SLUT: I Will Not Be Shamed Into Submission

Mira Nedyalkova

Image: Mira Nedyalkova

“The Western Sexual Revolution sucks. It has not worked well enough for Women.”

Naomi Wolf

Last night before bed I posted a quote about sluts, and it caused quite the stir. I want to talk about the reaction, and the quote itself along with my opinion on the matter; why it IS relevant on NR for reasons other than it’s my page and I can post what I want.

First thing’s first, here’s the quote:

“A slut is someone, usually a woman, who’s stepped outside of the very narrow lane that good girls are supposed to stay within. Sluts are loud. We’re messy. We don’t behave. In fact, the original definition of “slut” meant “untidy woman.” But since we live in a world that relies on women to be tidy in all ways, to be quiet and obedient and agreeable and available (but never aggressive), those of us who color outside of the lines get called sluts. And that word is meant to keep us in line.” ― Jaclyn Friedman

In case you have not noticed let me clarify that on my page I intentionally post thought provoking images, quotes, links, etc. I post things that will make you uncomfortable, and question your perspective of the world. I have done this since the beginning and will continue to do so regardless of who tries to dull my shine.

If you don’t agree with something on the page, then you don’t HAVE to comment; you don’t HAVE to form an opinion and put it online for the world to see. I have spoken about this so many times that I am starting to annoy myself.

Commenting ignorant, misogynistic opinions is a choice, and a poor choice at that.

Someone asked why the post was necessary. I replied to his comment and asked “Why is this comment necessary?”

His rebuttal, “Just like this post, it isn’t.”

*deep sigh*

The post is relevant because I am a Woman, and I was promiscuous at one point in my life. I was called a slut, and shamed for my sexual freedom. Having sat in the solitude of celibacy for the past 2 ½ years I can say with certainty that I would do it all over again, and I don’t regret a single thing.

I do not regret a single one-night stand, I do not regret one orgasm, or blow job I gave in my life; I also do not regret the nectar of the Gods I allowed them to sip in return. I regret none of it, and the moment I do is the moment I hand over my power to another.

In that moment, I hand over the power to define myself.  I’ll be damned if I allow that to happen again.

I posted the quote because I thought it was interesting and well, it’s fucking true! I posted the quote because I felt like it. I posted the quote because the picture is strong with deep rooted symbolism. I posted the quote because far too many Women shy away from their sexuality for the very fear of being called a slut, or worse; the fear of being judged in general is often cause for most Women, even today, to repress their pleasure, fantasies, and desires. Collectively we seem to be getting better but we have a long way to go.

Have you ever noticed when a Woman does not “act accordingly” she is called not only a bitch, but a slut? Why is it that slut is the go to insult?

What is it about that word that makes it cut so damn deep?

Generally speaking, Men get away with far more in the sexual arena than Women do.

When a Man is fucking everything he sees, he’s not just a man, he’s known as “the man” by his peers.

Now, I am not shaming a Man’s sexual freedom or the choice to have as many sexual partners as he wishes; I am shaming the double standard.

If a Woman chooses her sexual liberation in form of multiple partners she is automatically a slut. She gets called “dirty” and “loose”.

I hate to burst the bubble of people who hold this mentality but what do you think we are supposed to do with a part of our body that is strategically placed on our genitals and happens to have 8,000 nerve endings? (Reference: Clitoris)

Sit on it, and look pretty?

Cut it off in some barbaric tradition, then sew our Sacred Yoni shut?

To be fair, I think male circumcision is just as bad as female circumcision (FGM). Though the conditions in which they are done seem to be far more traumatic, dangerous and blatantly unsanitary for the young girls who experience this as part of “becoming a Woman”.

I am the first to admit that in many cases promiscuity is because of an underlying emotional stresser/trigger/event that has not been dealt with; in some cases, the person (in this context, a Woman) may not even be aware of the issue(s).

There are, however, many instances where Women just like to have sex. Why does something have to be wrong with her? Why does she have to be “searching for love but afraid of pain”? (One of the comments I deleted this morning).

Why does she have to be anything other than a human being having and enjoying sex? Why are we judging her? Why do we feel the need to judge her? Why do we feel that we have the power, or authority to judge her in the first place?

Sex is amazing, and how another chooses to have it literally does not affect you whatsoever. Read that line twice, three times for good measure.

Who someone chooses to sleep with, how many people they choose to sleep with and the style of sex they choose to partake in does not hinder your quality of life in the least. Stop wasting your energy judging other people and use that energy instead to look in the mirror and see why you feel the fucking need to be judgmental in the first place; because clearly this narrow minded way of thinking has some deep rooted issues within.

You shouldn’t point your finger in judgment of another with dirty hands. Didn’t anyone teach you that?

Sex should be consensual, safe, fun, dirty, free, expressive, gentle and rough simultaneously. Sex should be all this and more, so much more.

Sex should never be shamed, but rather celebrated.

Masturbation and Magick: How I Healed Myself Through Touch

Anna O 2

Image: Anna O

“She imagined herself both queen and slave, dominatrix and victim. In her imagination she was making love with men of all skin colors–white, black, yellow–with homosexuals and beggars. She was anyone’s, and anyone could do anything to her. She had one, two, three orgasms, one after another. She imagined everything she had never imagined before, and she gave herself to all that was most base and most pure.”

Paulo Coelho

I hear people talk about Sex Magick all the time, great topic by the way, but when discussions come up it usually involves a partner, or multiple partners, why is no one talking about the most important kind of Sex Magick there is: masturbation.

The topic of masturbation was never discussed when I was a child, partially because my Mom was not sexually free yet, and my Father was a strict Roman Catholic. The whole act, and anything overtly sexual was shamed, actually. I first learned about masturbation because I was sexually abused. It opened my body up to strange, odd sensations but my emotions were being beaten down little by little. At 8 years old I was completely unprepared for everything that was going on, though the encounters only happened a few times, it was enough to cause damage to my Soul, and psyche; it was at that time that my unhealthy relationship with sex began, it became my drug.

When I was being abused, I would shut out the world, I would turn off everything, essentially I was making myself completely numb—it was the high of all highs, and the low of all lows, simultaneously. When the abuse stopped I would masturbate on my own because there was a signal to my brain to shut out the world. It was during this time that I was still living with my estranged Father, and my Brothers, and the peak of my Fathers wrath. (Note: My Father was not the abuser, so let’s not misread this paragraph, k?)

For an Empath like myself I needed an escape. At the time I didn’t understand that I was cleansing and grounding myself through my Root and Sacral Chakras, and the moment of orgasm blasted open my Third Eye and Crown Chakras. I was practicing Magick, a protective, cleansing form of Sex Magick, and didn’t even know it.

I lost my virginity during some dreadful encounter at 18, and once my heart was broken a couple times I became a man-eater; I didn’t care about emotions, or connections, didn’t care about anything really. My experiences in the past with men sexually were all interesting, and amazing in their own way but I chose terrible men, so I took on toxic energy. I used sex as an escape just like I used masturbation as an escape as a kid, also I was young and on some power trip– “I have a pussy, I hold the power” type thing.

It was a royally fucked mind frame, one that I didn’t see the pattern of until I stopped having sex. October 11, 2013 is the last time I had intercourse, or any sexual contact with a partner, and it has taken me all that time to heal the wounds, rid myself of the energy, and make myself whole again.

Now, I take on the world as a complete, self-aware, awakened, sexually empowered Woman, and will choose my partners as such.

I didn’t masturbate for the first year and a half; I was completely turned off sexually. I stopped paying attention to my Sacral chakra after my hysterectomy, how stupid. I just was losing touch with everything that makes me, me. I lost touch with the very Womanly ways that makes me so proud to wear this skin.

My journey to become one with myself started with forgiveness, of myself and every single person in my past who I was still attached to in one way or another; that’s a heavy weight to carry, and forgiveness is such an important lesson, only when one forgives, and let’s go, can new things blossom.

Then it was a battle through lonely, and being alone. We as people often confuse the two, and we need to be comfortable with both in order to appreciate companionship. You see, having a partner can be fucking annoying, you are sacrificing things that make you an individual to become a unit with another person, the whole idea when put into somewhat “Technical terms” sounds so unappealing; when you look at a partnership for what it is though, for what it was meant to be, I think nothing sounds more Divine.

Figuring out the difference between lonely and being alone was the hardest lesson to this day; giving up sex was easy, and for a long, long time even the sexual urges stopped. Even now when I do have a sexual urge it is never, ever based off looks, or raw sexual attraction in that way, it is always based off mental stimulation, in some cases a certain energy they give off, and it is rare indeed.

After these two battles came the most important lesson there was, facing myself on a sexual level. I had plenty of wounds to heal, plenty of sexual demons to face, and in order to move on with my life, I had to face them, head on.

I grabbed my hand mirror one day, took my pants off, sat in the lotus blossom yoga position and stared at my Yoni; I examined her, I talked to her, I touched her, I admitted my fear of her, and her power and I apologized for neglecting her.

Later that night I was in bed listening to my favorite Shiva Mantras, slowly my hand started to glide down my body, and I began to feel sensations I hadn’t felt in so long, goosebumps began to form on my skin, and my nipples became erect the moment I opened my flower up allowing her fragrance to dance in the air; I touched her, loved her and slowly began to remember her. It felt like old friends, old lovers, meeting again. When a sensation would happen that reminded me of my past, I would focus on it more, I would cry, I would hate my abuser, I would hate those men, then I took my power back. I reminded myself that this is my pussy, and I control her now, these are my sensations and I control them now.

I have become a sexually empowered Woman not through my experiences with partners, but through my sexual experiences with myself. I now know what I like, what makes my body move, and moan, no longer holding onto the residual energy of past lovers, and abusers.

I am completely free, my sexual power is mine, my orgasms are mine, that Magick is mine, and it has healed me in ways that cannot be described.