SUCCUBUS: How I Discovered I Was a Sexual Vampyr

katerina-plotnikova-2

Image: Katerina Plotnikova

“Sex is an emotion in motion.”

Mae West

When people hear the word Succubus they automatically think of Lilith, and from there the opinions split; on one side, we have those who think Succubi are nothing more than Women and She-Devils who are out to abuse, manipulate, and feed off unwilling, and unknowing participants. On the other hand, we have those who understand energy Vampyrism (in all its forms) and that many of us apply a code of ethics and morality to our lifestyle.

If I can go off track for a second and refer to my blog about Psychic Vampyrism (a trait I also carry).

From my experience, not all Succubi can feed on both Psychic debris/energy as well as sexual energy. We each seem to be very particular about what we feed on, and how we do it.

There are also Sanguine Vampyrs who incorporate blood but I will not get into that because a.) I am not Sanguine and therefore don’t feel comfortable talking about their lifestyle and b.) Sanguine’s are secretive like no other because of the stigma attached to their practice. You think Sex Vamps have it bad, try being a “blood sucking Vamp” and it gets a lot worse.

They don’t have some weird fetish with blood, at least not generally speaking, they just happen to receive energy that way. I look at it like this, if their participant is willing and not being abused, then no one is in any position to judge adults partaking in taboo acts. I think this goes for all alternative lifestyles.

I feel like my entire fucking life is taboo, and that is why I try so hard to see all points of view no matter how radical, or archaic they seem to me.

Anyhoo…

I talked about Psychic Vampyrism getting a bad rap, and that many of us are truly misunderstood healers.

Of course, as with every group of people, there are good ones in the bunch and there are bad ones in the bunch, you can’t clump us all together. I would not clump all Luciferians, or Satanists together, nor do I clump all Witches together. I know that while we may have things in common we are still very much individuals in every way, and our experiences, no matter how parallel, are subjective, too.

I bring up Psychic Vampyrism because just like them, Succubi either generate complete fascination, or total disdain. Again, completely misunderstood.

I can’t speak for every one out there, duh, and I say that frequently; I just want to tell my story because I get asked questions about this all. the. time.

I am certain some of what I write will raise eyebrows but fuck it. Right?

When I say that I have always been connected to sexual energy, I mean it quite literally.

I remember, and my Mom has backed it up (how embarrassing) that I was masturbating at age 4, and very much in tune with my body. It was much more than just “curious touch”. I remember reaching orgasm at age 6, and from then on nothing was really the same; it’s like a switch flipped.

Some kids had their blankets, and favorite toys, while I masturbated for comfort, insomnia, and as I quickly found out, energy.

I know how this sounds, and I can hear the “you need fucking therapy” comments already.

I have been to therapy, and had many breakthroughs. To be clear, I was not shown how to masturbate, and was not a victim of sexual abuse until I was 8 going on 9; looking back on it and drudging it up in countless therapy sessions as mentioned, the abuse didn’t victimize me.

In a sense, it fascinated me but also made me feel angry and dirty; emotions I couldn’t reconcile until I was older and understood what consent was. Without consent, it’s assault. No one at that young of an age should be experiencing sexual touch with any partner; it should, for obvious reasons, be a solo act. Children are off limits, to everything. Parents should talk to their children about healthy touch and experiencing their own bodies, and not shaming them for it. Talk to any Doctor and they will say, masturbation is normal (probably not at such a young age as myself, but it is normal and nothing to be worried about).

To the surprise of many, including myself, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18. When I was in High School I was going through so much at home, both mundane and Magickally related that boys and sex were just not on my mind like they were my friends’. I had crushes but, they were based on quirks I saw or because a guy was smart, not because he was hot, popular or a good lay.

Once I had sex though, it was as if I had opened Pandora’s Box.

I was not shy, or timid, even during my first time; I remember it hurting so bad that it turned me on even more; the very beginning of my journey down the Masochist rabbit hole.

I enjoyed being dominated but also fighting for dominance myself and afterwards all I could think was, “This is one time, and one guy, imagine what else is out there.”

For many years, I unknowingly was feeding every time I would have a sexual encounter, which was frequent. Sex made me feel empowered, and strong but there were some partners that made me feel heavy; I was taking on their demons and didn’t even know it.

It was not until I encountered a fellow Succubus and she showed me the ropes did I understand that not all partners should be consumed, and not all partners are worthy of us; while Succubi feed off their partner’s life force, their partner also gets a “high” from being in contact with us. Our energy is like no other and often we will hear people say, “I don’t know why, I am just so attracted to you.” We also get comments about how comforting our homes and bedrooms can be.

Therefore, many Succubi are irresistible to their targets when they really put their intentions behind it.

By the way, the consumption of a partner is not just energy wise, either, it’s literal. You should not consume a partner’s vaginal secretions, or semen unless you know for sure you can handle all that comes with it. When we take in their bodily fluids either orally or through our genitals, we are taking in their life force; unless you have a filter set up, you will absorb the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I did not have a filter for the entire time I was having sex; so from ages 18-29 I was having sex freely, wildly, and in a way only a youth with no worries could fuck.

Every single one of those encounters came back to bite me in the ass.

I started to have dreams that were not dreams at all but flashes of memory, but not my own—the memories of people I slept with. I was having fears that made no sense, and began to have health issues that also made no sense. I had taken in too much bad energy without transmuting it to be beneficial, and it caused an Auric tear that allowed a lot of negative debris to come in.

I sought out my Sister Witch who is the Succubus mentioned earlier, and she helped me harness my power and then, I became celibate.

Makes sense, huh? A Succubus being celibate…

But, I had no choice.

I had to clean out all the psychic and sexual debris that I took on, and I had to heal the wounds created in childhood, and young adulthood; I also had to focus on myself because I was at the peak of my Spiritual Awakening.

In 2013 I stopped having sex, and for 1 year and 1 day, I did not even masturbate; I truly needed a full detox of all sexual energy because I had abused it, and in turn it abused me.

When I began to play with sexual energy again it was entirely different; I started with my own, obviously. Masturbation is one of the most efficient ways for us to get energy, and even though it is not considered Vampyrism, as you are using or recycling your own life force, it is something we can and should do in times of drought, so to speak. It is also a guaranteed way to make sure we are not taking in negative energy.

After I harnessed my own, newly awakened Shakti charged energy, I began to incorporate other’s.

This was done through long distance feeding, and usually through synchronized masturbation or, in a few cases the targets were actively engaging in sexual intercourse, and they allowed me to tap in, and feed. The most efficient way for us to get energy is obviously through sexual intercourse, or engaging in sexual acts ourselves but we can be creative with our feeding, too.

For me, it seems that I inherently take on, or seek out negative energy in other people; when I studied my Irish heritage, I discovered my Sin-eating ability and I think it connects to my Succubi side.

Sin eating was a practice that originated in Southern England but quickly spread throughout the UK. Usually a dying or recently deceased person would transfer their sins into a loaf of bread and pint of ale; the Sin-eater would come eat the bread, drink the ale taking on the sins of the dead, and allowing the person to be granted access to Heaven. For more history on this practice click here.

Succubi are the embodiment of all that is carnal and primal within us; she reflects the wild side of our sexual nature, and true empowerment through sexual acts. She shows us not to be ashamed by our desires, and deviations but to embrace them.

The Succubus is a misunderstood healer, a stigmatized and demonized Woman; someone who knows exactly what she wants sexually.

In many ways, the Succubus is the ultimate Feminist.

For these facts alone she is feared.

This is why Lilith is our Mother.

Celibacy and Magick: The Dynamic Duo of Sacred Sex

Benjamin Goss

Image: Benjamin Goss

“Sex is the sacred song of the soul; sex is the sanctuary of Self…

Sex is the supreme sacrament, wherein the body and blood are offered up to the soul. The elements thereof must be worthy, their consecration absolute…

The sexual nature of a man is his most intense expression of himself; his subconsciousness endeavors thereby to inform his consciousness of his Will… It is supremely sacred to him, and to interfere with its expression, or try to edit it, is an abominable crime.”

Aleister Crowley

This is a follow-up of sorts to my Masturbation and Magick post, which did really, really well and I am super happy because that piece took a lot of courage for me to put out there in the world. This is an equally important piece for me, I find that the more personal I get with my audience the more personal realizations I have; it’s a win/win, really.

Before I get into the main part of this post which is how to practice Sex Magick alone, I want to clarify a few things. I get hit with a lot of backlash for being celibate, I have had people denounce my sexuality, and a few gentlemen even said I was not really a Luciferian if I was not engaging in sexual activity. “I am not allowing my primal, carnal side to surface”, they said.

The question needs to be asked, under whose authority is anyone to denounce my sexuality, or my status as a Luciferian? Luciferianism is about the individual, and not all individuals engage regularly in sexual activity, some don’t engage at all (A-sexual, virgins, or those who choose celibacy) for a variety of reasons. That does not make them less than, especially if they are only being true to themselves. Anyone who denounces another’s Philosophy in general is a dick; one who does so based off of sex is simply pathetic, and lacks the understanding of the core principles of Luciferianism.

Also, why is there this huge misconception that the only way to be sexual, sexually empowered, and sexually free is to have a sexual partner? In my opinion, from my own experience, this is so ass backwards it’s not even funny; I feel more empowered now, then I ever did having sex, and no I am not saying this will be the case for everyone, nor that one cannot become empowered by sex, the irony is one can only become empowered by the RIGHT sex. Random hook-ups are not going to help you on your path to enlightenment when looking at the bigger picture.

Above all else, sex is sacred and should be treated as such, in an oversexualized culture it is hard to understand this in most cases until it is too late. When I found out about the sacredness of sex, I was already bogged down by the sexual demons I had attach to me while out on my romps.

Sex Magick can be used for just about any, and everything. When one thinks of Sex Magick there are usually two images that pop into their head, Aleister Crowley, and orgies but it is so much more than that. I practice by myself, I practice forms of it with particular deities I work with, and I believe that everyone should be proficient handling their own Life Force, and bodily fluids before they go and start performing ritual with another.

This form of Magick includes the use of Semen, Vaginal Secretions, Menstrual Blood (some consider Urine part of this, too, though I do not) or the Orgasm itself in Magickal workings, castings, rituals, and rites. You can use a personal incantation, or one borrowed, there are many books on the topic with rituals given; I personally always write my own spells.

I use Sexual energy to heal my body and Soul, and I do this by absorbing the orgasm back into myself. You see, the moment of orgasm is like two stars colliding, it packs a powerful punch of potent energy, and that energy is usually wasted because we are so caught up in the moment that we don’t channel it, or we freely and without thought give it to our partner; which if you are practicing with someone is usually the idea, but I am referring to cases where it is just sex.

There is no fancy ritual that I do, and often find myself lying in bed late at night or early in the morning with wandering hands ready to heal my body. During the moments pleasing myself I chant quietly, or sometimes just in my head, “Sana me, prima vitae” which is Latin for, “Heal me, Life force.”

The moment right before orgasm I say it as a command, my body begins to slither like a serpent as I am in the throes of passion, I can literally feel the Magick coursing through every cell, molecule and atom. I lay there afterwards thanking my body, loving my body, no need to feel self-conscious about if I performed well, or if my partner enjoyed it, because that partner is me, the only one who matters.

When I wish to use an element of Sexual energy for actual castings, I don’t ever use the orgasm but I have used vaginal secretions for binding, and protective Magick. If you consider urine to be part of this, it is also really, really good for protection, specifically of territory.

I do not menstruate, so I have used urine, and secretions more than others, please feel free to check out the links provided, and to use your menstrual blood to its full potential!

When in need of said secretions, I will set up my ritual space, and masturbate right in the circle, I wipe my Yoni with a (clean) cloth, one usually color associated with whatever form of Magick I am doing, or deity I am working with. I then place the cloth upon my altar, or working space, and voila, I have the element of sexual energy, and the end product without needing a partner.

Sex Magick is a fantastic part of Magick as a whole, and one that is very fulfilling to personal growth and development but the individual often forgets themselves when dealing with this form of the Craft, and that is where emotional instability, dependency on others, and cracks in our foundation begin to occur.

We must take care of home, make sure our home is in order before we invite anyone else over, and our bodies are our homes; they are our temples and we need to treat them as such.

 

Resources for further research:

http://www.luckymojo.com/bodyfluids.html

 

http://www.thefountainoflife.org/womb-awakening/sacred-menstruation/sacred-menstruation-reclaiming-our-wise-blood/

http://www.egreenway.com/wands8/sexmagick.htm