RANTINGS OF A MAD WITCH: Darkness is Not a Trend

Darkness

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“Yet, no matter how deeply I go down into myself, my God is dark, and like a webbing made of a hundred roots that drink in silence.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

I am going to say up front that I don’t believe this essay will be well received by everyone but, when are they ever?

If something I say here offends you then I urge and plead you to ask yourself, “why am I offended?”

Your reaction has everything to do with you, and nothing to do with me or my words on this screen.

As with most of my pieces, this has been bouncing around in my head for quite some time; I have had wonderful, deep conversations with friends about this ongoing trend I wish to address.

Having been a public figure (by that I mean writing/administrating pages and blogs on Social Media) for a little over 4 years now I am granted rare glimpses into people’s lives and Souls.

In this time, I have learned a lot, grown a lot, even died a few metaphorical deaths in there—it has been a thrill ride and initiation of sorts.

When I first started on Dear Wicked I used the admin handle ‘Noir’ (French word for the color black) and many people still call me that to this day; it is a spiritual name given to me and therefore very Sacred.

Being an admin (especially as NR continues to grow) affords me the pleasure of getting to know a lot of people that I otherwise wouldn’t cross paths with; in the beginning, I was met with a lot of backlash because I was “too dark” and “too harsh”—I get it, I have a strong presence and I don’t sugar coat anything, so people at first don’t like me.

Sometimes people never like me.

I am not here to be liked though; I am here to provoke thought.

I would/do talk about and/or post about topics and subject matter that made/make people uncomfortable and instead of standing in and owning their discomfort, they project their fears onto me.

The ban list on that page grew rather quickly as small insults from readers turned into them trying to sabotage my career, and use Magick against me. Ah, what fun.

It was a shit show when I first started, still is most days.

At that time, I started to use Social Media as a gauge for the current state of the world; seriously, if you are ever curious about the current energies that are in play, just pay attention to commentary and behavior on these Social platforms and you will notice the trends I do.

Our community was plagued with what we have all come to call fluff bunnies; I don’t intentionally mean this as a term of disrespect and I honestly believe all Witches have their place and purpose but the imagery I wish to convey is aptly described and formed when I use the term “fluff bunny”. So, chill, k?

I was personally bombarded by these morality police, light worker, new-age, threefold believers who wanted to fill me with love and light while beating me into submission.

I come from darkness and was forged by flames, I will submit to no one.

Fire 2

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As for love and light, they have their purpose and place in the grand scheme of things but it is not with me, or within me.

My love, and my light come from a place of darkness. Read that line again.

In the last 2 years or so many of these same Witches have “come to the dark side” and how fucking ironic is that?

How ironic is it to see people who would outright deny their darkness now talk about embracing their Shadow and doing Shadow work?

How hypocritical that they are talking about these topics without ever having faced their Shadow?

I am just going to say this:

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

DARKNESS IS NOT A TREND.

I understand that people evolve and paths change, and that is not what I am talking about here; I am talking about the people within our community who could not handle being called out on their judgmental light bullshit, so they switched sides and now want to claim the dark.

Witches, Occultists, Mystics—hell, people in general should strive for duality BUT there are some of us who lean towards one side over the other and *THAT IS OKAY*.

It’s okay to carry light and dark; it’s okay to carry just darkness; it’s okay to carry just light;

It is not okay to pretend to be something you are not because you don’t want to face the ridicule anymore; with truth comes ridicule, and the truer you are to yourself, the more authentic your life becomes, the more you will be outcast.

I am ridiculed for being too dark, not being balanced, and pretty much just for breathing most days but I stand in my truth, I burn in my truth, I stand on top of this crumbling world and shout my truth for all to hear.

No one can ever say that I have not been dedicated and true to myself, my path, or my Craft.

Lotus

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That is the key here: we must be true to our Craft and to ourselves otherwise everything we do is a lie and Magick is no place for liars.

If you claim the dark out of fear, or wanting to “be cool” the darkness in turn will claim you and, that is something you never want to experience.

Let people talk, let people stare, let people misunderstand you, let them draw their conclusions, and make their judgments; their words should have no effect on you.

And remember, to thy own self be true.

 

 

 

DARKNESS GIVES BIRTH TO LIGHT: A Reminder for these Trumpian Times

darkness-2

Image: Stefano Corso

 

“Sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn’t fit in with the core belief.”

Frantz Fanon

The Political game has always been something that fascinated me and often I would find myself in the midst of debates, even at a young age; far before this election year, far before my awakening, far before I could even vote, it was just something always inside of me. I know nobody wants to talk about or read anymore posts regarding the election but bear with me and hopefully I can inspire some of my fellow discouraged rebels.

For a long time, I didn’t really side, or identify, with either party; I considered myself to be, relatively, non-partisan. Like most millennials I felt that I *needed* to think for myself, not be told by “the system” what, who or how I should be. A rebellion our parents once had but seemed to dimmer as they were beaten back into submission.

I know that millennials, particularly the ones younger than myself (I am 32) have a lot of stereotypes associated with them, and maybe there is truth to some of those stereotypes but this generation IS special. Not to get all pseudo-science, crazy on you but look up the Indigo, Crystal and Rainbow children, there are some interesting theories.

We seem to have rebellion in our blood; while it may not express itself well all the time in its delivery, it’s there, in all of us, waiting to be tapped into.

I feel the rebellion now more than ever.

I have recently been called a snowflake, libtard who “needs to go find my safe space” because I am not willing to accept our current Administration. I have been told that I am unpatriotic, and spoiled and that I need to accept “New America”. I have been attacked for being a Feminazi, while also being attacked for my white privilege.

I admit my privilege, I identify as an intersectional Feminist because I GET IT.

I supported the Women’s Marches that happened all over the world but I also know that white Women were marching for very different reasons than Women of Color, and/or Transgender Women. With this, I want to give a shout out to the Black Trans community; a group who face more violence than any other. I see you. I love you. Keep fighting.

White Women (which I am one, in case that needs to be clarified) are seeking equality because we have the privilege to do so; Women of Color are seeking justice because in 2017 they are still considered sub-human—how can they even begin to fight for equality when they are literally killed for having brown skin? If you cannot admit this happens, if you cannot understand our different causes and help our Sisters (all of them) rise with us, then you need to check your own privilege and ask yourself what the fuck is the point of fighting at all? It should be all inclusive, or nothing.

People who voted for Trump said they wanted anti-establishment but his cabinet is shaping out to be a who’s who boys club of elite men who all have shady business dealings, and checkered pasts to boot; men who line their pockets by rebutting science and raping the Earth for resources—some are billionaires for this very reason.

So, tell me, what do these men have in common with me? How do they represent ME? How do they represent YOU?

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Trump Signing Anti-Abortion Bill Surrounded by Men Source: Huff Post

There are no illusions or blinders on me when it comes to my country; I know Her for what she is and the blood on her hands, and in her soil. I love her despite that because I love the people and all their colors who make up this great Nation. You can love your country and want it to move forward, you can love your country while pointing out its ugly parts and past, you can love your country and be against your Government.

“Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.”

Theodore Roosevelt

To be frank, this entire election cycle and the drama that came along with it has made me feel defeated and discouraged; I never had too much faith in democracy in recent years (thought all politicians were bought and paid for) but I had enough trust where I thought, for sure, that a reality star who is an open misogynist, racist, sexist, classist, elitist would not get to sit in the White House.

Yet, here we are. Wishful thinking got me again.

I don’t know if I should laugh, or cry, or fight, or scream….

I don’t know what to feel so I feel it all but I have felt it all for so long that now, right now, I am numb.

I feel like I am waiting for something to happen and I don’t know what it is, or even if it’s good or bad. Terrifying, it’s all fucking terrifying.

I have stepped, dove and jumped into the abyss many times, but the collective has stepped into the abyss now, too, and that is such an unsettling feeling for an Empath, and Mystic like myself.

The entire world is sitting in the dark; take that however you will. This is why us torchbearers are needed now more than ever.

On this note, a friend sent me a quote yesterday that seems fitting:

“What if the darkness is not the darkness of the tomb but the darkness of the womb?”

Valerie Kaur

If this is the case and we are sitting in the womb of Mother, may we all be reborn with eyes open wide and a mind that isn’t blind; may we help Her rise.

We are in a perilous situation right now, and we are all in it together; regardless of what side we are on.

Yesterday I re-shared my blog about how to deal with the current world and being an Empath; tricks to help you cope and deal, but today I am going to focus on the Mystics, the Healers, the Light bringers.

How do we get through this darkness?

DON’T FEED FEAR, DEVOUR KNOWLEDGE: Since we are now living in a world of “alternative facts” telling the truth will become an act of rebellion; speak it, scream it, and shout it as loudly as you can. They can’t silence us all. Shine your light on their lies.

DON’T FEED HATE, SPREAD LOVE: This is a time where unity is more important than ever before but, unity can only happen when we understand that we ARE different. I think that those who state “We are all one race” don’t really understand the pain, struggle, and oppression that is experienced by people of color daily. We must listen to their experiences, and help them heal by speaking their truth with them; showing compassion, and empathy wouldn’t hurt either. Most importantly, we must love each other because it is only love that will make us strong, only love that will pull us out of this. And, y’all know I am not a kumbaya type of person but shit is real right now.

We mustn’t be silenced, or rollover in submission; we must fight back, allow our voices, all our voices, be heard. We must light our torches and shine them so that other’s may see the way.

We must heal the collective and show them that this isn’t the end; darkness is just the beginning.

The Alchemy of Life: Incorporating Light with the Dark

Baiba Ladiga

Image: Baiba Ladiga

“The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.”

George R.R. Martin

Lately I have seen a plethora of articles about the Shadow Self and how we must incorporate our Shadow into the whole; probably one of the most important lessons on the Magickal Path. Far too many people deny their Shadow, their Darkness, only to become consumed by it in the end.

Don’t get me wrong I am ecstatic to see so many fellow writers willing to take on this topic and teach the masses that our Shadow is not our enemy, though it most certainly can be if we ignore it for too long. I have a how to (of sorts) blog in the works about the ways to bring forth your Shadow, and methods of integrating it into your everyday life.

This blog however is going to be about a group of us who I believe to be seriously underrepresented and even chastized; thrown to the side, not taken seriously, feared, mocked, and utterly misunderstood.

I am talking about those of us who were born of the dark, we are the dark, we exist in the dark, and we move most freely amidst the density of the Void.

It is important to understand that in order for balance to be maintained on a grand scale or collectively we need practitioners who do Dark Magick, just as we need those who do White Magick. Now, I know, I know, Magick itself is not Dark and it is not White; it is everything and nothing, but without those of us who solely do “Dark Magick” the balance would be tipped; just as it would be tipped if there were not practitioners who solely do “White Magick”.

I think, ideally, the end goal should be a balance of the two, or what I call a Gray mentality, but that’s not always attainable and that’s okay.

Do you hear me, Dark Ones?

That is okay.

I personally have always been attracted to dark things, even as a child, and that of course made me different. I didn’t want to be like everyone else anyways but when you aren’t given the choice to be rebellious and people just expect it or push you to become that way, it gives a certain type of power but also a certain type of pain.

I have felt both deeply and I believe my love affair with the dark has made me who I am today. My power comes from that pain, as most power does. People think that our pain or our wounds make us weak, that we cannot be “good enough” unless we heal these traumas.

Just as some wounds are not meant to be healed which is why there is such a thing as the wounded healer; some people are not meant to be balanced.

Anger, rage, a hot temper, emotional outbursts are all part of my being; they lie so close to the surface that it is sometimes next to impossible to move passed them without first going directly through them. I denied these parts of myself for so long because Women are taught not to have a voice as loud as mine, an opinion as strong, or a will that moves the stars.

I suppressed these aspects and was acting out in other ways; I was getting my fix of the darkness by living dangerously, I mean truly, truly dangerously. There are more times than I can count at this point in my life where I should have been killed because of the people I was hanging out with and the decisions I made, but here I am, and here I remain.

As much as I have a quick reaction time, and the ability to spit venom on a whim, I have love in me that knows no bounds, and a thirst for justice that cannot be quenched.

I can’t hold on to the happy/lighter emotions for very long before I slip back into the shadows, begin to analyze the world and vibrations around me, as if I know of nothing else to do. I am a worst case scenario thinker, too, but wouldn’t consider myself a pessimist. I see the good in people, it just so happens I see the really bad, too.

So, how do those of us who love this place of solitude and seclusion incorporate the light into our lives?

I am the first to admit that I fear the light and all that comes with it. I fear being happy for too long because I don’t want it taken away as it always has been, I fear being in love but I am the most hopeless romantic you will ever meet, I fear being vulnerable because I know I have a wrath that is insatiable and uncontrollable if I am hurt.

And, so, I sit in the dark alone.

Those of you like myself have to make the conscious choice every single day to raise our vibrations, we are not like other people; we are not like other practitioners.

We are the ones who love death more than life, we are the ones who choose the Daemons over the Angels, we are the ones who prefer the Moonlight to the Sun’s rays. We are the bumps in the night.

These are just some tips that I have picked up along the way, and I want to share them with you, especially because I see a few struggling to get out of the darkness just as I have been doing.

First, you have to find your truth and live in it. This is probably the hardest thing to do because usually finding your truth means destroying another’s illusion. We lose our old life when we shed our old mentality and this can be a hard transition.

When we find our truth we become unshackled from all the chains that society has put on us; we are finally free. There is a pure happiness, a pure joy that comes from knowing we are being true to no one, and nothing but our very own Soul. Through finding my truth I have learned that happiness does not mean always having a smile on my face, the path I walk simply does allow for smiles all the time, but happiness means that I am creating my own destiny by fully being present, and making my own choices.

That should make anyone happy.

Second thing we need to do is go out in nature. This is probably a no brainer to some people, but to others they may not even think about it. Just like humans there are parts of nature that are not balanced, there are parts of nature that are dark, just as there are parts that are light and of course several shades of gray. Think of an apex predator out for blood, then think of a delicate flower in bloom and you will understand what I mean.

The polarity of nature is the polarity of man.

Nature is a gift to us, by whom does not really matter, but we are meant to enjoy this gift. Walking outside and getting some sunlight for even 15 minutes can greatly raise your vibrations, while cleansing your Aura and Chakras. Walking barefoot will ground you to the Earth’s energy while forming a connection and possibly relaying messages with the Elementals and other Spirits where you walk. Walking in water, or even next to water will calm the mind, and soothe the nerves; also walking near water will cleanse any negative emotions from strong Empaths like myself.

Third thing to do is laugh. Some of you may think this is silly advice but it is so important to fucking laugh! Don’t take yourself so seriously all the time, and for me this is my biggest struggle. I don’t only take myself too seriously, I take others and life too seriously as well. It doesn’t matter what it is that makes you laugh, I mean don’t be a douchebag and laugh at another’s expense, just laugh.

I find that when I laugh I am brought back to a child-like place in my mind and heart. I find this intriguing because my childhood had plenty of struggles and there were many, many times where joy was not present but when I hear my own belly laugh I can’t help but think of the little girl I once was; the little girl that never got to fully live.

In those moments where tears are streaming down my face from a funny cat video or a baby laughing, I live for that little girl lost inside of me.

The fourth and final piece of advice I can give to incorporate light into our darkness is to love. I’m not just talking about loving other people, I mean love yourself, too. Loving someone and accepting love are probably two of the hardest things for anyone to do because love makes us vulnerable, love means forgiveness, love means sacrifice– love means a lot. I personally think we have forgotten what true love is really like, some people will live their whole lives without ever experiencing it, which is why self-love is paramount.

Give yourself the love you never had, give yourself the love you deserve, give yourself the love you so generously give to your passions; take some of it, and give it back to yourself. And don’t be scared to show your love, either. I believe regret can be worse than rejection, so say it, even if you know they won’t say it back. Sometimes those three words can make all the difference.

I have accepted myself as being a creature of the dark and I wouldn’t have it any other way but the Shadow can only be cast when the light is shone upon it.

Lesson from the Light

Tomaas

Image: TOMAAS

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

Brené Brown


I had taken yesterday off mostly because the group kept me really busy, and rather entertained, but also because I needed to do some things for myself; those things included stopping at my local Witch shop to get some supplies and crystals; I don’t often go up to the shop (it is about 30 minutes from me) but yesterday I had a calling to go, and so by myself I went.

That was a huge deal for me, to go by myself, and then to add to the hugeness of it all, I stopped at the craft store on my way home to get some jewelry supplies. It was a day for me, a day doing things that make me and my Soul happy, who cares if wire, glass viles, herbs and rocks are what make me content.

I even broke two toes on my way out the door yesterday, I taped them together, put closed toed ballet flats on, and made myself go. Obviously not the wisest decision I ever made, but man was I so proud of myself for this little accomplishment. I often get so caught up focusing on the big accomplishments and goals that I completely miss the everyday small milestones I hit.

Before I had left there were a few comments going back and forth in the group about the Shadow self (which influenced my Jung post on NR last night) and how one needs to face it, accept it, and incorporate it into the whole, or we lose out on a big part of this experience.

It was also mentioned how the shadow self can become violent, and can endanger your wellbeing, and sometimes others if not addressed. If you try to repress it, and it is ready to rise there will be a major internal conflict that is sure to boil over at some point.

In the car ride, which besides the shower is where I do some of my best thinking, I started pondering my own journey with my shadow self, and it hit me, it hit me hard…I have always had my shadow, but never my light.

I push the light away like the plague. It is almost like kryptonite to me, it makes me feel weak to be happy and carefree. I wonder what Jung would say? I wonder what Freud would say? What trigger, or moment in life caused such a fucked up mentality?

I have always been like this, looking back at childhood pictures (and there aren’t many) I notice I was always scowling; now at such a young age, with my flawless alabaster skin have a deep set crease line directly in the center of my eyebrows. I am proud of that “scowl line”—I prefer to call it my thinking line.

I am always lost in thought, always have been.

No matter what the cause though, no matter the trigger and if it is from this life or previous ones, a collection of all even, this is my current reality. I am not some miserable person though, I laugh, and crack jokes; people often say to me, “I didn’t expect you to be so funny.” I don’t know how to take that, so I smile and say thank you.

I admit I am moody, I change day to day, hour to hour, a ticking bomb most times but to know that about me is to love me because that IS me. I feel that being me, and my authentic Self, shouldn’t affect my happiness, and at times the lack of light does. Obviously.

I mean this quite literally, too, I push the light of love, joy, happiness, peace, spontaneity, lighthearted fun– I don’t ever let myself have fun! I take the world so seriously, too seriously, and I always, always have.

I blame some of it on the fact that I am awake and aware, so it is hard to see “glitter and rainbows” but the fact is, no matter how dark life gets (and mine has been very, very dark at times) there is always beauty, joy, fulfillment etc. in SOME aspect, it may not be perfect, it may not be a smooth ride, but if you look close enough the light is always there, waiting to be acknowledged. Once you tap into the light it multiplies, it grows, it’s an all-consuming presence, which is probably why it scares me so much.

I sometimes equate my darkness, my shadow to my badassery, a hang up I have, I guess.

I fear the light, to be honest, and when I find myself getting caught up or lost in those “light moments in life” I switch it off, put my defenses up, and reject the feeling. If the situation involves someone else, I will pick a fight so that they can’t love me, so that they can’t give me that feeling of (insert emotion here).

Major fucking self-realization.

I can’t change who I am, but I can become more aware and be mindful of those moments when they come because they are ever fleeting. I have to let the light in, or I am an unbalanced, incomplete being.

My mind, heart and soul heavy with shadow remind me daily that this mortal coil dies every second, so it is of the utmost importance to live every moment.

A lesson I need to put into practice.