ALL PATHS LEAD TO HERE: A Lesson From a Bodhisattva

jeff-padgett

Image: Jeffrey Padgett

 

“With me, illusions are bound to be shattered. I am here to shatter all illusions. Yes, it will irritate you, it will annoy you – that’s my way of functioning and working. I will sabotage you from your very roots! Unless you are totally destroyed as a mind, there is no hope for you.”

Osho

I have always battled with the idea of pre-destiny because this concept then leads to a bunch of questions that I simply cannot answer and for my Luciferian mind, I need answers.

Who is behind predestination? Is it an Omniscient power, if so, I do not subscribe to that idea; where, then, am I to be? Where is my place?

Why do I feel such deep resonation in the core of my being when I hear certain Sacred Chants, practice particular Mudras and hold trinkets in my hands that tell me stories which only further deepen my feelings of déjà vu?

There have been and continues to be moments in my life that are filled with so much synchronicity that it is hard to deny that I am exactly where I need to be.

The Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse is going to be potent tonight because it is the Harvest Moon, in the middle of Eclipse Season in the sign of Pisces, during Mercury Retrograde when the wheel is turning during a year that has proven to be full of change; both positive and negative. I guess the number 9 is really living up to its reputation.

This year (2+0+1+6 = 9) is a number of completion and with all the deaths that completion has a feeling of sorrow, and finality with it but as we approached this Moon I could feel a sense of hope beginning to blossom; a feeling that I have not felt in a very long time.

I have been feeling this change for several years now but it was chaotic in origin and I thought it had peaked last year.

As a matter of fact, it was the SUPER POWERFUL Blood Moon/Eclipse around this time last year that I had a really good session of Magick. I came out of that casting feeling prepared for the new chapter, and ready to let go of so much—of so many.

But, we weren’t ready, yet. And so this year began with a bang both literal and metaphorical and it has been bang after bang, blow after blow ever since.

This year has been full of ups and downs, trials and tribulations; actual blood, sweat and tears.

For me personally, I lost my Grandmother in April, a death that hit and continues to hit hard. I mended the relationship with most of my family, shockingly, that includes my Father.

I saw him briefly last weekend when I went away; I initially went in to babysit my niece but then my Father called and wanted to take me out to lunch. Instant panic. I listened to my gut and I went, and that was one of the realist conversations I have ever in my 32 years of life had with him.  I was able to say things that I needed to say for YEARS; I was able to be as frank, sassy and witty as I am with everyone else and he took it in stride with a smirk on his face and actually listened.

Maybe he sees the error of his ways now that the wisdom of old age seems to be setting in. Maybe the loss of his Mother made him see life for what it is. Maybe his own mortality and fragile body have awakened him; whatever the reason, healing the Father Wound has been one of the most profound things to happen to me. Especially for it to come just one week after being published, and before this Moon.

It’s times like these that I know the Universe has my back, that the Universe hears me and that I am really not alone.

There are few things in life more satisfying that being able to fully write and close a chapter and move on and/or forward. So satisfying that I cannot find anything to compare it to.

I can see the proverbial door that I am supposed to walk through; we are all going to walk through it.

This Moon is a portal– a new chapter for us. It is very important to be mindful of our words and thoughts today because what we manifest during this time will foretell our upcoming year….years.

I have been getting a lot of number sequences lately; the ones hitting hardest are 10, 111, 444, and 555.

I have also been getting hit with a lot of visions. There have been messages via various Spirit Animals as well, including Crows, Cardinals, Blue Jays, Dragonflies, Snakes and of course, the Dreamweaver: Grandmother Spider.

There have been many strange occurrences happening in my life and all I can say about those is they have been out of this world fucking weird; I don’t want to go into detail because some of this is for me to keep close to my heart.

I will tell you about the statue, though.

As many of you know, I love Eastern Traditions and mythology; I am very much influenced by the Hindu Pantheon, have been drawn specifically to the area of Tibet, and have collected Buddha and Elephant statues (very specific ones) for years.

It seems that I find Buddha when I am happy, or content—when serendipity and synchronicity dance arm in arm.

It’s no surprise then that I have not stumbled across him in many years.

The usual version I find is the chubby, laughing Buddha, though I do have young Buddha as well. My rule is that I do not want him as a gift, only if I come across him and he calls to me.

A few weeks ago while out shopping one weekend with my Mom I stopped at a local Antique shop we frequent and found some really good items. I came home with a set of old, iron candlestick holders, a set of shelves that are from early 19th century that were actually made in my hometown (I live about 2 hours away now), a very old sun wheel type of statue, and the Bronze statue pictured below. (I know, he has to be cleaned, and polished.)

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I didn’t know who the statue was, and I didn’t know it was a Buddha; I actually thought it was from the Hindu Pantheon. And so I put him on my altar with the other Hindu and Egyptian deities where he seemed to just fit right in.

The rest of the day was filled with weird moments, including a ghost at another Antique Shop we went in and running into some strong Witches at my local Witch Shop. The owner, a wonderful Crone, playfully tested me and my knowledge. It was a way for us to say “I see you”.

I didn’t figure out who this statue was until last week, and didn’t put the pieces together until this morning.

“Mañjuśrī, Manjushri is the oldest and most significant bodhisattva in Mahāyāna literature. Manjushri is a Bodhisattva who represents wisdom, and his mantra also symbolizes that quality. He holds a sword in his right hand — symbolizing his ability to cut through delusion/illusion. In his left hand, by his heart, he holds the stem of a lotus flower, which bears a book — the Perfection of Wisdom teaching, or Prajnaparamita.

“Also depicted displaying the Jnana Mudra or Gyan Mudra. This is the most common yogic mudra used in meditation. In Sanskrit, the word ‘Jnana’ means knowledge or wisdom and ‘mudra’ means sign or gesture. It literally means the psychic gesture of Knowledge or wisdom.

“Manjushri is the embodiment of all the Buddha’ wisdom. The word manju means “charming, beautiful, pleasing” and Shri means “glory, brilliance”. The Bodhisattva is regarded as the crown prince of Buddhist teachings, or the one who can best explain the Buddhist wisdom, that is able to extinguish afflictions and bring about enlightenment. Manjushri has this title because eons ago, he was the instructor for seven different Buddha’, the last being Sakyamuni Buddha.”

One of the reasons alarm bells (in a good sense) went off when I read this was because he taught 7 other Buddha’– 7 is not only my Life Path number but it has been significant in my life. Another reason that I smiled at the Universe and its message via this statue was because it says he was the “one who could best explain the teachings”.

I cannot tell you how many times people have told me that they love my writings because I say and explain what they can’t seem to do, and I say it in a way that it makes sense to everyone.

I think I am just rambling.

Other points I noticed: I have been drawn to the lotus flower since I was a child, even getting matching lotus tattoos with my Mom to symbolize our rise from the mud of our past. The Lion is one my Totem Animals. And, I am a writer which seems to by default put me in a position of also being an educator.

The point I am getting at is that I am beginning to believe we really do have an end destination and it seems to be pre-destined, and that no matter which way we go along the way, all paths will lead to it.

The signs are all around us.

Catholicism led to me seek out all religions, which is how Hinduism found me, which led me to the Left Hand Path, which then led me to Luciferianism, which has now led me to Buddhism.

And it seems that with each new path the lesson for me remains the same: stay true to yourself, teach and learn as you go, seek yourself by going within when you are lost, and be a beacon for those who have yet to find the light.

Be a beacon for those who have yet to discover that they are the light.

Enlightenment through the service of others; liberation in the acknowledgement of it all.

I am a child of the stars and the lessons in this life are just as endless…

Lessons in Magick: Astral Projection

Astral

Image: Sergey Kharlamov

“A good traveler is one who knows how to travel with the mind.”

Michael Bassey Johnson

I have wanted to write about Astral Projection for a while now but I kept getting sidetracked with other post ideas. I think that the time is right for me to finally discuss the topic because the last week or so I have been getting question after question about Projecting and how it is done.

First let us define what Astral projection is: “Astral Projection (or Astral Travel) is an interpretation of out-of-body experience (OBE) that assumes the existence of an “astral body” separate from the physical body and capable of travelling outside it. Astral Projection or travel denotes the astral body leaving the physical body to travel in an Astral Plane. The idea of astral travel is rooted in common worldwide religious accounts of the afterlife in which the consciousness or soul’s journey or “ascent” is described in such terms as “an out-of body experience, wherein the spiritual traveler leaves the physical body and travels in his/her subtle body (or dream-body or astral body) into ‘higher’ realms.” It is frequently reported in association with dreams, and forms of meditation.”

“Patients have reported feelings similar to the descriptions of Astral Projection induced through various hallucinogenic and hypnotic (including self-hypnotic) means. There is no scientific evidence that there is any measurable manifestation of a consciousness or soul which is separate from neural activity, and there is no scientific evidence for the contention that one can consciously leave the body and make observations. Attempts to verify that such has occurred have consistently failed in spite of the variety of pseudoscientific claims to the contrary”. (Wikipedia)

Science or no Science, I have been traveling to the Astral Plane since I was a child but it took me until my mid-twenties to really get a hold on how to travel safely, how to remember my travels, and how not to bring anything back with me; among other things.

I think it is really important to keep a sleep/dream journal and I believe that a healthy sleep schedule is necessary for a successful Astral trip. You may use an Herbal Smoke Blend like the one in my Shop or you can purchase flying ointments from Sarah Anne Lawless; I highly, highly recommend all of her products. I have Belladonna, Mandrake, Datura, and Henbane Flying Ointments from her shop. If you are interested, click here.

I have found a really good article from The Mind Unleashed, and I will use that for my Source and reference point in this piece.

I have recently discovered that I can Astral Project while in an awakened state, not just during sleep or meditation. This is something that takes practice, determination and lots of concentration. This new found gift allows me to heal long distance because I am projecting a piece of myself to another; allowing them to work with my energy as if I were there with them.

Most people will start out experiencing sleep paralysis, followed by Lucid Dreaming and then work their way up to Astral Projection, though everyone is different and for some this talent may come more easily than others. I have always been able to Project, but I have struggled with sleep because of it. I find myself often waking up with hangovers the next morning because during my “sleeping” hours, I was really traveling.

Sleep has never come easy for me, and for a long time I thought that the vision or scenario playing out in my head before falling asleep was a metaphor for something I was feeling, or something I had to let go of. This “vision” has been happening for years but over the last nine months I have finally started to put the pieces together.

It starts out the same; I am being dragged from Earth up through the clouds, then the atmosphere, and finally I end up in space. I float among the stars for a while, then I am suddenly shot out into oblivion as if I were a pebble in the Universe’s proverbial sling shot.

I can stop the projection from happening only if I envision my feet being anchored to Earth but it has to be the perfect timing or I will be dragged away no matter what my will may be. I still have yet to figure out who or what it is that’s pulling me but every time I try to figure it out I am being told, and I see in my mind’s eye that it’s multiple entities; all of whom feel like Kin.

I believe our Astral Travels are as individualized as our path’s and I don’t think that we all experience the Astral Plane in the same manner. Just like our Magick, we should never compare our travels or our skill level when it comes to Astral because there simply is no comparison.

Let’s move on to different methods of how to achieve Astral Projection. I am just going to give the methods themselves, if you wish to read more in-depth about each I will give you the link at the bottom to the full article.

I hope this helps those who seem to be stuck, I believe that much of my personal truth has been found while traveling, and visiting the Akashic records.

Here are methods to become a seasoned traveler:

  1. The Rope Technique: This technique has been formulated by Robert Bruce and is one of the most effective techniques around. A key ingredient to this projection technique is an invisible, imaginary ROPE hanging from your ceiling. This ROPE will be used to exert dynamic pressure at a single point on your astral body to force its separation from the physical.
  1. Watch yourself going to sleep: Lie down comfortably on your back, facing the ceiling. Relax your body and clear your mind of unwanted thoughts. Relax even more. Tell yourself that you are going to watch yourself in the act of going to sleep. You must be very clear about your intent. You’re going to let your body sleep while your mind will remain alert throughout the entire process. Tell yourself you will retain consciousness even while your body is going to be in complete “trance”.
  1. The Monroe Technique: Dr Robert Monroe, one of the foremost authorities on Astral Projection devised this method. You have to first relax your body. This is a very important step. Then try to go to sleep, but don’t fall asleep. Maintain your awareness between sleep and wakefulness. This is known as the hypnagogic state. Then deepen this hypnagogic state and start to clear your mind of unwanted thoughts. Simply look through your closed eyelids at the blackness in front of you.
  1. OBE From lucid dreams: Lucid dreams are dreams in which the dreamer is aware that he is dreaming. In a Lucid Dream a person is already “out” of his body. In order to achieve Astral Projection from Lucid Dreams, you have to first become obsessed with OBEs and you must really DESIRE it. You must read everything you can about it. You must think about it every free moment that you have.
  1. Displaced-awareness technique: Close your eyes and get into your usual trance-state. Try to sense the entire room, at once. Feel yourself just above your shoulders and seeing all around. Be very passive about what is going on. Then imagine that your Astral Body is slowly rotating by 180 degrees. Once you finish your mental rotation, your astral head should be where your physical feet are, and your astral feet would be where your physical head is! With this firmly in your mind, try visualizing the room from this new direction.
  1. The Jump Technique: The Jump Technique, when done well, can wake up anyone in their dreams and make them Lucid. However, it does need to be done well. This is how the technique works: We repeatedly need to ask ourselves during the day whether we are in a dream or not. It is important that we do this not just for the sake of asking ourselves the question, but because we really want to know where we are. We should really doubt that we are in the Physical. So in order to prove where we are, we jump as if we were going to fly. If we are in the Physical, we will land back on the ground. But during a dream, when we jump, we will defy gravity and float.
  1. Muldoon’s Thirst Technique: This is not one of the most pleasant or effective methods designed by Sylvan Muldoon. In order to use this technique, you must refrain from drinking for some hours before going to bed. Throughout the day increase your thirst by every means you can. Keep a glass of water in front of you and stare into it, imagining drinking, but not allowing yourself to do so! Then before you sleep, eat a pinch or two of salt. Place the glass of water at some convenient place away from your bed and rehearse in your mind all the actions necessary to getting it: getting up, crossing the room, reaching out for the glass, and so on. You must then go to bed, still thinking about your thirst and the means of quenching it. At night, you might awaken in your dream and you will find yourself walking towards the glass of water. With any luck the suggestions you have made to yourself will bring about the desired OBE.
  1. The Stretch Out Technique: Lie down, shut your eyes and relax your body. Imagine your feet stretching out and becoming longer by just an inch or so. Once you have this picture in your mind, let your feet go back to normal. Do the same with his head, stretching it out an inch beyond its normal position. Then, get it back to normal. Then alternate all between head and feet, gradually increasing the distance until you can stretch out both your feet and head to about two feet or more. At this stage imagine stretching out both at once. This exercise will make you feel dizzy and often start the vibrations. After some practice, you will experience floating sensations and you can then tell yourself to rise up towards the ceiling. You are out!
  1. The Hammock Technique: Visualize yourself lying in a bright white hammock, stationed between two palm trees on a secluded beach. Imagine the feeling of swaying in the wind, and recreate that feeling now as you visualize yourself swaying from side to side in the hammock. Repeat this visualization for as long as it takes to bring forth the vibrations, and when you feel the vibrations, just “roll-out” of your body.
  1. Do the relaxing thing. Get to where you can’t feel your body. Repeat this saying in your head, and focus on it as much as possible. Don’t get discouraged! Say it slow if you have to…

“I am going to have an out of body experience.

I am going to let myself go to sleep, but I am going

to bring this waking consciousness with me wherever

I go. I am going to leave my body with full awareness.”

Keep saying the phrase even when you feel tired and you feel like rolling over….

Roll over if you have to in order to stay comfortable, and keep doing it. If you feel any tingles or see any lights that seem to flash, don’t let them throw you off. They are perfectly natural. If when you’re tired you struggle to remember the words, just recite something shorter like ‘Mind awake, body asleep’, and do it until you lose consciousness.

Happy Travels.

If you would like to read more about each of the techniques, here is the link I promised you, and the Source for this piece:

http://themindunleashed.org/2013/06/10-effective-techniques-to-experiencing.html

Lessons in Magick: Evocation

Michael Pisano

Image Source: Poision Apple Printshop

“Tis the witching hour of night,

Orbed is the moon and bright,

And the stars they glisten, glisten,

Seeming with bright eyes to listen

For what they listen?”

John Keats

It has been over one month since I have sat down to write a blog, usually by this point I would be going mad because of the built up creative energy, this time was a bit different; a lot can change in a month.

The death of my Grandmother has hit me pretty hard, and I am dealing with the waves of emotions that come with grief. I have also developed Carpal Tunnel in my left wrist due to the excessive amount of writing, and strain from the intricate beading and jewelry that I have been doing. Ah, the Universe sure does have a sense of humor.

Find a hobby, they said, it will be good for you, they said. This is further proof that I am the epitome of Murphy’s Law, and that if something will happen, it will happen to me. No victimizing myself, just speaking truth. I have learned to dance in the rain, and most importantly I have learned that the show, eventually, must go on.

So, here we are.

This particular blog post was supposed to be written in conjuction with my last piece about the unethical practice of Spirit Binding. It has been on my mind for over 4 weeks, and I have been debating with myself if I want to open this can of worms, or leave it shut. I even consulted with my Sister to get a muggle’s perspective; I refer to non-Witches as muggles from a place of endearment.

Needless to say, even with her lack of understanding of what exactly I was asking her, her response was, “well someone has to talk about it, right?”

I am going to discuss Evocation Magick.

When I started to learn of the existence of people selling Bound Vessels I posted a little rant on my personal Fb page and one of my very own friends said she owned a Bound Vessel. It was only through a discussion with her, and another Witch friend on the thread that I learned they both had their reservations about the topic; one not knowing where to begin, and the other not wanting the responsibility of teaching such Practical techniques.

I am not suggesting that my techniques given here are guarantees, or even the best way to go about Evoking a Spirit, or your own personal power; I am only giving my opinion based on my experience. I think it is important for my personal journey that I continue to push the boundaries of what is accepted and what is taboo to talk about within our community.

I could make a total ass of myself, but at least I started the discussion.

Here’s the deal before we get started, I am writing this under the impression that you know how to cast a Circle of Protection, I am also under the impression that Evocation is not the first form of Magick you are trying.

Circles of Protection can be formal, or something as simple as a word or gesture, it is completely up to the Witch to decide what is most effective for her or his self. I believe we should have multiple methods or ways to cast a Circle because some occasions call for formalities whereas others do not allow for such intricacies. Ie. You are under attack and physical harm is eminent.

Personally, I use the Latin command “Ignis Draconis, Redimio” to protect myself during ritual or I will call upon Spirits to watch the corners; the latter obviously being something that took practice, and lots of trial and error. I believe that how we protect ourselves should be just as personal as our Magick itself.

Before venturing into Evocation you should be proficient in casting a circle, if you aren’t you will quickly learn where the gaps in your shielding are.

I think when Evocation Magick is brought up there is first and foremost confusion on what it is exactly, and then there is fear, which comes from the confusion. Evocation Magick is the act of bringing forth Spirits, Daemons, Entities, Gods, etc. or an aspect of yourself.

This can be for the sole purpose of communicating with them, or asking their assistance in your personal practice or casting.

Another reason people are scared of Evocation Magick is because they psych themselves out into thinking it is way harder than it actually is.

Drop the fear, there is no place for it when dealing with Spirits and there is no place for it on the Magickal path because it will be used against you. Magick itself is scary, that is half the reason why most of us are drawn to the Craft to begin with.

In most cases the only items you need to Evoke a Spirit or bring forth your own Power are a Sigil or other item personal to the Spirit you wish you work with and your intentions.

Yes, it really is that simple.

If it is an aspect of yourself that you wish to call upon, say you want to bring forth your Shadow, you could use blood, semen or vaginal secretions. Obviously I would not suggest using bodily fluids when working with Spirits until you are well seasoned and have established a relationship with the Spirit(s).

My preference is to use Sigils. I have had two boards made for me; one for healing, one for charging. I have learned the charging board is good for Evocation, this board has 2 Lucifer Sigils and 2 Lilith Sigils etched into it.

By meditating over the board and using it as a conduit I am able to communicate with ease. I add in my preferred form of divination, and it pretty much is as simple as that. You can use Tarot cards, pendulum, tea leaves, water, fire, automatic writing or any other form of scrying. I suggest learning more than one method.

I have 2 mirrors that I use for Evocation as well: one a regular mirror, and one a black mirror. The regular mirror is used when calling upon what I refer to as “higher vibrational beings” such as Archangels, certain Gods and/or Goddesses. The black mirror is used for human Spirits (both unknown and Ancestral) and “lower vibrational beings” such as Daemons, or Trickster God Archetypes; Gods, and Goddesses of Sex, and Death, too.

You can use Doves Blood Ink, Dragons Blood Ink, Bats Blood Ink, actual blood, or chalk (on the black mirror) to write the Sigil of your choosing, or creation.

After drawing the Sigils on the mirror or board you encircle it with 4 candles; 1 black at the top (North), and 3 white surrounding it. You can switch up the candle color to make it more Spirit specific: Black and Red for Papa Legba or Lilith, and Blue for Lucifer are just a few examples. Your Spirits will let you know if they have a preference.

You also should have a place for an offering of some sort. This is where I get into arguments with my fellow Left Hand Pathers because they confuse offering with worship. Just because I am offering something as a thank you does mean that suddenly I worship whatever Deity or Spirit I am working with.

In fact, there have been many occasions where I have worked with a Spirit only one time and even a few occasions where I didn’t get along with the Spirit I called upon. Respect and offerings were still given though.

So, you have your circle of protection, you have your medium (mirror or board) and you have your Spirit of choice.

Now, it is time for your incantation. This is a chant, or Spell that is spoken to bring forth the Spirit, it can be in your native tongue, or in Latin, Hebrew or if you’re feeling frisky Sumerian ; goes back to personal preference.

The incantation is where you set your intentions for why you are calling forth the Spirits, what you are offering them, and what exactly you would like them to do. The more detailed and personal the wording, the better the result.

Then, you wait—sometimes you are waiting much longer than others so make sure you have your Scrying method ready to go. The Spirits will let you know when they are present usually by knocking, producing strange smells or temperature changes. Once you know you are in the presence of Spirit you light an incense, and begin your session. This is the part where anything goes and it is you and the Spirit(s). You can read all the books in the world but nothing will prepare you for the first (deliberate) contact with the other side.

When the communication has ended, and you wish to part ways with the Spirit you simply release them by saying, “Honored Guests of my Temple the window to our communion is now closing, go forth onto your habitations and abodes in peace. Forever acting as friends and helpers. My words are firm so it shall be, this is my will, so mote it be.” I have loosely based this portion off of Jason Miller’s book Protection and Reversal Magick. I highly recommend it, link at the bottom.

You close your circle, and cleanse your space. I personally always set intentions of gratitude at this point as well because these Spirits didn’t have to work with me but they chose to.

Evocation Magick is an essential part of the Craft and it is essential for personal growth as a Witch to know how to work with Spirits without fear.

It is only when we release the fear that we can unlock the full potential of Magick that is hidden deep within ourselves.

Resources:

Jason Miller: Protection and Reversal Magick

Lessons in Magick: Channeling Emotion

Deborah Sheedy

Image: Deborah Sheedy

“You learned to run from what you feel, and that’s why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control.”

Megan Chance

Today’s post is going to deal with a topic that far too many people cover up, run from or deny altogether: emotions.

Being a moody Cancer myself I am all too familiar with emotions that run deep as the Ocean itself. Thing is, people just think as a Cancer and a Woman that I am emotional in the sense I cry all the time, need to be coddled or that things upset me in a sad way; of course those moments happen, but I am run by a gambit of emotions, most notably, rage.

The temper, rage and emotional extremes most likely come from my Rising Sign, Capricorn and my Moon Sign, Taurus.

Those stubborn Horns…

I am a contradiction, you see; never knowing which way I want to go, not knowing what my mind wants to do because my heart tells me something else and vice versa.

I guess to put it bluntly, I am just a hot fucking mess.

I understand this, I accept this and I have begun to own this, but the people around me are not so understanding; I am constantly met with “Jac, just calm down” or “Jac, it’s just life” or my favorite, “Jac, this is no reason to get upset”.

Don’t tell me to calm down.

Don’t tell me that this is “just life”, if that is the case, you can have that stress.

Don’t dismiss my feelings just because it is not something that you would get upset over.

Honestly though, you know why people tell emotional beings like myself to “calm down”?

Because they are scared of their own emotions.

People will (rarely) tell you to chill if they actually understand the power of emotions; most times we are confronted with people who are afraid of themselves, afraid to dive into their mind so when they see it live and in action (in another person at that) it’s terrifying to them, and makes them feel very uncomfortable.

Let’s be honest, rage makes everyone a bit uncomfortable, especially my rage.

Generally speaking, though, next time you have an emotional outburst, or are living in an emotional extreme, pay attention to those who see it, and watch them wiggle in their skin.

People just can’t handle emotions anymore, debatable if ever, but for those of us who feel so deeply, we know the toll emotions take on the Soul and the physical body; not to mention that flipping the fuck out is not on the list of things to do for living a life of abundance, gratitude and manifestation of desire.

So, what are us lunatics to do?

Channel the energy.

This is something that I have learned to do out of survival, it was triggered when I was a younger Witchling and I read the story of how people used to collect tears in vials; it was said tears held power. I have taken this idea and put a more real life, modern application to it. If you are anything like I am, these last few years have been times of death and rebirth, total destruction and an onslaught of Cosmic energy—add these factors together and we have a volatile situation. I don’t handle change well, and I hate when my emotional conflicts are caused by outside sources. I try to be consciously aware as often as I can and literally tell myself out loud “don’t let outside sources ruin your inner peace” and I have tried to keep hidden during Full Moon’s (The absolute worst time, ever. I refer to that time as my ‘Lunar Menses’ because it’s awful and I am on a war path) but sometimes, my emotions will not be reined in, they will not be tamed or told what to do, and it is because of those moments that I had to learn how to not kill myself, or those around me (Metaphorically. Chill, people).

I am going to give the tips that I have learned to channel, make sense of and retrieve emotions for later use. These tips can be modified, and I encourage you to do so, after all Magick is most powerful when it is personal. However, if these work for you as is, take them and allow them to help you. If only some resonate and other tips don’t, take what you want, and leave the rest; there is not one way, or a right way to do anything on this path, everything is subjective.

My first tip is Divination, and I know already some people are uncomfortable, and rightfully so.

Divination is the practice of contacting the other side, or a specific deity/Spirit using tools or other mediums to help act as conduits and the practitioner is the energy source. This is not a practice that is for everyone and only you can decide if it is for you or not. I think when people hear of divination they think of the Ouija board, completely unaware, or dismissive of all other techniques.

To be honest, I hate Ouija boards, had a really bad experience as a teen (one that I do not even get into details about, with ANYONE) and I will not touch one now. I have been made fun by fellow Occultists and Witches for my choice of not using a board, which is utterly ridiculous, and childish on top of that but it is what it is.

Scrying is an Ancient technique that originated long before the Ouija board came to be. The fact that so many muggles have put their intentions into this board is what the problem is, they have created a monstrous portal, and frankly I just don’t want to deal with none of it.

My methods of divination are flame, water, mirror, tarot, runes, herbs (smoking) and pendulums. When I need to really channel, I use a flying ointment(s).

In the midst of emotional turmoil, I grab whatever method I am vibing with at the time, light some candles and incense, cast a circle and I sit down on my floor and let the otherside tell me what I need to know. I allow my guides to come through (and anyone else who chooses to do so) and speak to me as if they were my counsel and I am a Queen running a Kingdom; I know, corny analogy but true. There are times when our emotions truly aren’t ours to own or make sense of, sometimes we have tapped into the collective unconscious or conscious; in those moments when we cannot see clearly because we are blinded by rage or driven into the depths of depression from the collective sadness, we must rely on the Spirit World.

My next tip is meditation, but not just any meditation, I am talking about active meditation. I prefer dancing, and coloring. So simple, and so effective. The act of dancing releases hormones into our body that trigger us to be happier, lighter, and carefree; it reminds me of childhood, and the innocence of not knowing what I do now about this ugly and tragically beautiful world we live in.

The main reason I dance now is because it allows my mind, body and Soul to be one while being free at the same time; there are no limitations to dancing. I put on whatever genre of music best suites my emotional state, turn it up as loud as I can, close my eyes and just allow the music to takeover. Some days it’s easier than others, and some days I can dance for hours, whereas other days I am self- conscious about my body and the connection between it, my mind, and Soul cannot be made, or I just can’t seem to find my groove; those are the days I know I need it most. So, I turn the music up louder, and force myself to dance until I am wet with sweat or tears, in most cases both.

As for coloring, I have been coloring, or drawing long before the adult coloring book craze came to be, but man have they come out with some awesome mandala inspired books. There is something about getting lost in the colors, swirls and designs of art that just makes me completely forget about whatever was bothering me. I don’t know if it is the instant gratification of it all, or if it truly is just the technique itself that allows me to focus, center and calm my mind. Often when I have finished a particular piece, clarity about the situation that initially upset me just seems to pop into my head.

My next tip is kind of two fold: using crystals to store the emotion for later retrieval, or to take the emotion entirely and transmute it into energy that you can use. I will also be giving tips for using crystals to heal the emotional wounds.

The best crystal for storing memory is Quartz. My suggestions for emotion, memory or any other storage that you need would be: Lemurian Quartz, sometimes referred to as Lemurian Seed Quartz or Lemurian Star Seeds, Herkimer Diamond (double terminated variant of Quartz), and Clear Quartz. The shape does not necessarily matter, though points are the best for memory storage, from my experience.

Other crystals that hold intentions, emotion or memory well are Emerald, Moldavite and Jet*. Emerald is a great stone for a variety of reasons, most notable being its green color associated with healing and the Heart Chakra. You simply put the Emerald close to your lips and speak into it, you will feel it begin to vibrate from your intentions, words, and energy. It’s a wonderful experience. Moldavite is actually fairly expensive and there are lots of fake pieces running around, make sure to do your research beforehand to make sure you are buying from a reputable seller. Moldavite is one of the strongest vibrational stones I have worked with, and holding it up to Sunlight while looking through it is said to shift your consciousness. The thing about Moldavite and Lemurian Quartz (all Quartz really) is that they hold memories and knowledge in them already and can be tapped into by us. I am a firm believer that crystals choose us, they choose their owner. They are after all, active, living energy. Yes, I said, crystals are living. Refer to Tesla.

People probably wouldn’t think Jet would be a good memory stone because of its reflective and protective properties; this stone protects by absorbing the energy and returning it to sender. However, Jet is known to become “one with its wearer” and if worn/used enough you will begin to feel a oneness, or an attachment to this particular crystal. Note: Jet when worn at the breast is great for releasing Kundalini energy up and out through the Crown Chakra.

So, what do you do after the emotion or memory is stored and you need to retrieve it? You meditate with the crystal in your hands, say an incantation to retrieve the memory, and then you can channel the energy in whatever direction you want. If you wish to use rage for a Casting, you would say an incantation to pull the emotion and then channel it into your workings, simple. You can even pull the emotion forth and put it inside a hex or mojo bag and it will work for the long term without draining you because it is stored emotion, not active emotion.

Crystals are one of the few tools we Witches have access to that are “ good as is”. We don’t really have to do much else except cleanse and charge them every once in a while. They each inherently hold specific vibrations, frequencies and purposes; with the variety of stones available to us, the possibilities for their uses are endless.

Crystals that are good for healing are: Malachite* (toxic in the raw form), Kyanite*, Selenite, Amethyst*, Rose Quartz, Citrine, Emerald (as mentioned above), Moonstone, Hematite*, Celestite, Fuschite, Mica (I prefer Yellow Star Mica), Angelite and Bloodstone*.

Crystals that are good for protection are: Black Tourmaline, Obsidian (all variants), Smoky Quartz, Agate, Lava Stone, Labradorite (the most protective in the mineral kingdom), Nuummite and Fluorite.

You can wear them, put them into a sachet and carry it with you, collect larger pieces for gridding of your home and/or Sacred space, or all of the above. It is all about personal preference and what you are drawn to, these tips are merely guidelines, and suggestions.

I think it is important to take this time and say that Grounding is also essential to controlling, and channeling emotions. I did not touch on that too much because I just recently did a piece on Grounding techniques. If you wish to check it out, click Here.

*These healing crystals also carry strong protective properties. Note that black Kyanite is more protective than blue or green Kyanite because the black will absorb, but all Kyanite carry the same basic properties, color only changes them slightly.

Lessons in Magick: The Art of Grounding

Roots

Image: Ingrid Endel

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”

C.G. Jung

Making sure that you are grounded is probably the most important aspect of the Craft, for several reasons actually. Our Power and the control of it depends on how grounded we are to this natural plain; if we are chaotic with our heads in the clouds, our Magick will not be proficient, our intentions will not be clear and we could potentially harm ourselves. If we are focused, calm, and grounded we can then channel the pent up emotions, and energy in times of need. When we do this we are the most dangerous weapon ever created.

I prefer to store my rage–although I cannot control it entirely, grounding only does so much and my Beast does make an appearance; for me storing my justified rage (as The Scarlet Shakti calls it) and then channeling it when needed for my casting has been most beneficial.

There are a few tricks to help ground oneself, and this is something that you should incorporate into your daily routine. When we are not grounded we are more prone to attacks: psychic, Magickal or otherwise.

Think of it like this; we are part of Earth, our Magick comes from Her, the further we are from Her, the further we are from ourselves.

The first technique to grounding is what is known as Earthing; this is when you walk barefoot on the Earth itself. The Earth will ground any excess energy, remove toxins, negative energy, and replace those with loving, healing Mother energy. I think this method is pretty self-explanatory but yes it really is as simple as walking outside and putting your feet in the dirt, or grass.

For those who are unable to walk outside due to weather, or maybe you live in an area where walking around barefoot would be seen as weird, you have another option. A trick I have learned is to fill a good ol’ fashion pot with some planting soil, sand, or actual dirt you have collected from Gaia and stick the soles of your feet on top. This is ideal for the winter months, and to add more oomph I suggest putting crystals in the pot. I personally like Quartz Points (points up), Black Tourmaline, Amethyst, Citrine, any kind of Jasper and Moss Agate—this is just a great combination that I have found to work. Follow your intuition when choosing crystals, or doing any form of casting. What works for one, may not work for another and it’s okay to tweak things.

The second technique is something that I figured on accident one day, and many will probably think I have lost my mind but whatever, I never claimed to be sane.

Playing with wood.

Yup, playing with wood. There is a grounding effect in wood, so much so that the term “knock on wood” literally meant that the wood would absorb the “jinx” or bad energy. For that reason alone, not to mention I can be superstitious, I knock on wood.

I just so happened to take the concept a step further and began to use it for Magick. This technique is similar to Earthing in the sense that we are tapping into the Earth’s energy. So, what exactly do I mean? Well, I mean you meditate, hold, or actually play with wood in your hands. This works not only when your intentions are set to ground and remove energy, but it also works when you are just actively playing with the wood. I believe certain items or objects, even symbols inherently hold a specific power before we begin to put our own influence over it; wood is one of those things.

For me personally I use Sandalwood Malas, they feel and smell amazing. If you are going to get Sandalwood make sure it is good quality. A sure sign of good quality Sandalwood is that it will have a very potent scent; a great portion of its power comes from the scent alone. I have been known to use Palo Santo sticks, then will burn them after to purify the air, myself and also rid the negativity that I just put into the wood. It works with sticks you may find in the woods, too. Again, it’s what works for you.

The next technique is kind of two fold, essential oils and Lava beads. Now, essential oils are amazing on their own, and the benefits to using them are endless, however, the good oil diffusers are pricey, and if you wear the oil in replacement of perfume, it can sometimes lose the scent during a long work day. And, unless you want to carry your vial around with you, I suggest you find another way to bring the scent along for the ride. The healing properties for most oils are in the scent; yes, the oils themselves can work on joints, skin ailments and things of that nature, it is in the scent that we find the most benefit.

Scent triggers specific receptors in your brain, such as raising dopamine and serotonin levels; scent is also strongly connected to memory. Your brain will begin to understand “lavender calms me, my anxiety is gone” or “Eucalyptus is fresh, aromatic, I feel awake, alive, my headache is gone, I am reinvigorated”. Just to name two of the thousands of combinations out there.

Where do the Lava beads come into play, you ask? Well, you can place a few drops of your favorite oil(s) on the beads in the morning, and then wear the jewelry. You can then take a sniff whenever you feel that work, family, or just life in general has become too much for you.

I was worried to get Lava beads at first, I had heard they sometimes have an angry energy from Pele, though I found the energy to be quite calming and soothing; the grounding effect was immediate, too. I not only felt Earth but I felt Fire, and being that I am forged from Fire, I found it to be an amazing stone.

You can obviously use them separately; I just happen to like the combination.

My next suggestion is a cleansing shower, and this can be done a couple ways.

You get in the shower as you would any other day except this time you are setting intentions. After setting your intentions, open yourself up (Allow healing energy in) and pour the Moon Water over the top of your head (Crown Chakra) as it trickles down your body it will cleanse, realign and balance your Chakras while cleaning your Aura.

Moon Water itself is made differently by each practitioner, or at least I have found that to be true. For mine, I use filtered water, Pink Himalayan Sea Salt and sometimes I will add Clear Quartz; just know the salt will affect the Quartz, and begin to erode it, so make sure to use, or get a piece that you do not need. Some people add rose petals, or other herbs but I have found that the water doesn’t keep well, and I don’t feel the Moon as strongly. So, I keep it simple. Note: I charge most of my Moon Water underneath the Dark Moon, as I draw from the Crone’s power. I will only use the Full Moon if it’s a special one. It all depends on your personal preference.

A cleansing bath is the same idea but with the bath you add Epsom Salts to the water, and I personally add Amethyst, Rose Quartz and Black Tourmaline; if you want to use crystals just double check that they can be submerged in water. Example: You would not want to bathe with Malachite in the water with you as it is toxic (it’s the raw form that is toxic but I wouldn’t trust it in water in the tumbled form, either. Another example would be Desert Rose, that cannot be put in Water, ever.) You may choose to add herbs to your bath, I do not because my skin is too sensitive.

After you are comfortable, you set your intentions and go into a meditative state, imagine all the water of the entire world taking your toxic energy, everything that no longer serves a positive purpose in your life, and then imagine all of that bullshit (as I call it) to be swept away with the Ocean tides; after all, even the smallest drop of water is connected to all water.

When you are done, drain the tub and then stand in your shower and pour the Moon Water over your head. You will feel significantly different, and completely recharged.

A few other ways I have found that are good for grounding are Mudras, Yoga, Burning Resins, and Masturbation. People giggle with the last one, but the theory is that it opens up your Root and Sacral Chakra, allowing them to spin with strength and vigor.

How we ground, and what works for us will be different because we are all individuals; the how doesn’t matter, you just have to do it, you have to ground. The adverse effects of not grounding are not just to your Magick, but potentially your physical health. When your emotions and energy are too high, too toxic—too much of anything, you are off balance, and your body will start to show the signs. It is usually in the form of Chronic Pain Syndrome, emotional outbursts, and pain in the spine or back; this is primarily associated with the Kundalini.

We must take care of ourselves to be the best versions of ourselves, and taking time out of our day to ground is the most luxurious thing we can do to pamper our temple, and Soul at the same time.

So do it.

Lessons in Magick: Protection

Shelby Robinson

Image: Shelby Robinson

“The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I started a FB group I was given the opportunity to interact one on one with many practitioners of all paths, and all skill levels; this is not something that I am afforded in my everyday life, as most of my readership and group members have been quick to agree on. I have trust issues when it comes to friendships, but I also find it hard to connect with practitioners anywhere locally.

I am grateful to have an online community, one that has not only taught me much about myself but also has become a place where much knowledge is shared and exchanged.

It took some time to work the kinks out but since I started finding my personal flow, the page has become a tight knit community where I go to seek refuge when the outside world becomes too much.

It’s like a whole new world has opened up for me since starting NR, and I feel I am more equipped to give my readership what they want because I am interacting with so many people, and forming friendships/connections in the process.

A discussion in the group I used to run initially sparked the idea for this blog; the debate was about protection, and methods of protecting one self.

It seems that people don’t know how to protect themselves, and I have to sit back and scratch my head trying to figure out why.

This isn’t new, though, it has been coming up for a very long time, a common trend I have observed.

I am not formally trained, and I have not had longtime mentors guiding me; I find and have found inspiration among everyone I cross paths with.

Since starting to walk my Spiritual path I have drifted further away from people, descending deeper into the rabbit hole while learning to become sturdy on my feet; I am still training, practicing, learning, and seeking.

The first thing I learned, and I believe all people should learn first is Protection Magick.

There is a difference between Defensive Magick and Protective Magick.

A Witch should be proficient in both areas in order to be her/his best Self, but one needs to Master protective Magick if any other form is going to work properly.

I don’t like the term Master because I think that if we claim that title then we limit ourselves by telling our mind we have reached our peak; if we reach our peak there is nothing left to chase, but in reality there is always something to chase. So I will never be a Master, but protection Magick? That I have mastered.

I am useless to myself, my kin, and my mission here if I cannot protect the physical, and psychic body.

Protection Magick is personal, and it’s something that we each have to practice in order to find a rhythm that works well with our own. I am going to give some tips, and practices that have worked for me personally, nothing is written in stone, and you can tweak it if necessary.

I am going to focus on protecting your space, this can be done on a small scale with your altar or bedroom, or on a larger scale say your apartment building, or house.

The most effective tool in Magick is ourselves, but physical tools play an important role, too. To protect a home, or space some tools are Black Salt, Pink Himalayan Salt, Course Sea Salt, Brick Dust, Crystals, Feathers, Brooms, Bones, Sacred Geometry, and Sigils.

Black Salt, Pink Himalayan Salt, and/or Course Sea Salt should be placed in thresholds (doorways), and windowsills primarily. You can also place some in a bowl beneath your bed, and change it every other day, this works well for children because the salt grounds the energy, and the negative thoughts (nightmares). I think Himalayan Crystal lamps are great for absorbing negative energy in the air, too.

Brick dust can be sprinkled anywhere, it can be used around your house, or a specific room within the home, and it can even be used to consecrate sacred places in the woods, or cemeteries, if you are into outdoor ritual.

I make my own banishing salt which is one of the most effective tools I have. It’s a mixture of Course Sea Salt and dried Sage leaves.

A good tool for protecting your property is urine; think of a dog marking their territory, obviously I am not suggesting urinating in your home, this is for the yard, or exterior perimeter.

Blood sigils, and blood in general, can be another really effective tool for protecting your space. I personally love sigils, but I also love things personal to me so I find sticks, and tie them together with hemp, binding them with blood  and I hang them from the ceiling by small hooks, and that is my way of marking territory, or saying this space belongs to this bad ass Witch, and enter at your own risk.

I suggest crystals all the time, and I feel like I have even suggested many of the methods mentioned above before but here I am again writing about this.

The best crystals for protection of property are Black Tourmaline, or Jet placed near the doorway; other good crystals to use, that should be placed in the corner of each room are, Selenite, Amethyst, Citrine and Labradorite. If you throw in Moss Agate, and Rose Quartz it will bring abundance, and love into your home.

Feathers are a tool I have primarily seen people use for traces of death in particular casting but feathers are a great protection object. Whatever species the bird, that is what the properties of the feather will hold: Hawk feathers are for guardianship, connection to the spirit world, and the gift of sight. Crow or Raven feathers are protective, especially through Norse and Celtic traditions, but also are messengers, and will reveal a friend or foe to you. Owl feathers will add protection via Darker energy; they add wisdom and the ability to “see in the dark” (see yourself through the storm, or rough patch).

Brooms, or Besoms, are amazing tools for protection of home/space. They were used primarily to “Sweep away spirits” and for “flying”. Flying was achieved by applying psychotropic herbs, or plants that were made into a balm to the base of the broom and inserting vaginally, once absorbed through the thin mucus membranes of the vagina the Witch will begin to hallucinate, or “fly”. Nowadays this is not common practice, but the Besom is still symbolic for Witches, and it not only sweeps, or cleans away negative energy, it marks our territory.

Bones are used in a similar way as feathers, but the vibrations are much heavier because bones represent death, whereas the feather could be from a still living bird.

For example, frog bones are used for transformation, and spiritual cleansing, but they are also good for hexing (depending on the frog). If you use bones from a snake it represents life/death/rebirth, and if from a venomous snake can be used to “bite” whomever wishes your home, or its inhabitants harm.

Sacred Geometry and Sigils fall under the same category, and this is pretty self-explanatory; you simply take whatever symbol you’re drawn to (Pentagram, Helm of Awe, Merkaba, Platonic Solids, Leviathan’s Cross, Archangel Sigils, Runes, or even a personal symbol that you created) set your intentions and you draw it either on paper, or the walls of your home in ritual oil (they will dry clear).

I think tools, and objects are helpful and have worked for me many times, but I primarily like to use fire and water energy to protect my home, and myself.

My logic behind this is that fire is a purifier, and water is an equalizer.

I use Draconian Fire, but I know some people who use the fire of Pele, or Hestia.

You can create your own fire source, this takes much more out of the practitioner, and my personal preference is the ferocity of Draconian fire.

To tap into this source, you need a black candle, an incense, a needle, a bowl of water and you must draw Lucifer’s Sigil in your blood, you can use Leviathan’s Cross, but I have found Lucifer’s Sigil to be the most potent. Cast your circle, or do whatever it is you do to prepare for ritual or divination, place the black candle above the bowl of water, prick your finger and draw out Lucifer’s Sigil, then put it on the right side of your water, light your incense, and your candle, drop some blood into the water and begin to focus on the candle light, and say:

“Oh, Black Dragon I call to thee, may the powers beyond hear my plea, Great Leviathan! Tiamat! The Great, and mighty sea Beast! Serpent of the Void, who winds through eternity! I take your mighty flame into me.” Then begin to chant, “Veniat ad me Draco, Veniat ad me Draco, Veniat ad me Draco…”

You will begin to feel the heat coursing through you, once you have enough control of it, you must enter a meditative state, and while looking at the same black candle begin to picture in your mind’s eye what (or who) it is that you wish to protect then say, “Ignis Draconis, Redimio”. (Fire of the Dragon, encircle me)

The water protection grid is much easier, probably because I am a triple Cancer, but this requires only a meditation, a bowl of water (a blue, or clear glass bowl) and a blue candle (dark blue, preferred). You do your usual circle, and imagine the area you wish to protect, or person(s) and you say, “Aqua et creatio, redimio.” (Waters of creation, encircle me)

I usually use an interlocking grid of fire and water, with a few surprises in there just in case. I have a Witch ball, and Witch Bells for anything more on the physical that has gotten through. I keep herbs on hand, and war water, too (it can be great for casting out energy, not just for hexing).

Protecting your physical, or “vessel” is just as important as protecting your property; physical protection is one of the most personal, and subjective forms of Magick, there is no right or wrong way to do it, and what works for me, may not work for you.

Some of the suggestions given here can be tweaked to protect your person. To add an extra barrier between me and the outside world I personally like to use enchanted jewelry, and some of my tattoos were done using ink I had personally enchanted beforehand.

A Witch should be able to protect her/his self at all costs, at the drop of a dime, and no one should be walking around paranoid of an attack. If you are constantly worried about attacks it usually means your subconscious is telling you that your shields are weak, or that you are vulnerable.

True Magickal attacks are rare, and in most cases they are petty in nature, but in the off chance that you or someone you love falls victim, you need to be able to do what is necessary to eliminate the threat, and that is where defensive Magick comes into play, but that is an entirely different ball game.

Protect thyself, as you Love thyself–until death, and beyond.

Blessed are the Witches.

Letting Go: A Personal Story of the Phoenix Rising

Phoenix 2

Image: Katie Dawn aka Thy-Darkest-Hour, DeviantArt

“If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.”

C. JoyBell C.


The Full Moon energy has proven to be extremely illuminating, and caused me to become very introspective; I reflected on my entire life it seems. There has been a lot going on in my personal life, and my professional for that matter; the journey that I am on is like a whirlwind at times, and a calm chaos at others, if that makes any sense.

It’s like it will be calm, but you can feel the tension of chaos wanting to rise, and cause ruckus at any given moment.

I have been hit with a ton of emotions, some new physical issues, battled a destructive glamour spell, and a psychic vampire after writing my post about them. On top of all that I have finally let go of my lover, then there was the loss of some friends, and death of my cat. Needless to say it has been a really rough 9 days, and my Soul is feeling it.

But in the midst of adversity, I shall find my strength.

And, I have.

I had blocked my ex, and a few friends, on my personal and both public pages, it was like that was all I had to deal with the pain of betrayal. I am not sure why my thought process was that my power somehow lay within that blocking feature; how ridiculous, how mundane, of me to find comfort, and solace in such a thing, but it is what it is. I then found out by a mutual friend that he had posted something(s) about me on his page, and it infuriated me.

“No, don’t give into that, don’t stoop to his level.” I had to repeat, almost chant to myself.

I could feel my Beast rising, stirring, and calculating from the depths of my being. I had to reign her in, but why? Why was I controlling her?

I decided to meditate on it, and the answer I received shocked me, but made so much sense.

It’s easy to react, duh, it’s a natural instinct but it takes courage, control, and self-awareness to stop the instinct, to step in the moment before the Beast goes for the throat; to know when the instinct is not going to be productive.

In this situation my instinct to react would prove to be wrong, and I would simply give him exactly what he wanted. I am not now, nor have I ever, spoke ill about my ex, or any of my former friends. It is not my style to do so, and besides my narcissist post, and this one, you will not see me addressing this issue.

I am writing this because I’m fucking hurt but, through the pain I have found the way.

I can’t forget, I can’t truly forgive until I no longer hate. I cannot hate my enemy, I cannot hate those who have hurt me because that is MY weight to carry, not theirs, and hate is heavy.

I have to remind myself that at one point I loved that man, and he was exactly what I wanted and needed, even if only for a moment in time. Same goes for my former friends, I will never disrespect those good memories by dwelling on the bad, furthermore, talking ill of them.

The fact that the route he chose was to speak ill of me, speaks volumes about his own character, and I need not say anything more about it.

Again, I loved that man, and I would be lying to you, and to myself if I sat here and I said I didn’t still love him now because I do. Love is not and never has been enough, and ironically I said that to him more times than I can count since the very beginning of our relationship.

So, today, I unblocked him and my other friends from NR and DW, along with my personal page. If they choose to come and cause drama, then they can be found back on the banned list. Otherwise, I no longer want to carry that weight, that hate, that stress.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

While on this path of realization it came to me that I was still carrying around a hatred, and a heavy one at that.

I hated pieces of myself.

Not on a physical level, although as a Woman that is something I will always struggle with no matter how much self-confidence I have. The hatred I speak of was about the bad decisions, or my late blooming with the craft, both Magick and writing; there was a ton of residual hate towards myself, hate I thought I had dealt with.

Hatred of Self is the heaviest of all burdens to carry, and I didn’t want it anymore.

I don’t want to hate them (my former lover and friends) or my past.

Every mistake was a lesson, and every lesson was a blessing.

So cliché, so fucking corny, so Christian-like to say, but so goddamn true.

I can’t regret the fact that I fell in love, no matter how he acts now, no matter how I think his current behavior makes me look bad, I can’t worry about that. I can’t worry about the gossip, I guess if they are talking about me, I am doing, or have done, something right, something to make an impression.

I can’t hate myself, I can’t hate the very temple and mind that makes me who I am; I have to embrace my curves and embrace my crazy.

So, I sit here and reflect back on an eventful life, planning future adventures, and remaining grateful for all the good, and bad that is currently my reality. I will not be brought down by others, and I will not feed into the bullshit, I will rise above as I have always done.

I am a Phoenix, after all.