PUSSY POWER: The Art of Yoni Healing

Liu

Image: Liu Yuanshou

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

Rumi

I have always been as open and honest in my writing as I can be, I have also been open and honest when it comes to telling my stories; both mundane and Magick, and the point in the road where the two intersect.

One of the main pieces of my story is my hysterectomy, not only did the surgery change my Magick, it changed my body, my mind and essentially my Soul. Going in to the whole ordeal I had no idea, exactly, what I was getting myself in to and how badly it would hurt me in the end.

As my Gramma always told me, “Hurt is the best teacher but it can be your demise, too. Choose carefully.”

It took me a long time to truly understand what she meant.

We can choose to hold on to the hurt and let it consume us, make us bitter and cynical or we can choose to feel the hurt, heal the hurt, and allow ourselves to grow from the hurt.

Gramma also said, “it rhymes with dirt for a reason.”

She was truly the wisest Woman I knew, and she, too, had a hysterectomy; both my Grandmas, in fact, along with my Aunts, and my Mother, too.

The pain of the empty womb space runs deep in my family line; a pain I carry so deeply, so intensely, and so sacredly inside.

This post may be about me but it is written for you.

I am writing this to all the Women who have sent me messages with questions asking how did I deal with this trauma; that’s what is, a trauma.

This is to the Women who, like me, felt their Divine Feminine was taken from them.

This is to the Women who are told by society that we are defined by our organs, and how many children we bear.

This is to the Women who are taking their Power back.

This is to the Women whose Pussy Power knows no bounds.

I was nudged to finally write this article after my SiStar, Nuit Moore shared a piece of writing I urge you all to read.

Let’s first talk about me and my Pussy so that you know our backstory, then I am going to give you some tips that completely changed my sexual world and how I exist in it.

I am by no means a Woman’s health expert, nor am I a Yoni expert, I am simply sharing my story in hopes that it can help my fellow Wombn. See what I did there?

I am my Sister and my Sister is me.

Before I get into my story let me warn you and say that there may be TRIGGERS in this blog for some of you. The story DOES CONTAIN (very little) TALK OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND RAPE. I want this article to empower you not send you into a spiral.

I will give you the abbreviated version so that I can get right to the good stuff and let you know how to set your Pussy Power free!

I was sexually abused as a child, and raped twice in my early twenties, I lost my virginity at 18; late among my friends who were active since they were 13-14. I think the late sexual activity had to do with my INFJ traits, but I did masturbate from a very young age. I was always in touch with the sexual side of myself (no pun intended, ha), and at times it most certainly was devious.

Until the age of 26 I was extremely promiscuous and as mentioned in previous blogs it’s because I was suppressing my Magick and acting out; sex became my form of self-harm.

It was at this time that my third irregular pap smear came back and Planned Parenthood (who I routinely saw for my Gynecological health) told me that they had helped as much as they could but I needed to be seen by a Specialist.

At this point I had no clue how important my Pussy was, I had no clue how important my Moon Blood was; Magick until this point came natural, and it was not in the form of being connected to the Goddess or my Feminine side for that matter. In hindsight I was extremely disassociated from my Pussy; even with all the masturbating and fucking, her and I were just not on the same wavelength.

After going through endless tests including but not limited to a Colposcopy, 2 LEEP procedures, removal of the lymph nodes in my Mesenteric region, continuous cycle birth control methods (in theory to stop the bleeding) and countless other tests and tricks, I was left with no choice but to opt for a hysterectomy.

So, as I turned 27, this was going to be my new reality.

At first my Doctor and I had decided to take out the Uterus and Cervix, leaving in the Fallopian Tubes, and Ovaries; he went in and scraped out all the Endometrium tissue, too. (Pretty severe Endometriosis)

I was officially diagnosed with Cervical Cancer, Uterine fibroid (about the size of a grapefruit), Ovarian cysts, and as mentioned, Endometriosis.

I jokingly said to my Doctor many times, the Gods really just didn’t want me to have children; a joke then, not so funny now.

It was about 3 weeks’ post-surgery when I was rushed back into the operating room to remove the Tubes and Ovaries that my body was rejecting; if I had waited any longer I would have risked septicemia because my body considered these organs foreign. Now, this meant going through surgically induced Menopause—as if natural Menopause isn’t bad enough.

I healed, physically at least, and tried to carry on with my reckless lifestyle; it didn’t last long. I was simply uninterested in sex, or at least the sex I was having, and well, my Pussy was different, I was different….life was different.

In October of 2013 I stopped having sex, and have not had sex since. I do however have an extremely active sex life, and I did manage to heal my Pussy and take my power back. I managed to do all of this by myself with some guidance and encouragement from my Sisters along the way.

You are probably thinking, all right, all right, so how do I heal my pussy?!

Funny you should ask…

  1. ACTIVATE YOUR ROOT AND SACRAL CHAKRAS! – Your Root and Sacral Chakras must start spinning again before any sexual revolution within yourself can take place. Often, activating these Chakras requires activating the Heart Chakra, too. When we are faced with severe trauma, emotional or physical, the first Chakra to go is the Heart. To help myself I invested in a Rose Quartz Yoni massage wand. It is two-fold: pleasure and healing. The Rose Quartz promotes self-love, calmness, healing and cleansing. I cannot say enough about massage wands and Yoni eggs. They both are based upon similar principles—healing the Yoni with sexual and gemstone energy. P.s Doing Kegels is also a good idea because it not only keeps the muscle tight, and the pelvic wall strong, it keeps us in tune with our Pussy. Some crystals that can help with sexual energy and particularly the Root and Sacral Chakras for such work are Garnet, Jet, Carnelian, Red Calcite, Red Tigers Eye, and Red Jasper. For the Heart Chakra I would suggest Rose Quartz, Ruby in Fuchsite, Peridot, Green Kyanite, and Green Fluorite.
  1. ACTIVATE YOUR KUNDALINI ENERGY! – This sounds much more complicated than it really is. The Kundalini is a Feminine energy that sits at the base of the spine; everyone has this energy within them, both Men and Women. When fully activated we are not only brought to a higher level of consciousness and awareness, we are brought to new sexual heights as well. The word itself comes from Sanskrit and means “coiled like a snake”. The activation of this Sacred energy must be done gently and with specific intention or you risk causing yourself severe back pain, and essentially, pissing off your Serpent. She can be brought to life, and coaxed to rise up by doing Kundalini yoga, but if yoga isn’t your thing, then the next best tip is to dance; focusing on your lower region. The type of dance you need to do should be freeform, without thought and extremely sweaty and sexual; you want to roll and rock your hips, you want to rub your hands on your body, and breasts, allow yourself to be taken over by the music and ecstasy. Some crystals to help activate the Kundalini are, Jet, Moldavite, Seraphinite and Serpentine. I would also suggest Rudraksha beads and/or some Shiva Lingam stones, as they are associated with Shiva and he not only carries the Serpent energy with him, he is the God of Yoga.
  1. MASTURBATE! MASTURBATE! MASTURBATE! – This is an essential part of overall health and too often people are scared to talk about it, let alone actually do it! Participating in regular masturbation sessions is good for the mind and body, but can also be used to help manifest desires, and cleanse the Root and Sacral Chakras. We cannot expect to be sexually fulfilled by another unless our own hand can do it to ourselves. It is when we become one with our Pussy (or Penis) that we can and will truly experience sex in all its glory. Touch yourself, find out where your sweet spots are, and in the process you may find some you didn’t even know you had. Try out different textures, too! This may be a little kinky for some, for me it seems like child’s play; feathers, latex, leather, rope, and silk are all enticing to our senses and can add to the experience. I also cannot recommend coconut oil enough. I hate to be *THAT* girl but it seriously is the best thing to hit the vagina since, well, forever. Make sure if you are going to use it for lube (with a partner or by yourself) that you invest in high quality, certified organic, cold pressed, virgin coconut oil. It sounds way more intimidating than it is, I promise. I found my HUGE tub for $9. The best part about this is the fact that it melts upon contact, and that in and of itself is a fucking turn on. It is instant delicious wetness, and usually a few degrees cooler than our body. It’s also much healthier for the body than the lubes sold OTC. Also, it is great when giving or receiving head. Try it, I bet neither you or your partner complain.
  1. MEDITATE! MEDITATE! MEDITATE! – This sounds like it is common sense for many on the spiritual path but it isn’t, at least not the kind of mediation where the Yoni is the focus. Most people when they think of meditation they only think about the mind, and focusing their intentions there, but we can and should be mediating with our Pussy as the focus, too. To do this you want to lay flat on your back on your yoga mat, towel, or whatever surface you choose. You want to bring the soles of your feet together, forming a diamond shape with your legs. Place one hand on your Pussy, and one hand on your Sacral Chakra (belly button region). Say out loud, “I release the pain of my past, I heal my Pussy, I take back the power of my Pussy, I am one with my Pussy, She is mine and mine alone.” Repeat until you actually believe it. After you have done this for a while move your hand from the Sacral Chakra and place it on your Heart. Say out loud, while your other hand is still on your Pussy, “I am open and receiving to self-love and love of another. I am worthy of this love. I am present here in this moment. I accept my Feminine Power. I take the Power back from those who tried to steal it from me.” Again, repeat until you believe it. This meditation can be personalized, and the Mantras changed but it should be practiced regularly; even if you are in a relationship, or if you are celibate like me, you want to make sure you still have a relationship with your Pussy.

It has now been 5 years since my hysterectomy and I am still relearning my body and what pleases me; it has not been easy but it has been one of the best, most rewarding journeys on my path. I draw from the Power of the Crone now and the Dark Goddesses have taken me under their wing.

I also draw from the Power of the Mother—and that has been a HUGE lesson for me. Just because I cannot have children, just because I never wanted children does not mean I am not a Mother, it does not mean I cannot be Mothering or that I am unworthy of such a task; it simply means my path to fulfilling the Mother role is different.

I am a Mother to all the misfits who feel like they have no place to go, who feel forgotten and cast aside by society.

I am a Mother to the people who wear their scars, both physical and metaphorical like battle wounds.

I am a Mother to those who hear the cry of the Wild and it stirs something deep within them.

I am a Mother to all the Women who will walk this earth after me because it is in my footsteps that they can find solace.

I am a Mother to all those who came before me, it’s in these words their voices can be heard because these words are the echoes of thousands.

To see my other blogs on Sacred Sex:

https://thenephilimrising.com/2015/12/04/masturbation-and-magick-how-i-healed-myself-through-touch/

https://thenephilimrising.com/2015/12/07/celibacy-and-magick-the-dynamic-duo-of-sacred-sex/

https://thenephilimrising.com/2015/10/02/sacred-sex-bdsm/

Psychic Vampyr: The Misunderstood Healer

Julio Castillo Jr.

Image: Julio Castillo Jr.

“The energy of life entering and leaving your body flows evenly throughout the universe. With that current, the mind of the cosmos communicates with all things.”

Ilchi Lee

It has been some time since I have done a piece per request, this one seems not only needed, but well overdue. I posted an article about Psychic Vampyrism as I often do when I come across them. I have fallen victim to Psychic Vampyr’s who loved to feed off my endless supply of emotions, and quick reaction time; something I am working on changing but the Triple Cancer in me has a hard time, not to mention my Capricorn Rising, and Taurus Moon. I have had Vampyrs come in all forms and disrupt my life to say the least, and they fed; everything from anger and rage, to sadness and pain, each experience being worse than the last when I was not a WILLING PARTICIPANT.

I think people believe that I am against the whole idea, or that I am always citing the negative, I am only against what I refer to as unethical feeding. Even when I wrote a blog of my own about it some months back, I stated this fact, but the piece got me into tons of trouble with quite a few members of the Vampyr community. I ended up with two attachments, which is not usual behavior for Vampyrs, and it is not a common trend.  Please do not confuse an ethical Vampyr with one who abuses their power.

The thing is, I have a Vampyric trait, I don’t openly discuss it for a few reasons; first being it’s no one’s business, second being there are too many negative social stigmas attached to the word and the concept itself, and third, I am not someone’s fetish. I say that I am not someone’s fetish because feeding is a rush, a sensation, a feeling of ecstasy that cannot be described in any word, of any language; it is addicting to both parties involved.

Before I go any further and tell you my experiences, I want to say that I do not speak for all Vampyrs, I am only speaking for myself. I follow a strict set of my OWN rules, and do not personally follow the codex, which I will link you to at the bottom. My only hope is to enlighten some folks, and change some opinions about a trait that is so demonized, and so misunderstood.

Perhaps, also, I can gain a little redemption among the Vampyr community from my last blog, talking only about the negatives.

I realized my trait at a very early age because I lived in a volatile, abusive household and there was tension in the air because at any given moment all Hell could break loose. When I would notice my Mother in pain I would go to comfort her, curling up in her lap or making any excuse to touch her. As I made contact with her, I would focus on taking her pain, her sadness, all while healing her wounds.

It was an energy exchange– I was taking her shattered, pained energy and replacing it with my vibrant, comforting, youthful, healing energy. I know she did not give her consent to the “feeding” (I call it that because I did in fact feed) but I believe in some cases, cases like this, it’s okay to take away someone’s pain. Though I suppose if I am going to be my own Devil’s Advocate, sometimes pain is necessary for individual growth, and taking it could be disruptive to the process. However, I have done so in the past, and will continue to do so if I see the need. It all boils down to personal judgment and ethics, I guess.

I think of Psychic Vampyrism as a form of Alchemy, we have the ability to take a specific energy, or emotion, and manipulate it, change it, and create something that will benefit us, and ultimately our subject, partner, whatever you wish to call them.

It was during my teen years that I began to see the ugly side of my trait, and I would stir the pot just to see people react negatively, and feed off of those emotions. I didn’t understand at the time that solely feeding off of negative energy made me heavy with emotion, depressed, and enraged. The term, “you are what you eat” comes to mind. I also had no clue how to manipulate energy that I created, something that took me years to get a grasp on.

Note: What I mean by “energy I created” is I set up the situation in order to get a certain reaction out of a person(s). Vampyrism is primarily a psychological practice.

As I have gotten older, and gained wisdom with maturity, I have used my trait to take on people’s emotions, burdens, and pains through consensual exchanges.  It seems my number one problem remains, though and that is, I often forget to take care of myself. I forget to transform the energy and it ends up consuming me; too much energy, positive or negative is not good if not properly channeled, and transmuted. This is where my fellow Vampyr comes into play.

I have a long term, non-sexual relationship with a fellow Succubus, and when I need to get rid of some of my energy it seems that she can sense it and a message will soon appear in my inbox with a simple question, “Do you need me?”. Of course I stubbornly say yes, and she takes on the sludge that has built up on me, and replaces it with her golden, vitality filled life force. I find that for me to benefit the most out of healing sessions such as this, my fellow Vampyr must have a Daemonic aspect like I do.

My life has been effected in negative ways by Psychic Vampirism, sure, but my life has also been transformed because of it. I have also been able to help people, and that is what is most important to me. I have gained confidence, and a sense of pride because I learned to integrate this trait as part of my whole; a trait that at one point terrified me because I thought people would think I was a freak, or just a plain ol’ douchebag. Admit it, we do get a bad rap.

Psychic Vampyrism is not just the narcissist causing drama for their own ego, it does not always come disguised as the abusive relationship, or toxic friendship, there is a positive side, as there should be in order to maintain balance; I actually like to think a majority of cases are nothing more than a mutual exchange of energy that in one way or another benefits the dynamic of the partnership.

We are healers, too.

P.s Of course there is a sexual aspect to Vampyric feeding, and I have participated in the past but I did not touch on that topic because I am currently celibate, and sexual feeding is an entirely different ball game, one that deserves its own post.

To read through the Codex:

http://sacred-texts.com/goth/vc/index.htm

Celibacy and Magick: The Dynamic Duo of Sacred Sex

Benjamin Goss

Image: Benjamin Goss

“Sex is the sacred song of the soul; sex is the sanctuary of Self…

Sex is the supreme sacrament, wherein the body and blood are offered up to the soul. The elements thereof must be worthy, their consecration absolute…

The sexual nature of a man is his most intense expression of himself; his subconsciousness endeavors thereby to inform his consciousness of his Will… It is supremely sacred to him, and to interfere with its expression, or try to edit it, is an abominable crime.”

Aleister Crowley

This is a follow-up of sorts to my Masturbation and Magick post, which did really, really well and I am super happy because that piece took a lot of courage for me to put out there in the world. This is an equally important piece for me, I find that the more personal I get with my audience the more personal realizations I have; it’s a win/win, really.

Before I get into the main part of this post which is how to practice Sex Magick alone, I want to clarify a few things. I get hit with a lot of backlash for being celibate, I have had people denounce my sexuality, and a few gentlemen even said I was not really a Luciferian if I was not engaging in sexual activity. “I am not allowing my primal, carnal side to surface”, they said.

The question needs to be asked, under whose authority is anyone to denounce my sexuality, or my status as a Luciferian? Luciferianism is about the individual, and not all individuals engage regularly in sexual activity, some don’t engage at all (A-sexual, virgins, or those who choose celibacy) for a variety of reasons. That does not make them less than, especially if they are only being true to themselves. Anyone who denounces another’s Philosophy in general is a dick; one who does so based off of sex is simply pathetic, and lacks the understanding of the core principles of Luciferianism.

Also, why is there this huge misconception that the only way to be sexual, sexually empowered, and sexually free is to have a sexual partner? In my opinion, from my own experience, this is so ass backwards it’s not even funny; I feel more empowered now, then I ever did having sex, and no I am not saying this will be the case for everyone, nor that one cannot become empowered by sex, the irony is one can only become empowered by the RIGHT sex. Random hook-ups are not going to help you on your path to enlightenment when looking at the bigger picture.

Above all else, sex is sacred and should be treated as such, in an oversexualized culture it is hard to understand this in most cases until it is too late. When I found out about the sacredness of sex, I was already bogged down by the sexual demons I had attach to me while out on my romps.

Sex Magick can be used for just about any, and everything. When one thinks of Sex Magick there are usually two images that pop into their head, Aleister Crowley, and orgies but it is so much more than that. I practice by myself, I practice forms of it with particular deities I work with, and I believe that everyone should be proficient handling their own Life Force, and bodily fluids before they go and start performing ritual with another.

This form of Magick includes the use of Semen, Vaginal Secretions, Menstrual Blood (some consider Urine part of this, too, though I do not) or the Orgasm itself in Magickal workings, castings, rituals, and rites. You can use a personal incantation, or one borrowed, there are many books on the topic with rituals given; I personally always write my own spells.

I use Sexual energy to heal my body and Soul, and I do this by absorbing the orgasm back into myself. You see, the moment of orgasm is like two stars colliding, it packs a powerful punch of potent energy, and that energy is usually wasted because we are so caught up in the moment that we don’t channel it, or we freely and without thought give it to our partner; which if you are practicing with someone is usually the idea, but I am referring to cases where it is just sex.

There is no fancy ritual that I do, and often find myself lying in bed late at night or early in the morning with wandering hands ready to heal my body. During the moments pleasing myself I chant quietly, or sometimes just in my head, “Sana me, prima vitae” which is Latin for, “Heal me, Life force.”

The moment right before orgasm I say it as a command, my body begins to slither like a serpent as I am in the throes of passion, I can literally feel the Magick coursing through every cell, molecule and atom. I lay there afterwards thanking my body, loving my body, no need to feel self-conscious about if I performed well, or if my partner enjoyed it, because that partner is me, the only one who matters.

When I wish to use an element of Sexual energy for actual castings, I don’t ever use the orgasm but I have used vaginal secretions for binding, and protective Magick. If you consider urine to be part of this, it is also really, really good for protection, specifically of territory.

I do not menstruate, so I have used urine, and secretions more than others, please feel free to check out the links provided, and to use your menstrual blood to its full potential!

When in need of said secretions, I will set up my ritual space, and masturbate right in the circle, I wipe my Yoni with a (clean) cloth, one usually color associated with whatever form of Magick I am doing, or deity I am working with. I then place the cloth upon my altar, or working space, and voila, I have the element of sexual energy, and the end product without needing a partner.

Sex Magick is a fantastic part of Magick as a whole, and one that is very fulfilling to personal growth and development but the individual often forgets themselves when dealing with this form of the Craft, and that is where emotional instability, dependency on others, and cracks in our foundation begin to occur.

We must take care of home, make sure our home is in order before we invite anyone else over, and our bodies are our homes; they are our temples and we need to treat them as such.

 

Resources for further research:

http://www.luckymojo.com/bodyfluids.html

 

http://www.thefountainoflife.org/womb-awakening/sacred-menstruation/sacred-menstruation-reclaiming-our-wise-blood/

http://www.egreenway.com/wands8/sexmagick.htm

 

 

 

 

Masturbation and Magick: How I Healed Myself Through Touch

Anna O 2

Image: Anna O

“She imagined herself both queen and slave, dominatrix and victim. In her imagination she was making love with men of all skin colors–white, black, yellow–with homosexuals and beggars. She was anyone’s, and anyone could do anything to her. She had one, two, three orgasms, one after another. She imagined everything she had never imagined before, and she gave herself to all that was most base and most pure.”

Paulo Coelho

I hear people talk about Sex Magick all the time, great topic by the way, but when discussions come up it usually involves a partner, or multiple partners, why is no one talking about the most important kind of Sex Magick there is: masturbation.

The topic of masturbation was never discussed when I was a child, partially because my Mom was not sexually free yet, and my Father was a strict Roman Catholic. The whole act, and anything overtly sexual was shamed, actually. I first learned about masturbation because I was sexually abused. It opened my body up to strange, odd sensations but my emotions were being beaten down little by little. At 8 years old I was completely unprepared for everything that was going on, though the encounters only happened a few times, it was enough to cause damage to my Soul, and psyche; it was at that time that my unhealthy relationship with sex began, it became my drug.

When I was being abused, I would shut out the world, I would turn off everything, essentially I was making myself completely numb—it was the high of all highs, and the low of all lows, simultaneously. When the abuse stopped I would masturbate on my own because there was a signal to my brain to shut out the world. It was during this time that I was still living with my estranged Father, and my Brothers, and the peak of my Fathers wrath. (Note: My Father was not the abuser, so let’s not misread this paragraph, k?)

For an Empath like myself I needed an escape. At the time I didn’t understand that I was cleansing and grounding myself through my Root and Sacral Chakras, and the moment of orgasm blasted open my Third Eye and Crown Chakras. I was practicing Magick, a protective, cleansing form of Sex Magick, and didn’t even know it.

I lost my virginity during some dreadful encounter at 18, and once my heart was broken a couple times I became a man-eater; I didn’t care about emotions, or connections, didn’t care about anything really. My experiences in the past with men sexually were all interesting, and amazing in their own way but I chose terrible men, so I took on toxic energy. I used sex as an escape just like I used masturbation as an escape as a kid, also I was young and on some power trip– “I have a pussy, I hold the power” type thing.

It was a royally fucked mind frame, one that I didn’t see the pattern of until I stopped having sex. October 11, 2013 is the last time I had intercourse, or any sexual contact with a partner, and it has taken me all that time to heal the wounds, rid myself of the energy, and make myself whole again.

Now, I take on the world as a complete, self-aware, awakened, sexually empowered Woman, and will choose my partners as such.

I didn’t masturbate for the first year and a half; I was completely turned off sexually. I stopped paying attention to my Sacral chakra after my hysterectomy, how stupid. I just was losing touch with everything that makes me, me. I lost touch with the very Womanly ways that makes me so proud to wear this skin.

My journey to become one with myself started with forgiveness, of myself and every single person in my past who I was still attached to in one way or another; that’s a heavy weight to carry, and forgiveness is such an important lesson, only when one forgives, and let’s go, can new things blossom.

Then it was a battle through lonely, and being alone. We as people often confuse the two, and we need to be comfortable with both in order to appreciate companionship. You see, having a partner can be fucking annoying, you are sacrificing things that make you an individual to become a unit with another person, the whole idea when put into somewhat “Technical terms” sounds so unappealing; when you look at a partnership for what it is though, for what it was meant to be, I think nothing sounds more Divine.

Figuring out the difference between lonely and being alone was the hardest lesson to this day; giving up sex was easy, and for a long, long time even the sexual urges stopped. Even now when I do have a sexual urge it is never, ever based off looks, or raw sexual attraction in that way, it is always based off mental stimulation, in some cases a certain energy they give off, and it is rare indeed.

After these two battles came the most important lesson there was, facing myself on a sexual level. I had plenty of wounds to heal, plenty of sexual demons to face, and in order to move on with my life, I had to face them, head on.

I grabbed my hand mirror one day, took my pants off, sat in the lotus blossom yoga position and stared at my Yoni; I examined her, I talked to her, I touched her, I admitted my fear of her, and her power and I apologized for neglecting her.

Later that night I was in bed listening to my favorite Shiva Mantras, slowly my hand started to glide down my body, and I began to feel sensations I hadn’t felt in so long, goosebumps began to form on my skin, and my nipples became erect the moment I opened my flower up allowing her fragrance to dance in the air; I touched her, loved her and slowly began to remember her. It felt like old friends, old lovers, meeting again. When a sensation would happen that reminded me of my past, I would focus on it more, I would cry, I would hate my abuser, I would hate those men, then I took my power back. I reminded myself that this is my pussy, and I control her now, these are my sensations and I control them now.

I have become a sexually empowered Woman not through my experiences with partners, but through my sexual experiences with myself. I now know what I like, what makes my body move, and moan, no longer holding onto the residual energy of past lovers, and abusers.

I am completely free, my sexual power is mine, my orgasms are mine, that Magick is mine, and it has healed me in ways that cannot be described.

The Mind, Body, Soul Connection

Meganne Forbes

Image: Meganne Forbes

“If we are creating ourselves all the time, then it is never too late to begin creating the bodies we want instead of the ones we mistakenly assume we are stuck with.”

Deepak Chopra


In the past I have written about the importance of having a healthy body in order to speed up the opening of your third eye, and I have made some brief comments about my opposition to the “food like” substances that are consumed, but I want to now fully dive into this topic. I want to tell you about the changes I have made personally and the results I have seen because just giving out advice like any other blog is not really going to help. I think people want a personal account of a non-conventional spiritual path, and I hope I give that, but I also think people want to hear personal accounts of how mind, body and soul truly are connected. And, I have the proof to show you.

My journey started off with a clashing of my mind and soul, it was a psychological manifestation of a truly spiritual problem. I was around the age of 24 when I began to peek into the side of me that I had hidden as a child, the Seer who has one eye in this world and one eye in the next. I had suppressed this side of myself because I didn’t want to be the “freak”, I didn’t want to be the outcast, so I watered myself down, and changed my masks like one changes underwear.

It was a cycle of madness, of falsities, of lies.

I began to hate myself, to resent the person I saw when I looked into the mirror, and when the person who was looking at me could no longer remain silent, she made her presence known and showed me just how fragile my human mind was; she played off my fears, taunted me relentlessly, and sent my demons to hunt me down. I didn’t know at the time that she was a version of me, I thought I was under attack, or becoming possessed, it was not until after going through a mental break, and then coming off the medicine did I finally accept who I was. I had to lose everything in order to gain anything.

I started slowly on my path to finding my spiritual footing, and it was only because of my relentless seeking of everything did I find my answers; this thirst for knowledge is also how I came to my personal conclusion that it’s all relative, everything, all of it, connected.

Even now I take what I have picked up from each pantheon and make it my own, I adhere to no rules, no guidelines and I refuse to fit into any box, especially a box that I am expected to fit into.

After I had gained some ground in this area of myself, I knew my body was next. I have had chronic health issues for some time now, and as I am coming into my early 30’s I am facing my own mortality, call it an early mid-life crisis but I really just want to be the best version of myself that I can be, in every way possible.

The first task was to research my diseases, and figure out if they are hereditary, environmental, and basically find out as much as I possibly could. I was open with my doctor’s about my hesitance towards conventional medicine, and I was willing to find a happy medium. It took many adjustments, more setbacks than I can count, and a lot of trial and error, but I am finally reaping the benefits of my hard work, and dedication to all areas of Self.

Before I begin to tell the specifics of what I have done I need to say (for legal reasons, I don’t want to be sued) that I am not a medical professional (duh?!) and in no way am I saying that my methods will work for everyone, but they have worked for me.

I went full anti pharmaceutical, and I decided I was going to take vitamins I had researched. So, I was taking ginger root, and gingko balboa, I was taking a multi-vitamin and calcium, and magnesium, basically everything under the sun. It was not until I switched Doctors, and am now under the care of a Primary Care Doctor who is also an Internist, that I was told the damage vitamins can do.

I think it is disgusting that major pharmaceutical companies do so much harm, but the vitamins are just as dangerous. People think they are doing their bodies a favor, but they are potentially harming them. Also, I don’t think people understand the billions of dollars that is the vitamin supplement industry.

She told me that it was her belief my liver enzymes were so elevated because of the vitamins. She said while she understands my intent, she doesn’t know what is in those capsules. The thing is that vitamins are not FDA (Food and Drug Administration) regulated anymore and haven’t been since the late 90’s. The pills themselves are mostly fillers, and just recently there was a major recall on some.

Even after she told me this I wanted to still be all, “fuck the system” and I remained defiant for a bit, then it got so bad that I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t continue on. I stopped all my vitamins, and decided to see what some specialists had to say. I started on a higher dose of a Levothyroxine, which is a thyroid medication and I also went back on Estradiol, which is a synthetic estrogen used in HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). I gave the medicine time to work, and found out my liver enzymes had dropped significantly since the switch.

In the following weeks I found that my Vitamin D levels were a bit low, and needed to start taking a supplement. I take valerian root for sleep and anxiety, and an allergy medicine. I have taken note that with the more awakenings, or shifts in consciousness I have, the more sensitive I am to my environment, and the more “fresh and natural” I crave my body and life to be.

I have developed allergies to stitches, adhesive on tape and bandaids, eggs, wool, laundry detergent, some dyes, and several medications, including Amoxicillin which I have taken since I was a kid with no problems. It’s like suddenly I turned on myself.

Once my body started showing slight improvement from the inside, I began to work on the outside. I started yoga, and at first it kicked my ass, it is definitely not for the faint of heart. I am no expert, and don’t claim to be some Master Yogi, but I have pushed myself beyond my limits, and my body has responded in a positive way.

I also started Muay Thai, and have forced myself to sit and meditate. The chronic pain began to subside a little, I felt longer, and leaner. My Kundalini was less painful at night, and my ability to still function after a day of running around had gotten better; I was only down for one or two days, as opposed to four or five. I noticed my energy levels increasing, and my moods had become more controllable. I am now able to feel the shifts in my ocean, and can direct people away from the raging tides.

The last and probably most important key to my path has been the food. I was never a poor eater, and I have always been somewhat health conscious, but I wouldn’t call myself a good eater. I started this journey with making deals with myself. I would give myself rewards if I could last for a certain amount of time, and I did this until it was a habit.

First thing to go was fast food, and soda. I was never a big soda drinker but I did enjoy a mountain dew on nights I couldn’t sleep, and mornings I needed to stay awake. These items I cut out two years ago, but the rest of my food changes have happened in the last six months, really the last two.

My family is not rich, and we are often living paycheck to paycheck. I am fortunate enough to live at home with family, at first I was embarrassed to admit this, but now I embrace it. I love my family, and this is what works for us. I pay rent, and take care of the house which I think is a fair exchange. I also would like to point out that all my “other bills” and necessities are taken care of by me, but of course I do have my Mom to help if I get into trouble.

I am blessed, fortunate, and grateful, I never take any of this for granted.

With that said, food is expensive. We have a busy household that is often full with my sisters, their partners, and my nephew. My Mom looks at it like, if her house is full then her happy tank is full. I am not one who likes a full house, I much prefer my solitude, and quiet, but if Mom is happy, I’m happy.

Organic food is expensive, and so are the fresh fruits and vegetables necessary to live a truly healthy lifestyle. At first I was overwhelmed, and I thought I had to get everything at once. It was at least a few hundred dollars to get started on my healthier path but bit by bit, piece by piece it seemed to not be as damaging to my wallet. I was looking at juicing methods, and found myself trying to figure out what the difference was between a blender, and juicer. I didn’t know what seeds or nuts to eat, and not eat. I didn’t know what my body needed, or would respond positively to. I didn’t know anything, I just knew I had to start.

It was activia first. Yup, yogurt. Two of those bad boys a day, and your gut health will be in prime working condition. Our gut health is the center of our bodies, and if it is not working accordingly, the rest of our body will feel it. I also recently started taking a pro-biotic, they are expensive, and if you are going to take one you need to get Align, or the store brand of that (it must specifically say, “compare to align”) otherwise it is not going to be as effective, and you will not receive the full benefit. Also, to my vegans, they have a non-dairy option available.

I cut out red meat over a year ago, the vibrations lowered me too much, even with a blessing before preparing and before the meal. I am not against pork, but if I don’t have to eat it, I won’t. I like to have protein in my diet, and until I find a good substitute that works for me, it will have to do. Plus, I like meat but with my awareness of the treatment of our food animals I am becoming less of a fan. I am just a meat and potatoes kind of girl, what can I say. One day I will be able to say this in the past tense.

I do eat chicken, but it is organic, no antibiotic, hormone free, and it is never from the factory farming companies, it is always local. I have learned though that a blessing is mandatory if I am to eat meat, I don’t care how it sounds; it helps me. I learned along my way that the human body does not need dairy to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I also learned the horrific life of dairy cows and because of my own personal conviction I cut dairy milk out. I know, I know, yogurt is dairy, and hopefully in a couple months I can cut that, too.

I hate to be one of those hipsters who uses a splash of almond milk in her tea, but eh. I also hate that almond trees are now becoming this cash crop, and they are water hogs. Primarily grown in California. Hello, worst drought in California’s history mean anything to anyone?

I do still eat cheese because, um, cheese? I have cut down to only one slice on a sandwich every other day, or every two days. I think that making the conscious effort to live better will in essence make us feel better, making us want to do better.

The biggest change and benefit has been replacing breakfast with a smoothie. I was the kind of girl who liked eggs, then the allergy happened. So, I switched to bagels, and a yogurt. I am a pasta and bread person, so carbs are a comfort. Actually, I am a food person in general, haha. Seriously though, carbs are not the best thing to ever happen to us. In order for me to be able to continue to indulge in my cravings for “comfort food” I sacrificed breakfast, but in a way I didn’t sacrifice anything.

My smoothies are full of goodies and, it really isn’t THAT expensive. I was lucky and found a really good blender at Walmart (a company I now boycott) on clearance, then I read up online. I looked at people’s suggestions and took note. I use frozen fruit because it is more cost effective for me, and I like the texture it makes my smoothies. I will use fresh fruit if it is on sale, I do fit in fresh fruits and veggies in other meals throughout my day, or a snack. I fill the smoothie with kale and/or spinach depending on what is on sale, and what the produce looks like week to week. I add flaxseed meal, because I don’t like the actual seed in there, I also use chia seeds. I add a splash of 100% juice, and then fill the rest with water, and voila.

Delicious and nutritious.

With the simple replacement of breakfast I have lost a total now of 15 pounds. I am starting to sleep a little better the last few nights, and I feel it is because of these changes all coming together at once. It could also be the Magick I cast before sleep, either way I will continue to do both.

I have changed to all natural hygiene products, too. My skin and hair have never been better, and I have not felt this good in years. I am using essential oils for perfume now; I used to be obsessed with perfumes, but now I don’t want those chemicals (most animal tested) on my skin. I have incorporated tinctures into my routine, too.

With all of these little steps I have seen great progress in myself, I am not willing to blindly follow the medical world, but I am not against it anymore either. I seem to have found my happy medium between Magick, and science.

I am beginning to love the skin I’m in.