A Moment of Gratitude…

May 11, 2016

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.”

Steve Maraboli

Some of you may know the story of The Nephilim Rising, and others may not. I am currently experiencing some major positive changes (finally) and I just need to take a moment and talk about this full circle moment; the moment when seeds begin to sprout and blossoms are soon to follow.

I found Dear Wicked in 2013, and I was at my weakest point in my life thus far. I was met by the Mothering, Powerful, Succubi energy that is C, and she forever changed my life. It was like I found home, and through endless conversations late at night we became friends, then Sisters, and she saw my potential.

She told me from the very beginning that the true test of a Teacher is to have a Student who is stronger than they are; she said that person was going to be me. At the time the whole idea seemed so far-fetched (still does) and I am not one who feeds into ideas of power–if you say you are, you aren’t. But, to have a Crone, a mentor, the first intimidating Witch I had really ever come across tell me something like that, it planted a seed inside me, and she knew it.

I, however, did not know until tonight, until right now; as I write this pieces still forming and connecting.

Let’s fast forward to December of 2014 when, in an act of rebellion during one of my famous tantrums I started this blog and the Facebook page. It was satisfying, at first, but then reality set in and all I could think was, “fuck, I am running a page and blog now– I am not only running a page and blog, but apparently my ego got to me and I have a point to prove, too.”

Well, in case you were wondering, you are never rewarded when trying to prove a point; it will always backfire.

And, so it did.

I struggled at first, I was met with a lot of haters and people who were chomping at the bit to “take a bite out of Noir” but I stood there and I took it. I may have reacted more times than I wanted to, I may have made an ass of myself a few too many times, but I stood my ground.

Some of the darkest moments of my entire life have coincided with me being a public figure, for lack of a better term. My readership has bared witness to a true personal testimony of what it means to have a spiritual awakening, find your power, and walk the Left Hand Path.

It is because of the page and this blog that I am going to be an Author– a real published Author. When the world is filled with writers galore, many self-publishing, it is no big deal, it seems, to be published.

To me, it’s everything. It’s the only thing.

The bar is much higher now, though. It’s about adding new ideas, flavor, quantity, what best seller lists you make, or just pure fucking epic talent. A writer must consistently deliver and always be at their best level.

The problem is most writers don’t go past their personal best, so they remain stagnant—comfortable. As my Editor said a few days ago, “It is not in the Luciferian Nature to remain stagnant”.

I guess once again my free thinking Philosophy has helped me in life.

Let’s face it, I am not the best writer and my grammar at times even makes me cringe, but I grow, I evolve, and I continue to work on my Crafts: Magick and Writing, some say they are one in the same, I happen to agree.

Recently I found out that Black Moon Publishing is going to publish the book that myself and fellow Rebels wrote titled Lucifer: Light of the Aeon.

My Chapters feature images by some amazingly talented Women. I am honored to be using their Magickally infused Art to help tell my story, and convey a message to the reader. Thank you, Isis Graywood, Lupe Vasconcelos and Orlee Andromedae. Also, one of my Chapters includes a poem by the talented Magenta Nero.

To say that I am grateful, and humbled to be among the talent I am, would be an understatement. I am in the company of Artists, Writers, Witches and Sages that are so Wise beyond my years; the blessing does not go unseen by me.

I don’t consider myself special, although sometimes I know that I am (Capricorn Rising talking) I just think of myself as someone who is living, breathing, and burning entirely, freely and openly in their truth.

That is the key to my success: being true to me no matter the cost.

Even when it was unpopular, particularly when it is unpopular, even when I came under fire, even when I was stuck in the darkest of dark’s, I vowed to remain true to myself, and now that Jupiter has gone direct my hard work is literally paying off and manifesting right before my eyes.

Apparently I made some kind of impression because my Editor has asked me to be part of another possible book project.

I stand here in the deepest of gratitude for the abundance and prosperity in my life and to think, it’s all because I decided to take a leap of faith.

I am living proof that a little rebellion, living your truth and good ol’ fashion hard work can and does pay off.

The page reached 17,000 likes this evening, and it is at this point just completely surreal. I created NR because I wanted and needed a sanctuary; it just so happens 17,000 people decided to join me. I am so grateful for all of you who share this journey with me.

Thank you.

I’m just getting warmed up.

Life Lessons: A Grand Epiphany

October 10, 2015

Image: Sofia Ajram

“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking”

Albert Einstein

I have been an addict for as long as I can remember, since the moment my eyes made contact with paper I knew that words were going to be my chosen substance. When I was 17 I discovered one of the grandest words of all: epiphany. I didn’t know at the time how important this word was, or is, I had no idea the advice being given to me in those halls of my high school, a moment that seems like lifetimes ago.

There was a teacher who taught Economics and Latin, he was an older gentlemen who can only be compared to being “my favorite book”. He was full of stories, and tales, equally funny and tragic, the depths of that man and his intelligence knew no bounds. My senior year happened to be his last year teaching so he was freely giving away bits of coded knowledge as if asking us to pass on his legacy and let him live on; a point missed by most of the robots I went to school with. If I were to transplant Mr. B back in time, he would have been a little old man, nose stuck in a book in the halls of the library of Alexandria.

In my free time (study hall or what was known as “free period”) I would seek him out to have conversations about the Occult, or politics. He was a Catholic, most of the town was, but he was very much into hidden or forbidden areas of knowledge (which made me like him more). I mean the man spoke fluent Latin “just because”. He was a very interesting being, and I was sad to hear of his passing not too long after I graduated in 2002.

During one of my last conversations with him he told me something that seems to mean more to me the further into the Abyss I go. He said, “an epiphany will give you clarity, or insanity.”

Let that simmer in your mind for a second, for those who would like to look at the definition while allowing your thoughts to collect, here you go.

“An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, “manifestation, striking appearance”) is an experience of sudden and striking realization.”

Read that again, “an epiphany will give you clarity, or insanity”. I mean if there were ever a time for me to use the expression “mind blown” it would have been then, like right in that very moment.

As I heard it roll off his tongue, per my usual nerdy self, I said, “That’s a fun word.” After going to look up the actual definition I tucked the word into the back of my head, and hoped that someday I would be able to experience such a moment.

Never did I expect my life to be full of these moments, some greater in magnitude than others, the number only increases as time goes by; I suppose in hindsight that I have had many grand epiphanies in my life, I just didn’t realize them at the time. That itself is a lesson to be more present, to appreciate all the moments of life.

An epiphany when you are present and aware is in a league of its own; when you are aware of a moment of enlightenment, a moment when a paradigm shift suddenly happens and it shatters everything you thought you knew, there are no words to describe such a feeling. It’s like the Universe opens a door, pushes you through and closes it behind you, forcing you to accept the change, to make the move–

Forcing your hand in this proverbial chess game that is life.

Life is so funny, I feel like each day I come closer to understanding how utterly comical this existence is and that lesson is part of the reason I am here in the flesh to begin with. I am such a serious soul, I take everything seriously; the world, people, animals, feelings of others, the “bigger picture”–everything is serious business with me and it has always been like that. I laugh with the best of them, and I often find myself to be a sarcastic asshole, but overall, I am straight faced, lost in thought, or wandering off to a quiet place so I can analyze in solitude.

In my most recent analysis it was revealed to me that major changes needed to be made, and once these changes were made abundance would come to me. I took the opportunity of the recent, powerful Full Moon and decided to make those changes effective on that date, and man, oh, man has it turned into a snowball effect of prosperity, growth and illumination.

I have become motivated again, I have sold vials and earrings, I have made all the necessary steps to be a real business owner, and the legalities are taken care of. I have also begun the ridiculous process of photographing my inventory for my online shop.

It isn’t just the tangible or business side of things, it’s personal, too. I have found a great group of friends, most of whom were standing by my side the whole time but I was too blind to see, others are newcomers who I feel were sent to me so we could grow together; so we can empower each other.

I am learning to trust friendships, and people, but most importantly I am learning to trust myself. I have let go of past regret, and accepted future mistakes. I have learned that Divine madness and enlightenment are true partners in crime. I have learned that I can do this because I am doing this. I have learned that I am stronger than I know, and that my heart is a goddamn warrior. I have learned that my intuition is the only opinion I need to be concerned with, and haters are of abundance these days. I have learned that I am the only person I need but it’s nice to have company on this journey, and it’s ok to fall because in the fall you appreciate flight so much more.

All that really matters is I have learned and that is the grandest epiphany of all.

Surrendering Control: Why We Should Accept Submission

July 26, 2015

Image: Rhys Roberts

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Lao Tzu

This is the second post in a series based off the requests I received on NR. I first would like to say that I normally don’t do “how to” or teaching posts because I don’t think I am a teacher, or Master; I do not think I am qualified to speak on most topics, and so many look to me as an expert. It’s so surreal that I am often am at a loss for words.

I speak from my experience, my research and my intuition. I do not claim to be perfect, or know it all, I don’t claim anything, really, other than I have found who I am, and I am living, breathing and chasing my truth. Truth is entirely subjective, and we need to realize that but that is another post.

With that little rant of sorts off my chest here is my take on surrendering control.

To put it bluntly, we can’t control a majority of what goes on in our lives, and even the most skilled Magickian or Witch knows this. The power comes from this realization, and finding loopholes through situations that seem to be set in stone, or irreversible. Our power comes from resilience, and a certain tenacity.

I may or may not have said this in a previous post, and if so then I apologize for sounding repetitive but when I was a little girl my Mom told me, “A great deal of life’s happiness comes from accepting what it, instead of dwelling on what isn’t.”

This goes for everything thing, in fact, the quote should be: “A great deal of happiness comes from accepting what is, instead of dwelling on what isn’t.”

We can’t control anything beyond our nose, it is poetic but so true. Beyond that point you no longer have power, you no longer should waste energy worrying about what happens beyond your space, but always be aware and present.

We can’t control other’s reactions, we can’t control society as a collective, or our Government’s, we can’t control an accident, a death, or the outcome of said accident. Hell, we can’t control that flowing anger that comes over the body when we stub our toe in the dark, at 3 am and we, or maybe just I, believe in that moment death is sure to follow.

All we can ever do is take a deep breath, face our ‘shit’ and deal with it.

In most cases I found that laughter and sarcasm is my way to deal with things, and I am often given dirty looks by deities I work with because of my informal approach to them and Magick. I guess like everything else, I make my craft my own, too. I think that’s how it should be, if I don’t incorporate my personality, and rebellion into my castings then they aren’t personal, I am not being true to me and my Magick won’t be as effective.

It gets tricky because everyone is so caught up trying to control the madness going on around them, for whatever reason: vengeance, spite, hatred, boredom, resentment etc. etc. that they have missed the point entirely. The reality is the only thing you can control is yourself, and once Self is controlled: mindful, present, and aware, then your reality will change.

Think of yourself as a movie projector, and control is the film reel, you currently are playing the reel that is about a movie where you control the world, and thus far it is not Oscar worthy, now switch the reel.

Put in a reel about a movie that is you controlling yourself, and what happens? Suddenly you are captivated. Oscar worthy! (Cheesy, I know)

Same idea with your perception.

A lot of people, especially those on the Left Hand Path do not want surrender, or they are like me and are little control freaks and find it next to impossible to surrender to anything. Or you know, they could be like me in the sense that they are balls of Chaos and madness, constantly seeking and asking why.

The thing is that the more you try to control the outside, the more out of control you really become on the inside. Instead of focusing your energy and intentions on the world, focus them within.

Focus on your reaction, and how you handle terrible situations, focus just as hard on situations that bring you joy. Practice gratitude, it’s a lifestyle, and being grateful does not take away from your individual sovereignty and it will absolutely help you on your path.

Make your Magick personal, do not worry about outside opinions, or judgement, none of that should matter and it shouldn’t matter because you can’t change it, you can’t change how, or what people think of you.

The only thing, literally, the only thing we can do is find our truth, and hold on to it as tightly as we can, allow that truth to become one with our bodies, and mold into our Soul. When we allow this domination to happen we become a powerhouse to be reckoned with.

No force created is stronger than that of the Individual, free thinker who requires no validation. So, surrender, their opinions don’t matter anyways, and we have nothing to prove. Blessed are the black sheep, the misfits, the artists and the rebels.