Divine Duo: Femininity and the Left Hand Path


Image: Christopher McKenney

“Femininity is depicted as weakness, the sapping of strength, yet masculinity is so fragile that apparently even the slightest brush with the feminine destroys it.”

Gwen Sharp

This is one of those posts where I know no matter how I word this, or how many disclaimers I put in here along the way, it’s going to cause waves; people are going to be offended, take it wrong, and some will be left feeling uncomfortable. As I said just last week, I would not be who I am or true to myself if I did not make you, my readership, uncomfortable.

This topic has been floating around in my head since I started NR but I never knew how to word it, I never knew how to say this without coming off as one of those new age, man hating, Feminists.

I am a Feminist but I do not hate Men. I do not have to put down an entire gender to make my own look better; I do not have to hate on ALL Men to attempt and heal the wounds inflicted on me by one, or a few. That is totally not how healing happens; you cannot heal through hate.

Anyways, let me just get to the point of this post and I am going to be as blunt as I can:

It’s fucking hard being a Woman on the Left Hand Path.

Before reacting to my above statement, let me explain it first.

I post things to the page that resonate with me and what I am going through at the time. Since I am a Woman, and am starting to embrace my Feminine side after turning my back on her a few years ago because of my cancer, I post about the Divine Feminine, Sacred Sex, and Female Empowerment.

When my physical womb was removed, it felt like I lost my womb power and everything that made me a Woman; it has been a long, painful journey to realize that my womb power, that womb wisdom, is rooted in my Soul—no matter what happens to this physical shell.

I also post about these topics because this world is seriously lacking some Sisterhood.

What these posts have done, is they have brought out misogynists in droves.

I have had post after post trolled and I have been personally attacked because an article represented the Feminine without mention of the Masculine. It got to the point where I finally just started deleting and banning people without even bothering to engage; you just can’t reason with hate.

Why does my Femininity bother them so much? Why does my voice, my opinion and my fearlessness to speak my truth make them react so violently, so aggressively?

What is it about a Woman standing in her power that makes Men scared? (OBVIOUSLY, I am not talking about all Men; I am referring to the ones who troll the posts, etc. It’s sad that this must be said for clarification purposes; everyone is triggered by something these days. Shout out to the Awakened Masculine, btw.)

What kills me is some of the Men who troll have been following me for quite some time, and are not asleep in the consciousness department; they are not stupid by any means, either. Yet, they feel the need to constantly talk about “You need balance. You need balance. You need balance.” Blah. Blah. Blah.

You’re right, I do need balance!

What I don’t need to find that balance is a Man.


Did she just say that…?!?!

I did.

And, it’s true.

The Masculine lives inside of me, as the Feminine lives inside of them. Having a Man is about having a life partner, and (if it’s your thing) having someone to start a family with.

Please believe that balance can be found by the individual without “needing” anybody else.

I continue to get hit with, “Where are the Men posts?” and usually my reply is, “When I see posts about the Divine Masculine, I share them.”

But, when it happened two days ago, and I was hit with “you’re not understanding what I am trying to teach you” my response was quite different.

Why the fuck do I HAVE to represent the Masculine?

I don’t deny the Masculine: I love him, I respect him, I honor him, I cherish him.

We live in a world that is male dominated; yes, I am “one of those” who believes in the Patriarchy.

On top of living in a male dominated world, the Left Hand Path is a male dominated community.

Why can’t there be some Feminine energy up in here without it being a huge fucking problem?

I post sex positive articles, how to re-wild ourselves, and embracing the Dark Feminine and get shit for it…

From men…

All. The. Time.

I embrace my sexuality, and my inner whore. I embrace my inner virgin, too. I embrace all aspects of my being and I will not apologize for that. Is that not what being a Luciferian is about?

I will not apologize that my individuality bothers some people so much; I will not apologize for breaking barriers in a world that wishes to confine me to a cage full of labels and expectations.

I will not apologize for being true to who I am.

I am a beautiful, delicate, divinely feminine being, and I walk the Left Hand Path; that IS okay.

So, you stay in your lane, and I’ll stay in mine, being all Goddess like and shit.

Lesson from the Light



“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

Brené Brown

I had taken yesterday off mostly because the group kept me really busy, and rather entertained, but also because I needed to do some things for myself; those things included stopping at my local Witch shop to get some supplies and crystals; I don’t often go up to the shop (it is about 30 minutes from me) but yesterday I had a calling to go, and so by myself I went.

That was a huge deal for me, to go by myself, and then to add to the hugeness of it all, I stopped at the craft store on my way home to get some jewelry supplies. It was a day for me, a day doing things that make me and my Soul happy, who cares if wire, glass viles, herbs and rocks are what make me content.

I even broke two toes on my way out the door yesterday, I taped them together, put closed toed ballet flats on, and made myself go. Obviously not the wisest decision I ever made, but man was I so proud of myself for this little accomplishment. I often get so caught up focusing on the big accomplishments and goals that I completely miss the everyday small milestones I hit.

Before I had left there were a few comments going back and forth in the group about the Shadow self (which influenced my Jung post on NR last night) and how one needs to face it, accept it, and incorporate it into the whole, or we lose out on a big part of this experience.

It was also mentioned how the shadow self can become violent, and can endanger your wellbeing, and sometimes others if not addressed. If you try to repress it, and it is ready to rise there will be a major internal conflict that is sure to boil over at some point.

In the car ride, which besides the shower is where I do some of my best thinking, I started pondering my own journey with my shadow self, and it hit me, it hit me hard…I have always had my shadow, but never my light.

I push the light away like the plague. It is almost like kryptonite to me, it makes me feel weak to be happy and carefree. I wonder what Jung would say? I wonder what Freud would say? What trigger, or moment in life caused such a fucked up mentality?

I have always been like this, looking back at childhood pictures (and there aren’t many) I notice I was always scowling; now at such a young age, with my flawless alabaster skin have a deep set crease line directly in the center of my eyebrows. I am proud of that “scowl line”—I prefer to call it my thinking line.

I am always lost in thought, always have been.

No matter what the cause though, no matter the trigger and if it is from this life or previous ones, a collection of all even, this is my current reality. I am not some miserable person though, I laugh, and crack jokes; people often say to me, “I didn’t expect you to be so funny.” I don’t know how to take that, so I smile and say thank you.

I admit I am moody, I change day to day, hour to hour, a ticking bomb most times but to know that about me is to love me because that IS me. I feel that being me, and my authentic Self, shouldn’t affect my happiness, and at times the lack of light does. Obviously.

I mean this quite literally, too, I push the light of love, joy, happiness, peace, spontaneity, lighthearted fun– I don’t ever let myself have fun! I take the world so seriously, too seriously, and I always, always have.

I blame some of it on the fact that I am awake and aware, so it is hard to see “glitter and rainbows” but the fact is, no matter how dark life gets (and mine has been very, very dark at times) there is always beauty, joy, fulfillment etc. in SOME aspect, it may not be perfect, it may not be a smooth ride, but if you look close enough the light is always there, waiting to be acknowledged. Once you tap into the light it multiplies, it grows, it’s an all-consuming presence, which is probably why it scares me so much.

I sometimes equate my darkness, my shadow to my badassery, a hang up I have, I guess.

I fear the light, to be honest, and when I find myself getting caught up or lost in those “light moments in life” I switch it off, put my defenses up, and reject the feeling. If the situation involves someone else, I will pick a fight so that they can’t love me, so that they can’t give me that feeling of (insert emotion here).

Major fucking self-realization.

I can’t change who I am, but I can become more aware and be mindful of those moments when they come because they are ever fleeting. I have to let the light in, or I am an unbalanced, incomplete being.

My mind, heart and soul heavy with shadow remind me daily that this mortal coil dies every second, so it is of the utmost importance to live every moment.

A lesson I need to put into practice.

Hear Her Roar

Joshua Calebbe

Image: Joshua Calebbe

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.”

John Muir

I have been hearing Her call more than ever lately, the Great Mother I mean; She is speaking to me in a million, not so, silent ways. The signs started quietly at first, slowly appearing, but as I started to acknowledge them, they became more and more intense. She was tempting me, and when She felt my hunger, She gave me more blood (in this metaphor, knowledge). There was a huge piece of my path missing, and that was Her. I have never fully explored the Goddess path, and now that I have given myself to Her, I am being rewarded.

I am not a balanced person, and I suppose it is no surprise that my personal Philosophy seemed to be one sided, too. I believe in the Old God’s, and that has never been disputed in my mind, but I have never embraced fully, the masculine or feminine, God/Goddess, yin/yang, active/receptive, positive/negative—duality that is essential to succeed on any spiritual path, and I believe, life in general.

There has to be balance, or nothing is possible.

Imagine how hard this sense of duality is for me to understand, I have always existed in one extreme or another, which is so ironic, hypocritical almost, because I hate extremists. Yet, I exist in the extreme areas of my mind, and Soul.

I also find it ironic that the first Goddess to ever make contact with me was Hekate. This visit of the Goddess was followed by Artemis/Diana, for some reason she likes to show up as both archetypes with me, then there was Kali Ma, and Lilith. In recent weeks there have been my encounters with Baba Yaga, but she did not make herself known until I fully accepted the Divine Feminine into my everyday life, and lifestyle.

I am surrounded by masculine energy, my guides and guards, my messengers, and counsel are all male, so the fact that I have a temper like a male, or react in an aggressive nature like a male should be no shock. I like to blame the Beast within, and to some degree this is true, but I cannot blame the animalistic side of myself that resides within for how I choose to react; it is a choice to react or not.

I had completely forgotten the feminine side of the world, of Magick, of myself. Somewhere along the way I lost my sensuality, my sexuality, my feminine essence that makes me who I am. This partially has to do with my hysterectomy, it was like once my period was gone, and my ability to have children (even though I never wanted any) I felt so much less feminine.

What the Doctor’s never told me about was how much menopause changes your body, surgically induced or not. All of the Women in my family also had hysterectomies, at young ages, but I wasn’t warned about “The Change”, I think everyone was more concerned with saving my quality of life at that point.

At 27 I was faced with this change in my body, and man was it rough. Literally everything changed, from my appetite, to my emotions, my skin, my sex drive, I mean it was a huge adjustment. I wanted to start out going a more herbal route for menopause symptoms instead of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), and that was a waste of time and money. There are some times, SOME times, when the medical world, and science, just get it right, and they got it right with synthetic estrogen. I have been back on it for months now, and it is like nothing ever happened.

With this second chance at femininity I have been hearing the call of the Goddess, in all Her form’s, it feels like She is calling, inviting me home.

It started at first with calls to nature itself, it felt like a huge magnet pulling me to the Earth, and all of Her gifts. I started this venture into nature slowly, because if you know me personally, then you know I hate bugs, and I hate my bare feet on the grass, but this was ALL that I could think about. I started a garden because for some reason I suddenly had this urge to help, in any way, to save the bees. While I was gardening I found a bone, and a large clam shell in the soil; a sign from Her, gifts I am sure. I stopped drinking milk, and am slowly cutting dairy out all together because I finally found out what happens to the calves after birth, and what happens to the Cow’s during life; I want nothing to do with any of it. I had cut out red meat already, and pork is becoming less and less, along with chicken. It is hard to suddenly go from eating meat, and animal products, to nothing. Slowly, but surely I am on my way.

I started craving rich foods, and smells. I wanted earthy perfumes, and incense. I felt the urge to get tinctures, resins, specific crystals, and all natural products. I have begun to embrace my sexuality again, and have started to get in touch (literally) with that side of me. I have started wearing jewelry again, and being more adventurous with my fashion.

I feel as though my skin is shedding, my cocoon is opening, my flower is blossoming.

From this initial change to a healthy lifestyle I started watching documentaries about the current state of our Natural world, and it was mind blowing. I felt the need to see for myself what is going on, what is the physical Earth telling us? The situation is dire, and it goes far beyond the bees. There are Apex predators such as the lion, and shark that are being nearly wiped out due to hunting. The increase in big game hunting is called “Conservation” by those pulling the trigger, but they fail to realize the consequence that killing has on the eco system itself.

So, yeah, you are paying up to $250,000 to a country in Africa that desperately needs the money, and most times the meat of the kill is donated to the local people, but when killing a male lion, do these people not think of the effect it has on their pride? Do these hunters of sharks, who in most cases kill sharks primarily for their fins, not realize how the food chain works? Without Predators, the entire thing collapses? Are we ignoring all of this for our own selfish reasons?

Even down to the bees, which some people say is all hype, apparently they haven’t been paying attention either. Without the bees, human’s will be gone within a few decades, is that not a terrifying thought? Do we think we have somewhere else to go?

How about the polar bears drowning because of sea ice melting, or what about the whales that are washing up with bellies full of plastic? Or birds dying by the dozens for the same reason? How about wolf hunts, and the affect that has on their natural habitat?

We want to make everything about politics, money, Religion and debate everything, even scientific fact. Which, in case you were wondering, Global Warming is a fact. Mother Nature has been warning us for years, for decades, and we keep putting a bandaid on an open, bleeding, deep wound. How long before that bandaid no longer is enough? What happens then?

The world became male dominated centuries upon centuries ago, and with that came the death of the Goddess in main stream Religion, and Her stories became known as myths. We live in a patriarchal society but without the feminine aspect on our side, we all suffer—we all die.

I believe the Divine Feminine, the Goddess Herself, was ok with Her story being hidden, only to be seen by those worthy of hearing Her call, but I think She draws the line at the killing of Her creatures for our own gain, animal and human alike, of course. She has declared war, and at this point you are either with Her, or against Her.

The only thing I know for sure is we can’t make it without Her.

May She rise again.

For more information on any of the topics I mentioned: