MUSINGS OF A MODERN MYSTIC: Generational Trauma and the Outcast

Water 5

“After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom.”

Arthur Golden

I saw a meme recently that hit the deepest recesses of my being, and I have searched high and low and cannot seem to find it again; I know I didn’t dream it, either. I searched on FB, IG, Pinterest and Google, so if anyone knows what I am talking about, PLEASE, share it!

The meme said (loosely quoting, there was a great caption, too): “In order to heal generational trauma, you must begin by understanding the black sheep of the family; they are wounds embodied.” Note: Black sheep is one of those terms that has tones of subtle racism, and so I am choosing to use the word outcast instead.

It stopped me in my tracks.

I dropped my phone.

I sobbed.

I sobbed until no noise came out of my mouth.

I sobbed until my tears ran dry.

I sobbed until my Soul was tired.

I have always been the outcast; my family seems to believe that because they love me, that means they accept me, or that they understand me.

They hardly know me, so how can those other things be true?

I have no ill will towards my family, I love them, but I am the product of what happens when parents’ divorce and one of three children is moved away from *everyone*.

Separation happens.

I have written about my Father Wound before so many of you know what happened there, and how that affected me (how his absence and abandonment molded me, and my views of Men)—I plan to share an epiphany I had on the subject later in this blog.

Much of my family didn’t try to have a relationship with me, a child, and they blamed me, a child.

I type this and worry one may see and get offended.

But I don’t care.

Keep reading.

Trauma

I was 12 at the time, and quickly learned that my new home environment was abusive, and I remained there for 10 years; that is where a lot of my CPTSD comes from.

Having a connection with my family wasn’t at the forefront of my mind: surviving was.

Truths need to be brought to light, and hard truths even more so.

This is about more than the divorce, what happened after, and the dynamic of relationships within my family; this is about what it means to be the outcast.

I scoff, roll my eyes, and bite my tongue every time I see someone claim to be an outcast (really black sheep, but again, a tad racist) like it’s a badge of honor; same as people who claim to be “weirdos”.

This shit isn’t a trend.

Being an outcast is isolating, painful, lonely, and traumatic as fuck. As a child you wonder, why am I not good enough, what did I do wrong, why can’t I be normal? Am I not worthy of love?

And, as an adult not much changes, except maybe having the strength to draw hard lines in the sand, or the compassion to forgive and move forward; other times it’s cutting them off completely.

Being a weirdo usually means we’re bullied in our younger years (which may even transfer to adult life, too). It means not being accepted, being ostracized and ridiculed.

I had no choice in being weird, or an outcast—both are very much who I am, but they were not easy roles to play, or paths to walk; they still aren’t.

I am proud to be both but I won’t sit here and make either look pretty.

As far as my family goes, on one hand I want to be understood and accepted, on the other hand I know they won’t “get it” so why even bother?

I am loud, opinionated, wise, in tune, defiant (also respectful when I need to be).

I take up space, my presence is undeniably powerful (Jupiter on my Ascendant can be thanked for that, among other things).

I say what I mean and mean what I say; I don’t let racism, sexism, classism, or any “ism” happen in my presence, and that has made for some very interesting family gatherings.

Last Easter (a Holiday I don’t celebrate, but it coincides with my Grandfather’s birthday) I cleared the table when I said that my brother’s fiancé was wrong for wanting to get “a Native card” so that her daughter could get a discount on college tuition.

That’s the whitest, most privileged shit I ever heard.

Eye roll

I had to call that out.

How can I sit here and tell all of you to burn in your truth if I won’t burn in mine?

I also called us (white people) colonizers, because we are; regardless if we (my family) have Native blood in us (we do) or not.

We are white passing; we have never been oppressed because of our Indigenous heritage, we don’t know what it’s like to live on a Rez in 2019 and not have running water, and electricity. We don’t face the addiction rates (a direct result of, you guessed it, Generational Trauma and colonization) that Indigenous people do, nor do we have to worry about our girls in the way Indigenous people do ; their girls and Women go missing and/or are killed in staggering numbers.

Don’t get me started on the sexual assault statistics. It’s mind-blowing.

For reference and education, click here.

So, no, you don’t get a “Native card” for higher education.

I was not about sit there in silence……in compliance, while some privileged shit went unchecked.

I checked it.

LOUDLY.

For clarification, I do have supportive, progressive and amazing family members whom I love more than anything in this world; they are my anchor to my humanity.

This leads me to the Mother Wound and Generational Trauma.

Generational Trauma is the idea that trauma is passed on through not only DNA but as a psychic imprint.

You can read more about it, here.

I faced my Father Wound with rage the likes of which can’t aptly be described.

I held onto so much fucking hate, and utter disdain for my sperm donor that I removed the concept of having a Father altogether.

I handled my Mother Wound with complete understanding, and compassion; anger at times, too, when she would project her pain onto me, but it didn’t linger because I took her pain on as my own, and together we sifted through it.

Unity

As we began to heal our traumas and our bond, we noticed the Women in my family waking up, and they started to ride the frequency of their intuition; my one Aunt even has begun to build her first Altar.

She also buys all my books and supports me like no other. My cousins are into spirituality, Feminism, crystals, etc. and a few are even anti-religion like me (which makes me so proud!)

My Mom is an outcast, too so teaming up, and attacking our pain (most of which was experienced together and is why our bond is so strong) has allowed the Generational Wounds to show themselves and be healed.

We called on the Ancestors for help, as well, and filled any missing pieces by asking the elders.

My (step) Sister has recently come out as a Witch.

One of my Brother’s has completely opened himself up to the otherworld (he doesn’t quite know it yet, though) and he and his wife even birthed into creation a beautiful baby Witch who is now 4.

These awakenings brought me back to my Father Wound after I heard a story about what happened to him when he was a child. Apparently, he was caught playing with his Sister’s dolls and the punishment was severe.

Hell, my brothers played with my dolls with me, just like I played with their G.I Joe, matchbox cars and Wrestling figures.

Punished for playing with dolls?

But, back in the early 60’s it was unacceptable in his home (still is in some homes today) and he was forced to wear one of his sister’s dresses and stand out on the front lawn from morning until evening “to teach him a lesson”.

And, this is only one example of the expectations put on him as a child to be hyper-masculine, that he has carried all through his life.

The patriarchy hurts us all, and this is a prime example—toxic masculinity at its most vile.

Water 4

Last time I saw my Father, he was so….old and fragile.

I could see life had taken its toll on him, I could see the pain in his eyes—the pain he tries to cover so hard. I could sense the unhappiness that he hides with new shiny toys and home renovations. And, suddenly I didn’t feel hate anymore, I felt pity at first, then I felt nothing but compassion and empathy for him. I wanted to take him in my arms and swallow him up with Divine Mother energy.

After that encounter I sat down and readdressed the Father Wound; I know he will never be what I need or want him to be, he will never love me the way he should, the way I need, or want, but I understand him on a deeper level now, and for some reason that makes things, not okay, but easier for me to swallow.

The same goes for the rest of my family.

I am not excusing actions, but I am refusing to allow them to continue.

It ends with me.

There is something profound seeing the work you have done individually, then teamed up with your Crone Mother manifest into real healing for the ones you love most.

Trauma is complex, love is complex, family is complex.

Generational Trauma takes years to fully comprehend, but it can be understood, and to some degree overcome; healing can happen on some level, and cycles can be broken.

CYCLES CAN BE BROKEN.

CYCLES WILL BE BROKEN.

I had to stop running, face the truth, no matter how hard or ugly it was; then I Alchemized that shit and watched how things shifted.

RECLAIMING MY POWER: My Battle With Mental Illness

Mental

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

FOR AN UPDATE ON MY STORY, CLICKhere.

It’s no secret that the more personal I am on my blog the greater my personal gain is.

It’s almost like the deeper the wound and redder the blood the more the Gods take note and I start to reap the benefits of intense Shadow Work.

I don’t believe that the Gods are rewarding me, per se, but I do believe there is a correlation between facing oneself, speaking one’s truth and gaining freedom.

Real freedom.

The kind that can only be won by going to war with yourself.

You will know it when you experience it.

And the Universe will bow at your glory.

As much as I love writing, and love what I do, it’s hard work. It’s hard to sit down and face myself, face my thoughts, and my reflection.

It’s even more complicated when there are two sides to my being, and a constant battle raging internally.

You see, I have mental illness.

And it’s my belief that this is more a gift than curse.

I do not run from my madness anymore, and the reason for that is my practice and Shamanism (no, I am not on the Shaman path).

It was only through losing my mind that I gained any type of real perspective on life, the world or myself.

I ran into article after article, and book after book about the Shamanistic view of mental illness; the words that I read gave me power.

More than that, they granted me permission to take my power back.

I always knew I was different, such a cliché overused sentence but it really can’t be described any other way.

Although, I was able to lead a normal life until I was 25; I worked a normal job, at times I worked two jobs, and had a very active social life.

Then it all came to a screeching halt.

I have always been able to see beyond the veil and Spirits; my sight has always been available to me. I was a practicing Witch for many years, but I did not blossom until I died.

And that’s exactly what happened, I died.

Death

The old me did, anyway.

The whole mental breakdown itself happened pretty quickly and it caught not only me but my family by surprise. My Mom was the main witness to my “switch being turned on”. She said my aura changed, and I began to “vibrate” with a “dark matter”. She has even noted that my eyes, and facial features changed.

This switch of mine is usually hit because of emotional stresses, but it can be caused by low blood sugar (hangry!), anger which is more like rage, and because my fight or flight was tripped. If I am threatened that button is absolutely going to be hit.

I have come to call it my trauma trigger.

My trauma trigger is survival mode, it’s how I have survived for so long after all the abuse and pain I have experienced.

It reminds me of this quote by Ebonee Davis:

Ebonee

My mental illnesses showed up after I started to experience Chronic Pain, went through my hysterectomy and had a back injury.

Also, at the time I had recently gotten out of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship.

My life was a series of cataclysmic collisions of epic proportions.

In hindsight it seems that I experienced a soul wound because a piece of me left when I “woke up” to my true nature: chaos.

I compare myself and my world to Chaos because that’s what it is, that’s what I am;  yeah it sounds poetic but that’s really coincidence.

My mind is chaotic, my personality and my soul are too.

I am slightly neurotic, a perfectionist and obsessive about some things.

If my Cancer sun and Capricorn rising tell you anything it is that I am a contradiction, and there are literally two sides to me; I fight myself every second, of every day.

I admitted myself into a private mental health institute in 2010 and I wouldn’t change that experience, but I can tell you that I will never be locked up again.

After my little stay, I ended up being on 11 medication the ones I can remember are: Lithium, Adderrall, Risperidal, Klonopin, Minipress, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify and Gabapentin; I can’t remember the other 2. I only remember the number being 11 because when I started to “come back to self” I noticed that 11 was a prominent awakening number, and it was the Universe’s way of telling me to snap out of the sleep society put me in.

The signs are all around us, we must know where to look.

Those medications 8 years ago are why my thyroid has shut down and I have autoimmune issues now; the stress that the medications, along with my underlying health issues caused was too much for my body.

I have heavy amounts of a specific antibody in my blood now which causes a slew of health issues (Hashimoto’s).

I also have antibodies for what is known as “drug induced Lupus”. My Rheumotologist told me that I am not currently on any medication that would cause this, and he believes it is permanent damage from before.

Why am I telling this boring fucking story?

Because I am bringing my biggest demon to light and calling it out.

I am naming it and claiming it.

Once I do this, there is nothing that anyone can use against me.

And, I want people to know they aren’t alone battling their mental illness.

I want to remove stigmas.

I want people to know:

Mental illness doesn’t make you less than.

Mental illness doesn’t make you unworthy.

Mental illness doesn’t make you unlovable.

Mental illness does not define you.

Glass

My official diagnoses are BPD 2 (Bipolar Disorder 2), PTSD, ADHD, OCD, and Anxiety (Agoraphobia, General Anxiety and Social Anxiety).

I have done every type of therapy imaginable, and still to this day must manage myself with routine, coping skills, and mindfulness practices. My Spirituality has helped me tremendously as well.

Doctor’s didn’t help me, they drugged me and those poisons put in my body have damaged it permanently. I have been medication free, other than herbal supplements, for 5 years now.

Just because I do not (cannot) take medication does not mean I am anti-medication for everyone. I believe that modern medicine has its place, and I believe fully in the power of the right combination of medicine; it just wasn’t how my story was meant to be written.

When dealing with your health always listen to your body, always listen to your gut.

And, make sure you have an Advocate who can speak LOUDLY if necessary for you when/if Doctor’s and the system try to intimidate you.

Throughout the whole breakdown/awakening my life was in an uproar and I couldn’t pinpoint why I felt WORSE as time went by; then I started to become aware of the (serious) medication side effects.

The constant brain fog, sleep disturbances, weight gain, mood imbalances, etc. were unbearable.

I went through the worst withdrawal’s getting off those medications, and a majority were done at home. I did however seek out professional help for the benzo withdrawals because those are dangerous to come off alone.

My decision to detox at home was absolutely not a safe thing to do and I don’t recommend it, but the medical world had let me down, and I was not going to turn to them. I did my research, and then shut myself in my room and battled through; I had family around just in case.

And, again, I don’t recommend anyone going off their meds (it’s usually a sign of a manic episode to want to discontinue meds, but that was not the case for myself).

I let my Psychiatrist know what I was doing, after the fact, or well, during the act, but at that point there was not much he could do. I was never considered a threat to myself, or others, therefore I could not be forced to do anything. I was of sound mind and body.

My Doctor was the best, too.  He gave me a lot of my power back because it was through him that I found my way to discovering how mental illness is viewed in the Spiritual world.

If he had not pointed me in this direction I would be dead, and there is no doubt in my mind about that.

I didn’t write about this sooner because it’s a hard topic to talk about but also because I thought people would think less of me; that my word and wisdom would no longer be taken seriously (if it even is now) and all the negativity attached to mental illness would at once become attached to me, and that was a weight I could not bear.

So, I ran from it, but now I own it.

My mental illness does not define me; my power resides in my madness.

There is a fine line between sane and insane when it comes to this path, and I like to play jump rope with that line.

Two things I learned most from being mentally ill:

1. Change your perspective, change your life.

2. Crazy is relative.

Here is one of my favorite mental health articles:

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/08/shaman-sees-mental-hospital.html

LESSONS IN MAGICK: The Luciferian Witch

Witch

image source

 

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

In previous posts I have discussed what Luciferianism is, how I found it, and what it means to walk this Crooked Path of ours; what I have not dived into is Luciferian Witchcraft itself–what it is, and how it differs from other areas and aspects of the Craft.

As always, I claim to be no expert in any area of life or the Occult, I am simply sharing my experiences as they have happened to myself in hopes they help guide another to their own path, their own truth.

Nothing said here is universal truth, nothing said here should replace your own feelings and personal philosophy; if anything, let this piece allow you to think deeply.

So, first, who is the Luciferian Witch?

Well, the short answer?

Anyone.

Everyone.

The Luciferian Witch is an individual who lives and breathes their truth; they have asked themselves the hard questions, and went searching, seeking for the harder answers.

We do not look a certain way; we are your neighbors, your teachers, your postal workers.

We are not just the quiet Goth wearing all black.

We are Philosophers, thinkers, revolutionaries and rebels; dare I say, all Occultists and those who step outside of the status quo are.

Luciferianism is a Philosophy, Witchcraft is a Practice and it’s important to understand this as we go forth.

Both are open to interpretation, too; this is how they allow room for the individual to blossom and thrive.

Witch 3

image source

As mentioned in previous writings, Luciferians can be Theistic or Atheistic. If they are Theistic they do not necessarily believe in the actual deity Lucifer, furthermore, they don’t necessarily worship him, either.

I worship no deity; I worship truth, and knowledge, if anything.

I acknowledge the existence of Lucifer as a deity and energy/archetype.

I do not believe in the Devil.

I do not believe in an omnipotent God.

I do not identify as Pagan (even though by pesky definitions, I am one).

As far as Witchcraft, I am a Traditional Witch (another umbrella term, in my opinion). The practices I follow were handed down to me by my Mother, taught to me by mentors and learned through the grueling process of studying the Occult.

I would be defined most closely as a Hedge Witch since herbs and plants (in all their forms) are the center focus of most of my work; I am an animist, too. I also incorporate Rootwork, and Hoodoo; least we forget the influence Hinduism has had and does have on my practice and life. Not to mention my Seership abilities and how they affect my perspective on things. The Dark Goddesses are also paramount on my path, and have been some of my best Teachers.

It’s a hodge podge, really–of the best kind.

For some it suits them to follow a specific tradition, and that’s fine. Luciferians are not all Witches, and if they are, they are not necessarily Traditional Witches. There are all kinds of Practitioners in the mix; remember, Luciferianism is a Philosophy, Witchcraft is a Practice.

What I like most about this path is that we can forge our own way.

This, of course, is harder than walking an already established path but, anything worth having is worth working hard for. Plus, I can only speak for myself, but I don’t want to go where the crowd is; the exact opposite, in fact.

I follow this path to better know myself, to better understand why I think the way I do, and to re-establish my connection with the Old Gods and the Old Ways.

Witch 2

image source

So, what are the pillars of Luciferian Witchcraft, regardless of all the other moving parts to Philosophy and Practice?

Personal Responsibility: The Luciferian Witch understands that they, and only they are responsible for their actions, and reactions. They do not create a space to be a victim, they do not allow themselves to get into that mentality; everything does not happen for a reason but there is a lesson in everything that happens. Luciferian Witches can seek out those lessons and dissect them, no matter how ugly the truth is or how much it hurts.

Claims Their Power: The Luciferian Witch claims their power by establishing boundaries (for me, this is an eternal work in progress). They claim their power by connecting with their Higher Self, and their Ancestors. They claim their power by facing and acknowledging their pain. They claim their power by living authentically in a world that demands them to live otherwise; the ultimate rebellion.

Speaks Their Truth: The Luciferian Witch is not afraid to speak their truth, and they are not afraid to burn in it, either. Living in a world full of illusions and lies, we must speak the truth any and every opportunity we have; even if that means we stand alone. The Luciferian Witch understands the power of solitude, and the strength of connectedness.

Lives Their Truth: Just because you can talk the talk doesn’t mean you walk the walk, and the Luciferian Witch must do both. They must live their truth, as much as they speak it, otherwise they are just another hypocrite spouting off bullshit about how we are supposed to live instead of putting it into practice. Real Magick yields real results; real practice yields real results. This is not a path for an armchair Occultist, you are required to put in work; part of that work is living unapologetically in your truth.

Follows No Creed: The Luciferian Witch follows no creed other than their own conscience. They respect and understand Universal Laws, and the Laws of Magick (Hermetic Principles) but they don’t decide to not act based on fear of retribution, or Karma (most of us don’t subscribe to the idea of Karma).  The Luciferian Witch knows they are the Master of their fate, actions, morality and ethics; they need no God, deity, supreme power or book to tell them how to act. The Luciferian Witch acts in accordance to their own Laws, their own feelings and nothing is more liberating or powerful than that.

Individual Sovereignty: The Luciferian Witch knows that they belong to nobody but themselves, and as much as they may respect the collective and understand their role in it, they understand they are still an individual. Their actions, thoughts, opinions and experiences are their own; no one can take that from them. The Luciferian Witch does not concern themselves with the opinions of others because the only opinion that matters is their own; the only actions that can be controlled are their own. This lesson is profound.

At the end of the day Luciferian Witchcraft is the alchemy of combining Philosophy and Practice to create something magnificent: an empowered individual.

LESSONS IN MAGICK: When Nothing Goes Right, Go Left

Left

image source

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.”

Robert Frost

I am a walker of the Left Hand Path and my Philosophy is Luciferianism, but I also consider myself to be a deeply Spiritual person.

People seem shocked, almost offended when I discuss how Spiritual I am, and how much that Spirituality shapes myself, my life and my Magick; sometimes maybe even more so than my Luciferian Philosophy.

For me, the two ideologies are not mutually exclusive, and this is important for people to understand; usually when they think of LHP practitioners they automatically think of Satanists who can’t control their mouths and are trolls online (I would doubt if some of these fine examples of Satanism are in fact Satanist at all).

There are many Philosophies on the LHP other than Luciferianism and Satanism, this is another key point.

Just like Witches, there is no “one way” for those of us who walk the LHP to practice, or look, or live for that matter; we are all individuals with our own lives, desires, goals, and ideas of how the world (and our world) works.

Part of the allure of this path is that we can make it whatever we want it to be.

I have long incorporated aspects of Hinduism into my Magick, and daily practices of ritual and life; Meditation, and Yoga are just some of the ways that Eastern Philosophy and tradition have influenced me.

I have discovered the power of herbal teas, plant allies and vegetarianism along my journey because of their important roles in Ayurvedic traditions and Chinese Medicine.

Tai Chi has also been paramount in battling anxiety, agoraphobia and chronic pain; not to mention it teaches me how to be both soft and strong; something society tells us is impossible.

As much as I strive for individual sovereignty I am aware of the collective conscious and unconscious; the concepts of duality and polarity, too. I am also well versed in the idea of oneness, or unity (though I sometimes struggle with being part of the whole because it feels at times that it totally negates the validity of my individual experience.)

Because I am Spiritual I find myself running along side an array of people, and I am open and accepting to everyone I meet, mostly because of the utter fascination I have for all beliefs, especially ones different than mine.

I can’t say I have been met with this same acceptance though.

In many Spiritual circles being a Witch is hit or miss—meaning, you don’t know if you will be accepted until the moment arrives. The kinds of Witches accepted are usually Wiccan, or the RHP “love and light, healer only” type and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this type of Witch or practice, but it’s not the only way.

Once people within the Spiritual, less Witchy communities hear that I am a Luciferian they kinda just shut me out and dismiss me; I don’t know why it still shocks me, but it does, every single time it happens.

On the flip side I find many within the LHP community who think I am too Spiritual, or “not Luciferian enough” and they, too dismiss me.

The resistance and backlash that I have faced is one of the main reasons I am so open with my beliefs but also why I felt it necessary to start NR; there was no place that would accept me, so I created that place.

As an outsider to these communities I am blessed with the gift of perspective, and from my perspective all I see is irony.

How are these Spiritual folks teaching aka picking and choosing which lessons suit their own agenda and narrative of Buddhism (as just one example) but don’t understand how at the bare bones of it all Buddhism is, in many regards, a LHP Philosophy, or at least a dual Philosophy?

I know that Buddhists don’t believe in an individual self, which goes against the core teachings of most LHP traditions: Self-Deification.

Let’s put that aside for a minute though.

The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism are: the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. (Note: Suffering also known as Dukkha.)

Buddhism is about understanding suffering which is how I would describe the human condition: we are meant to suffer for only through suffering do we fully understand.

Only through experience do we know.

Those of us who walk the LHP don’t want any books of “holy words” telling us how to live our lives, or fear mongering; we want/need to experience life, the highs and lows, for ourselves.

Isn’t that why we chose the path less traveled and one of most reward?

We want and need to experience all that is earthly, taboo, macabre and carnal.

Ripple

image source

One last point about Buddhism, they believe in Karma, and Karmic debt but Karma merely means action.

Buddhists tend to believe that Karma is NOT preordained fate, or destiny but more about the actions we carry out in this life, and how in the long run they can affect us.

I know, many of you are thinking, well isn’t that consequence?

No.

Are we on the LHP free from consequence?

No.

We believe we are free from Divine Retribution, which is not the same as consequence.

Consequence is a Universal Law attached to no God, Goddess or Deity; it’s cause and effect. Think of it like I do, Newton’s Third Law.

An excerpt from one of the links at the bottom says, “If you lie, steal and kill it will eventually bring about unhappiness”.

Well, isn’t this true for anyone who has any kind of moral conscience?

The LHP is not a lack of moral conscience, but more so the idea that we are able to calibrate our morality how we see fit as individuals.

Also, how are these Spiritual folks teaching about Hinduism but negating the fact that every Deity in the Pantheon has two sides (or more), one of Shadow and one of Light to be whole?

For example, Kali is the dark side, and/or wrathful side of Parvarti; who both represent the Feminine Divine Principle known as Shakti.

Other stories tell of Kali being birthed from Durga, regardless she is darkness and justified rage embodied.

“One version relates to when the warrior goddess Durga, who had ten arms each carrying a weapon and who rode a lion or tiger in battle, fought with Mahishasura (or Mahisa), the buffalo demon. Durga became so enraged that her anger burst from her forehead in the form of Kali. Once born, the black goddess went wild and ate all the demons she came across, stringing their heads on a chain which she wore around her neck. It seemed impossible to calm Kali’s bloody attacks, which now extended to any wrongdoers, and both people and gods were at a loss what to do. Fortunately, the mighty Shiva stopped Kali’s destructive rampage by lying down in her path, and when the goddess realized just who she was standing on, she finally calmed down. From this story it’s explained Kali’s association with battlegrounds and areas where cremation is carried out.

“In another version of the goddess’ birth, Kali appeared when Parvati shed her dark skin which then became Kali, hence one of her names is Kaushika (the Sheath), whilst Parvati is left as Gauri (the Fair One). This story emphasizes Kali’s blackness which is symbolic of eternal darkness and which has the potential to both destroy and create.” Source

The last line is most important, for me: “This story emphasizes Kali’s blackness which is symbolic with eternal darkness and which has the potential to both destroy and create.”

She is both Monster and Mother, as we all should be, as we all are.

Those who cannot curse, cannot cure.

Those who cannot create, cannot destroy.

Duality

image source

Instead of teaching only love and light, or only death and darkness, maybe we should be focused on discussing both; realizing we are all both.

There is no escaping it.

We also have an entire group of people, in both the Spiritual and Witch communities that no matter how many times it’s addressed, they equate dark to black and light to white; Magick itself is a spectrum.

Both LHP and RHP have dark and light aspects to them that have nothing to do with the form of Magick you practice, or the Philosophy you hold; in my opinion, you must be able to stand in the dark if you want to stand in the light—balance is our goal, no matter what our path is.

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” C.G Jung

You can’t build up one aspect of yourself while completely demeaning the other, opposite yet parallel aspect; you can’t romanticize one, and demonize the other; you can’t favor one while suppressing (even denying) the other.

That is why any path that does not allow room for my whole self to exist; a Self that’s full of shadows, darkness and light is no path for me.

The LHP is the obvious path to attain my goal of enlightenment.

Dare I say, it’s the one true path.

All other paths serve their purpose but in my opinion, they also serve watered down bullshit.

I have been told my whole life to water myself down, to lessen my potency, to take up less space; I am unwilling to follow a path that tells/demands/commands me to do the same.

I am darkness, I am light, I am shadow, and all that’s in between.

I refuse to be anything other than everything.

Resources:

http://www.pbs.org/edens/thailand/buddhism.htm

https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/15227975

https://thebuddhistcentre.com/text/four-noble-truths

RANTINGS OF A MAD WITCH: Darkness is Not a Trend

Darkness

image source

“Yet, no matter how deeply I go down into myself, my God is dark, and like a webbing made of a hundred roots that drink in silence.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

I am going to say up front that I don’t believe this essay will be well received by everyone but, when are they ever?

If something I say here offends you then I urge and plead you to ask yourself, “why am I offended?”

Your reaction has everything to do with you, and nothing to do with me or my words on this screen.

As with most of my pieces, this has been bouncing around in my head for quite some time; I have had wonderful, deep conversations with friends about this ongoing trend I wish to address.

Having been a public figure (by that I mean writing/administrating pages and blogs on Social Media) for a little over 4 years now I am granted rare glimpses into people’s lives and Souls.

In this time, I have learned a lot, grown a lot, even died a few metaphorical deaths in there—it has been a thrill ride and initiation of sorts.

When I first started on Dear Wicked I used the admin handle ‘Noir’ (French word for the color black) and many people still call me that to this day; it is a spiritual name given to me and therefore very Sacred.

Being an admin (especially as NR continues to grow) affords me the pleasure of getting to know a lot of people that I otherwise wouldn’t cross paths with; in the beginning, I was met with a lot of backlash because I was “too dark” and “too harsh”—I get it, I have a strong presence and I don’t sugar coat anything, so people at first don’t like me.

Sometimes people never like me.

I am not here to be liked though; I am here to provoke thought.

I would/do talk about and/or post about topics and subject matter that made/make people uncomfortable and instead of standing in and owning their discomfort, they project their fears onto me.

The ban list on that page grew rather quickly as small insults from readers turned into them trying to sabotage my career, and use Magick against me. Ah, what fun.

It was a shit show when I first started, still is most days.

At that time, I started to use Social Media as a gauge for the current state of the world; seriously, if you are ever curious about the current energies that are in play, just pay attention to commentary and behavior on these Social platforms and you will notice the trends I do.

Our community was plagued with what we have all come to call fluff bunnies; I don’t intentionally mean this as a term of disrespect and I honestly believe all Witches have their place and purpose but the imagery I wish to convey is aptly described and formed when I use the term “fluff bunny”. So, chill, k?

I was personally bombarded by these morality police, light worker, new-age, threefold believers who wanted to fill me with love and light while beating me into submission.

I come from darkness and was forged by flames, I will submit to no one.

Fire 2

image source

As for love and light, they have their purpose and place in the grand scheme of things but it is not with me, or within me.

My love, and my light come from a place of darkness. Read that line again.

In the last 2 years or so many of these same Witches have “come to the dark side” and how fucking ironic is that?

How ironic is it to see people who would outright deny their darkness now talk about embracing their Shadow and doing Shadow work?

How hypocritical that they are talking about these topics without ever having faced their Shadow?

I am just going to say this:

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

I understand that people evolve and paths change, and that is not what I am talking about here; I am talking about the people within our community who could not handle being called out on their judgmental light bullshit, so they switched sides and now want to claim the dark.

Witches, Occultists, Mystics—hell, people in general should strive for duality BUT there are some of us who lean towards one side over the other and *THAT IS OKAY*.

It’s okay to carry light and dark; it’s okay to carry just darkness; it’s okay to carry just light;

It is not okay to pretend to be something you are not because you don’t want to face the ridicule anymore; with truth comes ridicule, and the truer you are to yourself, the more authentic your life becomes, the more you will be outcast.

I am ridiculed for being too dark, not being balanced, and pretty much just for breathing most days but I stand in my truth, I burn in my truth, I stand on top of this crumbling world and shout my truth for all to hear.

No one can ever say that I have not been dedicated and true to myself, my path, or my Craft.

Lotus

image source

That is the key here: we must be true to our Craft and to ourselves otherwise everything we do is a lie and Magick is no place for liars.

If you claim the dark out of fear, or wanting to “be cool” the darkness in turn will claim you and, that is something you never want to experience.

Let people talk, let people stare, let people misunderstand you, let them draw their conclusions, and make their judgments; their words should have no effect on you.

And remember, to thy own self be true.

 

 

 

Lessons in Magick: To Thy Own Self Be True

Alessio

Image: Alessio Albi

 

“All great and precious things are lonely.”

John Steinbeck

When talking to fellow Crooked Path practitioners, and any Mystic or Witch really, the reoccurring theme is the immense amount of loss that we all experience.

Whether it comes in the form of trauma, loss of relationships (familial/social/professional), or simply losing our old Self so that we may be born anew—there is a tremendous amount of destruction and metaphorical death on this path that we walk.

It usually starts out with the death of our old Self; obviously this is something that never really stops once it starts because self-evolution is eternal, but this death is the first catalyst.

This is the time that we begin to wake up to the illusions of this world, start to question what we have been told, and seek out the truth with a veracious appetite.

We begin to feel more and more out of place, and the Soul calling for something, some place beyond this one becomes louder, and louder.

This is where the descent down the rabbit hole begins.

Slowly we start to have less, and less in common with people who we may have otherwise considered friends, or people we had common interests with; it’s usually the casual relationships that go first, they seem easiest to cut when our frequency begins to change.

After this, the destructive power of truth begins to hit closer and closer to home, and our immediate relationships are affected.

You will notice that your loved ones start commenting on how different you are or how distant you are; ideally, they will be accepting of your awakening but often times this simply isn’t the case.

It’s hard to describe to people who don’t crave truth what it tastes like.

It’s hard to describe to people that find it easy to conform what it means to rebel.

The majority would prefer to go on living in their false sense of comfort than dare step into the unknown and THAT is why we are so misunderstood, so feared, so envied, even: we are willing to step into the darkness to become the light.

This path is about self-discovery and that means a lot of solitude, and yes, loneliness; a word and emotion people fear so much but there are so many amazing lessons to be found in this place of desolation.

To be confident alone we must drudge through the vulnerability of our loneliness and find the root causes of that loneliness; humans may be social creatures but we should be able to enjoy our own company without needing anyone.

When we enjoy ourselves, love ourselves, understand ourselves, we are more equipped to enjoy, love and understand others. I do not mean love ourselves unconditionally, either, because that is simply not realistic.

The biggest test for us is when we must put our truth into action and our words into motion with someone we love. We can’t talk this big talk about living and burning in our truth if we refuse to speak our truth when the time arises.

Recently I caught a friend lying, and plagiarizing work, so that decision was almost made for me.

But, there was another situation that arose and it was less clear on how I was to handle it.

I know full well that my truth is my own, and it’s not for anyone else but I also must honor my truth.

Even though I have been walking this path for many, many years now I am still cutting and losing people from my life. And, yes, I have lost a few friends in recent weeks; although their absence is felt, their presence is missed and I will always hold a place in my heart for them, there is simply no longer room in my life.

If a relationship is not feeding your Higher Self, if it is not stimulating your Soul, then let it go.

Life is too short to hold onto mediocre people who put in minimal effort, and expect maximum result.

You do not need to apologize for being true to yourself, your morals, your ethics, and your convictions because at the end of the day, all you have is yourself.

At the end of the day, it is only your reflection that will keep you company.

TORCHBEARERS: It’s Time to Shine Your Light

diggie

Image: Diggie Vitt Photography

 

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”

J.D Stroube

I think it is safe to say that last year was a year of change, death and destruction (metaphorically and literally) for just about everyone; I know it most certainly was for myself. With these emotions and experiences there comes Shadow work, an inevitable part of our journey; facing the darker nature and emotions of/within ourselves; having to own up to our mistakes, our pain, our “shit” and still look ourselves in the mirror afterwards.

Not an easy task on top of an already complex path.

My darkness, traumas, and inability to conform are what led me to the Left Hand Path, and Magick in general, as well as having a calling deep in my Soul. I thrived in the darkness, and darker shades of gray; I loved to roam in the Shadows of myself, the otherworld and the collective unconscious trying to figure out why the dark appealed to me so much.

I immersed myself in the energy and embrace of the Dark Feminine, and swayed my hips with the Charge of the Dark Goddess; I embraced the wrath of Kali by allowing my own rage to run free, and I walked with Hekate in the Underworld staring death in the face.

I challenged fate, the Gods, and went against everything that was expected of me.

I rebelled, I lashed out, I embraced my wild nature; I raged, I screamed, I cried, and apologized not once.

But, all good things must come to an end.

After going through numerous Dark Nights of the Soul and dredging through Shadow work for over 2 years, observing and absorbing other people’s darkness and embracing my own, I can admit that I have stayed in the dark too long and now, am being forced to become my own light and shine brighter than before.

You see, I let the darkness seduce me; I got lost deep in the Abyss and have been sitting here, stuck, for weeks now—months even, trying to find a way out.

I try to remain positive and keep it all in perspective but lately it has been next to impossible to do; the recent Mercury Retrograde was the hardest one that I can remember. I remain grateful always, and make the choice every day to turn my heart towards the sky but sometimes, it’s just fucking hard to do.

During a tear-filled phone call, earlier today with one of my Sister Witches she posed a question that was so profound it has led me to write this post.

She said, “How do you create and hold space for such deep sadness and despair while still living your day to day life?” Referring the collective and personal pain and sadness that she is feeling currently.

As those words left her mouth the epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks:

“The only way out is through.” -Robert Frost

Frost’s poems have entered my mind time and time again reminding me of the lesson I am to learn or the direction I must follow. Once again, his words sing out to me.

Our society has demonized emotions so much that the majority are completely numb to the ideas of compassion, empathy and, well, love.

How can the Healers of this world cope with such odds? How can the rebels who are here to awaken the masses make them feel something, anything?

How are we, the Healers, supposed to deal with the heavy weight of sadness and fear that is being felt but also hidden?

The first step, we shine some light in the dusty corners of their Soul’s.

We all have aspects of ourselves that are like a junk drawer (not our Shadow but something more human). It’s a drawer we all have in our homes that we prefer a stranger not stumble upon and go through; finding out how sloppy we can be.

Our Soul has that same kind of drawer.

Well, it’s spring cleaning time.

This world is in desperate need of awakened and enlightened people, and I don’t mean those fake gurus who want followers; I mean the real deal who wish to have you walk your path of independence rather than follow the herd—even if that means you walk a path different from their own.

I know, I know, people on the page have tried to defend the herd as being smart; in nature, it is a defense mechanism to keep them safe from predators, a way to keep them warm, and a way to have community.

Sheep and other herd animals don’t have egos though; the Alpha males may battle it out every once in a while, but the hierarchy is set in place, and animals don’t have the awareness to question it.

Humans however, we do. And, that is why following the herd has never fared well for humans.

When we follow the herd, we lose the individuality that makes us all so unique; we lose the ability to form our own opinions because they are fed to us. It is hard to walk alone, it is hard to break free from everything you have ever known but what is the alternative? Follow blindly?

While I feel the Shadow of last year still hanging over us, the fear of the unknown, and the panic because of the uncertainty of our future, I have hope.

Some people call me naïve to keep hope alive and maybe I am; fear is no better than naivety though, but worse.

I walk in to 2017 shedding the darkness and thick skin that 2016 gave to me and step into the fire of revolution and truth.

Most importantly, I step into the fire of hope.

Blessed are the Witches, Wild Mystics, Shamans, Healers, Awakened, Enlightened and Spiritual folks of this planet; it is our torches that will guide us through the darkness.

Blessed are the light-bringers and torchbearers;

Now go light the world on fire.

 

A Moment of Gratitude…

Jill Willcott

Image: Jill Willcott

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.”

Steve Maraboli

Some of you may know the story of The Nephilim Rising, and others may not. I am currently experiencing some major positive changes (finally) and I just need to take a moment and talk about this full circle moment; the moment when seeds begin to sprout and blossoms are soon to follow.

I found Dear Wicked in 2013, and I was at my weakest point in my life thus far. I was met by the Mothering, Powerful, Succubi energy that is C, and she forever changed my life. It was like I found home, and through endless conversations late at night we became friends, then Sisters, and she saw my potential.

She told me from the very beginning that the true test of a Teacher is to have a Student who is stronger than they are; she said that person was going to be me. At the time the whole idea seemed so far-fetched (still does) and I am not one who feeds into ideas of power–if you say you are, you aren’t. But, to have a Crone, a mentor, the first intimidating Witch I had really ever come across tell me something like that, it planted a seed inside me, and she knew it.

I, however, did not know until tonight, until right now; as I write this pieces still forming and connecting.

Let’s fast forward to December of 2014 when, in an act of rebellion during one of my famous tantrums I started this blog and the Facebook page. It was satisfying, at first, but then reality set in and all I could think was, “fuck, I am running a page and blog now– I am not only running a page and blog, but apparently my ego got to me and I have a point to prove, too.”

Well, in case you were wondering, you are never rewarded when trying to prove a point; it will always backfire.

And, so it did.

I struggled at first, I was met with a lot of haters and people who were chomping at the bit to “take a bite out of Noir” but I stood there and I took it. I may have reacted more times than I wanted to, I may have made an ass of myself a few too many times, but I stood my ground.

Some of the darkest moments of my entire life have coincided with me being a public figure, for lack of a better term. My readership has bared witness to a true personal testimony of what it means to have a spiritual awakening, find your power, and walk the Left Hand Path.

It is because of the page and this blog that I am going to be an Author– a real published Author. When the world is filled with writers galore, many self-publishing, it is no big deal, it seems, to be published.

To me, it’s everything. It’s the only thing.

The bar is much higher now, though.  It’s about adding new ideas, flavor, quantity, what best seller lists you make, or just pure fucking epic talent. A writer must consistently deliver and always be at their best level.

The problem is most writers don’t go past their personal best, so they remain stagnant—comfortable. As my Editor said a few days ago, “It is not in the Luciferian Nature to remain stagnant”.

I guess once again my free thinking Philosophy has helped me in life.

Let’s face it, I am not the best writer and my grammar at times even makes me cringe, but I grow, I evolve, and I continue to work on my Crafts: Magick and Writing, some say they are one in the same, I happen to agree.

Recently I found out that Black Moon Publishing is going to publish the book that myself and fellow Rebels wrote titled Lucifer: Light of the Aeon.

My Chapters feature images by some amazingly talented Women. I am honored to be using their Magickally infused Art to help tell my story, and convey a message to the reader. Thank you, Isis GraywoodLupe Vasconcelos and Orlee Andromedae. Also, one of my Chapters includes a poem by the talented Magenta Nero.

To say that I am grateful, and humbled to be among the talent I am, would be an understatement. I am in the company of Artists, Writers, Witches and Sages that are so Wise beyond my years; the blessing does not go unseen by me.

I don’t consider myself special, although sometimes I know that I am (Capricorn Rising talking) I just think of myself as someone who is living, breathing, and burning entirely, freely and openly in their truth.

That is the key to my success: being true to me no matter the cost.

Even when it was unpopular, particularly when it is unpopular, even when I came under fire, even when I was stuck in the darkest of dark’s, I vowed to remain true to myself, and now that Jupiter has gone direct my hard work is literally paying off and manifesting right before my eyes.

Apparently I made some kind of impression because my Editor has asked me to be part of another possible book project.

I stand here in the deepest of gratitude for the abundance and prosperity in my life and to think, it’s all because I decided to take a leap of faith.

I am living proof that a little rebellion, living your truth and good ol’ fashion hard work can and does pay off.

The page reached 17,000 likes this evening, and it is at this point just completely surreal. I created NR because I wanted and needed a sanctuary; it just so happens 17,000 people decided to join me. I am so grateful for all of you who share this journey with me.

Thank you.

I’m just getting warmed up.

Awakening: The Shedding of Skin

David Ho

Image: David Ho

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

Cynthia Occelli


It has been an interesting week, or two weeks I should say, I have been quiet on the blog because I have been busy in the group, and my personal life. I also haven’t been feeling fantastic, needless to say I am feeling better today. I find the timing odd because usually this close to the Full Moon I am full on lunatic, but other than some drama within the group, and the health stuff, all has been calm.

I seem to be hotter tempered than usual, reacting at any and every thing. Until yesterday everything came to the surface and I cried it out, I yelled it out, and I cursed the Universe out. Only to give my gratitude back later for all I have been gifted with.

I took the opportunity of Mercury Retrograde and this Full Moon in fiery Aries to let shit go, drop what no longer serves my higher self. This means feelings, emotions, guilt….

The shit.

I am pulling up stuff from childhood, my “Daddy issues” and wounds from my past. I am dealing with it all, and facing each emotion, each pain, one by one. It is a task much more difficult than I had originally thought, but it is necessary. I have been studying my natal chart, and trying to understand what makes me tick. I have consulted with two of my Astrologer friends who have helped immensely, and both noted the amount of retrograde planets in my chart; one saying it is a sign that I have had many past lives.

I also discovered Neptune is in my 12th house, and Mars is in Scorpio (apparently these are big deals). Also, my Pluto is in Libra, and this placement is known as the ones who will change the world.

Needless to say I have been quiet because I have been on a quest of my own, a journey deep into self, taking advantage of the madness and emotions for once in my life.

The cosmic energy this year, as I keep saying, is one for the record books. It only took me until September to learn how to use the chaos to my advantage, thanks to a few amazing new people I met. I had never thought my chaotic being could be used to help me, until I realized that the chaos is my tool.

Yesterday I was accused of bringing the knife out too soon in a fight, my friends quickly reminded me—I am the knife.

Let me focus and regroup here, because I have got way off track. I have missed writing, and am just playing catch up, while tying it all together.

A few people in the group have mentioned feeling “out of their skin” or jumpy lately, they describe it as not feeling like themselves. In their case it is not just the cosmic energy, they are experiencing a shift in consciousness.

An awakening.


“Life is a series of little deaths out of which life always returns.”

Charles Feidelson, Jr.


People seem to have this idea that once you break free from the status quo, once you break free from the chains society has put on you, that it’s the end. I see people stop seeking, stop searching, but they are missing the point: The breakaway is just the beginning, it is just the first of many small deaths, and rebirths you will experience on your path. The serpent is not used as a metaphor for no reason, it is used as a metaphor for thousands of reasons.

When we shift our consciousness we are shedding our skin, we become sensitive to our environment, we go into hiding; the molting phase.

The symptoms of an awakening are endless but some of the more common ones are changes in appetite, depression/anxiety/panic out of nowhere, withdrawing from friends who hold you back, withdrawing from community/family, seeking like minds or your “soul tribe”, a longing for “home”, mood swings, sensitivity to light and sound, frequent headaches, vertigo, tinnitus, vivid dreaming, fatigue, chronic pain syndrome’s, swollen glands, allergies, and just an overall feeling of “something is off”.

These symptoms are from my experience and observation, I am not a medical professional and if you experience any of these symptoms to an extreme, or long term then you need to seek medical help.

The awakening wreaks havoc on the body, and the mind, but the benefits quickly reveal themselves.

The number one question after the initial, “am I crazy?” is “where do I begin?”

My answer is always the same, there is no starting point, you just have to start reading, voraciously. That is the best advice I can give, and I really mean it.

Your intuition will kick in, your instincts will guide you to be exactly where you need to be. There is not a mapped out path to get to center, we all reach it on our own, and in our own time. This is not a race, this is not a competition, we individually have to walk our own path, but along the way we are able to help each other. I think too many forget, or maybe don’t understand, the personal benefits to helping another. I guess that is another post, though.

We can elevate people, as we elevate ourselves. It costs us nothing, it does not harm us to help another; in fact I believe it helps.

I was asked what suggestions I can give to help alleviate the symptoms, and I can only speak from my experience, and my knowledge.

Besides reading, and making reading part of your daily routine (even if just for 15 minutes on your lunch break at work, read ancient text, or a book on something Occult/spiritual related, instead of fb). It will become a habit, and you will thank me later for the suggestion.

You will find yourself reading for 10 minutes in the bathroom in the morning, or at night instead of being on fb, or online shopping, or whatever it is that we do on our phones for hours a day.

Your mind will begin to put the pieces together, and you will feel everything, it’s like the world as a collective suddenly resonates deeply with you, and you cannot control your overwhelming need to withdraw, or the urge to burst open from the seams.

An awakening is a drug in its own league.

The next suggestion I have is crystals, I think people underestimate the power of “rocks” and the vibrations they carry. Everything is energy, and crystals react to energy, when we find a crystal that matches our own vibrations it is a pairing of song and dance that would make Chaplin jealous.

After this the only other things I can suggest are meditation, exercise. I personally do yoga, and believe me I am no yogi. I do what I can do, and what I can’t, I tell myself that one day I will get there. I also suggest eating as healthy as possible, it helps to keep your vibrations high. Be aware of the people you surround yourself with, some are as toxic as the poisons in our air, and food.

The final piece of advice I can give is, be true to you. No matter what happens, be true to YOU. There are going to be haters, and naysayers (it means you’re doing something right). There are going to be people doubting you, and you will lose friends, along with losing an old mentality and way of living but what you gain cannot be calculated, and that is what you need to focus on.

You need to burn in the fire of your truth.

The Matriarch: Mary Magdalene

Gianluca

Image: Gianaluca Palma

“The church seemed doomed to failure, destined to go down to bloody death amidst the bleeding corpses of its victims, when the people discovered Mary. And only when Mary, against the stern decrees of the church, was dug out of the oblivion to which Constantine had assigned her and became identified with the Great Goddess was Christianity finally tolerated by the people.”

Elizabeth Gould Davis, The First Sex


I had an idea to write a post about Mary Magdalene a few days ago, I don’t know why but I was drawn to do it, only to decide against it in the end. I feel like I am not educated enough about her to even begin to tell her story, I do know that what little information is written in the Bible is not correct, shocker. So, I have set out on a quest to find her story, while in the midst of my quest I found the quote above on a friend’s page, and it was yet another sign for me to journey down this road, for whatever reason.

This is not my original work, but this is a really good read full of great information about a version of the Goddess that is far too often forgotten. The Women in the Bible ARE aspects of us, aspects of the Great Mother and they are oppressed, hidden, and mocked just like rest of us. Their stories were twisted, or negated all together, left to one sentence such as Dinah, daughter of Jacob; her and her Mother’s would worship Inanna in the red tent, which was destroyed when the man became threatened by the Woman’s independence. I ask that you keep an open mind, and do not allow any Christian perspective, or hatred towards Christianity in general, blind your view of this aspect of the Divine Feminine.

Knowledge truly is power.

Legend:

“Mary Magdalene was of the district of Magdala, on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, where stood her families castle, called Magdalon; she was the sister of Lazarus and of Martha, and they were the children of parents reputed noble, or, as some say, royal descendants of the House of David. On the death of their father, Syrus, they inherited vast riches and possessions in land, which were equally divided between them.”

“Lazarus betook himself to the military life; Martha ruled her possessions with great discretion, and was a model of virtue and propriety, -perhaps a little too much addicted to worldly cares; Mary, on the contrary, abandoned herself to luxurious pleasures and became at length so notorious for her extravagant lifestyle that she was known through all the country round only as ‘The Sinner.’”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“Sinners were people devoted to the moon-god, Sin. Moses spent 38 of 40 years in the Wilderness of Sin, the land where the god, Sin, was worshipped. Sinai is the feminine form of Sin; therefore, Mount Sinai can be called “the mountain of the goddess,” feminine counterpart of Sin. “Mary Magdalene” represented the Great-Goddess-Mother-Queen, wife of “Jesus.” Historically, she can be found in several prominent Roman families: (1) She was the daughter of Juba II, the King of Mauretania and wife, Queen Cleopatra Selene (daughter of Antony and Cleopatra). (2) She was also known as Agrippina the Elder; her sister was Julia the Younger and her step-brother was Drusus Germanicus, the secret younger son of Emperor Tiberius. (3) She was known as Livilla, mother of twins whose grandfather was Emperor Tiberius. And, she can be found disguised as a man: Philo of Alexandria and Emperor Claudius’ powerful freedman Pallas.”

Legend

“Mary’s discreet sister, Martha, frequently rebuked her for these disorders and at length persuaded her to listen to the exhortations of Jesus, through which her heart was touched and converted. The seven demons which possessed her, and which were expelled by Jesus, were the seven deadly sins common to us all. The struggles of these seven principal faults are; first, Gluttony or the pleasures of the palate; secondly, Fornication; thirdly, Covetousness, which means Avarice, or, the love of money, fourthly, Anger; fifthly, Dejection; sixthly, “Accidie,” which is the sin of spiritual sloth or sluggishness; and seventhly, kenodocila which means ego, foolish pride or vain glory.”

“On one occasion Martha entertained the Savior in her house, and, being anxious to feast him worthily, she was  ‘cumbered with much serving.’ Mary, meanwhile, sat at the feet of Jesus, and heard his words, which completed the good work of her conversion; and when, sometime afterwards, be supped in the house of Simon the Pharisee, she followed him thither and she brought an alabaster box of ointment and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hair of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with ointment – and He said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven’.”

Fact

“The word translated as “demons” can be, and is, translated as “Angels” in other biblical verses. Seven in Hebrew is Shabbat. Shabbat Hamalka represented the feminine side of Yahweh – his consort, and she is of extremely ancient origin. Sometimes called Asherah, Shekhina, etc., this goddess is a combination of Queen, Bride, and Goddess.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“The referenced “anointing scene” harkens to the Old Testament, Song of Solomon. King Solomon and his “Sister-Bride” sing a love song as they profess their everlasting love. Many myths of “gods and goddesses” describe them as “Sister-Bride, Brother-Groom.” The king of Libya, Juba II, first married Cleopatra Selene, daughter of Antony and Cleopatra. However, he married a second time: his second wife was Glaphyra, widow of Alexander III, son of Herod the Great and Jewish princess, the Hasmonean Mariamme. With that marriage, Juba’s children with Selene and Glaphyra’s children with Alexander became “Brothers and Sisters.” When Juba’s eldest daughter married Glaphyra’s eldest son, they became, “Sister-Bride, Brother-Groom.”

Legend

“Tradition relates that after the Crucifixion, Mary traveled to Italy, met with the Emperor Tiberias (14-37 AD) and proclaimed to him about Christ’s Resurrection. According to tradition, she took him an egg as a symbol of the Resurrection, a symbol of new life with the words: “Christ is Risen!” Then she told Tiberias that, in his Province of Judea, Jesus the Nazarene, a holy man, a maker of miracles, powerful before God and all mankind, was executed on the instigation of the Jewish High-Priests and the sentence affirmed by the procurator Pontius Pilate. Tiberias responded that no one could rise from the dead, any more than the egg she held could turn red. Miraculously, the egg immediately began to turn red as testimony to her words. Then, and by her urging, Tiberias had Pilate removed from Jerusalem to Gaul, where he later suffered a horrible sickness and an agonizing death.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“After the “Passover-Passion Pageant,” designed to merge the Jewish “Messiah” with the Greco-Roman and Egyptian “Dying-and-Resurrected Savior” (Dionysus, Osiris, Serapis, etc.), the woman who played the role of “Mary Magdalene” accompanied her husband, the man who portrayed “Jesus,” to Alexandria, Egypt. “Jesus” became the Alabarch of Alexandria; “Mary Magdalene” assumed one of the names carried by her famous grandmother, Cleopatra Thea Philo Pater (wife of Marc Antony), which were probably the names she also carried. Using the name, Philo, and claiming to be a man, “Mary Magdalene” became famous as the philosopher and chief proponent of merging of Judaism with Greek Philosophy. She also promoted the allegorical interpretation of scripture, the only method by which their story could be told.”

Legend

“Suggestions of commentators and legend continues Mary’s story. Fourteen years after the ascension, Lazarus with his two sisters, Martha and Mary; with Maximin, one of the seventy-two disciples, from whom they had received baptism; Cedon, the blind man whom our Savior had restored to sight; and Marcella, the handmaiden who attended on the two sisters, were by the Jews set adrift in a vessel without sails, oars, or rudder; but, guided by Providence, they were safely borne over the sea till they landed in a certain harbor which proved to be Marseilles, in the country now called France.”

“The people of the land were pagans, and refused to give the holy pilgrims food or shelter; so they were fain to take refuge under the porch of a temple and Mary Magdalene preached to the people, reproaching them for their senseless worship of idols; and though at first they would not listen, yet being after a time convinced by her eloquence, and by the miracles performed by her and by her sister, they were converted and baptized. And Lazarus became, after the death of the good Maximin, the first bishop of Marseilles.”

“These things being accomplished, Mary Magdalene retired to the cliffs not far from the city. It was a frightful barren wilderness and in the midst of horrid rocks she lived in the caves of Sainte-Baume; there for thirty years she devoted herself to solitary penance for the sins of her past life, which she had never ceased to bewail bitterly. During this long seclusion, she was never seen or heard of, and it was supposed that she was dead.”

“Mary fasted so rigorously, that but for the occasional visits of the angels, and the comfort bestowed by Celestial visions, she might have perished. She was given the Holy Eucharist by angels as her only food. Every day during the last years of her penance, the angels came down from heaven and carried her up in their arms into regions where she was ravished by the sounds of unearthly harmony, and beheld the glory and the joy prepared for the sinner that repenteth.”

“One day a certain hermit, who dwelt in a cell on one of those wild mountains, having wandered farther than usual from his home, beheld this wondrous vision-the Magdalene in the arms of ascending angels, who were singing songs of triumph as they bore her upwards; and the hermit, when he had a little recovered from his amazement, returned to the city of Marseilles, and reported what he had seen.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“Mary Magdalene” spent the remainder of her life in various locations including: Alexandria, Rome, Emesa, and Greece using a variety of aliases. Inscriptions in Athens, dedicated to “Juba’s Daughter,” were in recognition of all she did for the Roman Empire as the Freedman, Pallas. A tongue-in-cheek letter written by Pliny the Younger to his friend Montanus enumerates some of her many accomplishments.”

Legend

“According to Church tradition, Mary Magdalene remained in Rome until the arrival of the Apostle Paul, and for two more years still, following his departure from Rome after the first court judgment upon him.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“Paul was never an “apostle” but remained the arch-enemy of Jesus and all he attempted to teach and to do. “Jesus” and “Mary Magdalene,” using the aliases Narcissus and Pallas lived in Rome from 41 until 54. They filled powerful positions under Emperor Claudius and were responsible for the many innovations that improved the lives of Roman citizens, including the poorest and most vulnerable. Both their sons served as “Procurator of Judea.” (One from 46 to 48; the other from 51 to 60.)

Legend

“From Rome, Mary Magdalene, moved to Ephesus where she unceasingly labored the holy Apostle John, who with her wrote the first 20 Chapters of his Gospel (John 1-9, John 10-20). There the saint finished her earthly life and was buried. Mary was transported miraculously, just before she died, to the chapel of St. Maximin, where she received the last sacraments. She died when she was 72.”

“Allegorical interpretation of scripture: “Mary Magdalene” and “Jesus” traveled to Ephesus and may have lived there when she wrote “The Gospel of John.” However, her work was “over-written” by a later author who called himself “John” and corrupted much of her original work. “Mary Magdalene” was also known as “Io Anna,” the feminine form of “John.” Io and Anna are both names of goddesses. She died in 74 CE at the age of 84, just as Luke reported (Luke 2:36-7). She was using the alias “Caenis” and purported to be Vespasian’s “mistress.” She was, in fact, his co-ruler and his aunt. Vespasian was her sister’s son.”

Legend

“In 899 the Emperor Leo VI transported her alleged relics to a monastery in Constantinople. It was not until the tenth century that devotion to Mary Magdalene, the composite saint, took root in the west.”

Philo’s Enigmatic Interpretation of Ancient Texts

“Mary Magdalene” may have been buried in her family’s mausoleum in Mauretania as the inscribed “Roman Woman.” The mausoleum is called, “the tomb of the Christian woman,” which can also be translated as, “the tomb of the Feminine Christ.”

She has been forced to remain silent for too long, misrepresented, and it is time that we become her voice, that we become her Muse, and allow her story to be told through us.

Source: http://www.thenazareneway.com/life_of_st_mary_magdalene.htm