RECLAIMING MY POWER: My Battle With Mental Illness

Mental

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

FOR AN UPDATE ON MY STORY, CLICKhere.

It’s no secret that the more personal I am on my blog the greater my personal gain is.

It’s almost like the deeper the wound and redder the blood the more the Gods take note and I start to reap the benefits of intense Shadow Work.

I don’t believe that the Gods are rewarding me, per se, but I do believe there is a correlation between facing oneself, speaking one’s truth and gaining freedom.

Real freedom.

The kind that can only be won by going to war with yourself.

You will know it when you experience it.

And the Universe will bow at your glory.

As much as I love writing, and love what I do, it’s hard work. It’s hard to sit down and face myself, face my thoughts, and my reflection.

It’s even more complicated when there are two sides to my being, and a constant battle raging internally.

You see, I have mental illness.

And it’s my belief that this is more a gift than curse.

I do not run from my madness anymore, and the reason for that is my practice and Shamanism (no, I am not on the Shaman path).

It was only through losing my mind that I gained any type of real perspective on life, the world or myself.

I ran into article after article, and book after book about the Shamanistic view of mental illness; the words that I read gave me power.

More than that, they granted me permission to take my power back.

I always knew I was different, such a cliché overused sentence but it really can’t be described any other way.

Although, I was able to lead a normal life until I was 25; I worked a normal job, at times I worked two jobs, and had a very active social life.

Then it all came to a screeching halt.

I have always been able to see beyond the veil and Spirits; my sight has always been available to me. I was a practicing Witch for many years, but I did not blossom until I died.

And that’s exactly what happened, I died.

Death

The old me did, anyway.

The whole mental breakdown itself happened pretty quickly and it caught not only me but my family by surprise. My Mom was the main witness to my “switch being turned on”. She said my aura changed, and I began to “vibrate” with a “dark matter”. She has even noted that my eyes, and facial features changed.

This switch of mine is usually hit because of emotional stresses, but it can be caused by low blood sugar (hangry!), anger which is more like rage, and because my fight or flight was tripped. If I am threatened that button is absolutely going to be hit.

I have come to call it my trauma trigger.

My trauma trigger is survival mode, it’s how I have survived for so long after all the abuse and pain I have experienced.

It reminds me of this quote by Ebonee Davis:

Ebonee

My mental illnesses showed up after I started to experience Chronic Pain, went through my hysterectomy and had a back injury.

Also, at the time I had recently gotten out of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship.

My life was a series of cataclysmic collisions of epic proportions.

In hindsight it seems that I experienced a soul wound because a piece of me left when I “woke up” to my true nature: chaos.

I compare myself and my world to Chaos because that’s what it is, that’s what I am;  yeah it sounds poetic but that’s really coincidence.

My mind is chaotic, my personality and my soul are too.

I am slightly neurotic, a perfectionist and obsessive about some things.

If my Cancer sun and Capricorn rising tell you anything it is that I am a contradiction, and there are literally two sides to me; I fight myself every second, of every day.

I admitted myself into a private mental health institute in 2010 and I wouldn’t change that experience, but I can tell you that I will never be locked up again.

After my little stay, I ended up being on 11 medication the ones I can remember are: Lithium, Adderrall, Risperidal, Klonopin, Minipress, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify and Gabapentin; I can’t remember the other 2. I only remember the number being 11 because when I started to “come back to self” I noticed that 11 was a prominent awakening number, and it was the Universe’s way of telling me to snap out of the sleep society put me in.

The signs are all around us, we must know where to look.

Those medications 8 years ago are why my thyroid has shut down and I have autoimmune issues now; the stress that the medications, along with my underlying health issues caused was too much for my body.

I have heavy amounts of a specific antibody in my blood now which causes a slew of health issues (Hashimoto’s).

I also have antibodies for what is known as “drug induced Lupus”. My Rheumotologist told me that I am not currently on any medication that would cause this, and he believes it is permanent damage from before.

Why am I telling this boring fucking story?

Because I am bringing my biggest demon to light and calling it out.

I am naming it and claiming it.

Once I do this, there is nothing that anyone can use against me.

And, I want people to know they aren’t alone battling their mental illness.

I want to remove stigmas.

I want people to know:

Mental illness doesn’t make you less than.

Mental illness doesn’t make you unworthy.

Mental illness doesn’t make you unlovable.

Mental illness does not define you.

Glass

My official diagnoses are BPD 2 (Bipolar Disorder 2), PTSD, ADHD, OCD, and Anxiety (Agoraphobia, General Anxiety and Social Anxiety).

I have done every type of therapy imaginable, and still to this day must manage myself with routine, coping skills, and mindfulness practices. My Spirituality has helped me tremendously as well.

Doctor’s didn’t help me, they drugged me and those poisons put in my body have damaged it permanently. I have been medication free, other than herbal supplements, for 5 years now.

Just because I do not (cannot) take medication does not mean I am anti-medication for everyone. I believe that modern medicine has its place, and I believe fully in the power of the right combination of medicine; it just wasn’t how my story was meant to be written.

When dealing with your health always listen to your body, always listen to your gut.

And, make sure you have an Advocate who can speak LOUDLY if necessary for you when/if Doctor’s and the system try to intimidate you.

Throughout the whole breakdown/awakening my life was in an uproar and I couldn’t pinpoint why I felt WORSE as time went by; then I started to become aware of the (serious) medication side effects.

The constant brain fog, sleep disturbances, weight gain, mood imbalances, etc. were unbearable.

I went through the worst withdrawal’s getting off those medications, and a majority were done at home. I did however seek out professional help for the benzo withdrawals because those are dangerous to come off alone.

My decision to detox at home was absolutely not a safe thing to do and I don’t recommend it, but the medical world had let me down, and I was not going to turn to them. I did my research, and then shut myself in my room and battled through; I had family around just in case.

And, again, I don’t recommend anyone going off their meds (it’s usually a sign of a manic episode to want to discontinue meds, but that was not the case for myself).

I let my Psychiatrist know what I was doing, after the fact, or well, during the act, but at that point there was not much he could do. I was never considered a threat to myself, or others, therefore I could not be forced to do anything. I was of sound mind and body.

My Doctor was the best, too.  He gave me a lot of my power back because it was through him that I found my way to discovering how mental illness is viewed in the Spiritual world.

If he had not pointed me in this direction I would be dead, and there is no doubt in my mind about that.

I didn’t write about this sooner because it’s a hard topic to talk about but also because I thought people would think less of me; that my word and wisdom would no longer be taken seriously (if it even is now) and all the negativity attached to mental illness would at once become attached to me, and that was a weight I could not bear.

So, I ran from it, but now I own it.

My mental illness does not define me; my power resides in my madness.

There is a fine line between sane and insane when it comes to this path, and I like to play jump rope with that line.

Two things I learned most from being mentally ill:

1. Change your perspective, change your life.

2. Crazy is relative.

Here is one of my favorite mental health articles:

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/08/shaman-sees-mental-hospital.html

Lessons in Magick: Lucid Dreaming

sleeping

Image: Anka Zhuraleva

“Man is a genius when he is dreaming.”

Akira Kurosawa

This is highly a requested blog, and I know Lucid Dreaming is something that many people wish to Master, or at least try successfully. Why does Lucid Dreaming elude so many?

For me, I have always been aware that I was dreaming; I even developed at a very young age an escape method to come out of a dream if I went “too far”. I trained myself to blink three times in the Dream State, and it would in turn pull me back to the Awakened State.

First let us define Lucid Dreaming: A Lucid Dream is any dream that you are aware you’re dreaming. In relation to this phenomenon, Greek philosopher Aristotle observed: “often when one is asleep, there is something in consciousness which declares that what then presents itself is but a dream”.

Basically a Lucid Dream is when you are within the Dream Consciousness (collective) but you are aware (consciously aware) of every move you make; you are able to manipulate and control your Dream State surroundings.

I am going to give some basic tips to help become more aware when in the Dream State. The first thing I have to say when trying to hone a new skill is that you must remain as grounded as possible, and be patient with yourself.

You must allow the mind, and the Soul to find the same rhythm so that when you are in a sleep state you can have control. People do not seem to realize that everything affects our dreams, and our ability or inability to dream cognitively.

There are many old wise tales that my family has about not eating pickles, chocolate or peppers before bed because they can cause strange dreams. I am sure you have heard of similar stories, and some have proven to be true. Our nutrition affects the chemicals within our bodies, it also creates the fuel for our brains. If we are lacking in good “brain food” then we are wasting away our experience here. I am going to tell you what I have done, and you may take from it what you wish.

The first thing I did was I cut out red meat, this was a personal choice and to be honest a hard choice. It’s cool if meat is your thing, it has been completely cut from my life though;  the vibrations of the meat lowered my own vibrations and I was having a hard time releasing the depression. It is my belief that cows and pigs are hyper aware of their surroundings during slaughter and the Empath in me cannot handle that.

I also found that eating by veggies based on colors of the rainbow has worked wonders. A Hindu friend told me that they (traditionally) incorporate food with their belief; such as fish on Tuesday for Hanuman, as one example, but they also eat by the idea “the brighter the color (of the food, veggie, spice) the more rich in nutrition and vitamins it is to the body and soul”.

So I try to follow this rule. This also ties into the Hindu concept (more Shaivism) of the three gunas: Satva (or Sattva)- (goodness, constructive, harmonious),  Rajas- (passion, active, confused) and Tamas (darkness, destructive, chaotic).

Click here to read more about the gunas.

I think it’s also important to note that Shiva (my Patron deity) and his trident (trishul) “signifies that Shiva (the divinity) is above all the three states – waking, dreaming and sleeping, yet is the upholder of these three states. The divinity is beyond the three gunas, but it holds the three gunas together”.

Shul means problems or suffering. Trishul means that which destroys all kind of suffering.

Three types of pain that arise in life:
1. Aadibhautik (physical)
2. Aadhyaatmik (spiritual) and
3. Aadidaivik (ethereal)

To read more, click here.

Dairy is another item that should be cut from our diet, and it’s probably the hardest. Personally, I have cut every dairy product except cheese. I know there is plenty of evidence to suggest the human body does not need any dairy product to sustain itself; some studies even suggest stopping all dairy after the toddler years. Your diet should be as pure, and as fresh as it possibly can be. As you change your diet your vibrations will become more intense, and vibrate on a higher frequency. When this happens it allows your mind to reach its full potential. I have suggested many times before to stop with this processed “food like substance” nonsense that is plaguing our shelves in the grocery store. I know that budgets are tight, and not everyone can afford to buy the best of the best, nor do we all have space to grow our own food. We just need to be more aware of how to get our bodies thus our minds to work the best way possible. Be conscious of what you put in your mouth, and the portion size.

If you eat a big meal before bed you are less likely to Lucid dream, you will reach a much deeper sleep where Lucid dreaming is not possible, and you are more likely to wake up early, or have disturbed sleep because you are digesting food when you should be resting.

The next suggestion is something that may sound crazy, but it is proven to work. The whole idea of dreaming is that, just like everything else, our brains are (essentially) in control.

You have to think of your mind as a bottomless pit of storage and knowledge and you can train this mental Abyss to work in your favor but you must train HARD.

Our brains are the best athletes on the planet.

How do we train our brains, you ask?

Well, you start off by randomly asking yourself throughout the day, “Am I dreaming?” I know it sounds crazy, but it works.

This method is based off the idea that whatever we do while awake, we potentially can do while asleep; sex, eating, sleeping, working, talking, etc.

If you train your mind to randomly ask a question, or think a thought, act a certain way, etc. you are more likely to do that exact same habit while in a dream state.

It is not impossible to gain the ability to Lucid Dream, frequently and successfully, I just think people overthink it.

I would like to say a word of caution, once you gain the ability to consciously dream and participate in those dreams, you are more likely to end up on the Astral Plane; if you are not used to projecting this can be a problem. I have seen people come back with attachments because they thought they were consciously dreaming and safe “in their own mind” but in reality they were on the Astral Plane.

Be aware, and have fun but don’t be stupid.

My next suggestion, crystals. I am always ranting and raving (in the best way possible!) about how amazing crystals are because they are a hobby of mine; I collect them, I wear them, I have them surrounding my space and my home, but I always use them in Magick, too.

I think that using a crystal that is good for dreaming is one of the most effective methods of Lucid Dreaming. The more you ream, the more aware you become within those dreams.

I would suggest sleeping with a few crystals under your pillow, or in a pouch next to your bed. You may also use herbs to create your own sachet, and put that near your bed as well.

There is not much that triggers the brain more than scent. Some herbs could be Rosemary, Chamomile, Mint, Sage, Lavender, Jasmine, and Passion Flower. An oil diffuser can help, too.

The crystals I would suggest are: Amethyst, Ametrine, Azurite, Clear Quartz, Lapis Lazuli, Moldavite, Kyanite, and for those experienced, Nuummite. I would also suggest having something like Dalmation Jasper to help keep away nightmares, and Black Tourmaline for protection of the physical while in dream or Astral state.

You may also use Sigils near your sleeping body to protect the area. It is up to the individual. You can also write down whatever it is that you do remember. I keep a journal and pen next to my bed, and no matter how tired I am, if I wake up with a dream still in my head, I write it down immediately.

In order for us to be successful in our dream state, we have to take care of our bodies, mind’s and soul’s in the physical. I have a routine for sleep, and also drink a mixture of Peppermint, Valerian root, Rose and Chamomile tea to help relax my mind and body.

Other good herbs are to add for dreaming/relaxation purposes are Skullcap and Mugwort, both as tea and smoking blend Note that Mugwort is bitter (add salt to alkalize it)  and Skullcap can be described as a spiced mint taste.

Taking a hot herbal infused, crystal bath is also recommended but I think a bath is good whenever, so…

Successful Lucid Dreaming is about pampering your mind and body, and if you do that your reward will be issued in the form of wild dreamy adventures.

Lessons in Magick: The Astral Plane

sebastian

Image: Sebastian Eriksson

“The abode of the spirits are astral world and earth land counterparts. In the path of evolution, the soul is futile. You need a body to unfold consciousness.”

Usha Cosmico

I have in the past written about both Lucid Dreaming and Astral Projection; this post is going to be an extension of those—a more in depth look at what the Astral Plane is like and how we can safely travel.

Astral Projection is defined as: “a term used in esotericism to describe a willful out-of-body experience (OBE), a supposed form of telepathy, that assumes the existence of a soul or consciousness called an “astral body” that is separate from the physical body and capable of travelling outside of it throughout the universe.” (Wikipedia)

I have been traveling since I was a child, and I often (as said in the past) found myself in dangerous and unpredictable situations; I simply did not know I was traveling.

How do you know what is a dream, and what is not?

I am asked this question a lot (kind of like the question how do you tell fear from intuition warning you?).

For the experienced traveler, we know when we are on the Astral Plane and can enter on command (enter the Astral Plane/leave our body), and some of us can enter without even being asleep.

To help people decipher between a dream, and a travel or projection, I always ask them (and myself), “How did you feel?”

This is important because the Astral Plane gives our Soul/consciousness very particular feelings; there is not only a deep resonance but there is an awareness when we are there. It’s like we have a sense of being away from our body, along with a knowing beyond our comprehension of the foreign, strange surroundings. I find myself talking to myself while I am traveling; just like I would talk to myself in my head here, doing mundane tasks.

We all do it, it’s called thinking, haha, but it’s more than that, and it’s hard to describe—essentially, it’s our consciousness at work; taking in information, decoding it, processing it, and projecting to us the ‘reality’ in front of our eyes.

Dreams? They are different and feel very different. We can have prophetic, vivid, lucid dreams without them being Astral Projections; it’s equally important to pay attention to dreams as much as we do our traveling, though. Our Higher Self and our Spirits speak to us through our dreams.

Lucid Dreams: Being aware that you are dreaming while you are in the dream state and/or the ability to control yourself and/or your surroundings while in the dream state.

Astral Projection, Astral Travel, OBE (Outer Body Experience): Our Soul/Consciousness leaves our physical body and enters the parallel world of existence; a plane that runs directly besides ours. If you do not subscribe to the parallel theory then Astral Projection is described as, our Soul/Consciousness leaves our body and crosses the veil into the other world(s).

Got it?

I explain the Astral Plane as being parallel to ours, and it goes on infinitely; some people describe it as being layered, but to me and from my experience it isn’t; it runs side by side to this existence.

The only thing that makes this reality “real” and that one seem “fake” or “fantasy” is matter and time; matter gives us something tangible and time gives us proof. (That movie ‘Lucy’, as ridiculous as some scenes were, really spoke truth and it went right over so many people’s heads. The “time gives us proof” is from that.)

lucy

If you are a known traveler or think you are, the first step is to protect the physical body; this keeps your shell safe from attachments, infestation and/or possession. This also keeps you anchored to the physical world; we are anchored/rooted to this world primarily by love of people, places, animals, objects–whatever has our heart helps anchor us to our humanity aka our meat suit.

I have tattoos that protect my body but I also wear sacred jewelry and have my bed surrounded with herbs, crystals, art, and trinkets that help keep me calm, remind me how loved I am, and you guessed it, keep my anchored to this world.

Good crystals to have around you are Amethyst, Selenite (particularly towers), Fluorite, Calcite, Celestite, Angelite, Black Tourmaline, and Smoky Quartz. Herbs that I like to keep in my dream sachet are Patchouli, Nettle Leaf, Jasmine Flower, Lavender (and Lavender essential oil), Kudzu Root, Mandrake Root, Wormwood, Mugwort and Devil’s Shoestring.

Now that I have babbled on and stressed the importance of protecting the physical body, let’s talk about Astral Travel and how I have personally experienced it.

In the beginning, I had the typical “floating above my body” experiences, or watching myself sleep from another part of the room. These experiences were sometimes accompanied with sleep paralysis when I would re-enter my body. After numerous experiences like this I started to leave my house entirely.

On these nights, I would leave my house, walk around my neighborhood, and then I would be pulled up through the clouds, past the stars and above the galaxy; bright colors, and gasses moving around with such a fluid motion. It was poetry in action.

Then there were times I would slip into darkness but there was comfort there. I remember hearing running water and always associated it with the waters of Apsu; Mesopotamian waters of creation.

Nerd Note: Apsu (Fresh Water) and Tiamet (Salt Water). Apsu is Heavenly Water, while Tiamet represents the Serpent, the great Void, and the Womb of the Dragon (darkness from which all life was formed).

The Astral Plane is subjective in experience but we can, and do, stumble into other people’s “realities”.

Therefore, we can meet up with friends or lovers on the Astral; this is also how we find ourselves in danger when we stumble upon something we shouldn’t. This is when we put our Craft into action; everything we know in this reality, we know on the Astral (and more).

Don’t ever feel like you are not in control, or that you cannot protect yourself as you would here. Put your Magick into practice, your Higher Self is the power source.

The Astral Plane is one way to access the Akashic Records, though it is much more effective to enter the Records by traveling to the Pyramid of Giza (Pyramid of Khufu), and entering from underneath. Use a picture of the Pyramid to focus on during meditation so you have an idea of where you are to project yourself. (This method will work with any place that you wish you travel to).

When I feel, limited or constrained by this existence I travel to other worlds, or other parts of this world and experience things I otherwise would not be able to. There are so many people who question the validity of Astral Projection and try to make it logical or dismiss it altogether with talk of mental illness, vivid imagination, and/or it being just “crazy talk”.

I always pity those people; how sad it is to be blinded by the illusion of this holographic existence, unable to see the endless possibilities that are within our reach.

To read more in depth on the topic:

http://www.crystalinks.com/astral.html

The Collective Conscious vs. The Collective Unconscious

Edmond Yang

 

Image: Edmond Yang

“Our hearts resonate at the same frequency as the earth and the universe. Therefore, we are all valuable instruments in the orchestration of the world and its harmony. We must always be aware of the vibrations we emit individually and collectively. Always be in command of your music. Only you can control and shape its tone. If life throws you a few bad notes or vibrations, don’t let them interrupt or alter your song.”

Suzy Kassem

 

Since I have started writing I have had the honor of meeting and crossing paths with many beautiful souls. I have also been blessed with some priceless career and life advice from some amazing people.

The first piece of advice was given to me via an email conversation with Peter and Alkistis of Scarlet Imprint. I had reached out to them with some questions about writing, and publishing, as I very much respect their knowledge, and professionalism in regards to their Craft. They told me to stay passionate, stay hungry, and to take over the online world; they also told me to take my time because they see too many talented writers want to be published too soon. Finishing off the e-mail with, “it seems your heart is in the right place for this.”

To get that email a little over a year ago, while just beginning my true path was profound and surreal.

The second piece of advice was given to me by a few fellow writers on a fb page I follow, they told me to write 2,000 words per day, even if they are a jumbled mess of nothing; force yourself to write, they insisted. So, I do. Every day. I force myself to bleed.

The third piece of advice was given to me by a mentor, someone I look up to very much, he told me to write about things I am not comfortable with. He told me to step outside of my box, never to be stuck in one genre or rhythm; he said that if I end up getting stuck and finding my rhythm the artist will die, the muse will lose authenticity. His words haunt me when I notice any sense of repetitiveness in my writing, which is often, I mean, I do have my own style.

I hope not to get stuck, I hope to be able to take my style, my sass and apply it to whatever topic it is I am discussing. Some days I am better at this than others, let’s hope today is one of the good days.

I get requests all the time for blogs, and I keep a list in my notebook; it’s my go to when I want to challenge my skill, my mind, my thought process, and my ability to explain things in a manner that is articulate but simple and with depth and soul. I want people to feel my passion when they read my words.

One of the main topics that is requested is the collective conscious, and unconscious. I am a huge fan of Jung, and to even attempt to explain this makes me nervous.

The collective unconscious is defined as follows:

“In Jungian psychology, a part of the unconscious mind, shared by a society, a people, or all humankind, that is the product of ancestral experience.”

One could then draw the conclusion that Jung was referring to what most of us know as the Akashic Records. It seems his theory is based on both the individual and collective, focusing primarily on the individual though; whereas the Akashic Records is a library for the collective, and much harder to access levels of individual information.

If you have ever been to the Akashic Records via Astral Travel or guided meditation, then you will understand what I am talking about; to those who have not experienced this, I will perhaps write a future post about accessing them, and what they are.

The collective conscious is defined as:

“Collective conscious or collective conscience (French conscience collective) is the set of shared beliefs, ideas and moral attitudes which operate as a unifying force within society. The term was introduced by the French sociologist Émile Durkheim in his Division of Labour in Society in 1893.”

“The French word conscience can be translated into English as “conscious” or “conscience” (conscience morale), or even “perception” or “awareness”, and commentators and translators of Durkheim disagree on which is most appropriate, or whether the translation should depend on the context. Some prefer to treat the word ‘conscience’ as an untranslatable foreign word or technical term, without its normal English meaning. In general, it does not refer to the specifically moral conscience, but to a shared understanding of social norms.”

“As for “collective”, Durkheim makes clear that he is not reifying or hypostasizing this concept; for him, it is “collective” simply in the sense that it is common to many individuals; social fact.”

Collective consciousness in Durkheimian social theory

“Durkheim used the term in his books The Division of Labour in Society (1893), Rules of the Sociological Method (1895), Suicide (1897), and The Elementary Forms of Religious Life (1912). In The Division of Labour, Durkheim argued that in traditional/primitive societies (those based around clan, family or tribal relationships) totemic religion played an important role in uniting members through the creation of a common consciousness (conscience collective in the original French). In societies of this type, the contents of an individual’s consciousness are largely shared in common with all other members of their society, creating a mechanical solidarity through mutual likeness.”

“The totality of beliefs and sentiments common to the average members of a society forms a determinate system with a life of its own. It can be termed the collective or creative consciousness.”

—Emile Durkheim

“In Suicide, Durkheim developed the concept of anomie to refer to the social rather than individual causes of suicide. This relates to the concept of collective consciousness as if there is a lack of integration or solidarity in society then suicide rates will be higher.”

To put this in simpler terms, the collective unconscious refers to each individual, and the knowledge we inherently carry with us via our ancestral bonds; basically every memory, every thought, every feeling, every, everything that has ever occurred exists in this “database” and we can tap into it.

I guess I could even go further and say that some of our instinct, or intuition could very well be coming from the collective unconscious, and perhaps it is not us entirely who are making those decisions based on “our gut” but rather, the unconscious becoming conscious. Or is that what instinct really is, and I am just now figuring it out?

The collective conscious can be compared to herd mentality, and how the thoughts of united groups of people create, effect, and change ‘reality’. One could also compare the collective conscious with organized religion because dealing with the collective conscious, the individual is lost and the social structure (hierarchy) or herd is formed.

Tapping into the collective unconscious is something that many people wish to do, but the more I study the whole idea, the more I have to wonder if we are not already tapped into this energy source, just calling it by other names, every name, any name, when it really has no name.

We are everything, and nothing, remember? Therefore, our levels of consciousness are, too.

We are limitless, boundless, infinite.

I am going to link you to some resources, some were used as reference points in this piece, and some can be for further exploration.

http://www.carl-jung.net/collective_unconscious.html

http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/Collective+consciousness

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/collective+unconscious

I am mad that Wikipedia actually got this right, because usually I dismiss everything on there:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_unconscious

Brace yourselves for this one, it gets a little crazy towards the end:

http://thegreaterpicture.com/collective-consciousness.html

Awakening: The Shedding of Skin

David Ho

Image: David Ho

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

Cynthia Occelli


It has been an interesting week, or two weeks I should say, I have been quiet on the blog because I have been busy in the group, and my personal life. I also haven’t been feeling fantastic, needless to say I am feeling better today. I find the timing odd because usually this close to the Full Moon I am full on lunatic, but other than some drama within the group, and the health stuff, all has been calm.

I seem to be hotter tempered than usual, reacting at any and every thing. Until yesterday everything came to the surface and I cried it out, I yelled it out, and I cursed the Universe out. Only to give my gratitude back later for all I have been gifted with.

I took the opportunity of Mercury Retrograde and this Full Moon in fiery Aries to let shit go, drop what no longer serves my higher self. This means feelings, emotions, guilt….

The shit.

I am pulling up stuff from childhood, my “Daddy issues” and wounds from my past. I am dealing with it all, and facing each emotion, each pain, one by one. It is a task much more difficult than I had originally thought, but it is necessary. I have been studying my natal chart, and trying to understand what makes me tick. I have consulted with two of my Astrologer friends who have helped immensely, and both noted the amount of retrograde planets in my chart; one saying it is a sign that I have had many past lives.

I also discovered Neptune is in my 12th house, and Mars is in Scorpio (apparently these are big deals). Also, my Pluto is in Libra, and this placement is known as the ones who will change the world.

Needless to say I have been quiet because I have been on a quest of my own, a journey deep into self, taking advantage of the madness and emotions for once in my life.

The cosmic energy this year, as I keep saying, is one for the record books. It only took me until September to learn how to use the chaos to my advantage, thanks to a few amazing new people I met. I had never thought my chaotic being could be used to help me, until I realized that the chaos is my tool.

Yesterday I was accused of bringing the knife out too soon in a fight, my friends quickly reminded me—I am the knife.

Let me focus and regroup here, because I have got way off track. I have missed writing, and am just playing catch up, while tying it all together.

A few people in the group have mentioned feeling “out of their skin” or jumpy lately, they describe it as not feeling like themselves. In their case it is not just the cosmic energy, they are experiencing a shift in consciousness.

An awakening.


“Life is a series of little deaths out of which life always returns.”

Charles Feidelson, Jr.


People seem to have this idea that once you break free from the status quo, once you break free from the chains society has put on you, that it’s the end. I see people stop seeking, stop searching, but they are missing the point: The breakaway is just the beginning, it is just the first of many small deaths, and rebirths you will experience on your path. The serpent is not used as a metaphor for no reason, it is used as a metaphor for thousands of reasons.

When we shift our consciousness we are shedding our skin, we become sensitive to our environment, we go into hiding; the molting phase.

The symptoms of an awakening are endless but some of the more common ones are changes in appetite, depression/anxiety/panic out of nowhere, withdrawing from friends who hold you back, withdrawing from community/family, seeking like minds or your “soul tribe”, a longing for “home”, mood swings, sensitivity to light and sound, frequent headaches, vertigo, tinnitus, vivid dreaming, fatigue, chronic pain syndrome’s, swollen glands, allergies, and just an overall feeling of “something is off”.

These symptoms are from my experience and observation, I am not a medical professional and if you experience any of these symptoms to an extreme, or long term then you need to seek medical help.

The awakening wreaks havoc on the body, and the mind, but the benefits quickly reveal themselves.

The number one question after the initial, “am I crazy?” is “where do I begin?”

My answer is always the same, there is no starting point, you just have to start reading, voraciously. That is the best advice I can give, and I really mean it.

Your intuition will kick in, your instincts will guide you to be exactly where you need to be. There is not a mapped out path to get to center, we all reach it on our own, and in our own time. This is not a race, this is not a competition, we individually have to walk our own path, but along the way we are able to help each other. I think too many forget, or maybe don’t understand, the personal benefits to helping another. I guess that is another post, though.

We can elevate people, as we elevate ourselves. It costs us nothing, it does not harm us to help another; in fact I believe it helps.

I was asked what suggestions I can give to help alleviate the symptoms, and I can only speak from my experience, and my knowledge.

Besides reading, and making reading part of your daily routine (even if just for 15 minutes on your lunch break at work, read ancient text, or a book on something Occult/spiritual related, instead of fb). It will become a habit, and you will thank me later for the suggestion.

You will find yourself reading for 10 minutes in the bathroom in the morning, or at night instead of being on fb, or online shopping, or whatever it is that we do on our phones for hours a day.

Your mind will begin to put the pieces together, and you will feel everything, it’s like the world as a collective suddenly resonates deeply with you, and you cannot control your overwhelming need to withdraw, or the urge to burst open from the seams.

An awakening is a drug in its own league.

The next suggestion I have is crystals, I think people underestimate the power of “rocks” and the vibrations they carry. Everything is energy, and crystals react to energy, when we find a crystal that matches our own vibrations it is a pairing of song and dance that would make Chaplin jealous.

After this the only other things I can suggest are meditation, exercise. I personally do yoga, and believe me I am no yogi. I do what I can do, and what I can’t, I tell myself that one day I will get there. I also suggest eating as healthy as possible, it helps to keep your vibrations high. Be aware of the people you surround yourself with, some are as toxic as the poisons in our air, and food.

The final piece of advice I can give is, be true to you. No matter what happens, be true to YOU. There are going to be haters, and naysayers (it means you’re doing something right). There are going to be people doubting you, and you will lose friends, along with losing an old mentality and way of living but what you gain cannot be calculated, and that is what you need to focus on.

You need to burn in the fire of your truth.