Image: Nona Limmen

“Your life is your spiritual path.

It’s what’s right in front of you. You can’t live anyone else’s life. The task is to live yours and stop trying to copy one you think looks better.”

Sandy Nathan

I have discovered that bringing people who are part of my readership onto my personal page never really works out well; either it’s because they have an expectation of who or what I am supposed to be, or to put it simply, we just don’t get along. I have said many times that I am not a people person, ever since my awakening I view others very differently, and am no longer the free spirited, lighthearted, social butterfly I once was; I barely like hanging out with anyone at all.

I like getting lost in my work or in books, I like going mad from seeking an answer for days only to find out it was right in front of my face the whole time; I like not having to answer to anyone, and I like owning myself– my decisions, my mistakes, my triumphs, and my failures.

I like owning exactly who I am, especially the flawed parts; I own those so they cannot be used as weapons against me.

I often am misunderstood by others, and it’s something I am trying to work on but deep rooted issues like the ones I am still digging up cannot be fixed overnight; we are talking years, lifetimes of pain that has, like a vine creeping through a garden gate, become an intrusive, unwelcomed guest.

This garden of mine cannot be weeded, and these flowers cannot fully bloom, not yet, the timing is not right.

Gardening is after all, an art form.

A flower can learn a lot being amongst the weeds. I think of my life as a garden, sometimes I am the flower, sometimes I am the gardener, other times I wonder if there is any difference between the two. The people who come into my life can either enrich my garden, or kill my garden, and it is up to me to decide what role they will play, and when they need to be culled.

I have been blessed to meet some absolutely amazing people through my work, and I am grateful for each interaction, but it’s hard to form a real friendship with someone when they know I’m “Noir from Nephilim Rising” when I just want to be known as Jaclyn.

As the numbers on my page rise so do the requests from people wanting favors, a bit discouraging I must say but I guess it comes with the territory; that saying “it’s lonely at the top” comes to mind, not that I am necessarily at the top of anything, but I sure as Hell am not at the bottom.

What I am really trying to say here is that authentic people are scarce these days, and trust given is often trust then taken for granted, so I have learned not to trust thus making it lonely. Defense mechanism of the fucked up kind.

Recently I added a nice young man (about 20 years old) because his vibe was, and is, contagious. When he would comment on NR I couldn’t help but sense his thirst for knowledge, and it excited me. “Someone who gets it!” I thought to myself, only to be reminded that age plays a huge role, at times, into spirituality but it really boils down to morality, ethics, personality, and character.

You can wear all the pretty masks you want, attach all the fancy labels you need and even demean, or discredit other’s spiritual experiences but sooner or later your true self will be revealed. I become so easily annoyed by those who scream enlightenment in every post on Facebook but can’t even comprehend what it means to be enlightened AND tolerant; they go hand in hand.

Note: I am not at all saying that age was the main factor here, but I do believe it played a part. I know some children who have more depth and awareness of their surroundings than I do, so this isn’t about age.

I didn’t mind his posts really, there is always an unfollow option. I thought he liked to push the limit but often confused rebellion with being a douchebag; confusing ego with spirituality.

This is totally my opinion, yes I am judging, and yes I am being  a hypocrite.

He was transparent, but I saw potential until, that is, a post crossed my newsfeed that rendered me speechless.

“She’s not one of these New Age Bitches.”

Pump. The. Breaks.

Stop.

Back-up.

Rewind.

What did he just say?

New age bitches?

In context he was speaking to one of his friends about a mutual friend of their’s.

So I guess props to the young Woman for not being a “new age bitch” and all…

I know he is most likely going to read this and I want to say that this is not an attack, and you will remain nameless but I will not remain silent.

An Awakened Man, or Woman for that matter, does not refer to Women as bitches; I am not trying to speak for every woke person, but I can say with confidence that the general consensus is not to use such a derogatory word that is meant to subjugate Women.

I think to call yourself enlightened but refer to the Divine Feminine in any of Her aspects as “bitch” or collectively “bitches” shows where the true disconnection is, and the root of the problem: The Mother Wound.

Mass generalizations will get you nowhere in life, my friend.

Now let’s talk about the term New-Age, I often get offended when people call me New-Age because there is nothing “new” about my practices, but I find myself defending the term right now because through research I have found the truth.

The term New-Age, coined in the 70’s, is defined as follows: adjective: 1. Of or relating to a movement espousing a broad range of philosophies and practices traditionally viewed as occult, metaphysical, or paranormal. 2. Of or relating to an unintrusive style of music using both acoustic and electronic instruments and drawing on classical music, jazz, and rock.

Most commonly associated with Wicca, Hipsters who happen to be into all things metaphysical and often used as an insult, the word term itself conjures very unique imagery. When we think of the term, we often think of “love and light”, light workers, do no harm, kumbaya etc.

I mean there are lots of things that come to mind when the term New-Age is brought up, but most people don’t understand that not only does Wicca fall under the umbrella term “New-Age” so does Satanism and Luciferianism, technically so could the new wave of Paganism.

Before spewing your “I’m so enlightened” bullshit, why don’t you actually practice some humility, and seek real enlightenment?

This is not a contest, we are not competing with our fellow Occultist’s or Spiritualist’s, we are supposed to work together and find common ground among the false divisions.

Ascension of the individual is only possible through unity of the collective, and that fact must be understood in order to gain anything on any spiritual path. A point missed by so many.

Needless to say my garden is finding its harmony, and rhythm again because let’s face it, that weed had to be pulled.

To read about the New Age Movement:

http://www.religioustolerance.org/newage.htm