Image: Diggie Vitt Photography
“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”
I think it is safe to say that last year was a year of change, death and destruction (metaphorically and literally) for just about everyone; I know it most certainly was for myself. With these emotions and experiences there comes Shadow work, an inevitable part of our journey; facing the darker nature and emotions of/within ourselves; having to own up to our mistakes, our pain, our “shit” and still look ourselves in the mirror afterwards.
Not an easy task on top of an already complex path.
My darkness, traumas, and inability to conform are what led me to the Left Hand Path, and Magick in general, as well as having a calling deep in my Soul. I thrived in the darkness, and darker shades of gray; I loved to roam in the Shadows of myself, the otherworld and the collective unconscious trying to figure out why the dark appealed to me so much.
I immersed myself in the energy and embrace of the Dark Feminine, and swayed my hips with the Charge of the Dark Goddess; I embraced the wrath of Kali by allowing my own rage to run free, and I walked with Hekate in the Underworld staring death in the face.
I challenged fate, the Gods, and went against everything that was expected of me.
I rebelled, I lashed out, I embraced my wild nature; I raged, I screamed, I cried, and apologized not once.
But, all good things must come to an end.
After going through numerous Dark Nights of the Soul and dredging through Shadow work for over 2 years, observing and absorbing other people’s darkness and embracing my own, I can admit that I have stayed in the dark too long and now, am being forced to become my own light and shine brighter than before.
You see, I let the darkness seduce me; I got lost deep in the Abyss and have been sitting here, stuck, for weeks now—months even, trying to find a way out.
I try to remain positive and keep it all in perspective but lately it has been next to impossible to do; the recent Mercury Retrograde was the hardest one that I can remember. I remain grateful always, and make the choice every day to turn my heart towards the sky but sometimes, it’s just fucking hard to do.
During a tear-filled phone call, earlier today with one of my Sister Witches she posed a question that was so profound it has led me to write this post.
She said, “How do you create and hold space for such deep sadness and despair while still living your day to day life?” Referring the collective and personal pain and sadness that she is feeling currently.
As those words left her mouth the epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks:
“The only way out is through.” -Robert Frost
Frost’s poems have entered my mind time and time again reminding me of the lesson I am to learn or the direction I must follow. Once again, his words sing out to me.
Our society has demonized emotions so much that the majority are completely numb to the ideas of compassion, empathy and, well, love.
How can the Healers of this world cope with such odds? How can the rebels who are here to awaken the masses make them feel something, anything?
How are we, the Healers, supposed to deal with the heavy weight of sadness and fear that is being felt but also hidden?
The first step, we shine some light in the dusty corners of their Soul’s.
We all have aspects of ourselves that are like a junk drawer (not our Shadow but something more human). It’s a drawer we all have in our homes that we prefer a stranger not stumble upon and go through; finding out how sloppy we can be.
Our Soul has that same kind of drawer.
Well, it’s spring cleaning time.
This world is in desperate need of awakened and enlightened people, and I don’t mean those fake gurus who want followers; I mean the real deal who wish to have you walk your path of independence rather than follow the herd—even if that means you walk a path different from their own.
I know, I know, people on the page have tried to defend the herd as being smart; in nature, it is a defense mechanism to keep them safe from predators, a way to keep them warm, and a way to have community.
Sheep and other herd animals don’t have egos though; the Alpha males may battle it out every once in a while, but the hierarchy is set in place, and animals don’t have the awareness to question it.
Humans however, we do. And, that is why following the herd has never fared well for humans.
When we follow the herd, we lose the individuality that makes us all so unique; we lose the ability to form our own opinions because they are fed to us. It is hard to walk alone, it is hard to break free from everything you have ever known but what is the alternative? Follow blindly?
While I feel the Shadow of last year still hanging over us, the fear of the unknown, and the panic because of the uncertainty of our future, I have hope.
Some people call me naïve to keep hope alive and maybe I am; fear is no better than naivety though, but worse.
I walk in to 2017 shedding the darkness and thick skin that 2016 gave to me and step into the fire of revolution and truth.
Most importantly, I step into the fire of hope.
Blessed are the Witches, Wild Mystics, Shamans, Healers, Awakened, Enlightened and Spiritual folks of this planet; it is our torches that will guide us through the darkness.
Blessed are the light-bringers and torchbearers;
Now go light the world on fire.