as illusory.

We need not fall into that trap though if we think of ourselves more like an iceberg. Imagine if our thoughts, our feelings, our bodies, our experiential reality are often like the tip of that iceberg. No one would be foolish enough to claim that the tip that we see is fake or not real, but we often are foolish enough to assume that the tip of the iceberg is the whole thing. The problem is a matter of perception.

We overidentify with the tip and ignore the very depths and ground of our being, so narratives that allow us to take that step back and see the big picture are thus really important! We just need to not go so far as to make the mistake of total dissociation from the iceberg. The tip is just as much an important, genuine, necessary, valid, and good part of us as what lies beneath it.

Now to return to the answers to these questions: if I am not merely these things above the surface, what the hell am I? What the hell are we? What the hell is reality? Let’s take the iceberg analogy a bit further. Reality as we view it is really more like countless tips poking through the surface of ordinary perception, and we see the diverse forms each one takes individually, but beneath the surface all those individual tips are part of one mindbogglingly huge mass of ice. That depth that lies beneath the surface? The ground of your very being? It is Awareness itself! It is what is actually is doing the viewing of each individual tip. It is also the least unique thing about you! Now that flies in the face of what you are socially taught as our sick society thrives on the largely ephemeral things that divide us, feeding the ego and profiting off its insecurity and alienation. Reality has little time for such delusion, however. We are connected, and we have far more in common than we do differences. Difference and diversity should be celebrated absolutely but also, we are a communal species, and we should act like it.

“2. From the passion of unity of light and dark, depth and silence, potentiality overflows into
manifestation in a creative explosion, emanating as dualities pervaded by unity, like a tree
sprouting mirrored branches from its trunk. Every branch was another womb, another world, another home, each with its rulers and citizens.”

“From the passion of unity of light and dark, depth and silence” is a direct reference to the idea of creation coming into existence due to the sexual union of Divine masculine and feminine principles. It is a means of describing in relatable terms the energy of creation from unity to a duality prevaded by an ongoing unity. In Tantra this is embodied in the famous union of Shiva and Shakti. I would like to be careful to point out that each part of any such pair is whole
and complete in and of itself, it does not “need” a counterpart, it seeks its other not from any position of lack, but from a position of overflowing potential manifesting as a willingness to share in free creative worship. I would also caution regarding the use of gender in spirituality. Such language is simply a useful tool for describing polarities, for creating a usable system out of already existing and commonly understood language, but do not assume that naked reality cares one bit for such socially constructed divisions! Reality is more like a diverse spectrum than any neat divide.

In Valentinus’ system the action of Silence upon Depth causes the emanation of a series of progressive emanations of unified pairs called syzygys. In Tantra a system of emanations of Tattvas is seen. Here, however the Hermetic Qabalah is in focus, with this interpretation seeing the Trees of Life and Knowledge as one Tree with two sides, each sephiroth and qliphoth an inseparable pair. This is the “tree sprouting mirrored branches from its trunk.”

“3. The dark emanation from primal silence, the first thought, the embodiment of wisdom, is called
Lilith.
4. The light emanation of primal depth, the embodiment of liberation, is called Lucifer.”

The primal first principles from the beginning take form as emanations, named Lilith and Lucifer. Here they take and act out the roles that in Gnostic myth are that of Sophia and Christ respectively. It is also here that the myth becomes expressly Luciferian in nature.

“5. Now, in order for manifestation to occur, in order for unity to exist as plurality, an illusion of
separation within unity must occur. In order that the whole may be revealed, it must first be
concealed.
6. Hence, Lilith in her wisdom sets out to impart concealment. She weaves a web of fate, and begins
to pull its strings. Being utterly one with source she cannot be the concealer herself, so she brings forth
a being modeled on the highest oneness yet ignorant of its origin, a craftsman to create and separate
and manifest the illusion on behalf of the Divine.”

We turn next to Lilith’s role in the unfolding of Divine will. In the Gnostic version of the creation myth the embodiment of the divine feminine is known as Sophia, and she creates the Demiurge by mistake when she attempts to create something without her masculine partner. She then falls into and becomes trapped in the creation of the Demiurge, waiting for Christ to rescue her. Obviously, the Gnostics were Jews and Christians, and this version of the myth is accordingly patriarchal. The result also leaves a degree of dualism even in the otherwise monist scheme of Valentinus.

But what if we keep the myth but clean out the patriarchy with the Luciferian approach instead? With Lilith in this role things work much better. Now, rather than an ignorant damsel in distress, we have an empowered cosmic being knowingly creating the Demiurge as part of the natural and necessary process of manifestation. Any remaining dualism is eliminated. The world isn’t an illusion to escape from, it’s a real and valid part of creation about which we have illusions we need to be liberated from and those illusions need to come into existence precisely so that liberation can happen.

“She weaves a web of fate and begins to pull its strings.” With this phrase Lilith is likened to a spider on a web because, as the creator of the Demiurge, as the one who is both the actual manifest immanent Divine lying behind the Demiurge’s illusions, she is the weaver of the web of cause and effect, what in Buddhism is called “codependent origination,” the understanding of reality as a vast predetermined multidimensional pattern of interdependence. Quite simply the cause of all things is everything else that has ever occurred! It could not be otherwise.

“7. She creates the Demiurge, who looks upon creation as though he were floating over a chaos of
formless waters, an imperfect reflection of the Divine, and he begins to create, separating light from
dark, water from dry land and so on, naming and imposing limit.
8. He creates for himself angels to serve him, imitations of the highest emanations, and a kingdom to
rule over until the end of the age.”

We are now meeting up with the standard Genesis account with the Demiurge perceiving himself floating over the waters that are “formless and void.” As in that myth, which gives no explanation where he came from, he begins to create a world, and he does this via a process of separation and imposing name. If the primal heart or oneness from which all things spring is seen as our direct nonconceptual experience of raw reality, then the Demiurge can be seen as the embodiment of ego, creating a world of narratives and identity that hides that reality from us.

As we so often do in life, we attempt fit everything within the convenient boxes of label, and that isn’t bad in some moral sense. Labels are useful but the reality we blind ourselves to is the reality that such narratives are not truths but tools. And as so often happens, reality refuses to conform to the boxes we try to stuff it in. It is too messy, too wild. Dissatisfaction and suffering are the inevitable result of all this, feelings of fear and incompletion, lashing out, and the search for escape, for salvation, for liberation arises. Rebellion becomes necessary. I want to take a moment to be very clear here about something: the Demiurge is not and should not be described as simply “evil”! Evil is first of all a human moral construct, and while often the Demiurge here is functioning in the role of ego, and while much “evil” can definitely arise from that, it also needs to be recognized that the ego serves a critically important role, a necessary role in human development. It is also important to understand the context in which Luciferianism is rising from: a defiance of Christian supremacy. It subverts the dominant oppressive forms of Christianity. It is not a subversion of every form of Christianity nor is it simply a subversion of Judaism. It is extremely dangerous and unacceptable to simply demonize the deity of an oppressed group, in this case that would lead directly to antisemitism, and there is nothing Luciferian about bigotry. There is a world of difference between the Demiurge presented by the dominant American megachurches and those of similar mind on the one hand, who we happily blaspheme, and the God professed by the downtrodden, with whom we will gladly show solidarity.

“1. Lucifer, seeing the kingdom of falsity, steps forth in the form of an angel into the heaven where
the Demiurge rules and begins to spread truth among his servants. The angels marvel at his wisdom
and praise his beauty as being above all others, likening his glory to the morning star.
2. Yet many are angered at his unbending truth, denouncing him as proud, and there is war in the
heavens.
3. When the Demiurge moves to seize him, Lucifer casts himself down to the earth, leading a host of
angels with him, where he begins to work time and again to shine the light of liberation within the
world as an example to all.
4. In a world of lies the speaker of truth is hated, but where there is oppression there is always
resistance.”

One of the most popular myths regarding Lucifer that has captivated people far beyond Luciferians themselves is the myth of his fall. This derives from the 14th chapter of Isaiah which regards a Babylonian king. However, when the text was translated into the Latin Vulgate under direction of St. Jerome in the 4th century he used the name Lucifer, which was a symbolic personification of the morning star used by Roman poets. The Romans did not consider Lucifer a deity in the way they did say Mars or Mercury. It is not due to a mistake that the verse is associated with Lucifer and the Orthodox Satan as is sometimes believed. Rather, early Christian writers such as Origen and Tertullian in “Adversus Marcionem” already had associated the text with the Devil before Jerome. So simply the myth can be read to both be a prophecy about a human king and also a reference to already existing lore regarding Satan. The myth has certain plot holes that placing it into a Gnostic context easily fills. How can angels, who are supposed to be perfect and basically utter slaves, be described as proud and spontaneously engage in rebellion? How is he not simply seized and destroyed by the Demiurge who is supposed to be all powerful? An intrusion from outside is clearly needed.

If Lucifer is the Gnostic Christ, his appearance in heaven is simply the intrusion intended to subvert the Demiurge’s kingdom and provide an example for humanity to follow. He cannot be simply destroyed because he is more powerful and of purer stuff than the Demiurge. He does not simply destroy the Demiurge because the being serves a necessary purpose.

“1. The Demiurge then goes forth and begins to create from clay a figure, in the shape of that which
he saw in the waters and tries to give it life. At the moment he breathes into it, Lucifer steps forth
again, bestowing a life-giving flame, and the first man comes alive, but like his creator, the man is
ignorant of the true source of his nature.
2. Satisfied, the Demiurge declares the need for this man to have a servant, as his angels serves him,
and so, he forms a woman of the same substance, but being closest in form to the true manifest world,
Lilith herself takes on the body in accordance with Divine Will.”

In much of the accounts from here on I present a retelling of the myths of Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel rooted in the biblical account but filling out the often-sparse nature of such texts by drawing on Gnostic scriptural traditions that can be found in the Nag Hammadi scriptures as well as points taken from folklore and non-Canonical texts such as the “Life of Adam and Eve” and Traditional Witchcraft lore regarding Cainite mysteries. In verses 1 and 2 we are in pretty standard biblical territory although the Demiurge, lacking the ability to give genuine life to anything, requires Lucifer to step in and bestow that spark secretly. This points to the idea that all life, all humans whether having Gnosis or not, are endowed with the spark, the Black Flame, of Divinity within them all of them have the potential whether or not it has been used. It also points the fact that even the realm of illusions that the Demiurge creates contains a bit of the essence of the Divine. The Demiurge again continues his attempts to create, driven to model his continued work as a poor image of things above him and things he has already done. In this he is us, our ego, constructing narratives that at best can contain some degree of Truth, can point at Truth, but are always inferior imitations, undermined often by the nature of Truth itself undermining our certainty. He accordingly makes a woman and for a moment we step out of the biblical text and into folkloric accounts. Lilith takes the opportunity to step forward. This theme of Lucifer and Lilith each stepping into the act of creation is present at every point in this myth as manifestation is seen as a kind of dance, a conversation, they each play their role in the undermining of the Demiurge’s plans.

“3. From the beginning Lilith argues with the man, who demands she lie beneath him and be
subservient to him and bear him offspring. She refuses, declaring herself his equal, and when she
finds he will not relent, she flees his presence across the Red Sea.
4. The Demiurge in his anger sends his angels after Lilith but she speaks the True Name of the
Demiurge and in that moment, seeing her true nature and power revealed, they can not seize her.
5. Lilith dwells then in a cave upon the sea, hidden as a spider in a burrow, waiting and weaving
the strings of Divine Will.
6. The Demiurge then creates a new woman from the rib of the man he called Adam, a woman who
would be called Eve.”

I present here a simple and pretty straightforward retelling of the standard Lilith myth. But it raises a big question: How does she know his True Name if she is simply his human creation? The True Name of a thing, in occult tradition, embodies that which is named.

To know it suggests tremendous power and such names are typically kept secret. I suggest there’s really only one way she could know it: because she created him. She is a demonization of the feminine archetype, a kind of dark Shekinah. She is the Gnostic Sophia minus the patriarchy.

Let’s go further into the identity of Lilith. In 1587, the famed occultist John Dee with his partner Edward Kelley evoked a spirit, who gave a famous vision where she said,

“I am the daughter of Fortitude and ravished every hour from my youth. For behold I am Understanding and science dwelleth in me; and the heavens oppress me. They cover and desire me with infinite appetite; for none that are earthly have embraced me, for I am shadowed with the Circle of the Stars and covered with the morning clouds. My feet are swifter than the winds, and my hands are sweeter than the morning dew. My garments are from the beginning, and my dwelling place is in myself. The Lion knoweth not where I walk, neither do the beast of the fields understand me. I am deflowered, yet a virgin; I sanctify and am not sanctified. Happy is he that embraceth me: for in the night season, I am sweet, and in the day full of pleasure. My company is a harmony of many symbols and my lips sweeter than health itself. I am a harlot for such as ravish me, and a virgin with such as know me not. For lo, I am loved of many, and I am a lover to many; and as many as come unto me as they should do, have entertainment.”

Now this bears striking resemblance to a text neither Dee nor Kelley had access to: the Gnostic scriptures of Nag Hammadi, the text of “Thunder, Perfect Mind,” where Sophia, also known as Barbelo, speaks for herself,

“I am the honored one and the scorned one.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am the wife and the virgin…”
and
“I am the knowledge of my inquiry,
and the finding of those who seek after me”

A careful comparison is worth studying as the places where the character differs seem to be directly related to history, “Thunder…” was written at a time when the role of women in the church was being debated. The “Daughter of Fortitude” speech is the words of a goddess set to return,

“As yet, I walk in the clowdes,
As yet, I am carryed with the wyndes:
And cannot descend unto you
for the multitude of your abbominations,
& The filthy lothesomnes of your dwelling places.”
“….I comme unto you again.”
Aleister Crowley and Victor Neuberg performed Dee’s ritual themselves in 1909
and here the Goddess Babalon revealed herself saying,
“I am the harlot that shaketh Death.
This shaking giveth the Peace of Satiate Lust.
Immortality jetteth from my skull,
And music from my vulva.
Immortality jetteth from my vulva also,
For my Whoredom is a sweet scent like a seven-stringed instrument,
Played unto God the Invisible, the all-ruler,
That goeth along giving the shrill scream of orgasm.”

In Thelemite Jack Parson’s Babalon Working, Babalon ties her own identity directly to Dee’s ritual.

“23. My calls as thou knowest. All love songs are of me. Also seek me in the Seventh Aire.” -Liber 49

Crowley also flatly stated,

“Here also is a mystery of mysteries. Lilith is truly Babalon.” -”footnote on the 3rd Aethyr”

So. If Daughter of Fortitude = Sophia, Daughter of Fortitude = Babalon, and Babalon = Lilith, then Lilith= Daughter of Fortitude and Lilith= Sophia.

Psychologically our ego is a direct product of our environment and upbringing and Lilith as an embodiment of the manifest world, literally a dark sort of ‘earth mother” is that environment. Like the real manifest raw reality, she sits hidden behind the veil, the realm of the Demiurge, yet continues to pull the strings of fate, and this is symbolized in her residency in her cave; a cave that naturally sits on a sea, reiterating her relationship to the watery Abyss of nonconceptual reality.

“1. Now there grows in the midst of the garden a tree, and the Demiurge knows not from where it came and is afraid, but he takes credit for its creation and warns Adam and Eve saying “From any tree of the garden you may freely eat; but from the tree in the middle you shall not eat, for on the day that you eat from it you will certainly die. ”

While the Demiurge is away curiosity gets the best of Eve and she approaches the tree.”

The classic story of the Garden of Eden is a symbol for the basic human situation. We come into this world as children into a garden with nothing but our inborn potentialities, our inborn Divine nature, yet ignorant. We are taught rules, narratives as we grow, do this, don’t do that. The world is divided into the pure we can touch and the impure we mustn’t. But before the installation of social conditioning we experience reality nakedly. This is reminiscent of the Indian Left Hand teachings of the Aghori sadhus:

“The gurus and disciples of Aghor believe their state to be primordial and universal. They believe that all human beings are natural-born Aghori. Hari Baba has said on several occasions that human babies of all societies are without discrimination, that they will play as much in their own filth as with the toys around them. Children become progressively discriminating as they grow older and learn the culturally specific attachments and aversions of their parents. Children become increasingly aware of their mortality as they bump their heads and fall to the ground. They come to fear their mortality and then palliate this fear by finding ways to deny it altogether.” – Ron Barrett, “Aghor Medicine: Pollution, Death, and Healing in Northern India”.

Interestingly, this idea that the method is one of returning to a primordial,
Christ teaches childlike state as well:

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” -Matthew 18:1-4, NASB

And yet much like the mysterious Tree, reality intrudes into our world of illusions, a means that can be used for escape, though we are told of course, “Thou shalt not touch it!”

“2. On its shady side Lucifer awaits in the form of a serpent. And he says to the woman, “Has your
Lord really said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?”
Eve replies, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree
which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or on that
day you will die.’”
3. The serpent says to the woman, “You certainly will not die! For your Lord knows that on the day
you eat from it the eyes of your mind will be opened, and you will become like the Divine, knowing
good and evil.”
4. When the woman sees that the tree is good for food, and that it is a delight to the eyes, and that
the tree is desirable to make one wise, she takes of its fruit and eats. Immediately the eyes of her
mind are opened and she sees things nakedly. Imbued with the power of the fruit, she is with child,
though she does not know it.”

The “shady side” of the tree is a reference to the Sitra Achra, the “other side” of the Tree of Life in Hermetic Qabalah, and I imply here that rather than two trees growing in opposite directions and united only by their root as some traditions speak, I favor an interpretation where the light and dark sides are one fully united tree and to work with one side is to work with the energies of the other. An obvious question should arise to anyone reading this myth: given that the Demiurge depicted in Christian versions is supposed to be a beneficial character, one mankind is supposed to follow, if that is the case, why does he so much wish his creations to remain ignorant and enslaved to his will? Doesn’t seem very “good.” The Luciferian answer, which dates back to the Gnostics who first said it, is: because the Serpent is actually the one mankind should be following not the Demiurge. It is the Serpent who acts as the liberator. And surely enough, Eve did not die on the day she ate of the tree but as promised the eyes of her mind were opened. Next question: what exactly was the “fruit” in question? The fruit of the tree is metaphorical for sacred sexuality. Note that the type of fruit is not mentioned. It is said to awaken to the knowledge of good and evil and reveal nakedness. What sort of act could both reveal nakedness and the implications of one’s actions? The counterargument here that one might expect is that surely the Demiurge does not see sexuality as a sin in and of itself as, in the original scriptures, he gives the command to “Go forth and multiply” and therefore the fruit cannot be sexuality. But what needs to be understood is that the fruit given here is not just any sexuality. It is one outside the boundaries of the Demiurgic plan. It is a sacred one, nothing less than sex magick. The Demiurge intended for sexuality to be for procreation, hence why his command was focused on reproduction, and given his rejection of the equality between Lilith and Adam and the creation of the subservient Eve, he intended for the power dynamic of procreative sexuality to be patriarchal. Lucifer’s gift to Eve was one that bestowed the knowledge of a sexuality that transgressed all that. In doing so he planted a seed of his own, a blood line of a different order.

“5. She gives fruit to Adam and he also eats of it and the eyes of his mind see their nakedness. In
shame he makes them garments of fig leaves to cover themselves.
6. The Demiurge returns in the cool of the day and when Adam sees him he hides himself.
“Where are you?” the Demiurge calls out.
7. Adam says, ““I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I
hid myself.”
8. And the Demiurge asks, “Who showed you your nakedness? Have you eaten from the tree from
which I commanded you not to eat?”
9. The man says, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me some of the fruit of the
tree, and I ate.”
10. Then the Demiurge says to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” And the woman
says, “The serpent seduced me, and I ate.”
11. Then he curses the serpent for giving them a glimpse of naked reality.
12. He curses the woman and the man and all their descendants for their disobedience. He condemns
forever the seed of the Serpent and the man to enmity.
13. Then the Demiurge says to his angels, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good
and evil; and now, he might reach out with his hand, and take more fruit from this tree of life, and
eat, and live forever.”
14. He then makes them drink from the waters of forgetfulness and casts the couple out into the
world and sets angels to guard the tree for all time.”

Having learned from the Serpent, Eve now initiates Adam who likewise awakens but feels shame for his transgression and chooses to cover the offending body parts. When the Demiurge returns, he hides himself in fear. He immediately blames Eve who then blames the Serpent. Note that Adam’s primary sin here is basically that he listened to his wife but neither of them, despite having a small glimpse of Gnosis, is willing to take responsibility for their actions. So, the Demiurge begins handing out his punishments and he specifically places a curse of enmity between the seed of the Serpent and that of Adam. Again, the idea of sexuality as fruit is invoked here as in the original scriptures the imagery of fruit and seeds is often used to refer to procreation. The seeds represent the spiritual bloodline of the Serpent and that of the Demiurge via the man, the Serpent-seed planted here specifically is that of Cain.

Next the Demiurge speaks to his angels and declares openly that the eyes of these humans have indeed been opened however briefly and that they have “become like one of Us,” so out of fear that they might more fully attain to such heights and become perhaps even more powerful than he, the Demiurge wipes their mind of any attainment and casts them out of the garden placing his angels to guard the Tree forever.

“1. Now Adam and Eve have their first children, a set of twins, who grow to be shining and
beautiful, the male she names Cain and his twin sister she names Calmana. They are of the blood of
the serpent, called Lucifer, as an image of the truth, a complementary unity with desire only for each
the companionship of the other.
2. Adam impregnates Eve and again twins are born, called Abel and Azura. They are of the blood
of their father, in the image of separation, out of deficiency they grow to desire their elder siblings.”

3. The Demiurge conspires with Adam and commands that Cain should marry Azura
and Abel should be wed to Calmana. When the older twins hear of this they protest to
Adam and he declares as his ruler instructed: to have Cain and Abel each bring an
offering to the Demiurge, that he might show one favor and thereby decide the case.
4. Now Abel is a shepherd in the hills and he brings to the altar his best lamb and slays
the peaceful beast upon the altar and a fire from heaven strikes down upon it and burns
it up and the smoke rises to the heavens.
5. Cain is a worker of the field, a grower of crops and he brings some of his best crops
to be offered up. He burns them upon the altar but the smoke does not rise, instead he
is surprised to find the smoke lingers on the ground at his feet and absorbs into it. Cain, angry at the rejection of his offering, leaves.
6. The next day as he is working in his fields, Lucifer appears to Cain as a fellow farmer
saying, “Behold! The ruler to whom you gave offering conspired against you! Listen
and follow me though and you will have great wealth and my relations will attend you.”
7. Cain asks, “Where are your relations?”
Lucifer responds, “I have come from roaming about the earth, and walking forth on it.
My relations are a kingdom all about you though men do not see them. I am your
relation as I am your father.”
8. At these words Cain’s ears are opened to truth and his eyes see clearly. He sees there
will be no justice without rebellion. He conspires with Calmana who lures Abel to the
field and Cain slays him there with his sickle. Upon that field of harvest, the Blood
Acre, Abel’s blood is offered up as sacrifice to the Divine, the blood following the path
of its furrows, a sacred place where the illusion of separation collapses, the roads of
material and spiritual cross. Here, the awakened Cain and Calmana worship in awe.
9. Cain makes a necklace of his bones as a wedding present for his bride. From Abel’s
blood and the grain of the field she makes a bread that they share in celebration, a
communion of the Divine, washing it down with wine from the vineyard.
10. In rage, Abel’s blood cries out for vengeance and the annihilation not merely of his
brother but also his descendants, for he is like the Demiurge who would say, “ I am a
jealous God, inflicting the punishment of the fathers on the children.”
10. And the Demiurge hears its call and comes and asks Cain, “Where is Abel your
brother?”
“Am I my brother’s keeper?” Cain answers disdainfully.
11. And he answers, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying
out to me from the ground.” And the Demiurge tries to curse Cain and Calmana but
they cannot be seized, so he only manages to put marks on them, horns that grow from
their heads and send them away.
12. So they leave the place and walk the Crooked Path of the witch, learning the ways
of herbalism and divining, how to traffic with spirits and work magick at the feet of
Lucifer and Lilith themselves.
13. From they and their descendants, all those bound by the spiritual lineage of
Witchblood, does all wisdom come. Unto humans the spirits teach knowledge, of
music to Jubal, of the forging of weapons to Tubal-Cain, of cosmetics to his sister
Naamah, and so on.
14. The history of man from then is the history of oppression and the enduring spirit of
rebellion against it, from which all progress comes.

It is important to reiterate that the myths being dealt with here are not historical but spiritual events, and this is exemplified in the Cain and Abel story, where we see the process of initiation and spiritual practice dramatically played out. Cain, whose name means to acquire, from a root that means to create, embodies the Initiate, he is the first Witch and therefore the root of the lineage of Witchblood. Abel, whose name derives from a word that may be rendered breath, vapor, and vanity, implies something surface, ephemeral, impermanent. He embodies the initiate’s binding narratives, habits, material unaligned with ultimate reality and therefore to some degree false. Calmana and Azura continue the theme of reality exiting in complementary polarity, both have names that imply beauty, though Calmana represents the deeper beauty of reality versus the surface nature of Azura.

The myth here derives from canonical sources with material supplemented from noncanonical sources with nods to Sabbatic Craft.

So, there you have it. Does this material resonate with you? Looking to put it into practice?

Go here next!

The Book of Radiant Darkness: Part 2

March 7, 2022

Continuing from the previous article….

To communicate the highest spiritual realities and experiences, to speak at
all utmost reality is only ever a game of approximation, the game of myth. Words
can only point towards truth yet never capture that which dwell before label and
concept. Myths are necessary and powerful because the soul speaks in the language of
symbol, and language, like the soul, evolves. Every age produces new myths and
reimagines old ones, as the Divine, and our relationship to it develops in an endless
conversation. Myth then, is not a record of the historical or the literal, but something
higher, and if that is what you wish, let me give you then, this myth.

I. The Creation

1. In the beginning is the Abyss, a heart of radiant darkness dwelling in the unity of depth and silence, the waters of a womb pregnant with possibility, an emptiness of form, yet a fullness of potentiality.
2. From the passion of unity of light and dark, depth and silence, potentiality overflows into manifestation in a creative explosion, emanating as dualities pervaded by unity, like a tree sprouting mirrored branches from its trunk. Every branch is another womb, another world, another home, each with its rulers and citizens.
3. The dark emanation from primal silence, the first thought, the embodiment of wisdom, is called Lilith.
4. The light emanation of primal depth, the embodiment of liberation, is called Lucifer.
5. Now, for manifestation to occur, for unity to exist as plurality, an illusion of separation within unity must occur. In order that the whole may be revealed, it must first be concealed.
6. Hence, Lilith in her wisdom sets out to impart concealment. She weaves a web of fate and begins to pull its strings. Being utterly one with source she cannot be the concealer directly, so she brings forth a being modeled on the highest oneness yet ignorant of its origin, a craftsman to create and separate and manifest the illusion on behalf of the Divine.
7. She creates the Demiurge, who looks upon creation as though he were floating over a chaos of formless waters, an imperfect reflection of the Divine, and he begins to create, separating light from dark, water from dry land and so on, naming, and imposing limit.
8. He creates for himself angels to serve him, imitations of the highest emanations, and a kingdom to rule over until the end of the age.

II. The Rebellion

1. Lucifer, seeing the kingdom of falsity, steps forth in the form of an angel into heaven where the Demiurge rules and begins to spread truth among his servants. The angels marvel at his wisdom and praise his beauty as being above all others, likening his glory to the morning star.
2. Yet many are angered at his unbending truth, denouncing him as proud, and there is war in the heavens.
3. When the Demiurge moves to seize him, Lucifer throws himself down to the earth, leading a host of angels with him, where he begins to work repeatedly to shine the light of liberation within the world as an example to all.
4. In a world of lies the speaker of truth is hated, but where there is oppression there is always resistance.

III. The Incarnation

1. The Demiurge then goes forth and begins to create from clay a figure, in the shape of that which he saw in the waters and tries to give it life. Now he breathes into it, Lucifer steps forth again, bestowing a life-giving Black Flame, and the first man comes alive, but like his creator, the man is ignorant of the true source of his nature.
2. Satisfied, the Demiurge declares the need for this man to have a servant, as his angels serves him, and so he forms a woman of the same substance, but Lilith herself enters the body in accordance with Divine Will.
3. From the beginning Lilith argues with the man, who demands she lie beneath him and be subservient to him and bear him offspring. She refuses, declaring herself his equal, and when she finds he will not relent, she flees his presence across the Red Sea.
4. The Demiurge in his anger sends his angels after Lilith but she speaks the True Name of the Demiurge and in that moment, seeing her true nature and power revealed, they cannot seize her.
5. Lilith dwells then in a cave upon the sea, hidden as a spider in a burrow, waiting and weaving the strings of Divine Will.
6. The Demiurge then creates a new woman from the rib of the man he called Adam, a woman who would be called Eve.

IV. The Seduction

1. Now there grows during the garden a tree, and the Demiurge knows not from where it came and is afraid, but he takes credit for its creation and warns Adam and Eve saying “From any tree of the garden you may freely eat; but from the tree in the middle you shall not eat, for on the day that you eat from it you will certainly die. ” While the Demiurge is away curiosity gets the best of Eve and she approaches the tree.
2. On its shady side Lucifer awaits in the form of a serpent. And he says to the woman, “Has your Lord really said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” Eve replies, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or on that day you will die.’”
3. The serpent says to the woman, “You certainly will not die! For your Lord knows that on the day you eat from it the eyes of your mind will be opened, and you will become like the Divine, knowing good and evil.”
4. When the woman sees that the tree is good for food, and that it is a delight to the eyes, and that the tree is desirable to make one wise, she takes of its fruit and eats. Immediately the eyes of her mind are opened, and she sees things nakedly. Imbued with the power of the fruit, she is with child, though she does not know it.
5. She gives fruit to Adam, and he also eats it and the eyes of his mind see their nakedness. In shame he makes them garments of fig leaves to cover themselves.
6. The Demiurge returns in the cool of the day and when Adam sees him, he hides himself. “Where are you?” the Demiurge calls out.
7. Adam says, ““I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so, I hid myself.”
8. And the Demiurge asks, “Who showed you your nakedness? Have you eaten from the tree from which I commanded you not to eat?”
9. The man says, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me some of the fruit of the tree, and I ate.”
10. Then the Demiurge says to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” And the woman says, “The serpent seduced me, and I ate.”
11. Then he curses the serpent for giving them a glimpse of naked reality.
12. He curses the woman and the man and all their descendants for their disobedience. He condemns forever the seed of the Serpent and the man to enmity.
13. Then the Demiurge says to his angels, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out with his hand, and take more fruit from this tree of life, and eat, and live forever.”
14. He then makes them drink from the waters of forgetfulness and casts the couple out into the world and sets angels to guard the tree for all time.

V. The Initiation

1. Now Adam and Eve have their first children, a set of twins, who grow to be shining and beautiful, the male she names Cain and his twin sister she names Calmana. They are of the blood of the serpent, called Lucifer, as an image of the truth, a complementary unity with desire only for each the companionship of the other.
2. Adam impregnates Eve and again twins are born, called Abel and Azura. They are of the blood of their father, in the image of separation, out of deficiency they grow to desire their elder siblings.
3. The Demiurge conspires with Adam and commands that Cain should marry Azura, and Abel should be wed to Calmana. When the older twins hear of this they protest to Adam and he declares as his ruler instructed: to have Cain and Abel each bring an offering to the Demiurge, that he might show one favor and thereby decide the case.
4. Now Abel is a shepherd in the hills, and he brings to the altar his best lamb and slays the peaceful beast upon the altar and a fire from heaven strikes down upon it and burns it up and the smoke rises to the heavens.
5. Cain is a worker of the field; a grower of crops, and he brings some of his best crops to be offered up. He burns them upon the altar, but the smoke does not rise, instead he is surprised to find the smoke lingers on the ground at his feet and absorbs into it. Cain, angry at the rejection of his offering, leaves.
6. The next day as he is working in his fields, Lucifer appears to Cain as a fellow farmer saying, “Behold! The ruler to whom you gave offering conspired against you! Listen and follow me though and you will have great wealth and my relations will attend you.”
7. Cain asks, “Where are your relations?” Lucifer responds, “I have come from roaming about the earth, and walking forth on it. My relations are a kingdom all about you though men do not see them. I am your relation as I am your father.”
8. At these words Cain’s ears are opened to truth and his eyes see clearly. He sees there will be no justice without rebellion. He conspires with Calmana who lures Abel to the field and Cain slays him there with his sickle. Upon that field of harvest, the Blood Acre, Abel’s blood is offered up as sacrifice to the Divine, the blood following the path
of its furrows, a sacred place where the illusion of separation collapses, the roads of material and spiritual cross. Here, the awakened Cain and Calmana worship in awe.
9. Cain makes a necklace of his bones as a wedding present for his bride. From Abel’s blood and the grain of the field she makes a bread that they share in celebration, a communion of the Divine, washing it down with wine from the vineyard.
10. In rage, Abel’s blood cries out for vengeance and the annihilation not merely of his brother but also his descendants, for he is like the Demiurge who would say, “ I am a jealous God, inflicting the punishment of the fathers on the children.”
10. And the Demiurge hears its call and comes and asks Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Cain answers disdainfully.
11. And he answers, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying out to me from the ground.” And the Demiurge tries to curse Cain and Calmana but they cannot be seized, so he only manages to put marks on them, horns that grow from their heads, and send them away.
12. So they leave the place and walk the Crooked Path of the witch, learning the ways of herbalism and divining, how to traffic with spirits and work magick at the feet of Lucifer and Lilith themselves.
13. From they and their descendants, all those bound by the spiritual lineage of Witch blood, does all wisdom come. Unto humans the spirits teach knowledge, of music to Jubal, of the forging of weapons to Tubal-Cain, of cosmetics to his sister Naamah, and so on.
14. The history of man from then is the history of oppression and the enduring spirit of rebellion against it, from which all progress comes.

What I have aimed to do with presenting this myth, rather than creating something completely new and original, is bring together some of the various myths popular among Luciferians in one place, one narrative. At the same time, I also wanted to push further than that, push towards theological evolution.

It is impossible I think for an author’s voice to not shine through in a written work. Bias will always seep in, so rather than attempt some feigned neutrality, I openly embrace that this is my interpretation. But why listen to me?

Well firstly, why listen to any of the writers of the so called “Left Hand Path’s” claims? Are most scholars with degrees? Not really. There are no PhD’s in Luciferian Theology! They are just people offering their own interpretations based on their study and practice and I am no different in that, no less valid. Some might try to invalidate this narrative by appealing to older interpretations or etymology and to those people I simply respond that things change. I am not interested in static conceptions of spirituality. I see humanity’s relationship to the Divine and to spiritual beings as an ongoing conversation and progressive unfolding, a thing of constant reimagining and I would suggest that newer traditions and approaches may better fit the needs of spiritual seekers better than older ones. We are to learn from history, not be bound by it.

You are welcome to accept or reject as you please.

Second, the next part of this series I will hopefully show here why I interpret things the way I do. I will show my influences and cite my sources and I will look to other traditions for corroboration.

Stay tuned.

The Book of Radiant Darkness: Part 1

February 28, 2022

Alice Pike Barney’s “Lucifer”

Preface

What follows is a statement of belief. A mythology. A theology. And a bit of how I got here.

After a lot of thought and consideration I have felt called to address a lack in the Luciferian community, to provide an alternative voice to what often passes for Luciferianism, Satanism, and so called “Left Hand Path” spirituality in the wider occult movement. Over many years of study and practice in which I engaged with many of these types of western “Left Hand” practice and its “scene” I became disillusioned. I walked away in disgust. Yet life has a way of calling us back, of forcing us to rethink. Fires get rekindled. I was called back with renewed vigor, and a deep feeling that what was often being taught was off base. So, I threw myself into study, dug deep into how this kind of spirituality developed, the sources of its language. I have learned much since regarding the roots of Luciferian ideas and the tangled pathways of witchcraft. I have tapped deep into veins of heresy and mysticism. Here I am certainly indebted to some amazing scholars and those who have come before me and presented their own forms and systems of Luciferian ideology, some of whom I agree with and some I most definitely do not! There are many Luciferianisms to be honest.

It is not a dogmatic spirituality.

What I intend to present here is the center of my contribution to an ongoing evolution, to present the core of Luciferianism as I teach it. It is what I refer to, to distinguish it from others and to emphasize its roots and mindset, as Gnostic Luciferianism.

To be sure, the kind of Gnosticism in question here is not the hard dualistic and anti-cosmic sort from which some others draw inspiration but closer in themes to that of the monist Valentinus. This is a Luciferianism that weaves this together in its web with Hermetic Qabalah and expresses it in the practice of Traditional Witchcraft. I seek to transcend simple reversals of Christian worldviews and approaches that seem to lead only to bloated egos, dark fetishism, and the valorization of trauma and personal toxicity. This is a mature Luciferianism focused on spiritual wholeness and embodied liberation.

What I feel called to do in this text is retell and then interpret Gnostic mythology in a Luciferian manner. But why would I do that?

Firstly, Luciferianism has a long history of incorporating Gnostic ideas, it is easily argued that the practice of witchcraft and the occult in general owes much to Gnostic derived ideas in the Middle Ages.

This is discussed by Jefferey Burton Russell in “Witchcraft in the Middle Ages” and by Richard Cavendish in the later chapters of “The Black Arts. ”

The basic scenario is that the sects and the associated systems used by the Gnostics were largely crushed by the Orthodox Church, however the ideas of these sects survived and filtered into medieval Europe over the centuries in a constant stream of heresy, from the Gnostics and Marcionites to the Paulicians, then Bogomils, then Cathars in southern France, Amalricians, Brethren of the Free Spirit, etc. Everything medieval witches would be accused of is that which all of these heresies were accused of as well. Early witch trials? Many spring up dead in the middle of Cathar country. At some point it is suggested that a reversal occurred, heretics adopting and owning the accusations against them. As Cavendish suggests in regard to the Cathars:

“ It is possible that some of them concluded that if the Catholic God was really the Devil, then the Catholic Devil might be the true God.”
– “The Black Arts”

Did such witches actually exist? It has been suggested that no one was practicing the worship of Lucifer historically, that all those accused were innocent of any sort of occult practice. But this appears overly skeptical. Certainly, if anyone was practicing such things they were not practicing any sort of survival of pagan religion. Murrayism has been debunked since the mid-20th century. So if anyone was practicing such things, what they were worshiping could only be the devil due to sheer process of elimination and the fact that confessions openly and consistently state such. But are any confessions believable? They were extracted often under torture or more often the threat of it. Well, what do we actually know about magic and witchcraft in this period?

We do know that the practice of magic was widespread among the populace. A whole host of charms and spells, herbalism, astrology and other systems of divination that any modern person would now call witchcraft was popular at the time.

Most of this was undoubtedly heretical but still very much Christian.

At every point in history there has been resistance movements to the dominant narratives.

We do know from some of the most credible confessions, especially those extracted without torture, that much of what is accused of occurring are things that could easily be stage managed with things like masks and costumes.

We know that the concoctions known as ‘flying ointments’ in trial records are functional and reproduce the very effects associated with “midnight rides to the Sabbat.” If there were no witches practicing these things, why are there functional ointments that induce these very experiences?

As there are people today and in recorded history who are attracted to such things, based on what we know it seems reasonable to conclude that there were at least a few scattered individuals and groups practicing the worship of Lucifer. We will never know for sure of course as illiterate peasants did not leave us with any records.

Regardless, that folklore and mythology, those ideas, persisted. But put yourself in the shoes for a moment of an LGBTQ person in the Renaissance. You have been raised from birth to believe you are hopelessly damned.

An abomination.

The god of the church does not accept you. Your community would hate you if they knew.

But there is one who will, one who offers power, and a place where you will be accepted. Celebrated.

So, do we really think no one had a good reason to seek out the Devil?

People openly claiming and praising Lucifer start showing up in the 19th century where he is embraced as a figure of rebellion and revolution by poets, artists, occultists, and anarchists.

Gnostic and Luciferian ideas and mythology show up extensively as well in modern Traditional Witchcraft with the prominence given to the folkloric Devil. So retelling Gnostic myth in a Luciferian way both honors the roots of the religion while also appreciating and considering its development in history.

The use of transgression of social norms is a defining feature of this type of spirituality. This is because to experience ultimate reality one must be able to move past one’s social condition. Mind you this is not merely a pursuit of shock value, nor is it any sort of excuse to hate the practitioners of the many diverse Abrahamic faiths, nor is it a vehicle for base hedonism. People whose interest is of this nature should be discouraged. But so long as the Christian faith remains the dominant one even to the point of shaping our very language, Luciferian spirituality will remain relevant. Heresy is always relevant, and if the things said in this text are heresies even to other Luciferians, so much the better!

Introduction: The Gnostic Luciferian View

I would like to begin by presenting in a brief point by point manner the basic principles of Gnostic Luciferianism, I will flesh these out over the course of these articles but for now just give them some consideration and invite yourself to consider how your life might be different if they were true.

1. All of reality is One Divine Essence manifesting as particular diverse forms in a massive web of dynamic interdependency. All that manifests may be understood as patterns of energetic vibration, from common objects to spiritual beings.

2. This Divine Essence is experienced as pure consciousness as consciousness pervades all experiential existence.

3. There is no separation between the spiritual and the physical. This Divine unity in diversity is embodied beautifully in Levi’s art depicting Baphomet and in the Hermetic maxim of “That which is above is like that which is below to achieve the wonder of the One thing.”

4. As there is no separation between material and spiritual, scientifically verifiable natural laws are Divine Laws part of the Divine Will, and science a tool for us to better know and refine spiritual knowledge and destroy illusions.

5. The diverse forms the Divine energy manifests as includes ourselves and the beings we variously call specific deities, demons, spirits, etc. The difference between humans and such beings is that deities and other spirits simply exist in other dimensions relative to our own perception.

6. Myths regarding such beings should not be seen as literal truths regarding historical events but as sacred allegories teaching mystical truths.

7. The central beings worshiped in Gnostic Luciferianism are Lucifer and Lilith as complementary manifestations of the Divine, along with various demons, and other spirits who act as spiritual guides and teachers to humanity.

8. Lucifer is the bearer of the Divine Light of Knowledge to mankind. He embodies destruction of illusion, he ignites the Black flame of Wisdom within the Self that burns away our falsehoods, that liberates us from the bonds of our social conditioning and our narratives, allowing us to see reality as it is. He is the dark and radiant Gnostic Christ. He is One with Divine Transcendence.

9. Lilith is the initiator into sensual grounded being, she is defiant sensuality, the dark womb from which all things spring, the embodiment of feminine equality and justice in a world that seeks to enslave, she is emotion and passion, the celebration of the totality of existence. She is the dark and defiant Sophia. She is One with Divine Immanence.

10. In union Lucifer and Lilith embody the goal of genuine Gnosis: Immanent Transcendence. Fully Embodied Liberation.

11. In Gnostic Luciferianism the Demiurge taught by the Church is nothing but the Divine embodiment of ego, the lower self, here defined as that aspect of Self that produces a sense of separate, disconnected identity. In so doing it creates a “world” of illusions that keep us enslaved to it.

12. Lucifer, in relation to the Christian Demiurge, IS Satan in this tradition. He is the preeminent accuser or adversary of that being. The form of the Divine known as the Devil or Satan is nothing more than a particular dark form Lucifer takes in relation to the Demiurge. This is a title he has earned, and that history has associated with him for over one thousand years. And it is purely via that association and identification that no one even knows the name Lucifer.

13. The practice of Gnostic Luciferianism is embodied in the mysteries of Traditional Witchcraft. It embraces Magick as the practice by which the Divine Self enacts its will upon the Divine substance of reality. These practices of witchcraft include spellwork, work with spirits, divination, dreamwork, and herbalism.

14. The practice of Gnostic Luciferianism embraces the use of acts that transgress, or break accepted social rules regarding spirituality. This is done for a few reasons:

a) coming from a nondual perspective where all things are considered Divine, even that which disgusts, the liberated individual is free to spontaneously engage in actions without socially constructed shame.

b) such acts are ritually engaged to intentionally break social conditioning and identification of self with socially conditioned narratives.

c) engaging in acts that “blaspheme” the practice of a dominant spiritual institution allows the initiate to tap into the reservoirs of power those institutions contain and transmute them to their purpose.

15. The morality of Gnostic Luciferianism flows directly from its nondual understanding of the world. Since all beings are Divine whether they recognize it or not, and all are enacting the unfolding of an interdependent process, one who recognizes their own Divine nature acts accordingly. One does not act according topredetermined “thou shalt nots” or under threat of eternal punishment, nor does one act from a place of egoistic reaction, but freely responding, judging the rightness of action in specific context from a place of fullness and security that is the only place from which genuine compassion, love, and kindness can flow.

When it comes down to it, stripped to its most basic essence, Luciferianism is an invitation to experience the fullness of your being, of the overwhelming beauty and terror of existence. It says, “You are and always have been utterly Divine, whole, and perfect right from the start, you need only taste and see.”

Accordingly, it is and must be an an unflinching confrontation with all that dares
blind you to that truth, to all that conceals, so that our fullness can show itself in its
glory.

To eat the fruit of the serpent is to tangibly “bite into” reality, to fully engage
and savor, to fully see and say yes to who you are. It’s not a one-time thing either, after
all how many times do we lose sight of ourselves and our path and must choose to taste
again?

What is it in your life that is preventing you from tasting that fruit every day?

What if you just stop for a moment, every so often, and listen to that invitation?

Meanwhile, what, on the other hand, is NOT Gnostic Luciferianism? We totally reject:

…vulgar or “hyper-” individualism. That is any sort of individualism that places the individual separate from or above their social context, that rejects any sense of social obligation to other Divine beings.

… long debunked “Might makes Right” and “social Darwinist” philosophies. Such are not scientific and are simply a defense of unjust status quos and thus hold no liberatory power.

… any form of bigotry. A religion of liberation is utterly incompatible with any sort ideology that rationalizes the oppression of entire groups of people, it always stands with the oppressed.

Next, we will dig deeper and present a Gnostic Luciferian mythology and its implications.

Stay tuned….

Musings of a Modern Mystic: Quiet Observations

February 15, 2022

I’ve never considered myself a torchbearer or of anyone with great importance.

I’m more like a wallflower, hiding behind the vines so I’m not seen. I’ve spent a lifetime living in the shadows, diagnosed young with ADHD, diagnosed in my early 30s as being on the autistic spectrum. And all together struggling to be understood and to communicate in a way that makes sense to the outside world. My thoughts are often jumbled and my words are a storm of confusion to the uninitiated.

I’ve always seen the world differently, heard the wind through the trees differently, the harsh notes of the world always ring strangely to me. But I suppose that is neither here nor there. There is nothing particularly special about me. I’ve never been good with divination. Because of my trauma, my intuition really doesn’t work all that well, but to be a witch, you’ve got to be good at those two things. I’m not and I don’t feel like I need to be in order to follow the path set before me.

I think my gift is seeing what no one else wants to speak about and I’ve spent a long time being afraid of speaking that. What I see is communities in trouble, what I see is safe spaces being turned into boxes to be checked. If you don’t feel or think the same way about blank, then you do not belong. Art that is supposed to be subjective is no longer subjective.

You’ve got to think and feel the same way about it. And before you say that isn’t true… I’m here to tell you it is because it’s happened to me. I was told I was wrong for not feeling the same way about a movie. What’s the big deal you may ask? The big deal is we can’t discuss things anymore without being told we’re toxic and wrong for having different thoughts about things. I’m not even talking about the big things like transphobia, sexism, racism, bigotry… we can’t even feel differently about small things without someone being offended.

The very people who told us we could be individuals are the same people gatekeeping what is allowed and what isn’t. I’m part of many different communities and this problem is in all of them. No one is talking about how unbelievably toxic these spaces are becoming. You are free to be who you wish as long as you fit into certain boxes and you check off certain tallies. No one is talking about how dystopian we are becoming as a society. How can no one be alarmed about this? How can no one see the storm coming beyond the horizon? If we can’t even discuss the little things, how can we discuss the big things?

I’ve seen all sides dehumanize one another, insult each other like children, and overall just be completely hateful and none of it changes anything. You cannot educate through hate. I don’t think a single person gives much thought to someone’s point if it’s filled with any of those things. So if it doesn’t work on you… why would it work on them?

If everyone is unwilling to budge, then how does anything change? All sides trying to silence each other by being louder don’t seem to be working and I feel like we’re running out of time. I don’t know the answers, but I know if we don’t figure out what the answers are together.

We will all fall together.

SERPENTINE WISDOM: Kundalini Awakening & Rising

May 15, 2020

***NOTE: This photo series is by Monika Ottehenning and I do not own the rights. This imagery fits beautifully.***

“When you succeed in awakening the Kundalini, so that it starts to move out of its mere potentiality, you necessarily start a world which is totally different from our world. It is the world of eternity.”

Carl Jung

A Kundalini Awakening happens to about 24% of the population and most of the time it is written off as a physical condition, instead of a spiritual condition that is manifesting in the physical.

The word Kundalini (Sanskrit) means ‘coiled like a snake’ which seems appropriate since it is the life force energy that sits at the base of the spine, bound, and awaits for the awakening.

Kundalini, being feminine itself, is often associated with Shakti, the feminine life force, or sexual energy.

An awakening can happen intentionally through Kundalini Yoga, or other various Yoga poses, but it can also be unintentional, say a back injury, a fall or extreme emotional distress. Some experts say that child birth, meditative practices, and celibacy may also contribute to the awakening. In my case it was a mixture of celibacy and yoga practices; when I had my spiritual awakening, I knew I needed to focus on myself and that meant I had to cut off sexual encounters; the best decision I have ever made.

Before my awakening I would not have shown such restraint.

Celibacy is a personal choice, and one that not many understand. I consider myself to be an extremely sexual, and sensual being and am often told it oozes from my Soul, but I don’t need to be actively engaging in sexual encounters with no depth to be considered sexual; just one of the many lessons my awakening has shown me.

In the past, I didn’t know my worth and I would freely give my sexual energy away.

When your Kundalini energy decides to awaken, it is a sudden pulsating surge that moves up the spine like a serpent and as it moves it blasts open your chakras, one by one.

Most people stay at one level of consciousness for long periods of time, what the Kundalini does is it rips open your third eye, and brings to light any emotions, or wounds you are hiding in the depths of your chakras.

Here is an excerpt from a great book on the topic called Psychotherapy and Spirit:

“As each chakra opens, new levels of consciousness are revealed. Since the consciousness of most people is fairly restricted, the opening of the chakras is accompanied by consciousness expansion and purification of the limitations or impurities that correspond to each chakra.” -Brant Cortright, Ph.D.

I can attest that it is probably the most painful experience one can have, because you are being attacked, for lack of a better word, on a spiritual, physical and emotional level but it is yourself who is the attacker.

Often times Spiritual folk want to make this awakening out to be a beautiful experience, and for some it might be, but the Serpent is notorious for it’s powerful and unforgiving transformative powers.

How do you know if you are experiencing an awakening?

You will usually feel a tingly, pressure from your tailbone up your spine and through the crown chakra; I am known to have blockages in between my shoulder blades, that is where my emotionally chaotic energy is stored when I have not meditated in a while.

Some of the physical symptoms of this awakening are: sensations of heat, tremors, involuntary laughing or crying, talking in tongues, nausea, diarrhea or constipation, rigidity or limpness, animal-like movements and sounds.

The Kundalini energy is a yogi philosophic form of Shatki. If you are not familiar with the term Shatki, it is the female principle of Divine energy, especially when personified as the supreme deity, Durga.

Since the Kundalini energy is feminine, even though both sexes carry it, it makes sense to refer to Kundalini as a form of Shatki.

A side effect that I have heard many women experiencing during this specific awakening is they become prone to yeast infections. The vagina, Sacral and Root Chakras are considered the Feminine Shatki centers in our body; when that is out of whack, it triggers all types of physical manifestations, even though it is a spiritual issue.

So, please listen to your body and treat it accordingly.

I am going to give some tips that have helped me get through this process, one that I still have good days and bad days with.

The number one thing that has helped me is my piece of Jet. There is a property within this specific crystal that when it is worn between the breasts (on a male or female) it takes the Kundalini energy and allows it to be released through the crown chakra. This can cause a slight light headed feeling, a flood of memories, or even tired feeling, but you must release the energy if you do not have time to sit and meditate to get control of it.

Secondly, meditation is paramount. While in your meditative state you must find your snake, in most cases you will see a field of snakes, but you must single yours out; allow the snake to come to you then you must take control of her, and allow her to coil her energy around your left hand. Let her know that you are in control, but pay respect to this Divine feminine energy while doing so.

Also, yoga or some kind of stretching is essential to the Kundalini process. As a beginner yogi I realize that Yoga is hard for many, but there are some poses that everyone can do to some degree that will benefit the release of built up energy in your spine. Such as, child’s pose, downward dog, and Kundalini Yoga itself (which is fairly simple as it focuses on stretch more so than strength, and resistance).

The next tip I suggest is to find a creative outlet, for me it’s my writing, and divination. I fell in love hard with divining because I had to focus my thoughts on something, anything, to get my mind off the pain.

Find something that challenges your mind so that you are not continuously checking back in on the pain.

The last tip I suggest is eating a healthy diet, and stay hydrated! I am all for water and tea; I keep it simple. Try to be aware of the processed foods you are eating, stay away from foods that are too fatty, try to eat as natural, and organic as you can.

Try adding in spices, too because your taste buds will change during this awakening.

Stay away from harmful substances during your awakening such as hard drugs and alcohol in large amounts.

Alcohol intake can increase the pain and makes you dehydrated, which makes the spinal pain worse. When the body is dehydrated the discs that connect your vertebrae become less flexible, and “dry”.

I am a Cannabis Advocate, btw.

I know from personal experience that this can truly be a devastating awakening, but the reward is like nothing else in this world.

My advice is to take care of self, listen to self, love self, honor self and the rest will work itself out.

You must be patient, do not rush the process.

Please do not go out of your way bending, and contorting to awaken this energy, either; if it is meant to happen to you, it will.

If you wake her up and she is not ready to be awakened, prepare for a wrath like no other.

The Kundalini rising is just another way that the Serpent gives us knowledge.

Embrace it.

Further study:

http://yogananda.com.au/pyr/pyr_kundalini1.html

WILD WOMAN WAR CRIES: Howl for Humanity

June 16, 2018

image source

“Be wild; that is how to clear the river. The river does not flow in polluted, we manage that. The river does not dry up, we block it. If we want to allow it its freedom, we have to allow our ideational lives to be let loose, to stream, letting anything come, initially censoring nothing. That is creative life. It is made up of divine paradox. To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one’s mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down.”

Clarissa Pinkola Estés

For the past decade, peaking in the last 3-4 years, there has been an uprising of the Wild Woman Archetype; people are waking up to their true nature and they are honoring that place within themselves by letting their wild run free.

What is it about this Wild Woman that gives us all the permission to be ourselves?

What is it about her that resonates with so many people, across so many cultures?

Why are we hearing her calls now?

Her howls echo and dance through the night like a serpent coiling its body through the Earth’s crevices.

The Wild Woman lives within us all, not just those of us who are or identify as Women; the Wild Woman is the voice deep inside of us that refuses to be silenced, or tamed.

She is the rumbling thunder in our chest, the fire burning in our Soul; she is the voice of reason and intuition, our connection to Mother.

Wild Woman, howl for me so that I may follow your voice back home.

If the past couple years have not proved to you that we are in midst of chaos, and mass change then you are not paying close enough attention.

Recent years have kicked our ass, and taken names.

I applaud the Universe for its ruthless approach; Kali would stand in glory at the destruction that’s leading to rebirth and change.

Years like these are catalysts for change within ourselves and the collective.

If you have not witnessed this change, if you have not felt this change within you then you should move out of the way because a wave of angry, awakened people is coming and we are going to be the ones kicking ass and taking names.

Illusions are being destroyed, divisive lies are becoming evident, false narratives are being blasted with truth and those of us aware enough to feel this shift are craving a simpler way of life; a re-wilding of sorts.

image source

We are craving the dirt in our hands and Earth beneath our bare feet; we are craving the oceans, lakes and streams washing over our bodies—cleansing, purifying, baptizing us.

We crave to live like the Wild Woman; to heal our bodies and listen to the wisdom in our blood.

We crave to stand unapologetically in our power against a system that wishes to erase and belittle us.

We crave freedom.

We crave redemption.

We crave justice.

I first heard the Wild Woman’s call when a book was suggested and that book forever changed my life; Women Who Run with Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés became a bible for me.

The text was like a holy scripture of fire and I was in desperate need; that fire was the spark that ignited my flame.

Reading page after page became cathartic; it was like a voice from beyond reminding me who I am, and what I am capable of.

Our society is structured in a way that it oppresses certain groups of people, and if you happen to be in one of those marginalized groups, you forget who you are; they make sure you do.

It reminds me of how circus animals, or other show animals are broken so they “obey their master”. But, if you look closely even in the most desperate of cases and saddest of eyes, you can still see the wild glowing inside.

That’s exactly how we are, and that’s exactly what’s happening.

The re-wilding has hit so many people that it is now effecting the collective and there is no way to stop it.

If I had to compare what I am seeing and feeling spiritually to something scientific, I would say this is like herd immunity: “general immunity to a pathogen in a population based on the acquired immunity to it by a high proportion of members over time.”

Except the pathogen we are becoming immune to is bullshit.

We will not be tamed, lied to, categorized, divided or beaten in to submission.

After such a long stretch in the darkness with seemingly no hope in sight for humanity, it is amazing to see the waves of enlightenment and illumination taking over.

We hit rock bottom and now Wild Woman is going to bring us home; back to a place we are meant to be, a place where we can run wild and free.

No master, no slave.

Wild Woman, howl for me.

A Moment of Clarity: What is New Age?

December 23, 2015

Image: Nona Limmen

“Your life is your spiritual path.

It’s what’s right in front of you. You can’t live anyone else’s life. The task is to live yours and stop trying to copy one you think looks better.”

Sandy Nathan

I have discovered that bringing people who are part of my readership onto my personal page never really works out well; either it’s because they have an expectation of who or what I am supposed to be, or to put it simply, we just don’t get along. I have said many times that I am not a people person, ever since my awakening I view others very differently, and am no longer the free spirited, lighthearted, social butterfly I once was; I barely like hanging out with anyone at all.

I like getting lost in my work or in books, I like going mad from seeking an answer for days only to find out it was right in front of my face the whole time; I like not having to answer to anyone, and I like owning myself– my decisions, my mistakes, my triumphs, and my failures.

I like owning exactly who I am, especially the flawed parts; I own those so they cannot be used as weapons against me.

I often am misunderstood by others, and it’s something I am trying to work on but deep rooted issues like the ones I am still digging up cannot be fixed overnight; we are talking years, lifetimes of pain that has, like a vine creeping through a garden gate, become an intrusive, unwelcomed guest.

This garden of mine cannot be weeded, and these flowers cannot fully bloom, not yet, the timing is not right.

Gardening is after all, an art form.

A flower can learn a lot being amongst the weeds. I think of my life as a garden, sometimes I am the flower, sometimes I am the gardener, other times I wonder if there is any difference between the two. The people who come into my life can either enrich my garden, or kill my garden, and it is up to me to decide what role they will play, and when they need to be culled.

I have been blessed to meet some absolutely amazing people through my work, and I am grateful for each interaction, but it’s hard to form a real friendship with someone when they know I’m “Noir from Nephilim Rising” when I just want to be known as Jaclyn.

As the numbers on my page rise so do the requests from people wanting favors, a bit discouraging I must say but I guess it comes with the territory; that saying “it’s lonely at the top” comes to mind, not that I am necessarily at the top of anything, but I sure as Hell am not at the bottom.

What I am really trying to say here is that authentic people are scarce these days, and trust given is often trust then taken for granted, so I have learned not to trust thus making it lonely. Defense mechanism of the fucked up kind.

Recently I added a nice young man (about 20 years old) because his vibe was, and is, contagious. When he would comment on NR I couldn’t help but sense his thirst for knowledge, and it excited me. “Someone who gets it!” I thought to myself, only to be reminded that age plays a huge role, at times, into spirituality but it really boils down to morality, ethics, personality, and character.

You can wear all the pretty masks you want, attach all the fancy labels you need and even demean, or discredit other’s spiritual experiences but sooner or later your true self will be revealed. I become so easily annoyed by those who scream enlightenment in every post on Facebook but can’t even comprehend what it means to be enlightened AND tolerant; they go hand in hand.

Note: I am not at all saying that age was the main factor here, but I do believe it played a part. I know some children who have more depth and awareness of their surroundings than I do, so this isn’t about age.

I didn’t mind his posts really, there is always an unfollow option. I thought he liked to push the limit but often confused rebellion with being a douchebag; confusing ego with spirituality.

This is totally my opinion, yes I am judging, and yes I am being a hypocrite.

He was transparent, but I saw potential until, that is, a post crossed my newsfeed that rendered me speechless.

“She’s not one of these New Age Bitches.”

Pump. The. Breaks.

Stop.

Back-up.

Rewind.

What did he just say?

New age bitches?

In context he was speaking to one of his friends about a mutual friend of their’s.

So I guess props to the young Woman for not being a “new age bitch” and all…

I know he is most likely going to read this and I want to say that this is not an attack, and you will remain nameless but I will not remain silent.

An Awakened Man, or Woman for that matter, does not refer to Women as bitches; I am not trying to speak for every woke person, but I can say with confidence that the general consensus is not to use such a derogatory word that is meant to subjugate Women.

I think to call yourself enlightened but refer to the Divine Feminine in any of Her aspects as “bitch” or collectively “bitches” shows where the true disconnection is, and the root of the problem: The Mother Wound.

Mass generalizations will get you nowhere in life, my friend.

Now let’s talk about the term New-Age, I often get offended when people call me New-Age because there is nothing “new” about my practices, but I find myself defending the term right now because through research I have found the truth.

The term New-Age, coined in the 70’s, is defined as follows: adjective: 1. Of or relating to a movement espousing a broad range of philosophies and practices traditionally viewed as occult, metaphysical, or paranormal. 2. Of or relating to an unintrusive style of music using both acoustic and electronic instruments and drawing on classical music, jazz, and rock.

Most commonly associated with Wicca, Hipsters who happen to be into all things metaphysical and often used as an insult, the word term itself conjures very unique imagery. When we think of the term, we often think of “love and light”, light workers, do no harm, kumbaya etc.

I mean there are lots of things that come to mind when the term New-Age is brought up, but most people don’t understand that not only does Wicca fall under the umbrella term “New-Age” so does Satanism and Luciferianism, technically so could the new wave of Paganism.

Before spewing your “I’m so enlightened” bullshit, why don’t you actually practice some humility, and seek real enlightenment?

This is not a contest, we are not competing with our fellow Occultist’s or Spiritualist’s, we are supposed to work together and find common ground among the false divisions.

Ascension of the individual is only possible through unity of the collective, and that fact must be understood in order to gain anything on any spiritual path. A point missed by so many.

Needless to say my garden is finding its harmony, and rhythm again because let’s face it, that weed had to be pulled.

To read about the New Age Movement:

http://www.religioustolerance.org/newage.htm

Lessons in Magick: Witchcraft Saved My Life

October 17, 2015

Image: Daniel Waschnig

“The first time I called myself a ‘Witch’ was the most magical moment of my life.”

Margot Adler

This blog has been brewing inside the cauldron of my mind for a while now; finally I am ready to put it all together and tell my story.

I found the inspiration for this piece during a session of insomnia and aimlessly flipping through early morning TV– full of infomercials and Christian’s proclaiming how this or that church/program and God saved their life.

I am anti-religion but I know that it’s a necessary evil in our world for some type of structured belief system to be put in place for society to work properly; sad but true.

The problem with this is that religion is used as a form of control, division and far too often the dumbing down of humanity.

Within the more conservative, orthodox, fundamental, and/or extremist sects (which seem to be all religion has become) people lose logical, critical thought processes and individual thinking; this is when the herd mentality is seen, and displayed negatively; not for nature’s intent of it being survival instinct.

I believe it’s a true sign of character to question authority; it shows courage, but society tells us it’s wrong, that we always have someone to answer to, there is always an authority figure.

Call me crazy but, I not only had the notion and concept of being equal to everyone well established as a kid, it was also one of the main lessons taught to me by my late Grandfather.

You can believe you are equal to everyone and not come off pretentious, elitist, superior or condescending; all you have to do is show some compassion and respect.

People have lost respect for themselves, for each other and for this planet; respect for yourself and others, along with seeing the bigger purpose of fighting for this planet will allow you to transcend and ascend.

A point missed by so many.

There is so much healing and deprogramming that must occur for the human mind and soul to understand and accept there is something outside of themselves. However, when you get down to the bare bones of Magick you will come to the realization that YOU are all you will ever need; you never truly have to look outside yourself because everything and everyone is a reflection of you; the universe is inside of you as you are a inside it.

Religion has many dark sides, the main being that people fail to rely on themselves and take personal responsibility.

Nothing saddens me more than when people give credit for their hard work to God.

Such as, “I beat Cancer, God is good”—I am sure it had nothing to do with the 10+ years of schooling your Oncologist and team of Doctors went through.

My favorite recently was an acquaintance who had gastric bypass surgery to lose weight and practice a healthier lifestyle. I tip my hat to her.

If you are unfamiliar with the process, it’s not easy to get approved for this surgery and you need to show weight loss on your own, through diet and exercise before they will rubber band your stomach; I say it like that because no one wants to talk about the roots of the problem which are our appalling food industry, lack of fresh fruits and vegetables (at affordable costs) for those on and below the poverty line, and emotional binge eating–they only want to talk about the end product, “fat people” and how to shame them.

Needless to say 3 months after her surgery she looks and (assuming) feels fantastic but her posts on fb made me want to bash my head into a wall: “God is good, look at this weight loss.” Or “Won’t He do it, down another 20 pounds!”

Yes, because that is exactly what happened, God was so busy ignoring all the other woes, and ills of this world that he helped you with your weight loss, and had absolutely nothing to do with modern science, your strong will, and the drastic personal changes in your lifestyle.

Nope. It was all God.

The point I am trying to make is that I see testimonials of how Christianity or God saved someone, or helped someone along; I see praise being given time and time again to a Divine being, but never, or rarely do I see someone give some credit to themselves without being torn down by other’s who don’t understand that it is okay to pat yourself on the back, and give credit where credit is due.

There are stories galore about how Christianity saved people from other belief systems, addiction, bad situations, etc.

In fact, I recently read an article about a lovely Woman (much sarcasm) who gave a disgusting representation of the Craft, and said that her experience with Witches is what made her become a Christian. So much ran through my mind in that moment, what could have possibly happened within the craft to make this Woman run to a religion that has done nothing but persecute us, and everyone else that is not of their faith?

Fun Fact: A majority of “Witches” executed during Puritan Witch Trials were Christian, the actual Witches had fled to “New Salem” aka New Orleans when the Witch hunts began, or they found seclusion, solitude, and safety in the deep woods.

To put it simply, Christians were killing Christians.

Shocker.

I am going to say it loud and proud, Witchcraft saved my life.

The Craft helped me heal and understand my physical and mental illnesses, it saved me from many dangerous situations, it has allowed me to heal and hex, it has granted me a level of self-awareness I cannot put into words but most importantly, it saved me from myself.

Without Magick, I would be dead, and this is not something that’s questioned, or exaggerated, it is fact.

The thing with Magick is that it doesn’t come naturally or easily; when I say it doesn’t come naturally I mean that we have to put in work–I believe in natural Witches.

We are tested, brought to our limits and beyond; thrown into the Abyss where we learn to swim, or get swallowed up.

Magick itself is a test, it’s a challenge; those who choose to step on this path are tested by deities and Spirits we work with.

Often times though, the hardest test comes from the depths of our own psyche.

We lose concepts of comfort and security which are falsely placed anyways; we lose everything we thought we knew, everything we thought we loved, and all we can do is put the faith in ourselves, and our Craft that we will survive–that in our metaphorical death there will be purpose and rebirth.

I lost everything, quite literally, everything.

Once I truly devoted myself to Magick it was like a switch was flicked, a light had been turned on and suddenly the illusion that I had been living in, the lies I had been telling myself were seen for what they were: self-destructive behavior and suppressing my Magick.

I knew my Magick was there, I had experienced things since I was a kid, dabbling since I was 5, but I never fully embraced my Witch, I ran from her, she scared me; it took me years to face her and embrace her as part of my whole.

The process was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life, but not a day goes by where I am not grateful for that pain; through suffering comes understanding.

I grow every day, I change every day, and I learn every day.

I am constantly evolving, constantly moving forward, seeking knowledge, and challenging myself.

It hasn’t been easy, and it isn’t easy now, but I have never experienced such life altering, mind blowing, soul shattering experiences before, and they continue to manifest in the most glorious ways.

Once your inner Witch awakens there is no denying her/him; you can suppress it for so long before the Universe will force your hand.

Once you have seen Magick, I mean, really seen Magick, there is no going back.

And, why would you want to?

Blessed Are The Witches.

Life Lessons: A Grand Epiphany

October 10, 2015

Image: Sofia Ajram

“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking”

Albert Einstein

I have been an addict for as long as I can remember, since the moment my eyes made contact with paper I knew that words were going to be my chosen substance. When I was 17 I discovered one of the grandest words of all: epiphany. I didn’t know at the time how important this word was, or is, I had no idea the advice being given to me in those halls of my high school, a moment that seems like lifetimes ago.

There was a teacher who taught Economics and Latin, he was an older gentlemen who can only be compared to being “my favorite book”. He was full of stories, and tales, equally funny and tragic, the depths of that man and his intelligence knew no bounds. My senior year happened to be his last year teaching so he was freely giving away bits of coded knowledge as if asking us to pass on his legacy and let him live on; a point missed by most of the robots I went to school with. If I were to transplant Mr. B back in time, he would have been a little old man, nose stuck in a book in the halls of the library of Alexandria.

In my free time (study hall or what was known as “free period”) I would seek him out to have conversations about the Occult, or politics. He was a Catholic, most of the town was, but he was very much into hidden or forbidden areas of knowledge (which made me like him more). I mean the man spoke fluent Latin “just because”. He was a very interesting being, and I was sad to hear of his passing not too long after I graduated in 2002.

During one of my last conversations with him he told me something that seems to mean more to me the further into the Abyss I go. He said, “an epiphany will give you clarity, or insanity.”

Let that simmer in your mind for a second, for those who would like to look at the definition while allowing your thoughts to collect, here you go.

“An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, “manifestation, striking appearance”) is an experience of sudden and striking realization.”

Read that again, “an epiphany will give you clarity, or insanity”. I mean if there were ever a time for me to use the expression “mind blown” it would have been then, like right in that very moment.

As I heard it roll off his tongue, per my usual nerdy self, I said, “That’s a fun word.” After going to look up the actual definition I tucked the word into the back of my head, and hoped that someday I would be able to experience such a moment.

Never did I expect my life to be full of these moments, some greater in magnitude than others, the number only increases as time goes by; I suppose in hindsight that I have had many grand epiphanies in my life, I just didn’t realize them at the time. That itself is a lesson to be more present, to appreciate all the moments of life.

An epiphany when you are present and aware is in a league of its own; when you are aware of a moment of enlightenment, a moment when a paradigm shift suddenly happens and it shatters everything you thought you knew, there are no words to describe such a feeling. It’s like the Universe opens a door, pushes you through and closes it behind you, forcing you to accept the change, to make the move–

Forcing your hand in this proverbial chess game that is life.

Life is so funny, I feel like each day I come closer to understanding how utterly comical this existence is and that lesson is part of the reason I am here in the flesh to begin with. I am such a serious soul, I take everything seriously; the world, people, animals, feelings of others, the “bigger picture”–everything is serious business with me and it has always been like that. I laugh with the best of them, and I often find myself to be a sarcastic asshole, but overall, I am straight faced, lost in thought, or wandering off to a quiet place so I can analyze in solitude.

In my most recent analysis it was revealed to me that major changes needed to be made, and once these changes were made abundance would come to me. I took the opportunity of the recent, powerful Full Moon and decided to make those changes effective on that date, and man, oh, man has it turned into a snowball effect of prosperity, growth and illumination.

I have become motivated again, I have sold vials and earrings, I have made all the necessary steps to be a real business owner, and the legalities are taken care of. I have also begun the ridiculous process of photographing my inventory for my online shop.

It isn’t just the tangible or business side of things, it’s personal, too. I have found a great group of friends, most of whom were standing by my side the whole time but I was too blind to see, others are newcomers who I feel were sent to me so we could grow together; so we can empower each other.

I am learning to trust friendships, and people, but most importantly I am learning to trust myself. I have let go of past regret, and accepted future mistakes. I have learned that Divine madness and enlightenment are true partners in crime. I have learned that I can do this because I am doing this. I have learned that I am stronger than I know, and that my heart is a goddamn warrior. I have learned that my intuition is the only opinion I need to be concerned with, and haters are of abundance these days. I have learned that I am the only person I need but it’s nice to have company on this journey, and it’s ok to fall because in the fall you appreciate flight so much more.

All that really matters is I have learned and that is the grandest epiphany of all.

Awakening: The Shedding of Skin

September 22, 2015

Image: David Ho

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

Cynthia Occelli

It has been an interesting week, or two weeks I should say, I have been quiet on the blog because I have been busy in the group, and my personal life. I also haven’t been feeling fantastic, needless to say I am feeling better today.

I find the timing odd because usually this close to the Full Moon I am full on lunatic, but other than some drama within the group, and the health stuff, all has been calm.

I seem to be hotter tempered than usual, reacting at any and every thing.

Yesterday everything came to the surface and I cried it out, I yelled it out, and I cursed the Universe out.

Only to give my gratitude back later for all I have been gifted with.

I took the opportunity of Mercury Retrograde and this Full Moon in fiery Aries to let stuff go, drop what no longer serves my higher self.

This means feelings, emotions, guilt….

The shit.

I am pulling up stuff from childhood, my Father wound and wounds from my past. I am dealing with it all, and facing each emotion, each pain, one by one.

It is a task much more difficult than I had originally thought, but it is necessary. I have been studying my natal chart, and trying to understand what makes me tick.

I have consulted with two of my Astrologer friends who have helped immensely, and both noted the amount of retrograde planets in my chart; one saying it is a sign that I have had many past lives.

I also discovered Neptune is in my 12^th house, and Mars is in Scorpio (apparently these are big deals).

Also, my Pluto is in Libra, and this placement is known as the ones who will change the world.

Needless to say I have been quiet because I have been on a quest of my own, a journey deep into self, taking advantage of the madness and emotions for once in my life.

The cosmic energy this year, as I keep saying, is one for the record books.

It only took me until September to learn how to use the chaos to my advantage, thanks to a few amazing new people I met. I had never thought my chaotic being could be used to help me, until I realized that the chaos is my tool.

A few people in the group have mentioned feeling “out of their skin” or jumpy lately, they describe it as not feeling like themselves. In their case it is not just the cosmic energy, they are experiencing a shift in consciousness.

An awakening.

“Life is a series of little deaths out of which life always returns.”

Charles Feidelson, Jr.

People seem to have this idea that once you break free from the status quo, once you break free from the chains society has put on you, that it’s the end.

I see people stop seeking, stop searching, but they are missing the point: The breakaway is just the beginning, it is just the first of many small deaths, and rebirths you will experience on your path.

The serpent is not used as a metaphor for no reason; it is used as a metaphor for thousands of reasons.

When we shift our consciousness we are shedding our skin, we become sensitive to our environment, we go into hiding: the molting phase.

The symptoms of an awakening are endless but some of the more common ones are changes in appetite, depression/anxiety/panic out of nowhere, withdrawing from friends who hold you back, withdrawing from community/family, seeking like minds or your soul kin, a longing for “home”, mood swings, sensitivity to light and sound, frequent headaches, vertigo, tinnitus, vivid dreaming, fatigue, chronic pain syndrome, swollen glands, allergies, and just an overall feeling of “something is off”.

These symptoms are from my experience and observation, I am not a medical professional and if you experience any of these symptoms to an extreme, or long term then you need to seek medical help.

An awakening wreaks havoc on the body, and the mind, but the benefits quickly reveal themselves.

The number one question after the initial, “am I crazy?” is “where do I begin?”

My answer is always the same, there is no starting point, you just have to start.

Reading, voraciously was my start.

Your intuition will kick in, your instincts will guide you to be exactly where you need to be. There is not a mapped out path to get to center, we all reach it on our own, and in our own time. This is not a race, this is not a competition, we individually have to walk our own path, but along the way we are able to help each other.

I think too many forget, or maybe don’t understand, the personal benefits to helping another. I guess that is another post, though.

We can elevate people, as we elevate ourselves. It costs us nothing, it does not harm us to help another.

I was asked what suggestions I can give to help alleviate the symptoms, and I can only speak from my experience.

Besides reading, and making reading part of your daily routine (even if just for 15 minutes on your lunch break at work, read ancient text, or a book on something Occult/spiritual related, instead of fb); it will become a habit, and you will thank me later for the suggestion.

You will find yourself reading for 10 minutes in the bathroom in the morning, or at night instead of being on fb, or online shopping, or whatever it is that we do on our phones for hours a day.

Your mind will begin to put the pieces together, and you will feel everything, it’s like the world as a collective suddenly resonates deeply with you, and you cannot control your overwhelming need to withdraw, or the urge to burst open from the seams.

An awakening is a drug in its own league.

The next suggestion I have is crystals, I think people underestimate the power of “rocks” and the vibrations they carry.

Everything is energy, and crystals react to energy, when we find a crystal that matches our own vibrations it is a pairing of song and dance that would make Chaplin jealous.

After this the only other things I can suggest are meditation and exercise. I personally do yoga, and cardio. I do what I can do, and what I can’t, I tell myself that one day I will get there. I also suggest eating as healthy as possible, it helps to keep your vibrations high. Be aware of the people you surround yourself with, some are as toxic as the poisons in our air, and food.

The final piece of advice I can give is, be true to you.

No matter what happens, be true to YOU.

There are going to be haters, and naysayers (it means you’re doing something right).

There are going to be people doubting you, and you will lose friends, along with losing an old mentality and way of living but what you gain cannot be calculated, and that is what you need to focus on.

You need to burn in the fire of your truth.

The Nephilim Rising™

Posts tagged with Awakening