SUCCUBUS: How I Discovered I Was a Sexual Vampyr

katerina-plotnikova-2

Image: Katerina Plotnikova

“Sex is an emotion in motion.”

Mae West

When people hear the word Succubus they automatically think of Lilith, and from there the opinions split; on one side, we have those who think Succubi are nothing more than Women and She-Devils who are out to abuse, manipulate, and feed off unwilling, and unknowing participants. On the other hand, we have those who understand energy Vampyrism (in all its forms) and that many of us apply a code of ethics and morality to our lifestyle.

If I can go off track for a second and refer to my blog about Psychic Vampyrism (a trait I also carry).

From my experience, not all Succubi can feed on both Psychic debris/energy as well as sexual energy. We each seem to be very particular about what we feed on, and how we do it.

There are also Sanguine Vampyrs who incorporate blood but I will not get into that because a.) I am not Sanguine and therefore don’t feel comfortable talking about their lifestyle and b.) Sanguine’s are secretive like no other because of the stigma attached to their practice. You think Sex Vamps have it bad, try being a “blood sucking Vamp” and it gets a lot worse.

They don’t have some weird fetish with blood, at least not generally speaking, they just happen to receive energy that way. I look at it like this, if their participant is willing and not being abused, then no one is in any position to judge adults partaking in taboo acts. I think this goes for all alternative lifestyles.

I feel like my entire fucking life is taboo, and that is why I try so hard to see all points of view no matter how radical, or archaic they seem to me.

Anyhoo…

I talked about Psychic Vampyrism getting a bad rap, and that many of us are truly misunderstood healers.

Of course, as with every group of people, there are good ones in the bunch and there are bad ones in the bunch, you can’t clump us all together. I would not clump all Luciferians, or Satanists together, nor do I clump all Witches together. I know that while we may have things in common we are still very much individuals in every way, and our experiences, no matter how parallel, are subjective, too.

I bring up Psychic Vampyrism because just like them, Succubi either generate complete fascination, or total disdain. Again, completely misunderstood.

I can’t speak for every one out there, duh, and I say that frequently; I just want to tell my story because I get asked questions about this all. the. time.

I am certain some of what I write will raise eyebrows but fuck it. Right?

When I say that I have always been connected to sexual energy, I mean it quite literally.

I remember, and my Mom has backed it up (how embarrassing) that I was masturbating at age 4, and very much in tune with my body. It was much more than just “curious touch”. I remember reaching orgasm at age 6, and from then on nothing was really the same; it’s like a switch flipped.

Some kids had their blankets, and favorite toys, while I masturbated for comfort, insomnia, and as I quickly found out, energy.

I know how this sounds, and I can hear the “you need fucking therapy” comments already.

I have been to therapy, and had many breakthroughs. To be clear, I was not shown how to masturbate, and was not a victim of sexual abuse until I was 8 going on 9; looking back on it and drudging it up in countless therapy sessions as mentioned, the abuse didn’t victimize me.

In a sense, it fascinated me but also made me feel angry and dirty; emotions I couldn’t reconcile until I was older and understood what consent was. Without consent, it’s assault. No one at that young of an age should be experiencing sexual touch with any partner; it should, for obvious reasons, be a solo act. Children are off limits, to everything. Parents should talk to their children about healthy touch and experiencing their own bodies, and not shaming them for it. Talk to any Doctor and they will say, masturbation is normal (probably not at such a young age as myself, but it is normal and nothing to be worried about).

To the surprise of many, including myself, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18. When I was in High School I was going through so much at home, both mundane and Magickally related that boys and sex were just not on my mind like they were my friends’. I had crushes but, they were based on quirks I saw or because a guy was smart, not because he was hot, popular or a good lay.

Once I had sex though, it was as if I had opened Pandora’s Box.

I was not shy, or timid, even during my first time; I remember it hurting so bad that it turned me on even more; the very beginning of my journey down the Masochist rabbit hole.

I enjoyed being dominated but also fighting for dominance myself and afterwards all I could think was, “This is one time, and one guy, imagine what else is out there.”

For many years, I unknowingly was feeding every time I would have a sexual encounter, which was frequent. Sex made me feel empowered, and strong but there were some partners that made me feel heavy; I was taking on their demons and didn’t even know it.

It was not until I encountered a fellow Succubus and she showed me the ropes did I understand that not all partners should be consumed, and not all partners are worthy of us; while Succubi feed off their partner’s life force, their partner also gets a “high” from being in contact with us. Our energy is like no other and often we will hear people say, “I don’t know why, I am just so attracted to you.” We also get comments about how comforting our homes and bedrooms can be.

Therefore, many Succubi are irresistible to their targets when they really put their intentions behind it.

By the way, the consumption of a partner is not just energy wise, either, it’s literal. You should not consume a partner’s vaginal secretions, or semen unless you know for sure you can handle all that comes with it. When we take in their bodily fluids either orally or through our genitals, we are taking in their life force; unless you have a filter set up, you will absorb the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I did not have a filter for the entire time I was having sex; so from ages 18-29 I was having sex freely, wildly, and in a way only a youth with no worries could fuck.

Every single one of those encounters came back to bite me in the ass.

I started to have dreams that were not dreams at all but flashes of memory, but not my own—the memories of people I slept with. I was having fears that made no sense, and began to have health issues that also made no sense. I had taken in too much bad energy without transmuting it to be beneficial, and it caused an Auric tear that allowed a lot of negative debris to come in.

I sought out my Sister Witch who is the Succubus mentioned earlier, and she helped me harness my power and then, I became celibate.

Makes sense, huh? A Succubus being celibate…

But, I had no choice.

I had to clean out all the psychic and sexual debris that I took on, and I had to heal the wounds created in childhood, and young adulthood; I also had to focus on myself because I was at the peak of my Spiritual Awakening.

In 2013 I stopped having sex, and for 1 year and 1 day, I did not even masturbate; I truly needed a full detox of all sexual energy because I had abused it, and in turn it abused me.

When I began to play with sexual energy again it was entirely different; I started with my own, obviously. Masturbation is one of the most efficient ways for us to get energy, and even though it is not considered Vampyrism, as you are using or recycling your own life force, it is something we can and should do in times of drought, so to speak. It is also a guaranteed way to make sure we are not taking in negative energy.

After I harnessed my own, newly awakened Shakti charged energy, I began to incorporate other’s.

This was done through long distance feeding, and usually through synchronized masturbation or, in a few cases the targets were actively engaging in sexual intercourse, and they allowed me to tap in, and feed. The most efficient way for us to get energy is obviously through sexual intercourse, or engaging in sexual acts ourselves but we can be creative with our feeding, too.

For me, it seems that I inherently take on, or seek out negative energy in other people; when I studied my Irish heritage, I discovered my Sin-eating ability and I think it connects to my Succubi side.

Sin eating was a practice that originated in Southern England but quickly spread throughout the UK. Usually a dying or recently deceased person would transfer their sins into a loaf of bread and pint of ale; the Sin-eater would come eat the bread, drink the ale taking on the sins of the dead, and allowing the person to be granted access to Heaven. For more history on this practice click here.

Succubi are the embodiment of all that is carnal and primal within us; she reflects the wild side of our sexual nature, and true empowerment through sexual acts. She shows us not to be ashamed by our desires, and deviations but to embrace them.

The Succubus is a misunderstood healer, a stigmatized and demonized Woman; someone who knows exactly what she wants sexually.

In many ways, the Succubus is the ultimate Feminist.

For these facts alone she is feared.

This is why Lilith is our Mother.

Psychic Vampyr: The Misunderstood Healer

Julio Castillo Jr.

Image: Julio Castillo Jr.

“The energy of life entering and leaving your body flows evenly throughout the universe. With that current, the mind of the cosmos communicates with all things.”

Ilchi Lee

It has been some time since I have done a piece per request, this one seems not only needed, but well overdue. I posted an article about Psychic Vampyrism as I often do when I come across them. I have fallen victim to Psychic Vampyr’s who loved to feed off my endless supply of emotions, and quick reaction time; something I am working on changing but the Triple Cancer in me has a hard time, not to mention my Capricorn Rising, and Taurus Moon. I have had Vampyrs come in all forms and disrupt my life to say the least, and they fed; everything from anger and rage, to sadness and pain, each experience being worse than the last when I was not a WILLING PARTICIPANT.

I think people believe that I am against the whole idea, or that I am always citing the negative, I am only against what I refer to as unethical feeding. Even when I wrote a blog of my own about it some months back, I stated this fact, but the piece got me into tons of trouble with quite a few members of the Vampyr community. I ended up with two attachments, which is not usual behavior for Vampyrs, and it is not a common trend.  Please do not confuse an ethical Vampyr with one who abuses their power.

The thing is, I have a Vampyric trait, I don’t openly discuss it for a few reasons; first being it’s no one’s business, second being there are too many negative social stigmas attached to the word and the concept itself, and third, I am not someone’s fetish. I say that I am not someone’s fetish because feeding is a rush, a sensation, a feeling of ecstasy that cannot be described in any word, of any language; it is addicting to both parties involved.

Before I go any further and tell you my experiences, I want to say that I do not speak for all Vampyrs, I am only speaking for myself. I follow a strict set of my OWN rules, and do not personally follow the codex, which I will link you to at the bottom. My only hope is to enlighten some folks, and change some opinions about a trait that is so demonized, and so misunderstood.

Perhaps, also, I can gain a little redemption among the Vampyr community from my last blog, talking only about the negatives.

I realized my trait at a very early age because I lived in a volatile, abusive household and there was tension in the air because at any given moment all Hell could break loose. When I would notice my Mother in pain I would go to comfort her, curling up in her lap or making any excuse to touch her. As I made contact with her, I would focus on taking her pain, her sadness, all while healing her wounds.

It was an energy exchange– I was taking her shattered, pained energy and replacing it with my vibrant, comforting, youthful, healing energy. I know she did not give her consent to the “feeding” (I call it that because I did in fact feed) but I believe in some cases, cases like this, it’s okay to take away someone’s pain. Though I suppose if I am going to be my own Devil’s Advocate, sometimes pain is necessary for individual growth, and taking it could be disruptive to the process. However, I have done so in the past, and will continue to do so if I see the need. It all boils down to personal judgment and ethics, I guess.

I think of Psychic Vampyrism as a form of Alchemy, we have the ability to take a specific energy, or emotion, and manipulate it, change it, and create something that will benefit us, and ultimately our subject, partner, whatever you wish to call them.

It was during my teen years that I began to see the ugly side of my trait, and I would stir the pot just to see people react negatively, and feed off of those emotions. I didn’t understand at the time that solely feeding off of negative energy made me heavy with emotion, depressed, and enraged. The term, “you are what you eat” comes to mind. I also had no clue how to manipulate energy that I created, something that took me years to get a grasp on.

Note: What I mean by “energy I created” is I set up the situation in order to get a certain reaction out of a person(s). Vampyrism is primarily a psychological practice.

As I have gotten older, and gained wisdom with maturity, I have used my trait to take on people’s emotions, burdens, and pains through consensual exchanges.  It seems my number one problem remains, though and that is, I often forget to take care of myself. I forget to transform the energy and it ends up consuming me; too much energy, positive or negative is not good if not properly channeled, and transmuted. This is where my fellow Vampyr comes into play.

I have a long term, non-sexual relationship with a fellow Succubus, and when I need to get rid of some of my energy it seems that she can sense it and a message will soon appear in my inbox with a simple question, “Do you need me?”. Of course I stubbornly say yes, and she takes on the sludge that has built up on me, and replaces it with her golden, vitality filled life force. I find that for me to benefit the most out of healing sessions such as this, my fellow Vampyr must have a Daemonic aspect like I do.

My life has been effected in negative ways by Psychic Vampirism, sure, but my life has also been transformed because of it. I have also been able to help people, and that is what is most important to me. I have gained confidence, and a sense of pride because I learned to integrate this trait as part of my whole; a trait that at one point terrified me because I thought people would think I was a freak, or just a plain ol’ douchebag. Admit it, we do get a bad rap.

Psychic Vampyrism is not just the narcissist causing drama for their own ego, it does not always come disguised as the abusive relationship, or toxic friendship, there is a positive side, as there should be in order to maintain balance; I actually like to think a majority of cases are nothing more than a mutual exchange of energy that in one way or another benefits the dynamic of the partnership.

We are healers, too.

P.s Of course there is a sexual aspect to Vampyric feeding, and I have participated in the past but I did not touch on that topic because I am currently celibate, and sexual feeding is an entirely different ball game, one that deserves its own post.

To read through the Codex:

http://sacred-texts.com/goth/vc/index.htm