RANTINGS OF A MAD WITCH: The Great Divide

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“The human body resonates at the same frequency as Mother Earth. So instead of only focusing on trying to save the earth, which operates in congruence to our vibrations, I think it is more important to be one with each other. If you really want to remedy the earth, we have to mend mankind. And to unite mankind, we heal the Earth. That is the only way. Mother Earth will exist with or without us. Yet if she is sick, it is because mankind is sick and separated. And if our vibrations are bad, she reacts to it, as do all living creatures.”

Suzy Kassem

I don’t identify as Pagan so writing a post that has been inspired by Pagan community issues is ironic, and that point is not missed by me.

As the world spirals out of control due to Government policies not in alignment with or appropriate for modern, progressive times, among other things, our system becomes further and further unbalanced with an “us vs. them” dichotomy.

This divisive narrative has bled into all areas of life.

And, yes, that includes Magick.

I always looked to the Witch community for inspiration.

For hope.

I sought out my Brothers and Sisters in Magick when the world got me down; it was my escape.

And, as socially and politically aware as I am, perhaps that escape became blinders.

Note: For clarification, I use the term Witch broadly in the context of this piece, and in general; I don’t use the term Pagan broadly (even though many people do) and I’m aware that by definition my practices are Pagan. We will unpack that mess another day. I also know that some Practitioners of African Diasporic Traditions, for example, do not identify as Witches, or practice Witchcraft. They are still and always included.

Carrying on…

Over the last several months I have noticed how deeply divided we are within the Witch community, and I must admit, it was surprising to me.

I know that many of my readers will say they are not shocked at my epiphany as they have experienced division, elitism and, often, racism first hand, but I thought we were better than this.

It’s important to point out that I stick to myself in pretty much every way possible; I have never been part of a Coven, or organization. I am not initiated into anything, and don’t believe someone must be in order to be taken seriously. On a mundane level, I’m a loner with a tight inner circle and extremely close familial connections.

I am a seeker and follower of the Old Ways, my path is my own and my research is endless, vast and deep.

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I consider myself to be super introverted, and us introverts know the one thing we do better than hiding is observing.

I notice everything, so how the divide in the Witch community was missed by me is something I must reflect on myself; no outside opinions necessary, or welcome.

It all started slowly, too–the realization, I mean.

First it was certain groups using Norse symbolism and Asatru teachings taken out of context to promote (white) nationalism, and racism.

Then it was white Witches excluding WOC (Witches of Color) from Witch spaces, or worse, talking for them instead of allowing them to speak for themselves.

Then it was white washing deities and/or using them out of context (ie. etymology of words/names and traditional lore must be considered); a blonde Kali threw me over the edge.

I have watched Witches’ pounce one another for “pulling the race card” simply because they wanted to have a conversation, an honest and open dialogue about what it means to live with brown skin in this world, in these times AND be a practicing Witch (again, all inclusive term).

Intersectionality is important—it’s the keystone of progress.

I have watched as Witches called out sexual abuse in the Pagan community only to be attacked in every way possible for daring to have a voice.

I have watched Witches improperly lash out because they are too scared to face their own traumas; Shadow Work is essential no matter what path you walk.

I have watched people use mental illness as an insult, or suggestion that someone’s behavior is because they are mentally unfit; this is dangerous for so many reasons.

I have watched people gather like a group of ‘Mean Girls’ and judge the witchiness of another to somehow validate or invalidate their practices and experiences.

I have watched Indigenous traditions stolen and exploited over and over and over again.

It goes far beyond the use (and misuse) of Sage, too.

I have watched as people were told they couldn’t practice a tradition because they are not the proper ethnicity.

And, trust me, I speak up, I speak up all the fucking time and I am shut down or attacked as people project onto me.

I have witnessed white folx being told they can’t practice Hoodoo, Haitian Vodou, New Orleans Voodoo or any African Diasporic Tradition in general because they don’t have African Ancestry.

The folx (gatekeepers) telling them this are the same folx who say that all people come from Africa (which they do).

Here’s a link for your reading pleasure, and my sanity.

You can’t have it both ways though.

We are either an inclusive community or we are not.

YES, black Witches, and black people in general, deserve to have spaces for themselves where they are represented authentically and unapologetically, by themselves.

And, YES, there are many traditions that ARE NOT up for the taking by outsiders because they are rooted in culture as well as practice and tradition (ie. being immersed in it day to day with your physical presence and time).

I DO NOT believe that as a white person everything is available/accessible to me, but when it comes to Spirituality, Spiritual practices and what resonates with the Soul, the lines get blurred really fucking quick, and it’s important for ALL parties involved to acknowledge this.

Respect for the path we walk, and education for the tradition we follow is key, in my opinion.

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I have watched white Witches tell black Witches they cannot venerate Norse or Celtic deities, or any Anglo-saxon group because they themselves are not white; that they will not be accepted because they are black.

I have only met a handful of Spirits who gave any flying fucks about race; generally, they just like to be honored, and most Practitioners, regardless of tradition, will agree with me on this.

It boils down to respect and education, as aforementioned, but also intent.

Another point, colonialism and how it continues to affect this country, and the world is a tricky, tricky subject and one of great complexity.

This of course affects our community.

Racism, sexism and sexual abuse in the Witch community are topics that must be addressed, and folx it’s going to suck for all parties involved.

White privilege is real. White supremacy is real. The patriarchy is real. Racism is real. Sexual abuse disguised as enlightenment or ritual is real.

We as a community cannot expect change on a grand, global scale, like so many of us truly want, if we are unable to see the issues among ourselves.

We cannot resist the system that wants to obliterate our existence if we aren’t even strong enough or brave enough to have the difficult conversations.

Yes, some white feelings are going to get hurt in the process, but imagine the generational trauma that POC must work through?

And, no folx this is NOT SAYING that white people don’t have generational trauma themselves.

Comparing the two is a false equivalency (another reason Intersectionality is paramount).

Our community is better than the actions of a few and I know that, but what I brought up here has moved far beyond just a few people.

How can Witches be a force of resistance, a force in the resistance if we can’t unify on the most basic shit?

How?

WITCH, PLEASE: The Art of Not Giving a Magickal F*ck

Eyes

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“When we dislike someone, or feel threatened by someone, the natural tendency is to focus on something we dislike about the person, something that irritates us. Unfortunately, when we do this–instead of seeing the deeper beauty of the person and giving them energy–we take energy away and actually do them harm. All they know is that they suddenly feel less beautiful and less confident, and it is because we sapped their energy.”

James Redfield

For the last few years Shadow Work seems to be my entire existence; whether it is battling through my Shadow, the collective Shadow or helping to guide others through their’s, Shadow has been ever present all around me.

I am so aware of Shadow Work that it became a Course for The House of Twigs: School of Ritual.

A lot of people seem to think that because there is a beginning to our Shadow journey that there, too, must be an end.

But, is there?

In my opinion, no.

Just like I believe our Kundalini awakening to be a life-long event, after the Serpent’s initial rising, I believe Shadow Work is also life-long.

Once you have seen, tasted and existed within the depth of Shadow, there is no going back to the shallows of mundane life.

There is no more smiling through fake bullshit to avoid conflict or confrontation; there is no more biting your tongue to make someone else comfortable; there is no more apologizing for taking up space in this world; there is no more playing small in any regard.

Shadow Work demands us to step into ourselves and our power because the most important keys to collect on our journey dwell in abysmal places.

There is no more pretending because our Shadow simply does not allow us to do so.

There is no room for lies, masks or inauthenticity, only truth.

Shadow Work is about the understanding and acceptance of ourselves and our feelings, thoughts, emotions, actions and desires.

The key to this gritty work is honoring the less positive aspects of ourselves and our nature and learning to reconcile them.

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I am going to digress for one moment because there IS a point I want to make with this piece, but you need a bit of backstory.

I have written about Witch Wars, and how ridiculous I find them to be; often they are meritless, ego driven temper tantrums with Magick involved, and they can be disastrous for both target and Magickian.

The target could potentially be faced with a Magickal attack; the Magickian will have to deal with the excessive use of energy, and if casted with too much uncontrolled emotion, they will have to deal with what I call “Magickal kickback”.

It isn’t karma or some three-fold law, it’s the idea that if our intentions are not clear, our mind not focused, and our aim not precise, the energy created could bite us in the ass.

I can’t believe I am about to use a gun analogy, but it’s effective for painting the picture.

A gun is a weapon, it can be used for protection and defense, but at the end of the day, it’s main purpose is to maim and/or kill; in many ways this is how baneful Magick should be viewed and respected (think of it as a last resort, not a first option).

Some of the higher-powered guns on the market have serious kickback (recoil) and can even blow your shoulder out of socket if not held properly.

So, yeah, you could still hit your target and harm them, but you also harmed yourself.

Get it?

I have seen the degree and frequency of Witch Wars lessen in recent months, but what has taken its place is almost as bad.

There seems to be a lot of petty gossip, evil eyes and hate being thrown around.

And, it’s all meritless; just like Witch Wars.

When we don’t like someone, why do we have to dramatize it?

Why do we have to become the victim in our own narrative to justify not liking someone?

When I don’t vibe with, or like someone, I am honest with them and myself about it.

I have had it backfire in my face a few times because people really can’t handle not being liked; it’s as if they would prefer the drama and gossip just so they can have something to hold onto.

“Well *this* is why they don’t like me. That bitch.”

Otherwise, they just can’t accept it.

I have had people try to ruin my career because I was open and honest about not vibing with them; I clearly explained my feelings, wished them well, and they still wanted to bring me down.

Talk about petty.

There are tons of things in life I don’t like, and no one ever asks for in-depth, psychological reasons as to why.

There are certain foods, clothes, textures, seasons, animals, crystals, herbs, you name it; there is literally SO MUCH that I don’t like, and it’s accepted without question.

When it comes to people though, we can’t just say, “Oh, yeah, I know them, we aren’t friends; just didn’t get along but I wish them well!”

It simply isn’t accepted.

People start digging, fishing, stirring and conjuring to the point where sometimes we take on this created drama as our reality.

What sense does any of this make?

Key

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And, this is one of the keys to not only Shadow Work but to Magick:

It’s okay to choose yourself over others.

Read that again: own it, accept it, live it.

Then understand this:

It’s okay to admit you don’t like someone.

It’s okay to not quite know why, either; always go with your intuition– your first instinctual thought.

I’ve become friends with some of the people I didn’t initially like; I’ve talked about my theory of this many times in the past. As a defensive reaction, I don’t usually like authentically strong Witches upon first meeting.

On the flip side,  I’ve seen my intuition nail the character of a person to a T and without exaggeration, it saved me.

Everything is energy, and Witches are some of the most energetically complex creatures created; to expect that we will always get along, and like one another is naivety at its finest.

To protect yourself, your space, and your Magick, you must be choosey with who you allow to get close and see your inner workings of Self.

Accepting that it’s okay to not like someone because their energy rubs you wrong is the epitome of Self Preservation.

Talking shit and projecting your insecurities because you don’t like someone, or they don’t like you, is the epitome of childish.

There’s enough space for us all to exist.

I generally am polite when confronted by people asking why I don’t like them, why we became distant, or why I won’t accept their friend request; I try to always be consciously aware of the words I use with others because, in truth, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

So, I lessen the blow with positive affirmations, and then lay it on them that our energy just doesn’t compliment each other’s.

But, the clear and simple answer is:

Because I don’t have to.

I don’t have to be friends with everyone.

I don’t have to like you just because you like me, or because we have mutual friends, or interests in common.

I don’t have to like everyone, and neither do you; it’s unrealistic to think otherwise.

We are responsible for the protection of our energy.

We are also responsible for the words we speak and actions we carry out.

Ask yourself,

Are you proud of your words and actions?

Are they warranted?

As Witches we are even more responsible for our words and actions than the average person because we carry Magick.

We ARE Magick.

And Magick can both heal and harm.

Choose wisely.

(Thumbnail Image: Marius Sperlich)

Life Lessons: A Grand Epiphany

Sofia Ajram

Image: Sofia Ajram

“I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking”

Albert Einstein


I have been an addict for as long as I can remember, since the moment my eyes made contact with paper I knew that words were going to be my chosen substance. When I was 17 I discovered one of the grandest words of all: epiphany. I didn’t know at the time how important this word was, or is, I had no idea the advice being given to me in those halls of my high school, a moment that seems like lifetimes ago.

There was a teacher who taught Economics and Latin, he was an older gentlemen who can only be compared to being “my favorite book”. He was full of stories, and tales, equally funny and tragic, the depths of that man and his intelligence knew no bounds. My senior year happened to be his last year teaching so he was freely giving away bits of coded knowledge as if asking us to pass on his legacy and let him live on; a point missed by most of the robots I went to school with. If I were to transplant Mr. B back in time, he would have been a little old man, nose stuck in a book in the halls of the library of Alexandria.

In my free time (study hall or what was known as “free period”) I would seek him out to have conversations about the Occult, or politics. He was a Catholic, most of the town was, but he was very much into hidden or forbidden areas of knowledge (which made me like him more). I mean the man spoke fluent Latin “just because”. He was a very interesting being, and I was sad to hear of his passing not too long after I graduated in 2002.

During one of my last conversations with him he told me something that seems to mean more to me the further into the Abyss I go. He said, “an epiphany will give you clarity, or insanity.”

Let that simmer in your mind for a second, for those who would like to look at the definition while allowing your thoughts to collect, here you go.

“An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, “manifestation, striking appearance”) is an experience of sudden and striking realization.”

Read that again, “an epiphany will give you clarity, or insanity”. I mean if there were ever a time for me to use the expression “mind blown” it would have been then, like right in that very moment.

As I heard it roll off his tongue, per my usual nerdy self, I said, “That’s a fun word.” After going to look up the actual definition I tucked the word into the back of my head, and hoped that someday I would be able to experience such a moment.

Never did I expect my life to be full of these moments, some greater in magnitude than others, the number only increases as time goes by; I suppose in hindsight that I have had many grand epiphanies in my life, I just didn’t realize them at the time. That itself is a lesson to be more present, to appreciate all the moments of life.

An epiphany when you are present and aware is in a league of its own; when you are aware of a moment of enlightenment, a moment when a paradigm shift suddenly happens and it shatters everything you thought you knew, there are no words to describe such a feeling. It’s like the Universe opens a door, pushes you through and closes it behind you, forcing you to accept the change, to make the move–

Forcing your hand in this proverbial chess game that is life.

Life is so funny, I feel like each day I come closer to understanding how utterly comical this existence is and that lesson is part of the reason I am here in the flesh to begin with. I am such a serious soul, I take everything seriously; the world, people, animals, feelings of others, the “bigger picture”–everything is serious business with me and it has always been like that. I laugh with the best of them, and I often find myself to be a sarcastic asshole, but overall, I am straight faced, lost in thought, or wandering off to a quiet place so I can analyze in solitude.

In my most recent analysis it was revealed to me that major changes needed to be made, and once these changes were made abundance would come to me. I took the opportunity of the recent, powerful Full Moon and decided to make those changes effective on that date, and man, oh, man has it turned into a snowball effect of prosperity, growth and illumination.

I have become motivated again, I have sold vials and earrings, I have made all the necessary steps to be a real business owner, and the legalities are taken care of. I have also begun the ridiculous process of photographing my inventory for my online shop.

It isn’t just the tangible or business side of things, it’s personal, too. I have found a great group of friends, most of whom were standing by my side the whole time but I was too blind to see, others are newcomers who I feel were sent to me so we could grow together; so we can empower each other.

I am learning to trust friendships, and people, but most importantly I am learning to trust myself. I have let go of past regret, and accepted future mistakes.  I have learned that Divine madness and enlightenment are true partners in crime. I have learned that I can do this because I am doing this. I have learned that I am stronger than I know, and that my heart is a goddamn warrior. I have learned that my intuition is the only opinion I need to be concerned with, and haters are of abundance these days. I have learned that I am the only person I need but it’s nice to have company on this journey, and it’s ok to fall because in the fall you appreciate flight so much more.

All that really matters is I have learned and that is the grandest epiphany of all.

Let It Be

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Image: Natalie Drepina

“I’m a free spirit who never had the balls to be free.”

Cheryl Strayed


Life has been handing out the blows lately, and it has caused me to detour from my set path. I am not the type of person who can take things day by day, a bit of a control freak, and I need to have things mapped out in order to feel comfortable amid the Chaos. I also am a Cancer, and we tend to like things in our personal lives, and environment to be something we have control over.

I have no control right now though, none. I am just spinning round, and round, and round some more.

There was the death in my family last week, followed by me dodging a proverbial bullet with my career, and I am being bombarded with people seeking help. I have no problem helping people, the problem is just that; I want to help everyone, and forget about myself.

I allowed myself to slip through the cracks while I was helping everyone else.

After seriously straying from my daily routine this week, plus falling victim to many random happenings, I needed to take today and have it be a day for me. It started out a little rocky because I am passing, or dealing with, a kidney stone. I have had that sucker living inside my left kidney for almost 2 years, and it picks this week, of all weeks, to be a bastard. It’s ok though, nothing I can’t handle, just venting about the poor timing.

Carrying on…

So, after a bit of time being distracted by the news, and my phone, Facebook in general, I put my phone on silent and decided I was going to watch a movie. I turned to the movie channel, and almost without thought I scroll down to the movie ‘Wild’ starring Reese Witherspoon.

I love movies, I have always loved movies—all genres. I don’t know if it is because I am artist so I appreciate all artistic mediums or if I just really like to spend two hours of my life watching a story be told on the screen. I have no genre I like more than another, although I am a bit partial to horror and old black and white films. How weird, right?

Since I saw the previews of this movie, Wild, last year I have said I needed to watch it. For one reason or another, every time I sat down to do just that something came up or something stopped me from being able to take time away. Today was the day, and the timing was ever so perfect.

On top of being off my routine, the cosmic energy in the air pummeling me, and my health, I had a nasty run in with some dude over the fact that I said a fallen Angel could be a guardian. I won’t even give that whole situation the attention he wants. I had a huge blowout with a close friend, and life just seems to be changing and stagnant at the same time.

How is that? How is it that the rug feels like it has been ripped from under me but I still feel suffocated?

When I am sick like this my mind becomes even more of an enemy of mine because I can’t fight it, I can’t channel my insanity into creative energy. This movie was the perfect distraction.

If you are unfamiliar with the film it is about a young woman who after living a tormented life has decided the only way to get her shit together was to “walk back to wild”. She choose the Pacific Crest Trail, which is a hike that goes from the Mexican border all the way up to the Canadian border. It is a story, true story at that, told over a 3 month time frame.

It took a little adjusting for me to get into the movie, but once I was hooked I began a deep descent into a well of epiphanies.

The first quote to hit me like a brick to the face was a poem called ‘Power’ by Adrienne Rich:

‘Living in the earth-deposits of our history

Today a backhoe divulged out of a crumbling flank of earth

one bottle amber perfect a hundred-year-old

cure for fever or melancholy a tonic

for living on this earth in the winters of this climate

Today I was reading about Marie Curie

she must have known she suffered from radiation sickness

her body bombarded for years by the element

she had purified

It seems she denied to the end

the source of the cataracts on her eyes

the cracked and suppurating skin of her finger-ends

till she could no longer hold a test-tube or a pencil

She died a famous woman denying

her wounds

denying

her wounds came from the same source as her power’

Read that part again, “She died a famous woman denying her wounds, denying her wounds came from the same source as her power”.

It was like my ears had perked, suddenly I had to listen, and I couldn’t look away. I knew there was a lesson to be learned in this movie.

A few scenes later another amazing little quote jumped out at me, “You gotta find your best self and hold onto it.”

We search this whole planet our whole lives to be a version of ourselves that a majority of the time is not true to who we are. Even when we think we are being true to ourselves, we aren’t. Society tells us that we are not to be different, or stand out, that forces you outside of the herd.

I guess for a wolf like me being outside of the herd is exactly where I belong.

I sat and watched this movie, and reflected on my own life. It hit me suddenly and it came out in a cleansing cry, it was like a whisper in my ear saying…

“No one is killing you but yourself.”

I start projects and don’t finish them, I get motivated then get sidetracked only to come back to it at a later date. I make a decision and fail to stick with it because my heart is as deep as an ocean, and I feel everything to the bottom of it.  I fear making decisions so much that I will try to avoid them altogether; even betraying myself. I allow love to be my Master, and dominant me even when I should be begging for mercy.

I know all there is to know about myself, and because of this knowing of Self I know that I am also a magnificent, beautiful, intelligent being who is going to succeed no matter how many pitfalls I stumble upon, or how many rocks are thrown. I was built for this, and succeed I will.

I have talked about my need to get back to my Wild before, but now it has become a dire situation, I must find my Wild because the alternative—well, there isn’t one. I refuse to be tamed by a society that considers me a black sheep no matter what I do.

Don’t let them tame you.

I will leave you with the quote from the movie ending…

“What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I’d done something I shouldn’t have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I’d done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do? What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do anything differently than I had done? What if I’d actually wanted to fuck every one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn’t have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed?

What if I already was?

How wild it was, to let it be.”

The Mind, Body, Soul Connection

Meganne Forbes

Image: Meganne Forbes

“If we are creating ourselves all the time, then it is never too late to begin creating the bodies we want instead of the ones we mistakenly assume we are stuck with.”

Deepak Chopra


In the past I have written about the importance of having a healthy body in order to speed up the opening of your third eye, and I have made some brief comments about my opposition to the “food like” substances that are consumed, but I want to now fully dive into this topic. I want to tell you about the changes I have made personally and the results I have seen because just giving out advice like any other blog is not really going to help. I think people want a personal account of a non-conventional spiritual path, and I hope I give that, but I also think people want to hear personal accounts of how mind, body and soul truly are connected. And, I have the proof to show you.

My journey started off with a clashing of my mind and soul, it was a psychological manifestation of a truly spiritual problem. I was around the age of 24 when I began to peek into the side of me that I had hidden as a child, the Seer who has one eye in this world and one eye in the next. I had suppressed this side of myself because I didn’t want to be the “freak”, I didn’t want to be the outcast, so I watered myself down, and changed my masks like one changes underwear.

It was a cycle of madness, of falsities, of lies.

I began to hate myself, to resent the person I saw when I looked into the mirror, and when the person who was looking at me could no longer remain silent, she made her presence known and showed me just how fragile my human mind was; she played off my fears, taunted me relentlessly, and sent my demons to hunt me down. I didn’t know at the time that she was a version of me, I thought I was under attack, or becoming possessed, it was not until after going through a mental break, and then coming off the medicine did I finally accept who I was. I had to lose everything in order to gain anything.

I started slowly on my path to finding my spiritual footing, and it was only because of my relentless seeking of everything did I find my answers; this thirst for knowledge is also how I came to my personal conclusion that it’s all relative, everything, all of it, connected.

Even now I take what I have picked up from each pantheon and make it my own, I adhere to no rules, no guidelines and I refuse to fit into any box, especially a box that I am expected to fit into.

After I had gained some ground in this area of myself, I knew my body was next. I have had chronic health issues for some time now, and as I am coming into my early 30’s I am facing my own mortality, call it an early mid-life crisis but I really just want to be the best version of myself that I can be, in every way possible.

The first task was to research my diseases, and figure out if they are hereditary, environmental, and basically find out as much as I possibly could. I was open with my doctor’s about my hesitance towards conventional medicine, and I was willing to find a happy medium. It took many adjustments, more setbacks than I can count, and a lot of trial and error, but I am finally reaping the benefits of my hard work, and dedication to all areas of Self.

Before I begin to tell the specifics of what I have done I need to say (for legal reasons, I don’t want to be sued) that I am not a medical professional (duh?!) and in no way am I saying that my methods will work for everyone, but they have worked for me.

I went full anti pharmaceutical, and I decided I was going to take vitamins I had researched. So, I was taking ginger root, and gingko balboa, I was taking a multi-vitamin and calcium, and magnesium, basically everything under the sun. It was not until I switched Doctors, and am now under the care of a Primary Care Doctor who is also an Internist, that I was told the damage vitamins can do.

I think it is disgusting that major pharmaceutical companies do so much harm, but the vitamins are just as dangerous. People think they are doing their bodies a favor, but they are potentially harming them. Also, I don’t think people understand the billions of dollars that is the vitamin supplement industry.

She told me that it was her belief my liver enzymes were so elevated because of the vitamins. She said while she understands my intent, she doesn’t know what is in those capsules. The thing is that vitamins are not FDA (Food and Drug Administration) regulated anymore and haven’t been since the late 90’s. The pills themselves are mostly fillers, and just recently there was a major recall on some.

Even after she told me this I wanted to still be all, “fuck the system” and I remained defiant for a bit, then it got so bad that I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t continue on. I stopped all my vitamins, and decided to see what some specialists had to say. I started on a higher dose of a Levothyroxine, which is a thyroid medication and I also went back on Estradiol, which is a synthetic estrogen used in HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). I gave the medicine time to work, and found out my liver enzymes had dropped significantly since the switch.

In the following weeks I found that my Vitamin D levels were a bit low, and needed to start taking a supplement. I take valerian root for sleep and anxiety, and an allergy medicine. I have taken note that with the more awakenings, or shifts in consciousness I have, the more sensitive I am to my environment, and the more “fresh and natural” I crave my body and life to be.

I have developed allergies to stitches, adhesive on tape and bandaids, eggs, wool, laundry detergent, some dyes, and several medications, including Amoxicillin which I have taken since I was a kid with no problems. It’s like suddenly I turned on myself.

Once my body started showing slight improvement from the inside, I began to work on the outside. I started yoga, and at first it kicked my ass, it is definitely not for the faint of heart. I am no expert, and don’t claim to be some Master Yogi, but I have pushed myself beyond my limits, and my body has responded in a positive way.

I also started Muay Thai, and have forced myself to sit and meditate. The chronic pain began to subside a little, I felt longer, and leaner. My Kundalini was less painful at night, and my ability to still function after a day of running around had gotten better; I was only down for one or two days, as opposed to four or five. I noticed my energy levels increasing, and my moods had become more controllable. I am now able to feel the shifts in my ocean, and can direct people away from the raging tides.

The last and probably most important key to my path has been the food. I was never a poor eater, and I have always been somewhat health conscious, but I wouldn’t call myself a good eater. I started this journey with making deals with myself. I would give myself rewards if I could last for a certain amount of time, and I did this until it was a habit.

First thing to go was fast food, and soda. I was never a big soda drinker but I did enjoy a mountain dew on nights I couldn’t sleep, and mornings I needed to stay awake. These items I cut out two years ago, but the rest of my food changes have happened in the last six months, really the last two.

My family is not rich, and we are often living paycheck to paycheck. I am fortunate enough to live at home with family, at first I was embarrassed to admit this, but now I embrace it. I love my family, and this is what works for us. I pay rent, and take care of the house which I think is a fair exchange. I also would like to point out that all my “other bills” and necessities are taken care of by me, but of course I do have my Mom to help if I get into trouble.

I am blessed, fortunate, and grateful, I never take any of this for granted.

With that said, food is expensive. We have a busy household that is often full with my sisters, their partners, and my nephew. My Mom looks at it like, if her house is full then her happy tank is full. I am not one who likes a full house, I much prefer my solitude, and quiet, but if Mom is happy, I’m happy.

Organic food is expensive, and so are the fresh fruits and vegetables necessary to live a truly healthy lifestyle. At first I was overwhelmed, and I thought I had to get everything at once. It was at least a few hundred dollars to get started on my healthier path but bit by bit, piece by piece it seemed to not be as damaging to my wallet. I was looking at juicing methods, and found myself trying to figure out what the difference was between a blender, and juicer. I didn’t know what seeds or nuts to eat, and not eat. I didn’t know what my body needed, or would respond positively to. I didn’t know anything, I just knew I had to start.

It was activia first. Yup, yogurt. Two of those bad boys a day, and your gut health will be in prime working condition. Our gut health is the center of our bodies, and if it is not working accordingly, the rest of our body will feel it. I also recently started taking a pro-biotic, they are expensive, and if you are going to take one you need to get Align, or the store brand of that (it must specifically say, “compare to align”) otherwise it is not going to be as effective, and you will not receive the full benefit. Also, to my vegans, they have a non-dairy option available.

I cut out red meat over a year ago, the vibrations lowered me too much, even with a blessing before preparing and before the meal. I am not against pork, but if I don’t have to eat it, I won’t. I like to have protein in my diet, and until I find a good substitute that works for me, it will have to do. Plus, I like meat but with my awareness of the treatment of our food animals I am becoming less of a fan. I am just a meat and potatoes kind of girl, what can I say. One day I will be able to say this in the past tense.

I do eat chicken, but it is organic, no antibiotic, hormone free, and it is never from the factory farming companies, it is always local. I have learned though that a blessing is mandatory if I am to eat meat, I don’t care how it sounds; it helps me. I learned along my way that the human body does not need dairy to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I also learned the horrific life of dairy cows and because of my own personal conviction I cut dairy milk out. I know, I know, yogurt is dairy, and hopefully in a couple months I can cut that, too.

I hate to be one of those hipsters who uses a splash of almond milk in her tea, but eh. I also hate that almond trees are now becoming this cash crop, and they are water hogs. Primarily grown in California. Hello, worst drought in California’s history mean anything to anyone?

I do still eat cheese because, um, cheese? I have cut down to only one slice on a sandwich every other day, or every two days. I think that making the conscious effort to live better will in essence make us feel better, making us want to do better.

The biggest change and benefit has been replacing breakfast with a smoothie. I was the kind of girl who liked eggs, then the allergy happened. So, I switched to bagels, and a yogurt. I am a pasta and bread person, so carbs are a comfort. Actually, I am a food person in general, haha. Seriously though, carbs are not the best thing to ever happen to us. In order for me to be able to continue to indulge in my cravings for “comfort food” I sacrificed breakfast, but in a way I didn’t sacrifice anything.

My smoothies are full of goodies and, it really isn’t THAT expensive. I was lucky and found a really good blender at Walmart (a company I now boycott) on clearance, then I read up online. I looked at people’s suggestions and took note. I use frozen fruit because it is more cost effective for me, and I like the texture it makes my smoothies. I will use fresh fruit if it is on sale, I do fit in fresh fruits and veggies in other meals throughout my day, or a snack. I fill the smoothie with kale and/or spinach depending on what is on sale, and what the produce looks like week to week. I add flaxseed meal, because I don’t like the actual seed in there, I also use chia seeds. I add a splash of 100% juice, and then fill the rest with water, and voila.

Delicious and nutritious.

With the simple replacement of breakfast I have lost a total now of 15 pounds. I am starting to sleep a little better the last few nights, and I feel it is because of these changes all coming together at once. It could also be the Magick I cast before sleep, either way I will continue to do both.

I have changed to all natural hygiene products, too. My skin and hair have never been better, and I have not felt this good in years. I am using essential oils for perfume now; I used to be obsessed with perfumes, but now I don’t want those chemicals (most animal tested) on my skin. I have incorporated tinctures into my routine, too.

With all of these little steps I have seen great progress in myself, I am not willing to blindly follow the medical world, but I am not against it anymore either. I seem to have found my happy medium between Magick, and science.

I am beginning to love the skin I’m in.