F*CKING: Screw Your Definition of Sacred

Matthew Gaynor

Image: Matthew Gaynor

“Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.”

Charles Bukowski

It seems since the page has taken a different route lately that I am being met with a lot of resistance, and back lash from my readership; both males and females alike have been up in arms over the sexual content and discussions happening regularly now.

Quite frankly, I’m shocked.

I am not new to the blogging/writing world, or being an Admin and I am most certainly not new to the concept that people don’t agree with everything I post but, to see people so upset over sex, and sexual articles on an Occult page is baffling.

I thought, overall, that we were a pretty open-minded community to all kinds of taboo topics, lifestyles, and desires; even though we need to do some serious work within the community about accepting our own.

Have I underestimated my fellow Witches and Occultists, or have I just been blessed with meeting some glorious douchebags?

I wrote a little rant on the page recently, and a blog a few weeks ago that touched on this topic and I thought for sure it would die down but, it’s only gotten worse.

One comment that was made twice has been ruminating:

“The Admin of this page is promoting empty Spiritualism by promoting Whoredom. There is no such thing as a Sacred Whore.”

First of all, I was offended.

I don’t “promote” anything; I tell my story from my perspective with a splash of practical advice and interesting articles I find along the way.

I have stated MANY times that I don’t want people to think like me, therefore what do I promote?

Whatever. I let that part go but, empty Spiritualism?

There is nothing empty about me,

Or my page.

Let’s make one thing clear: Consensual Sex is always Sacred.

Yup, even drunken one night stands; the boring, the passionate, the sloppy, the kinky, the sweaty and everything in between—it’s ALL Sacred.

You can give it pretty names like “making love” or “physical union” or you can simply say fucking–either way, it all originates from the same place, and it truly is all Sacred.

Let us not forget the emotional part though; different types of sex do require different emotional responses and sex is an amazing outlet to express oneself.

I debated with one guy who commented and his rebuttal at one point was, “by commercializing sex (ie. Sex work, prostitution, etc.) and engaging in casual sexual activity that it took away the sanctity of it all.”

I couldn’t disagree more.

Sidenote: sex work is work and I fully support sex worker’s rights.

There are many facets and layers to sex, sexual acts and sexual desires.

Sex is not “one size fits all”.

As stated in posts before if there is suppression of emotional, physical or Spiritual trauma that is causing the sexual promiscuity or perversion, if you will, then the issue needs to be addressed so that you can heal and move on.

But, if you happen to just really like sex, if you happen to just like multiple partners, or kink, or orgies, or anything else that your heart desires simply because it feels good and it is what YOU WANT TO DO, then more power to you!

To be inclusive, if you aren’t interested in sex and are a-sexual, or gray ace, more power to you, too!

Sex and sexual identity are complex issues.

Back to my point, the thought that I’m promoting “empty spiritualism” is crazy…

True spirituality is found in living, breathing, and becoming our most authentic self; one could say that Nirvana could be reached by this very practice.

Our truest, most authentic self is the pathway to our higher self which is the gateway to ascension.

Maybe my authentic self is being celibate for now or forever, maybe yours is one partner, maybe someone else’s is fucking the whole neighborhood; we each experience sex differently and no one way is the right way.

Our sexual Self is our primal nature embodied; it’s one of the rawest, truest forms of expression (this part is key which is why I said it twice).

As for commercializing sex as said in the comment, I don’t see a problem with it. People have exchanged sexual favors for money/goods/status since the beginning of recorded human history.

Let me point out that I am not including the horrific practice of sex trafficking (obviously) nor am I suggesting that there is no such a thing as forced prostitution; something that is very dangerous for the worker.

My keywords here are: safe and consensual.

I am talking about the fact that there *is* such a thing as safe, consensual sex work (regardless if it is illegal or considered immoral by some standards).

And, I personally do not think that money being involved takes away from the act being Sacred.

Since when does Sacred mean unity with one other person under specific circumstances, candles lit all around, and chanting some Ancient hymns?

Why can’t someone’s Sacred be wild, passionate fucking and/or multiple partners?

We all get off on different things, and I think that just like sex, Sacred is subjective.

When we start to force yet another stereotype of how we “should be” we lose sight of who we are.

We all judge people to one degree or another it’s human nature but, we really need to get over ourselves and stop judging people for their sexual desires and what they choose to do as a consenting adult.

Judging someone based upon the type of sex they have is self-righteous, sanctimonious, and rooted in superiority; not to mention it’s none of our goddamn business.

To sum it up, sex is energy, Sacred energy at that; energy may change but it always remains.

Certain situations make the energy more potent than others but it’s Sacred, even when it makes you uncomfortable and challenges your moral compass.

If you are projecting your morality on to others, something tells me your true motives need to be brought to light and questioned.

“Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people we personally dislike.”

Oscar Wilde

 

SLUT: I Will Not Be Shamed Into Submission

Mira Nedyalkova

Image: Mira Nedyalkova

“The Western Sexual Revolution sucks. It has not worked well enough for Women.”

Naomi Wolf

Last night before bed I posted a quote about sluts, and it caused quite the stir. I want to talk about the reaction, and the quote itself along with my opinion on the matter; why it IS relevant on NR for reasons other than it’s my page and I can post what I want.

First thing’s first, here’s the quote:

“A slut is someone, usually a woman, who’s stepped outside of the very narrow lane that good girls are supposed to stay within. Sluts are loud. We’re messy. We don’t behave. In fact, the original definition of “slut” meant “untidy woman.” But since we live in a world that relies on women to be tidy in all ways, to be quiet and obedient and agreeable and available (but never aggressive), those of us who color outside of the lines get called sluts. And that word is meant to keep us in line.” ― Jaclyn Friedman

In case you have not noticed let me clarify that on my page I intentionally post thought provoking images, quotes, links, etc. I post things that will make you uncomfortable, and question your perspective of the world. I have done this since the beginning and will continue to do so regardless of who tries to dull my shine.

If you don’t agree with something on the page, then you don’t HAVE to comment; you don’t HAVE to form an opinion and put it online for the world to see. I have spoken about this so many times that I am starting to annoy myself.

Commenting ignorant, misogynistic opinions is a choice, and a poor choice at that.

Someone asked why the post was necessary. I replied to his comment and asked “Why is this comment necessary?”

His rebuttal, “Just like this post, it isn’t.”

*deep sigh*

The post is relevant because I am a Woman, and I was promiscuous at one point in my life. I was called a slut, and shamed for my sexual freedom. Having sat in the solitude of celibacy for the past 2 ½ years I can say with certainty that I would do it all over again, and I don’t regret a single thing.

I do not regret a single one-night stand, I do not regret one orgasm, or blow job I gave in my life; I also do not regret the nectar of the Gods I allowed them to sip in return. I regret none of it, and the moment I do is the moment I hand over my power to another.

In that moment, I hand over the power to define myself.  I’ll be damned if I allow that to happen again.

I posted the quote because I thought it was interesting and well, it’s fucking true! I posted the quote because I felt like it. I posted the quote because the picture is strong with deep rooted symbolism. I posted the quote because far too many Women shy away from their sexuality for the very fear of being called a slut, or worse; the fear of being judged in general is often cause for most Women, even today, to repress their pleasure, fantasies, and desires. Collectively we seem to be getting better but we have a long way to go.

Have you ever noticed when a Woman does not “act accordingly” she is called not only a bitch, but a slut? Why is it that slut is the go to insult?

What is it about that word that makes it cut so damn deep?

Generally speaking, Men get away with far more in the sexual arena than Women do.

When a Man is fucking everything he sees, he’s not just a man, he’s known as “the man” by his peers.

Now, I am not shaming a Man’s sexual freedom or the choice to have as many sexual partners as he wishes; I am shaming the double standard.

If a Woman chooses her sexual liberation in form of multiple partners she is automatically a slut. She gets called “dirty” and “loose”.

I hate to burst the bubble of people who hold this mentality but what do you think we are supposed to do with a part of our body that is strategically placed on our genitals and happens to have 8,000 nerve endings? (Reference: Clitoris)

Sit on it, and look pretty?

Cut it off in some barbaric tradition, then sew our Sacred Yoni shut?

To be fair, I think male circumcision is just as bad as female circumcision (FGM). Though the conditions in which they are done seem to be far more traumatic, dangerous and blatantly unsanitary for the young girls who experience this as part of “becoming a Woman”.

I am the first to admit that in many cases promiscuity is because of an underlying emotional stresser/trigger/event that has not been dealt with; in some cases, the person (in this context, a Woman) may not even be aware of the issue(s).

There are, however, many instances where Women just like to have sex. Why does something have to be wrong with her? Why does she have to be “searching for love but afraid of pain”? (One of the comments I deleted this morning).

Why does she have to be anything other than a human being having and enjoying sex? Why are we judging her? Why do we feel the need to judge her? Why do we feel that we have the power, or authority to judge her in the first place?

Sex is amazing, and how another chooses to have it literally does not affect you whatsoever. Read that line twice, three times for good measure.

Who someone chooses to sleep with, how many people they choose to sleep with and the style of sex they choose to partake in does not hinder your quality of life in the least. Stop wasting your energy judging other people and use that energy instead to look in the mirror and see why you feel the fucking need to be judgmental in the first place; because clearly this narrow minded way of thinking has some deep rooted issues within.

You shouldn’t point your finger in judgment of another with dirty hands. Didn’t anyone teach you that?

Sex should be consensual, safe, fun, dirty, free, expressive, gentle and rough simultaneously. Sex should be all this and more, so much more.

Sex should never be shamed, but rather celebrated.