RANTINGS OF A MAD WITCH: I Will Not Submit, I Will RESIST

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“Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

Dylan Thomas


**TRIGGER WARNING**

I do not speak for all Women, but for myself and those closest to me, the last 10 days have been profoundly painful; I did not realize how triggered my own trauma would be.

I watched in awe as Dr. Christine Baisley Ford testified and told her story of survival.

I watched in shock as Brett Kavanaugh testified by throwing temper tantrums, losing his composure, putting on the fake tears, justifying his predatory behavior (“boys will be boys”) and trying to be a victim.

I watched in horror as Congress voted 11-10 to confirm him through the first process of nomination.

I watched as our Government told myself, the females in my family, the Women, girls and Femmes around the world, that we do not matter.

Our voices do not matter.

Our stories do not matter.

Our pain does not matter.

But, I am here to say that

I do matter.

Our stories matter.

Our pain matters.

We matter.

The Divine Feminine is more than waking up, She is here and She is GROWLING WITH RAGE.

Lioness

Humans have raped and pillaged this planet, its animal inhabitants, and people through genocides, crusades, white supremacy and all-out war for eons.

Men have raped and pillaged Women since the beginning of time to place their superiority over us; to place their superiority over all things.

Side note: I do not hate Men. I know that not all Men are predators. I know that there are good Men out there. We are not here to discuss them, though, we are here to call out the predators and discuss how we got to this place as a country, and world. If your initial response to this blog is “not all Men!” then you have missed the point entirely.

I have not met a Woman, in my life, who has not been sexually assaulted.

Read that line again.

And, again.

For the Men who follow my page/blog: your Sister, your Mother, your Grandmothers, your Aunts, your Female/Femme Cousins, your Nieces, your Daughters have or will be sexually assaulted to some degree in their lifetime.

This is not to say that Men do not experience sexual assault, too—they do.

But not in the way Women do, and to compare the two is a false equivalency that helps nothing.

Let’s look at statistics:

  • One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives
  • In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime
  • 51.1% of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance
  • 52.4% of male victims report being raped by an acquaintance and 15.1% by a stranger
  • Almost half (49.5%) of multiracial women and over 45% of American Indian/Alaska Native women were subjected to some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime
  • 91% of victims of rape and sexual assault are female, and nine percent are male
  • In eight out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the perpetrator
  • Eight percent of rapes occur while the victim is at work.

Source

How can you look at the next generation and not feel despair in your heart for what they will experience? How can you look at them and not want to change their fate?

I can’t do nothing. I can’t remain silent. I can’t accept this.

I won’t.

The world will hear me roar because:

I have experienced (multiple) sexual trauma in the form of rape and molestation. I have experienced sexual (and physical) trauma in abusive relationships. I have experienced sexual harassment in every workplace. I have had men pleasure themselves in front of me on public transportation. I have been stalked (and fought off an attempted kidnapping, twice). I have been verbally threatened and physically abused on more than one occasion when saying no to a man’s advances. I have been spat on (by strangers) for speaking my mind. I have been sexually assaulted by partners for saying no to sex; relationship rape is real.

And that’s the abbreviated list.

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The unrest so many of us are feeling lately is not just the cosmic fuckery going on, it’s the collective.

It’s our trauma coming to the surface.

It’s our Sisters’ trauma coming to the surface.

It’s every single word we have swallowed when biting our tongue’s coming to the surface.

It’s every Woman/Femme to have ever existed finding her/their voice.

And, it’s magnificent to watch.

A few days ago, a prominent Herbalist and Witch posted a blog about sexual abuse in the Pagan community; it was illuminating and heartbreaking. I support you, Sarah.

On Social Media I saw Women, and Men, showing solidarity with Dr. Ford by using #WhyIDidntReportIt and telling their stories.

More recently there was the “blackout” to represent how Women do not matter; a cool concept, but poorly executed. (The idea was/is to change your profile picture to all black.)

I will not give the Patriarchy what it wants; I will not give them my silence.

I will not give them the satisfaction of thinking for one split second that they have won.

I will not shrink myself.

I will not make myself invisible; the world tries to do that already.

I am here to make noise.

I am here to make people uncomfortable.

I am here to rebel.

I am here to RESIST.

Hex the Patriarchy.

Fuck the Patriarchy.

Don’t give up, keep roaring.

WITCH OF THE WEEK: Laura Tempest Zakroff

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This week’s Witch of the Week is a friend, colleague, Artist (of many mediums) and fierce Witch. I have been a fan of hers for quite some time, so to be able to pick her brain and present this interview to my readership is surreal.

Laura Tempest Zakroff is a professional artist, author, dancer, designer, teacher, and Witch. She holds a BFA from RISD (The Rhode Island School of Design) and her artwork has received awards and honors worldwide. Her work embodies myth and the esoteric through her drawings and paintings, jewelry, talismans, and other designs. She blogs for Patheos as A Modern Traditional Witch, Witches & Pagans as Fine Art Witchery, and contributes to The Witches’ Almanac, Ltd.

She has two books published by Llewellyn WorldwideThe Witch’s Cauldron: The Craft, Lore & Magick of Ritual Vessels and Sigil Witchery: A Witch’s Guide to Crafting Magick Symbols with two more on the way – The Witch’s Altar (co-authored with Jason Mankey – November 2018) and Weave The Liminal: Living Modern Traditional Witchcraft (January 2019).

You can catch her writing along side me on The House of Twigs as well.

Laura resides in Seattle, Washington, with her partner Nathaniel Johnstone and at least three cats.

Find out more at www.lauratempestzakroff.com

Q. You have this amazing ability to approach some of the most serious aspects of the Craft with humor and sarcasm, while remaining respectful. Why do you think it’s important for us as Witches and people to laugh at ourselves sometimes? I have seen people argue it takes away from the sanctity of the Craft, but I disagree and think it adds realness.

A. “There’s two ways of looking at this approach.  First, I believe there’s a big difference between taking the Craft seriously, and taking ourselves too seriously. Far too often, people over-focus on “what will other people think of us” versus being true to ourselves and our path. You can spend countless hours trying to make sure the exterior view is “just right” or you can get actual work done. People will believe what they want regardless of what you think you’re presenting or telling them. It’s just not real or effective to invest that much energy into a veneer, when your actions and who you really are will speak much deeper. Secondly, people are more apt to learn and absorb new material when play is involved. Play, humor, sarcasm – it can simultaneously stimulate the brain while aiding in helping people to relax. It makes the material accessible, understandable, and relate-able to more people. I’d rather seem more people learn to empower themselves properly then worrying about occult elitism and other snobbery.”

Q. Anyone who has watched you perform can see that movement if one of your many forms of Magick, and the oneness you have with your body and Spirit is visible to the audience. It’s otherworldly. Where do you find inspiration for your dance? What made you want to become a belly dancer in the first place? For me, the belly dancer is the embodiment of the Goddess, would you agree?

A. “Mythology, artwork, music, spellcraft – I find my inspiration anywhere and everywhere.  When I perform with The Mechanist & The Star Goddess, Davis and Nathaniel are creating music on the spot and I’m responding to them – and in turn they respond to me.  We’re also influenced by the venue, the people who have gathered there, the vibe of the day, etc.

“I got into bellydance because my best friend at the time introduced me to things she was seeing in the Bay Area of California – so I went looking for what I could find similarly in Rhode Island (where I was living then.) Everyone in our tradition signed up for classes as well, because it felt like such a natural thing to include into ritual.  I wouldn’t say the belly dancer is the embodiment of the Goddess – I’ve done too many genderfluid performances and know many other performers who identify outside of the gender binary. Plus there’s a lot of fakelore about the history of the dance that makes it seem very narrowly Goddess-centric, when it’s a dance that’s done culturally by a wide variety of ages, genders, and faiths. I WILL say that learning to incorporate movement into ritual is an incredible way to access the Divine in multiple forms – not only exterior deities and spirits, but to connect with your own spiritual essence.”

Q. You are known for your Sigil Crafting skills, and making the Craftform accessible to everyone; what is it about Sigil Witchcraft do you enjoy the most? Why do you believe people are drawn to this form of the Craft? Especially since for many years people I ran into were completely turned off by Sigils; only associating them with Chaos Magickians.

A. “For me, art is my primary form of expression AND method of spellcraft. I love opening people’s minds to doing it for themselves. The ability of human beings to be able to mentally associate an abstract concept with a drawn mark is ancient – it’s one of the critical thought processes that sets us aside as a species. For thousands of years, humanity has employed the use of art and symbols to work magic and affect the metaphysical – it’s definitely not something that was invented by a white dude last century or a secret ensconced in 15th century European grimoires.  There are MANY methods – mine pulls from those ancient roots, yet bypasses other approaches to deliver a vision that people feel more connected with. Everyone has their own personal library of symbols and things that have meaning for them. If you work from what you’re familiar with, while expanding your horizons, it can have a profound and powerful effect on your magick. My method strengthens the ability of the right brain to visualize, which I think people find very familiar and inspiring.”

Q. What is one piece of Witchy advice you were given that you have never forgotten? 

A. “Oh so many good things, but I think my favorite actually came in reference to dance: “There’s something you can learn from every dancer.  Sometimes that’s what TO DO, and sometimes it’s what NOT to do.” Definitely applicable to witchcraft!

Q. What is one piece of advice you would give to anyone newer to the Craft?

A. Power comes from within, it already resides within you. All you have to do is learn to trust yourself – which sounds simple and easy, but it’s definitely the hardest thing for most people to learn.

Laura is on a mission, or several missions I should say.

She paints the world (quite literally) with her beautiful colors of dance, Witchcraft and Artwork; she gives her readers real advice that can be applied to their Craft and lives.

She is a force comprised of rebellion, resistance and an Ancient energy you have to feel to believe.

A Woman like her has earned the name Tempest; not only that, she embodies the storm.

It is for these reasons and so many more that she has been named The Nephilim Rising’s Witch of the Week.

Congratulations, Laura.

A reference list of all her past and current projects, along with sites (you can also find links above):

Blogs:
A Modern Traditional Witch (Patheos Blog) – http://www.patheos.com/blogs/tempest/
Fine Art Witchery (Witches & Pagans) – http://witchesandpagans.com/pagan-paths-blogs/fine-art-witchery/

Books:
The Witch’s Cauldron: The Craft, Lore and Magick of Ritual Vessels (Llewellyn, 2017)
Sigil Witchery: A Witch’s Guide to Crafting Magick Symbols (Llewellyn, 2018)
The Witch’s Altar: The Craft, Lore and Magick of Sacred Space (co-authored with Jason Mankey, Llewellyn, November 2018)
Weave The Liminal: Living Modern Traditional Witchcraft (Llewellyn, January 2019)
Contributor to Llewellyn Annuals (Magical Almanac, Witches’ Companion, etc)
Contributor to The Witches’ Almanac, Ltd
Illustrator for Witches & Pagans, SageWoman

Websites:
Art – www.owlkeyme.com
Author – www.lauratempestzakroff.com
Dance – www.darklydramatic.com
Design – www.magodjinn.com 

Projects:
The Mechanist & The Star Goddess  – https://www.facebook.com/TheMechanistandTheStarGoddess
We Are Aradia – https://www.facebook.com/WeAreAradia/www.wearearadia.org (under construction)

LESSONS IN MAGICK: The Strength of Sisterhood

 

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“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”

Madeleine K. Albright

This month marks 3 years since I started the NR Facebook page, and 2 years since starting this blog and my Shop; to say it’s been a whirlwind would be an absolute understatement.

I started this venture with no goal in mind, no real intention either; I wanted to create a sanctuary for myself, a place that was my own where I could express my opinions and experiences how I saw fit.

At the time, I didn’t know what that looked like, I didn’t know how I was to navigate this new world I found myself in; a world I had created both by choice and circumstance.

It was hard.

It was devastatingly fucking hard.

Still is, most days.

I have no problem being challenged, or having opposing opinions voiced (others would debate this fact); I do have a problem being attacked though.

I have a problem with people who only read and see what THEY want to read and see, and cannot look at anything objectively; furthermore, they cannot admit when they are wrong.

So, instead of admitting they don’t know, or that they are, in fact, incorrect, they lash out.

Their weapon? Vitriol.

Even when I know the person spewing the words is just a troll who’s merely projecting their insecurities onto me, or simpler yet, they are just trying to get a reaction because it gets them off, it still hurts my feelings.

Most people don’t understand how truly sensitive I am—I feel everything, which is why I burn out so frequently.

This brand was birthed into creation by myself; it’s literally like my baby, and when my baby is attacked, it *feels* personal.

Often, I react as such: an angry, volatile, deadly mama bear.

I know and say all the time that my way is not the only way, that my views are not the only ones.

I don’t want followers, I don’t want a herd of people who think like me; I simply want to spark something inside the minds of other’s by showing them what it looks like to burn in the fire of your truth.

I lead by example.

I light myself on fire every day and show my flames and scars to the world.

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I didn’t realize that my flames would act as a calling card of sorts beckoning like-minded individuals to seek me out, and thus, the page grew rapidly.

I also didn’t realize that in showing my scars, pains, and brutal truths to the world, it granted others permission to do the same.

In the beginning I talked mostly about topics of the Occult, demonolatry and such.

As my journey began to change, as I began to change, so did the content, which I believe is genuinely authentic; the page should reflect what I am going through and who I am.

To my surprise my page base became predominantly Women.

Now THIS was unfamiliar territory for me.

Not only did I not have friends growing up because I was so painfully different, bullied at times, accepted at other’s, choosing to keep to myself most often—I didn’t get along with other girls.

I have always known who I was, and at an early age that is threatening to other girls who are still trying to figure themselves out; it’s threatening to some Women even now as an adult.

In a world full of societal dictations about who and what we are all supposed to be, knowing who you are and living that truth are rebellious acts.

I found my inbox filled with messages from Women thanking me for sharing my experiences and telling me theirs; like soldiers comparing war stories, we shared pain, trauma, oppression, abuse, awakenings, metaphorical death and finally, rejoiced in our rebirth.

It was in these intimate moments that a silent Sisterhood was formed and has been forming ever since.

In my blog, The Rise of the Rebellious Woman I credit the Dark Goddesses with the considerable number of Women joining the Revolution, reclaiming their power, truth, and stepping onto the Left-Hand Path to take back individual sovereignty stolen from them and the Women who stood here in times past.

What I failed to see then is that the Dark Goddess works through Women like myself—Torchbearers who in these times of darkness are lighting the world on fire with their words of wisdom, and war cries for rebellion.

 

 

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I stand arm in arm with my Sisters as we begin to understand and accept that we are so much more similar than we are different.

And through sharing our stories we can heal each other, which in turn heals the wounds of the Divine Feminine; for She can only be healed when Women come to know that each other is an ally, not enemy.

When you tear down your Sister, you tear down yourself.

Thank you to all the Women who have reached out to me and continue to do so; in your words I find so much strength, motivation and inspiration.

Thank you for supporting me, for walking this journey with me, for having my back when the world gets me down.

Most importantly, thank you for teaching me the Sacred, Ancient power of Sisterhood.

Together we can conquer Empires.

Together we will dismantle the Patriarchy.

Coming Into Power: Beyoncé, Lemonade and Black Girl Magick

Black Girl Magick 2

Image: Maher Jridi

“I am the Dragon breathing fire, beautiful man I’m the lion, beautiful man I know you’re lying, I am not broken I’m not crying.”

Beyoncé

On Saturday I, along with millions of other people tuned in and watched Beyoncé’s ‘visual album’ titled Lemonade. Before I get into why I am writing about it on my Occult themed blog, let me tell you why I watched it.

I am from New York, and Brooklyn is where most of my growing occurred, not just as a Woman but as a human; I saw so much culture, and began to understand the human condition through my days and nights running the streets of that borough. It seems like an entirely different lifetime now and when I look back at how I behaved, and the situations I found myself in, it’s surreal.

Just proves that we really do die and rise many times throughout our lives. It’s called evolving, experience, and maturity; they are all healthy and paramount to personal growth.

You simply cannot be in Brooklyn without finding yourself immersed in Hip Hop, and I am not talking about the shit that floods the airwaves now, where half the song is gibberish; I am talking about real Hip Hop, where lyrical prose flows from the lips of people who have experienced a struggle a majority cannot begin to comprehend.

Real Hip Hop is using words to tell your pain, and cut your enemy.

Real Hip Hop is when life simultaneously is the beat and the lyric.

Hip Hop in Brooklyn is based around Biggie, Lil’ Kim and Jay-Z (just to name a few icons that have emerged from BK). Every street corner you hear a different style of hard basslines and lyrics that take you on a Spiritual journey, and tell a story.

Since Jay’s first album I have been a fan, far before he became associated with being a member of the notorious “illuminati” and a high level Mason. If you listen to his lyrics closely you can tell that he absolutely holds a Philosophy very close to many Left Hand Pathers and it has nothing to do with Secret Society’s. He is in to Esoteric studies, and since when is that a bad thing? I am not going to get into the conspiracy theory of the illuminati, though (they did exist, and I am not disputing that).

Tin Foil hats don’t look good on me…

I have been a fan of Beyoncé since Destiny’s Child. Cliché, whatever. I was about 13, I think, when they came out and it was my first look at Women being strong, and making decisions for themselves as far as life, and love; the music industry at the time was very male, and boy band dominated. And, let’s face it, I just wasn’t a Spice Girls kinda person, haha.

Let’s fast forward now to the Documentary.

I had heard about it on Thursday and Friday via Social Media when she released a teaser trailer, and to be honest, it was pure speculation what Lemonade was going to be. I had put it out of my mind, but happened to be watching the movie that premiered on HBO beforehand. So, when I noticed it was coming on, I thought what the hell let’s see what this is about.

Within the first five minutes I thought initially “Am I witnessing a public divorce?!” but then the Artist in me was completely intrigued, the Woman in me felt something aching in my Soul, the Lion in me started to roar, the Occultist started eyeing symbols, the Witch in me noticed another Witch coming into power and I knew I was about to witness something amazing. The Ankh she wore between her breasts was just one of the many times where I found myself giving so much props to the strength of my Sisters all over the world. As I have always said, I am my Sister and my Sister is me.

To many commentators on Social Media they are only seeing that it was about cheating, and her calling Jay (her husband) out but it was, in fact, so much more than that.

This piece of Art was not good just because Beyoncé did it, though I don’t know if anyone else could have executed it the way she did, it was good because the message needed to be said.

The Divine Feminine is Rising, Shakti is Rising and She will not be silenced, She will not be pushed down.

This documentary is about the plight of Black Women and how they are the most underrepresented and misunderstood group of people in this country, and on this planet. It tells the story, and insecurities that EVERY single Woman faces. This Documentary showed us the Power of Woman, the voice of the Goddess embodied, the fierceness of justified rage, and how beautiful it is when a Witch rises in power with her Sisters by her side. This Documentary was so much more than cheating rumors and scandal.

Besides all the Magick and Occult symbolism, and the strong Feminist message, the Documentary portrayed a real struggle, and told a story of forgiveness.

Forgiveness for most people, myself included, is next to impossible; especially when forgiveness has to do with infidelity, love, abuse, etc. We are so quick to walk away rather than fight for what we want because it’s easier, and we have become an easy society. Everything must be convenient for our fast paced, technology based lifestyles.

I suppose lots of things are easier than the act of forgiving someone we love who made a mistake. I am not condoning cheating but humans by nature are not monogamous creatures; we make the conscious choice to be with one person. Should it then be shamed if someone fucks up and acts according to their nature? It’s a hard question, and an even harder answer.

The Documentary was so much more than an album, it was an experience and one that I won’t soon forget. She showed us the power and necessity of Black Girl Magick, and I don’t care if that makes you uncomfortable.

Blessed Are The Witches.

Aspects of the Goddess: Maiden, Mother, Crone and What It Means to Not Belong

Boris Ovin

Image: Boris Ovini

“Where there is a woman there is magic. If there is a moon falling from her mouth, she is a woman who knows her magic, who can share or not share her powers. A woman with a moon falling from her mouth, roses between her legs and tiaras of Spanish moss, this woman is a consort of the spirits.”

Ntozake Shange

This blog was a request that I am finally getting the time to sit down and write, I am not sure if I am fully prepared for a piece such as this for a couple reasons. First, this topic is entirely about the Divine Feminine, an aspect I have only recently started to work with, and embrace. I always had Masculine energy around me, I was also always more comfortable with the Masculine side of myself and my Magick; not that I didn’t like being a Woman—I didn’t understand how to be a Woman, huge difference.

Then, I had my hysterectomy, and I really lost touch with my Feminine side; it was not until the Dark Goddesses, and my Beloved Crones came forth that I began to realize I am as much of a Woman and Witch as my Sistren who still have their Wombs, and Sacred Blood. I do, however, still hold onto some regret, or guilt almost for not cherishing my Blood when I had it, for not understanding that part of my life and for expressing myself sexually in all the wrong ways. It’s one of those “If I knew then what I know now” type situations while at the same time being an “everything happens for a reason” situation.

A bittersweet, catch 22. Aren’t they all, though?

The second reason that I am freaking out about this post is because it’s about a Pagan concept. For a long time, I have denounced the title Pagan even though I understand it is an umbrella term that I technically fall under, blah, blah, blah. For some reason I hate the term, that’s really all there is to it. I feel like it does not accurately describe me, and I also feel like it hinders me, it binds my power for some reason.

If I were to describe myself it would be, and has always been, a Luciferian Witch, though even that morphs and changes because I walk a line between Satanism and Luciferianism; as similar as they are, there are several differences. For me, Satanism is much darker, and when tapping into the collective adversarial energy that is Satan it entirely changes my Magick, and my mentality; when I tap into the Luciferian energy of illumination and knowledge, it changes my Magick and mentality in totally different ways. Same goes for Draconian Fire.

I like to tap into all forms of energy as I see fit. Why does one have to limit themselves with titles, words and colors on a spectrum that doesn’t even really exist?

Hell, if I am going to be honest I feel that even the title “Luciferian Witch” hinders my growth, so I have recently chosen to just say, I am.

At the end of the day, myself just like all you are everything and nothing existing together at the same time. What wonderful contradictions we are.

With all of that said, the request was to write about what it is like to be a Woman whose age is supposed to be in one phase, but she feels, and is in an entirely different phase. I am obviously referring to the Maiden, Mother, Crone idea. I have always found it interesting that Women of the Craft are divided, but our Brothers do not have anything similar. Part of me feels that it is because Women are inherently more spiritual than Men; I wholeheartedly believe this to be true. The Feminine and Masculine are different because they need to be in order to balance each other out, if we were both emotionally and entirely intuitively based, we would be a heaping pile of chaos, and tears. We need the Masculine’s logic, and stoic, solid foundation to anchor us when the tides of emotion become too much to bear alone. I am not referring to gender, either, I am referring to energy; Women can be Masculine, as Men can be Feminine.

There is this other part of me that feels this is yet another way the Patriarchy has had some effect, or conditioned us. And, before any of you start to freak out thinking I am some extreme, neo-Feminist for using the word Patriarchy, I am not, I just know this is a male dominated world.

Before I get into my opinion and experience being 31 and using Crone energy, I am going to define the terms. The Source I am using is a book from my personal collection called: ‘The Three Faces of the Goddess: Maiden, Mother, Crone’ by D.J Conway.

“The first aspect of the Goddess is the Maiden, sometimes called the Virgin or Huntress. She is spring, the fresh beginning of all things. The Maiden is the continuation of all life, the repeating of endless cycles of birth and rebirth, both of the body and of the spirit. She is the dawn, eternal youth and vigor, enchantment and seduction, the waxing Moon. Traditionally, Her color is white, denoting innocence and newness.”

“The Mother aspect of the Goddess is summer, the ripening of all things. She is the re-creation of life, both plant and animal; She is also the creation of universal bodies. She is the high point in all cycles, whether of living or creating, for the Mother blessed and gives with open hands. She is the Great Teacher of the Mysteries. Symbolically, the Mother aspect is the boiling or churning cauldron, the re-creative pot, and the ripeness of womanhood (or adulthood in general). The day, lustiness, reproduction, creation in any form and of anything—these are all within Her realm. Traditionally, Her color is red, the color of blood and the life force.”

“The Crone aspect of the Great Goddess is the least understood and the most feared of the three aspects. She has been called the Terrible Mother, the Hag, the Dark Mother, the Wise One. Because She deals with death and the end of cycles, most people tend to avoid this face of the Goddess. Black is Her color, and sometimes dark blue and the deepest of purples. Black is the absorber of all light, the color of darkness where all life rests before rebirth. The Crone is winter, night, outer space, the abyss, menopause, advancement in age, wisdom, counsel, the gateway to death and reincarnation, and the Initiator into the deepest of Mysteries and prophecies. The waning Moon is Her monthly time of power.”

“The Crone’s number is nine and multiples of nine. This number symbolizes wisdom and Sacred Magick. Nine is also a Moon number, which means spiritual completion and wholeness. The Moon goes through its phases from New to waxing to Full and back again to New. In life, we go out from the Crone’s recycling cauldron into existence, then eventually return again to Her waiting vessel. Physical death is part of life’s cycle of wholeness.”

Personally, I believe that we have the ability to be all aspects of the Goddess at once, or when we choose; I do not think numeric age has anything to do with the power we tap into. I believe that we, as Women, are able to tap into all aspects of the Goddess because all those aspects already exist within us.

So why wouldn’t I conclude that we can tap into them?

When I went into menopause at 27 (equals 9) it was intense, to say the least. I noticed a dramatic change in my power, my way of thinking, how I viewed the world, and even my moral compass; I seemed to suddenly give zero fucks.

The first of the Crones to come to me was my Beloved Baba Yaga, followed by other Dark Goddesses such as Kali, Hekate, Lilith, and Demeter. There is a level of humility gained when working with such powerful aspects of the Great Goddess. The biggest lesson I have learned so far is I now understand life and death more than I ever have, all because I am held in the embrace of primordial Darkness. I sit on the edge of life and death, teetering back and forth.

It’s interesting, and intriguing to be drawn to an aspect that most people feel is earned only through years walked on this Earth. I find that fellow Witches are more interested in my energy now because I am so young but my energy is that of the Crone. Conversely, fellow Witches are equally confused as they are interested when they realize how Motherly I am. Chalk it up to my Cancerian Soul, or the fact that I am both Mother and Crone, I know my truth.

I walk among all aspects of the Goddess because I am She, and She is Me; I limit myself to nothing and no one, no spectrum or creed because I am everything and nothing and so are thee.

If you are interested in purchasing the book I sourced:

The Bee’s Knees

irving penn - bee 1995

Image: Irving Penn

“The bee’s life is like a magic well: the more you draw from it, the more it fills with water”

Karl Von Frisch


We aren’t granted many full circle moments in life, and I myself have only had two that I can readily recall. I think that for a seeker, or anyone really, having a déjà vu moment, or a moment where the entire Universe seems to have aligned itself upon your arrival is what our quest is all about. It doesn’t matter if it is a certain turning point, situation, choice or change, it’s like the Universe is opening up for us, blossoming, welcoming us home while encouraging us to test our wings out.

This, my friends, is what I believe just happened to me.

Before I get into the meaty part of this post I want to say that I stopped writing about my dreams, and visions because after I was criticized for my writing, I became discouraged. I am not ashamed to say that, either. I think it takes a certain strength to admit such a vulnerable feeling like this, and I think it takes even more strength to do what I do: rip open my soul to bleed through my words.

I felt unworthy because I allowed the words of another get into my head, but I learned a lesson in it all, and I was able to really think about myself, and my writing. The question I posed to myself was, “Why are Christians who have vision’s considered prophetic but any person, from any other belief is labeled “crazy”? Why do we accept one more than the other?

I know the answer, this is more rhetorical than literal. I am open to constructive criticism but when others start to reach the destructive form of criticism that is when I have a problem. I refuse to remain silent because of the judgements or opinions of another person, I have fought for too long to get to where I am to have some jackass stop me now.

I am a Seer, I have always seen, and I always will. I do not care to, or have to prove this to anyone. My visions are very much a part of my everyday life, and they make me who I am.

With all of this said, off my chest and cleared out of the way, I am going to now get to the point.

For a few months I was not sleeping well, then I got new pillows, new bedding, and a padded mattress cover, along with a mattress foam topper and needless to say I haven’t had any trouble sleeping since. Now that I have been able to get some sleep my dreams and visions have started again, not to mention my health and grumpiness have both improved immensely. It’s a journey, and I am still working out the kinks of incorporating my spiritual life, and philosophy into my mundane life; it’s a long process, but one that will pay off in the end.

During the months of no sleep I could feel how badly the other side was trying to contact me, and they were making their point with overwhelming number sequences. On June 23rd I had one of the most vivid visions to date.

I was in a garden that was as vast as the cosmos; it looked like flowers and trees just fell off the edge into Oblivion, the stars were so bright, so bold, and vibrant that I felt like I could just reach out and touch them. The aroma of flowers was intoxicating, and my nose tickled with the touch of pollen. There were all types of creatures, and Fae were flying about.

Then suddenly I heard someone call out, “Noir…” as if the voice itself faded into the wind, it continued in repetition a few more times and I followed the voice to a massive tree covered in bee hives, with swarms of bees all around it, and what can only be described as waterfalls of honey; an intimidating site, Astral or not.

I began to walk to the tree and I saw 6 different Archetypes of the Goddess all greeting me: Diana, Neith, Hekate, Baba Yaga, Inanna, and Celeste. I started walking closer to them as they lay in the shade under this cosmic tree, and a bee landed on my right hand, it was instinct to swat it. As I lifted my hand I saw the broken, dead body of a little bee, and Inanna made her way over to me, and said, “Bees are signs from us, they are sacred, they are the Divine feminine. Do not fear them, do not kill them. When in fear, be still, my child, forever, be still.” Then she touched my hand and the bee was fixed, and flew away. She said that humans and bees are much more connected than most think, and one simply cannot exist without the other.

I woke up the next morning with the smell of flowers still in my nose, and the first thing I did was look up symbolism of bees, and deities associated with bees. I was blown away at the information I found, but what blew me away even more was what happened while I was looking up this information; I was messaging back and forth with an admin of another page and he said to me in the middle of a conversation, that was definitely not about bees or my dream, “I am the bee keeper.”

I started to hear bells in my ears, and taste honey in my mouth; I knew in that moment that the Divine Feminine had heard my cries and she has come to take her claim back over my mind, body and soul.

Here is what I found…

“The Mother Goddess is the oldest deity in the archaeological record, and she is often manifested as a dancing Bee. In the ancient world, dancing Bees were special – the Queen Bee in particular, for she was the Mother Goddess – leader and ruler of the hive, and was often portrayed in the presence of adoring Bee Goddesses and Bee Priestesses.”

“Sumerian physicians considered honey to be a unique and vital medicinal drug. It has been suggested that the Sumerians invented Apitherapy, or the medical use of Honey Bee products such as honey, pollen, royal jelly, propolis and bee venom.”

“The ancient Egyptians also venerated bees.  The agricultural, nutritional, medicinal and ritualistic value of the Bee and its honey was important in Egypt from pre-dynastic times onwards, as demonstrated by the fact that King Menes, founder of the First Egyptian Dynasty, was called “the Beekeeper”; a title ascribed to all subsequent Pharaohs. Additionally, the Kings administration had a special office called the ‘Sealer of the Honey’, and Kings of Upper and Lower Egypt bore the title “he who belongs to the sedge and the bee”. An image of the Bee was even positioned next to the King’s cartouche.”

“The Egyptian Goddess Neith is the Bee/Mother Goddess.  She was a warrior goddess with fertility symbolism and virginal mother qualities; all attributes of the Mother Goddess – and the Queen Bee.”

“Neith was known as the Veiled Goddess, and thus the reference on her temple inscription to ‘lifting a veil’ is intriguing, for Bees are often called hymenoptera, stemming from the word hymen, meaning “veil winged”, representing that which concealed the holy parts of a temple, as well as the veil or hymen of a woman’s reproductive organ. Only later did the veiled wing become associated with the goddess Isis.”

“Hilda Ransome informs us; “The title Melissa, the Bee, is a very ancient one; it constantly occurs in Greek Myths, meaning sometimes a priestess, sometimes a nymph.” This is an important observation, for the tradition of dancing Bee goddesses appears to have been preserved in a form of Bee maidens known as Melissa’s – or nymphs, and Greek deities such as Rhea and Demeter were widely known to have held the title. Additionally, the Greeks frequently referred to ‘Bee-Souls’ and bestowed the title of ‘Melissa’ on unborn souls.”

Read more, here:

http://romancingthebee.com/2012/05/13/the-bee-as-symbol-of-the-divine-mother/

“We can gain clues to bee meaning by observing the hive. A bee’s home is made of tightly packed cells in the shape of hexagons. These cells are made from beeswax, and the structure as a whole is called honeycomb. The hexagonal cells of the honeycomb stores food, and is also an ideal place for bees to raise their young. I’d like to hone in on the hexagonal symbolism of the beehive/honeycomb. Hexagons are comprised of six sides. The number six is symbolic of love (six is a sacred number for the goddess Venus), communication, balance and union. So, regarding the home (hive), the bee is a symbol of wholesome child-rearing, love within the family, domestic stability, harmony and open communication among family members. When the bee visits us, it’s often a message for these family themes…an encouragement to open healthy communications within the family, reevaluate the home, and family. Bees remind us to focus on the nurturing of our family, community and support groups.”

“Bees continue to be a symbol of unified family when we learn about the queen. Worker bees elect a queen, and take special care of her until she matures. All the members of the hive work together to support the queen. They do this in order for the queen to insure new life, and continuation of the colony. This is symbolic of a family working together for the benefit of the group. It’s symbolic of teamwork too. The bee often comes to us when we need reminding that there is no “I” in “teamwork”. When the bee pays us a visit, we may need to self-evaluate. Are we more concerned with being “right” or having our own needs met than being concerned for our community? Bees in our awareness might be telling us to sacrifice our own needs or pride for the needs of others in our lives.”

“Bee meaning is connected with honey. Honey is a bi-product. Bees ingest flower nectar, partially digest it, and then regurgitate it within the comb. Not only is it used to feed baby bees, it’s uses in human history are phenomenally diverse. From sweeteners, to anti-bacterial agents to even embalming agents (Egyptian mummies), honey has been a prized product of bees for centuries. Symbolically, honey represents nourishment, reward, sweetness, sensuality and wealth. Honey is associated with gold in many myths and legends. This equates it to reward achieved after an arduous undertaking. As bees are ceaseless in productivity, the lesson translates to mean something like: With hard work, we earn the gold.”

“In Egypt, the bee was a symbol of royalty and power. This comes from the legend that the bee was born from the tears of Ra, who was an important sun god among ancient Egyptians. Furthermore, the ruler of Lower Egypt was often referred to as “He who belongs to the Bee.”

“Essene were a communal people who were devout to Judaism; they’re known for their role as keepers of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Essene priests were referred to as “bees” because of their integral role within the community, their tireless devotion to God and their faith. In effect, Essene priests were busy as bees keeping the spiritual wisdom within the community available and protected.”

“As a symbol of love, bee meaning was associated with Cupid during Renaissance paintings. Bees are depicted stinging Cupid, the god of love and desire. The artistic symbolism deals with the blindness of love, and leaping into passion without regard to consequence. Apparently, Cupid is often shown dipping into honey, without thought to potential danger of protective bees. The Renaissance lesson here is “Beware of love’s sting.”

Deities associated with bees:

Cybele: Greek mother goddess, to whom the bee represents fertility.

Diana: Roman nature goddess, to whom the bee represents continuation of life (pollination) and beauty.

Demeter: Greek earth goddess, to whom bee meaning deals with provision and harvest (honey) .

Krishna: Hindu god who, when the bee is depicted with the lotus, represents reincarnation.

Shiva: Hindu god who, when the bee is shown upon his forehead, means luck, transformation and peace.

Ra: Egyptian sun god, to whom the bee represents vision, creativity and wisdom.

Read more, here: http://www.whats-your-sign.com/bee-meaning.html

The Matriarch: Mary Magdalene

Gianluca

Image: Gianaluca Palma

“The church seemed doomed to failure, destined to go down to bloody death amidst the bleeding corpses of its victims, when the people discovered Mary. And only when Mary, against the stern decrees of the church, was dug out of the oblivion to which Constantine had assigned her and became identified with the Great Goddess was Christianity finally tolerated by the people.”

Elizabeth Gould Davis, The First Sex


I had an idea to write a post about Mary Magdalene a few days ago, I don’t know why but I was drawn to do it, only to decide against it in the end. I feel like I am not educated enough about her to even begin to tell her story, I do know that what little information is written in the Bible is not correct, shocker. So, I have set out on a quest to find her story, while in the midst of my quest I found the quote above on a friend’s page, and it was yet another sign for me to journey down this road, for whatever reason.

This is not my original work, but this is a really good read full of great information about a version of the Goddess that is far too often forgotten. The Women in the Bible ARE aspects of us, aspects of the Great Mother and they are oppressed, hidden, and mocked just like rest of us. Their stories were twisted, or negated all together, left to one sentence such as Dinah, daughter of Jacob; her and her Mother’s would worship Inanna in the red tent, which was destroyed when the man became threatened by the Woman’s independence. I ask that you keep an open mind, and do not allow any Christian perspective, or hatred towards Christianity in general, blind your view of this aspect of the Divine Feminine.

Knowledge truly is power.

Legend:

“Mary Magdalene was of the district of Magdala, on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, where stood her families castle, called Magdalon; she was the sister of Lazarus and of Martha, and they were the children of parents reputed noble, or, as some say, royal descendants of the House of David. On the death of their father, Syrus, they inherited vast riches and possessions in land, which were equally divided between them.”

“Lazarus betook himself to the military life; Martha ruled her possessions with great discretion, and was a model of virtue and propriety, -perhaps a little too much addicted to worldly cares; Mary, on the contrary, abandoned herself to luxurious pleasures and became at length so notorious for her extravagant lifestyle that she was known through all the country round only as ‘The Sinner.’”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“Sinners were people devoted to the moon-god, Sin. Moses spent 38 of 40 years in the Wilderness of Sin, the land where the god, Sin, was worshipped. Sinai is the feminine form of Sin; therefore, Mount Sinai can be called “the mountain of the goddess,” feminine counterpart of Sin. “Mary Magdalene” represented the Great-Goddess-Mother-Queen, wife of “Jesus.” Historically, she can be found in several prominent Roman families: (1) She was the daughter of Juba II, the King of Mauretania and wife, Queen Cleopatra Selene (daughter of Antony and Cleopatra). (2) She was also known as Agrippina the Elder; her sister was Julia the Younger and her step-brother was Drusus Germanicus, the secret younger son of Emperor Tiberius. (3) She was known as Livilla, mother of twins whose grandfather was Emperor Tiberius. And, she can be found disguised as a man: Philo of Alexandria and Emperor Claudius’ powerful freedman Pallas.”

Legend

“Mary’s discreet sister, Martha, frequently rebuked her for these disorders and at length persuaded her to listen to the exhortations of Jesus, through which her heart was touched and converted. The seven demons which possessed her, and which were expelled by Jesus, were the seven deadly sins common to us all. The struggles of these seven principal faults are; first, Gluttony or the pleasures of the palate; secondly, Fornication; thirdly, Covetousness, which means Avarice, or, the love of money, fourthly, Anger; fifthly, Dejection; sixthly, “Accidie,” which is the sin of spiritual sloth or sluggishness; and seventhly, kenodocila which means ego, foolish pride or vain glory.”

“On one occasion Martha entertained the Savior in her house, and, being anxious to feast him worthily, she was  ‘cumbered with much serving.’ Mary, meanwhile, sat at the feet of Jesus, and heard his words, which completed the good work of her conversion; and when, sometime afterwards, be supped in the house of Simon the Pharisee, she followed him thither and she brought an alabaster box of ointment and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hair of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with ointment – and He said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven’.”

Fact

“The word translated as “demons” can be, and is, translated as “Angels” in other biblical verses. Seven in Hebrew is Shabbat. Shabbat Hamalka represented the feminine side of Yahweh – his consort, and she is of extremely ancient origin. Sometimes called Asherah, Shekhina, etc., this goddess is a combination of Queen, Bride, and Goddess.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“The referenced “anointing scene” harkens to the Old Testament, Song of Solomon. King Solomon and his “Sister-Bride” sing a love song as they profess their everlasting love. Many myths of “gods and goddesses” describe them as “Sister-Bride, Brother-Groom.” The king of Libya, Juba II, first married Cleopatra Selene, daughter of Antony and Cleopatra. However, he married a second time: his second wife was Glaphyra, widow of Alexander III, son of Herod the Great and Jewish princess, the Hasmonean Mariamme. With that marriage, Juba’s children with Selene and Glaphyra’s children with Alexander became “Brothers and Sisters.” When Juba’s eldest daughter married Glaphyra’s eldest son, they became, “Sister-Bride, Brother-Groom.”

Legend

“Tradition relates that after the Crucifixion, Mary traveled to Italy, met with the Emperor Tiberias (14-37 AD) and proclaimed to him about Christ’s Resurrection. According to tradition, she took him an egg as a symbol of the Resurrection, a symbol of new life with the words: “Christ is Risen!” Then she told Tiberias that, in his Province of Judea, Jesus the Nazarene, a holy man, a maker of miracles, powerful before God and all mankind, was executed on the instigation of the Jewish High-Priests and the sentence affirmed by the procurator Pontius Pilate. Tiberias responded that no one could rise from the dead, any more than the egg she held could turn red. Miraculously, the egg immediately began to turn red as testimony to her words. Then, and by her urging, Tiberias had Pilate removed from Jerusalem to Gaul, where he later suffered a horrible sickness and an agonizing death.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“After the “Passover-Passion Pageant,” designed to merge the Jewish “Messiah” with the Greco-Roman and Egyptian “Dying-and-Resurrected Savior” (Dionysus, Osiris, Serapis, etc.), the woman who played the role of “Mary Magdalene” accompanied her husband, the man who portrayed “Jesus,” to Alexandria, Egypt. “Jesus” became the Alabarch of Alexandria; “Mary Magdalene” assumed one of the names carried by her famous grandmother, Cleopatra Thea Philo Pater (wife of Marc Antony), which were probably the names she also carried. Using the name, Philo, and claiming to be a man, “Mary Magdalene” became famous as the philosopher and chief proponent of merging of Judaism with Greek Philosophy. She also promoted the allegorical interpretation of scripture, the only method by which their story could be told.”

Legend

“Suggestions of commentators and legend continues Mary’s story. Fourteen years after the ascension, Lazarus with his two sisters, Martha and Mary; with Maximin, one of the seventy-two disciples, from whom they had received baptism; Cedon, the blind man whom our Savior had restored to sight; and Marcella, the handmaiden who attended on the two sisters, were by the Jews set adrift in a vessel without sails, oars, or rudder; but, guided by Providence, they were safely borne over the sea till they landed in a certain harbor which proved to be Marseilles, in the country now called France.”

“The people of the land were pagans, and refused to give the holy pilgrims food or shelter; so they were fain to take refuge under the porch of a temple and Mary Magdalene preached to the people, reproaching them for their senseless worship of idols; and though at first they would not listen, yet being after a time convinced by her eloquence, and by the miracles performed by her and by her sister, they were converted and baptized. And Lazarus became, after the death of the good Maximin, the first bishop of Marseilles.”

“These things being accomplished, Mary Magdalene retired to the cliffs not far from the city. It was a frightful barren wilderness and in the midst of horrid rocks she lived in the caves of Sainte-Baume; there for thirty years she devoted herself to solitary penance for the sins of her past life, which she had never ceased to bewail bitterly. During this long seclusion, she was never seen or heard of, and it was supposed that she was dead.”

“Mary fasted so rigorously, that but for the occasional visits of the angels, and the comfort bestowed by Celestial visions, she might have perished. She was given the Holy Eucharist by angels as her only food. Every day during the last years of her penance, the angels came down from heaven and carried her up in their arms into regions where she was ravished by the sounds of unearthly harmony, and beheld the glory and the joy prepared for the sinner that repenteth.”

“One day a certain hermit, who dwelt in a cell on one of those wild mountains, having wandered farther than usual from his home, beheld this wondrous vision-the Magdalene in the arms of ascending angels, who were singing songs of triumph as they bore her upwards; and the hermit, when he had a little recovered from his amazement, returned to the city of Marseilles, and reported what he had seen.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“Mary Magdalene” spent the remainder of her life in various locations including: Alexandria, Rome, Emesa, and Greece using a variety of aliases. Inscriptions in Athens, dedicated to “Juba’s Daughter,” were in recognition of all she did for the Roman Empire as the Freedman, Pallas. A tongue-in-cheek letter written by Pliny the Younger to his friend Montanus enumerates some of her many accomplishments.”

Legend

“According to Church tradition, Mary Magdalene remained in Rome until the arrival of the Apostle Paul, and for two more years still, following his departure from Rome after the first court judgment upon him.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“Paul was never an “apostle” but remained the arch-enemy of Jesus and all he attempted to teach and to do. “Jesus” and “Mary Magdalene,” using the aliases Narcissus and Pallas lived in Rome from 41 until 54. They filled powerful positions under Emperor Claudius and were responsible for the many innovations that improved the lives of Roman citizens, including the poorest and most vulnerable. Both their sons served as “Procurator of Judea.” (One from 46 to 48; the other from 51 to 60.)

Legend

“From Rome, Mary Magdalene, moved to Ephesus where she unceasingly labored the holy Apostle John, who with her wrote the first 20 Chapters of his Gospel (John 1-9, John 10-20). There the saint finished her earthly life and was buried. Mary was transported miraculously, just before she died, to the chapel of St. Maximin, where she received the last sacraments. She died when she was 72.”

“Allegorical interpretation of scripture: “Mary Magdalene” and “Jesus” traveled to Ephesus and may have lived there when she wrote “The Gospel of John.” However, her work was “over-written” by a later author who called himself “John” and corrupted much of her original work. “Mary Magdalene” was also known as “Io Anna,” the feminine form of “John.” Io and Anna are both names of goddesses. She died in 74 CE at the age of 84, just as Luke reported (Luke 2:36-7). She was using the alias “Caenis” and purported to be Vespasian’s “mistress.” She was, in fact, his co-ruler and his aunt. Vespasian was her sister’s son.”

Legend

“In 899 the Emperor Leo VI transported her alleged relics to a monastery in Constantinople. It was not until the tenth century that devotion to Mary Magdalene, the composite saint, took root in the west.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“Mary Magdalene” may have been buried in her family’s mausoleum in Mauretania as the inscribed “Roman Woman.” The mausoleum is called, “the tomb of the Christian woman,” which can also be translated as, “the tomb of the Feminine Christ.”

She has been forced to remain silent for too long, misrepresented, and it is time that we become her voice, that we become her Muse, and allow her story to be told through us.

Source: http://www.thenazareneway.com/life_of_st_mary_magdalene.htm

Hear Her Roar

Joshua Calebbe

Image: Joshua Calebbe

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.”

John Muir


I have been hearing Her call more than ever lately, the Great Mother I mean; She is speaking to me in a million, not so, silent ways. The signs started quietly at first, slowly appearing, but as I started to acknowledge them, they became more and more intense. She was tempting me, and when She felt my hunger, She gave me more blood (in this metaphor, knowledge). There was a huge piece of my path missing, and that was Her. I have never fully explored the Goddess path, and now that I have given myself to Her, I am being rewarded.

I am not a balanced person, and I suppose it is no surprise that my personal Philosophy seemed to be one sided, too. I believe in the Old God’s, and that has never been disputed in my mind, but I have never embraced fully, the masculine or feminine, God/Goddess, yin/yang, active/receptive, positive/negative—duality that is essential to succeed on any spiritual path, and I believe, life in general.

There has to be balance, or nothing is possible.

Imagine how hard this sense of duality is for me to understand, I have always existed in one extreme or another, which is so ironic, hypocritical almost, because I hate extremists. Yet, I exist in the extreme areas of my mind, and Soul.

I also find it ironic that the first Goddess to ever make contact with me was Hekate. This visit of the Goddess was followed by Artemis/Diana, for some reason she likes to show up as both archetypes with me, then there was Kali Ma, and Lilith. In recent weeks there have been my encounters with Baba Yaga, but she did not make herself known until I fully accepted the Divine Feminine into my everyday life, and lifestyle.

I am surrounded by masculine energy, my guides and guards, my messengers, and counsel are all male, so the fact that I have a temper like a male, or react in an aggressive nature like a male should be no shock. I like to blame the Beast within, and to some degree this is true, but I cannot blame the animalistic side of myself that resides within for how I choose to react; it is a choice to react or not.

I had completely forgotten the feminine side of the world, of Magick, of myself. Somewhere along the way I lost my sensuality, my sexuality, my feminine essence that makes me who I am. This partially has to do with my hysterectomy, it was like once my period was gone, and my ability to have children (even though I never wanted any) I felt so much less feminine.

What the Doctor’s never told me about was how much menopause changes your body, surgically induced or not. All of the Women in my family also had hysterectomies, at young ages, but I wasn’t warned about “The Change”, I think everyone was more concerned with saving my quality of life at that point.

At 27 I was faced with this change in my body, and man was it rough. Literally everything changed, from my appetite, to my emotions, my skin, my sex drive, I mean it was a huge adjustment. I wanted to start out going a more herbal route for menopause symptoms instead of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), and that was a waste of time and money. There are some times, SOME times, when the medical world, and science, just get it right, and they got it right with synthetic estrogen. I have been back on it for months now, and it is like nothing ever happened.

With this second chance at femininity I have been hearing the call of the Goddess, in all Her form’s, it feels like She is calling, inviting me home.

It started at first with calls to nature itself, it felt like a huge magnet pulling me to the Earth, and all of Her gifts. I started this venture into nature slowly, because if you know me personally, then you know I hate bugs, and I hate my bare feet on the grass, but this was ALL that I could think about. I started a garden because for some reason I suddenly had this urge to help, in any way, to save the bees. While I was gardening I found a bone, and a large clam shell in the soil; a sign from Her, gifts I am sure. I stopped drinking milk, and am slowly cutting dairy out all together because I finally found out what happens to the calves after birth, and what happens to the Cow’s during life; I want nothing to do with any of it. I had cut out red meat already, and pork is becoming less and less, along with chicken. It is hard to suddenly go from eating meat, and animal products, to nothing. Slowly, but surely I am on my way.

I started craving rich foods, and smells. I wanted earthy perfumes, and incense. I felt the urge to get tinctures, resins, specific crystals, and all natural products. I have begun to embrace my sexuality again, and have started to get in touch (literally) with that side of me. I have started wearing jewelry again, and being more adventurous with my fashion.

I feel as though my skin is shedding, my cocoon is opening, my flower is blossoming.

From this initial change to a healthy lifestyle I started watching documentaries about the current state of our Natural world, and it was mind blowing. I felt the need to see for myself what is going on, what is the physical Earth telling us? The situation is dire, and it goes far beyond the bees. There are Apex predators such as the lion, and shark that are being nearly wiped out due to hunting. The increase in big game hunting is called “Conservation” by those pulling the trigger, but they fail to realize the consequence that killing has on the eco system itself.

So, yeah, you are paying up to $250,000 to a country in Africa that desperately needs the money, and most times the meat of the kill is donated to the local people, but when killing a male lion, do these people not think of the effect it has on their pride? Do these hunters of sharks, who in most cases kill sharks primarily for their fins, not realize how the food chain works? Without Predators, the entire thing collapses? Are we ignoring all of this for our own selfish reasons?

Even down to the bees, which some people say is all hype, apparently they haven’t been paying attention either. Without the bees, human’s will be gone within a few decades, is that not a terrifying thought? Do we think we have somewhere else to go?

How about the polar bears drowning because of sea ice melting, or what about the whales that are washing up with bellies full of plastic? Or birds dying by the dozens for the same reason? How about wolf hunts, and the affect that has on their natural habitat?

We want to make everything about politics, money, Religion and debate everything, even scientific fact. Which, in case you were wondering, Global Warming is a fact. Mother Nature has been warning us for years, for decades, and we keep putting a bandaid on an open, bleeding, deep wound. How long before that bandaid no longer is enough? What happens then?

The world became male dominated centuries upon centuries ago, and with that came the death of the Goddess in main stream Religion, and Her stories became known as myths. We live in a patriarchal society but without the feminine aspect on our side, we all suffer—we all die.

I believe the Divine Feminine, the Goddess Herself, was ok with Her story being hidden, only to be seen by those worthy of hearing Her call, but I think She draws the line at the killing of Her creatures for our own gain, animal and human alike, of course. She has declared war, and at this point you are either with Her, or against Her.

The only thing I know for sure is we can’t make it without Her.

May She rise again.

For more information on any of the topics I mentioned:

http://blog.chron.com/sciguy/2015/02/sharks-apex-predator-of-the-gulf-are-dying-by-the-millions/#30679101=0

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2014/01/140129-whale-shark-endangered-cites-ocean-animals-conservation/

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/apr/15/fifty-foot-sperm-whale-washes-up-san-francisco

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/14/us/honeybees-mysterious-die-off-appears-to-worsen.html?_r=0

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/18/science/earth/18wolf.html

http://www.missionwolf.org/page/trophic-cascade/

http://www.nwf.org/wildlife/wildlife-library/mammals/polar-bear.aspx

http://www.takepart.com/article/2012/08/28/plastic-waste-killing-birds-tens-thousands

http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2013/jun/03/canned-hunting-lions-bred-slaughter