The Nephilim Rising™

Lux in Tenebris Lucet

Posts filed in Lessons in Magick

Godparents: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

December 22, 2022

I have several friends who are in La Regla De Ocha, but not crowned. We are Aborishas, devotees and practitioners with our own gifts and specialties. We’ve worked hard to get to where we are, regardless of why we got into this religion, we all got here the same way. Ceremonies, dedication, faith, and the desire to help others.

One other thing we have in common is that we’ve come across godparents who we thought would love us and guide us until our crowning ceremony only to betray us for the most common thing in this world: money.

Godparents who love-bomb their godchildren, filling their heads and hearts with false love and respect. Giving gifts of low monetary value demanding more expensive ones in return. Things like a $600 bottle of cologne. Or a $500 air purifier.

Godparents who charge fees for various reasons such as:
being late to a ceremony or Misa (attending) penalty for disrespecting the godparents (by asking questions)
penalty for “disappearing” or being “secretive” or what we recognize as working various hours, overtime, and not calling everyday and pouring ourselves out to them doubling the cost of a ceremony as a penalty for not paying everything in full, months in advance penalty for not understanding the difference between “giving” and “loaning” money to their godchildren

Money is an obvious necessity in this religion; some call it the “rich man’s religion.” The prices for each ceremony vary from $150 to as high as $20,000 for a crowning. It’s understood that godchildren don’t get to be crowned quickly, unless they’re rich, because in between ceremonies we are supposed to learn. We read books, we learn the language, we practice our craft, we practice what we are good at – reading cards, candle work, etc. We work for what we have received and what we will receive.

Back in my mom’s day (she was not crowned) she earned everything. Godparents had godchildren who would run errands, picking up animals, cleaning and preparing the space for ceremony, welcoming visitors, serving light food and drinks after ceremony or Misa’s. Basically, serving their godparent and most importantly the Orisha’s. They would see this as being a dedicated godchild; one who wanted to earn every ceremony or every blessed moment among the Orisha’s.

Unfortunately, we don’t have that in big cities like NY, it’s all about money now.

Not to mention the inevitable mental illness that appears after years of hearing the Orisha’s in one ear, and the Muerto in the other. The voices are 24/7 and we must learn how to balance them out over the course of our day. Some of us have jobs, children, spouses / partners, but with all that we still must listen to them. They guide us, they help discern who’s being honest or not, or who is trying to take advantage of us. Just imagine you’re at an event, standing on one side of a closed door and inside the room there’s a large cocktail party going on. You can’t make out full conversations, it sounds like a bunch of flamingos cawing with intermittent clanging of glassware. It can drive you crazy.

My paternal grandmother’s erratic and abusive behavior started when my mother was pregnant with my brother. She even tried to kill me when I was 5, but that’s a whole other story.

My former godfather was seeing a psychiatrist for over 20 years. I’m older than him by two years. One of the many red flags was that he had initiated his psychiatrist. So, she is his godchild, he’s in a position of power over her. She prescribes drugs for his anxiety, sleep issues, among other issues. This isn’t right, ethically. But our falling out came over $100 that he claimed I owed him. It was ten months from when he “gave” me the money to help me get something out of pawn. Never saying it was a loan, just saying over and over how he was here to help. How I was his godchild and it’s a godparents responsibility to help in any way they can. I didn’t realize that meant he lent me the money. I’m one who specifies verbiage so that there’s no misunderstanding. He didn’t care. He just wanted his money.

He accused me of giving this money to another reader. He accused me of abusing him and his wife.

The final straw came when his wife called me at work asking for the $100. I spoke to her briefly, after asking permission to actually speak. The entire time he was in the background spiraling out of control, yelling and screaming.

He called me a bitch, a liar, a secretive person, and he didn’t like the way I “moved.” Slang for how I live my life. Which really meant, he didn’t like that I hadn’t become dependent on him for my everyday life like another godchild had. She had money and constantly bought him things, got Botox from him (he is certified), took them out to eat anywhere they wanted.

My last question which he wasn’t mature enough to answer was “do you still want me as a godchild?” Of course, he didn’t respond. He simply stated he couldn’t kick me out of the (spiritual) house. So, I asked his wife. She also hemmed and hawed responding. I did what I knew would get an answer, I cut her off and asked for a definitive answer. Yes or No, no ambiguity. She finally said no that I was out of the house. The call then ended quickly with him still yelling and screaming in the background.

That was three weeks ago. It cost me $100 to get rid of two narcissist grifters. He kept one of my elekes, but that’s easy enough to replace under these circumstances.

I walked into his house with gifts, he didn’t give me anything other than being the person who performed the ceremonies I needed. I paid in full even though I lost two jobs during this time and owed rent arrears after covid made its appearance.

Now I spend my time reading the books he and other practitioners suggested. Waiting for the next godparent who will appear. Will they do the same thing? Maybe. Will I end up with another set of godparents after that? Probably. One of my friends is on his 4th set of godparents.

So, for those of you interested, get into this knowing full well that the godparents who bring you into this won’t be the ones you end up being crowned by. Don’t let red flags slide by. I saw some red flags early on, but I needed my elekes and warriors to save my life. But again, a story for another day.

Maferefun Oshun

Lessons in Magick: Boundaries and Deities

December 10, 2022

I was recently forced to take a break from spiritual work because I caught the nasty cold that was going around. Take care of yourself before your body makes you rest. I felt as though I was lazy because I had no energy to do the spiritual work I had been doing. I think I can say that if you get anxiety from needing a break from spiritual work, it needs to be a wake-up call for sure. You need a break. You need to be gentle with yourself. And you need to be able to know when it’s time to step back. You can not pour from an empty cup.

It’s something I’ve told my friends, especially my wife, time and time again. You have to remember to fill your own cup. Sometimes, that means taking a break from spiritual work and remembering to live life. Spiritual work certainly helps with day-to-day living, but not if you’re forgetting what that means.

I’ve spent the last couple of years or so working with Hades and Santa Muerte, albeit casually. It’s only been within the last six months. I’ve really stepped it up to work more seriously with both of them. With wonderful results, mind you, but I was trapping myself without realizing it. I do a lot of work for the people I care about because I genuinely want their lives to be filled with joy, prosperity, and fulfillment. I only recently started concentrating on myself and my needs.

What I found was that I felt guilty if I ever skipped a day working with either of my deities. I felt like I was lazy, and if anything bad were to happen, it would be my fault because I wasn’t keeping the energy flowing. When a novel thought hit me while I was working with Santa Muerte. That gentle voice of, “You have poor boundaries. Work on that.”

That was a punch in the chest. It isn’t on me to save everyone. It isn’t on me to pour energy into things when I certainly don’t feel like doing it. Working with deities shouldn’t become a chore. You chose to work with them, and they understand you are human and fallible. The sky will not fall because you need to take a break and do self-care. I’m having to redefine my relationship with both of them. Hades has always been fatherly and forgiving. “About time.”

And they are both right. I have poor boundaries when it comes to this. Part of it is because I don’t find myself to be a good caretaker in other ways, so I try to make up for it through the spiritual work I do. Which is all fine and good, but if it’s costing me my peace and I’m feeling guilty for not doing more. It’s time to step back, and thankfully I’ve built a good enough relationship with both of them to be made aware of it.

But I think that is also an important thing to learn when working with deities. What your boundaries are and how to respectfully uphold them. It’s a lesson that can be applied across the board from spiritual work to dealing with *other* humans. It’s something that takes time.

Learning to apply it to all areas of your life is key for your mental and spiritual health.

Lessons in Magick: The Dangers of Shadow Work

November 14, 2022

 

I have been wanting to write this as a blog or Facebook post for a long, long time; the urge has increased over the last few months, and finally I am sitting down to write after a long hiatus.

I feel like people don’t read blogs anymore. They want bite sized information, they want quick read memes with cute font, they want 30 second Reels and TikToks.

People don’t want to take the time to read anymore, or so it seems.

The thing is, that’s the only way you will learn anything, from me at least.

I am a writer. I bleed on the screen for the world to see and that will never change; I bleed on pages, too.

My pen is my sword, my words are my fire.

Back to the topic at hand, and I am just going to get right to it:

Shadow Work is dangerous, and I wish more people would talk about this.

Don’t take that statement and think I am suggesting avoiding it, no, no.

NO SPIRITUAL BYPASSING ON MY WATCH.

Shadow Work is 100% necessary. The integration of Shadow is 100% necessary.

Did you know that I consulted a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist when creating my Shadow Work Course for The House of Twigs? For reasons I learned from them I didn’t dive too deep when giving assignments because I do not know where someone is on their journey and real, irreparable damage can be done.

I had to be sure that I was not leading folks to danger, or worse to the or a space where they re-traumatize themselves.

I see the term Shadow Work thrown around like it means not a goddamn thing, and I am perplexed because it is NOT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.

If you want me to be honest, like really honest: Shadow Work is more dangerous than Evoking Spirits.

Why is this conversation not being had more?!

First, let us define Shadow Work for folks who may not be familiar.

Shadow Work is a Jungian (Carl Jung) Psychological concept that our Persona is who we strive to be and show to the world, but our Shadow is who we are, or at least what makes up most of who we are.

Like the moon has a hidden side so do we.

That is the Shadow.

The hidden aspects of ourselves.

In Jungian Psychology it is our Persona first, our Ego is center, Anima/Animus and Shadow last.

The Spiritual World, not just the Witchcraft Community, have taken this concept and morphed it into their own thing.

Therein lies one of the main problems.

You can’t tweak the concept of Shadow Work.

Regardless of your opinions of Jung himself as a person, his work remains a masterpiece and masterpieces are not altered. They are especially not to be altered to fit some narrative the creator had no intention of it being used for.

Jung was a Psychoanalyst and he did nothing, NOTHING in the shallows; this is deep, deep, heavy work.

Then there is the whole issue that Shadow Work itself is an Egregore and taps into a Collective Unconscious that cannot be altered. There is also the Personal Unconscious.

Archetypes exist in the Shadow and they are: Sage, Innocent, Explorer, Ruler, Creator, Caregiver, Magician, Hero, Rebel, Lover, Jester and the Orphan.

Intense, right?

Shadow Work is alive, it’s constant motion.

Ever changing and evolving as we add more experiences and information to the Collective Unconscious.

It’s not just your Shadows, it’s not just your work.

You are tapping into immense power, and immense emotion.

Then there is the end goal which is the integration process and that is a whirlwind.

Do not diminish these dangers.

Working with Shadow is extremely beneficial, but it brings up a lot of shit that you have buried, things you might not even be aware of (there’s that Unconscious part); it can bring up and stir up Collective emotions that are not even yours to unpack.

There are so many variables, so many potential outcomes.

Be mindful when suggesting Shadow Work as if it’s a walk in the park.

It is not.

Be mindful when venturing down the path to Shadow Work.

It is full of perils.

Know your limitations, find a support system of some kind, and do not push yourself.

Your psyche is powerful and it’s strong, but it is not unbreakable.

Be gentle and fierce. Be aware and alive.

And don’t take yourself too seriously, or your Shadows.

You can laugh, you can love, you can ease your way into the Work and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Lux in Tenebris Lucet

The Forgotten Magic

October 17, 2022

Part 3

Touching the Field

Of all the heightened senses of childhood this probably got me in the most trouble. As it is one that even the most unintuitive can experience fairly easily.

As a small child I would play with feeling my energy field, especially while in the bath for some reason. Feeling the resistance of the air around me the tension on the surface of the water. How far can I sense things touching my field, can I push it out and feel other fields outside of the room or sense things that cannot be seen. Expanding to feel my surroundings then contracting to condense the energy. Taking my hands from pray position to opening the palms but keeping the fingers tips and thumbs together, forming a triangle.

Image by Louise Cox

If I squinted I could see the ball of energy between my hands and would play with the magnetic push pull sensation warming my palms.

I taught my little sister to play the magnetic push pull game and we would play together feeling the warmth between our palms, pushing against each others energy and I realised that I could show other children how to feel this energy to.

During the summer holidays one year, I can’t remember who, maybe it was some older girls or the mum of my neighbour, had taught us a little parlour game/trick. It’s a combination of suggestion and other stuff but also using energy manipulation. I can’t remember exactly how the rhyme went or all of the actions now. Anyone can do this if they go through the sequence but I was particularly good and found I could influence even the most sceptical.

The rhyme was a about a murderer and the participant would play the victim. Looking back it probably did seem quite dark and was about the same time the Yorkshire Ripper was at large. I grew up in Yorkshire. But children like a little of the macabre, that’s why fairytales are so appealing and to us it was just a fun game.

Returning to school after the summer holidays, the game obviously made its way onto the playground.

Here is what I can remember of our little game. The ‘victim’ stands in front of the the person conducting the game and starts by telling the story of the ‘murderer’. Who then comes up to the ‘victim’ and puts a bag over their head. You tell the person playing ‘victim’ to close their eyes and you go through the action of putting a bag over their head and tie it around their neck. You continue the story of the ‘murderer’ binding the ‘victim’ whilst performing the actions of winding your invisible rope around them. The binding is finished with a knot at the back of the ‘victim’ and you step back and stand a few feet away holding the remainder of the invisible rope. Ending the story by telling them how the ‘murderer’ dragged the ‘victim’ away to bury them in the woods, pulling on the invisible rope. The person playing the ‘victim’ falls backwards as you pull the rope.

Everyone thinks this is great fun and all want to have a go at playing both the victim and the murder.

Until the RE teacher sees what we are playing, declares it Witchcraft and me as the Witch! I’m only about 8 or 9 years old and as a child of the 70s my only references at this point for Witches are fairytales where Witches are green and ugly with pointy hats and warty noses and generally evil and to be feared. I spend the remainder of my junior school years taunted by the rest of kids as ‘Witch’. Hence I was never particularly fond of the word.

Understandably I hid my nature a little more and retreated into seclusion.

I have started to peer out from behind the door and try to regain all I have hidden for so long. I’m not ready to step out fully yet and declare my presence and I’m not even sure I know what that will be. The revival of these forgotten memories and the rekindling of the practices I did as a child has already had a remarkable impact on my life. My energy is slowly returning, the Forgotten Magic is still there. That small ball of energy I toyed with as a child has grown and my aversion of the word Witch has subsided. After all even the ‘Wizard of Oz’ has good as well bad Witches.

NOW AVAILABLE: MAGICKAL PREPAREDNESS KIT

October 3, 2022

This Collection is a Collaboration of Devil’s Conjure & The Nephilim Rising.

Adam crafted the Mojo Hands and Protection Salve.

Jaclyn crafted the Four Thieves Ritual Spray and Spell Bottles.

Road Opener Spell Bottles:

These potent powerhouses are meant not just to open roads, unlock doors and paths in your way; they’re also meant to draw abundance and form a shield around your physical and etheric bodies as well as protecting your Riches!

I chose herbs that are traditionally used in Folk Magick allowing my intentions to come to life.

Enclosed within these bottles are Lemongrass, Lavender, Rose Petals, Boneset, Galangal Root, Black Salt, Osha Root and Patchouli. As a Crystal lover I added Pyrite and Lapis Lazuli Chips along with a Skeleton Key Charm.


Spell Bottles were Ritually consecrated on Tuesday thru Saturday to invoke the powers of Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Venus and Saturn.

Comes with a 30 inch chain.


Four Thieves Ritual Spray:

This spray was created using traditional ingredients that are used in Four Thieves Vinegar; a concoction around since the 13th century and continued to be documented through the 17th and 19th centuries up until today. Originally it was thought to keep away the Black Death (Bubonic Plague).

Magically this mixture is used to break up negativity, Protection, banishing and heal sickness*. What I love most about this is that it’s used in both Southern Conjure and European Folk Magick.

*Disclaimer: Statements made are not backed by FDA.

I decided to use high quality, organic Essential Oils. As an Herbalist, I sparingly use EOs and understand it’s a personal preference for everyone.

Moon Water base was charged during the Harvest Moon on September 10th charged at peak illumination at 5:58am EST.

Ingredients: Certified Organic Clove, Eucalyptus, Lemon & Rosemary Essential Oils

30ml. atomizer spray bottle

On-The-Go Protection Salve:

The base is olive oil infused with Blessed Thistle, Nettle, Rue, Lemon Grass, and other materia to avert to evil eye and grant you an extra layer of protection. Simply rub a tiny bit lf the Protection Salve on your wrists or forehead lightly. The On-the-go Protection salve is also great for dry skin!

Mastery Mojo Hand:

Last not but not least, We offer the Mastery Mojo Hands, each adorned with a Devil charm. In conjure, through the creation of a mojo hand, We contain a spirit or spirits, to carry out a specific task or sweeten our fortunes. A mojo hand is essentially a contained “spell”, a battery of sorts, that can actually grow in potency over time and with use. Mojo hands are a low-maintenance style of charm that can be worked with over many years, if properly cared for. With minerals such as fool’s gold, roots such as High John, and specifically formulated herbs etc., we create very powerful, yet conceilable, mojo hands.

The Mastery Mojo Hand is a “trick of the trade” the Devil shared with me years back. A mojo hand bearing the potency of the Devil, of his own fortune and boon, of protection, and mastery on the road ahead. The Mastery Mojo Hand is a mighty, fast-working mojo hand consecrated with roots of fortune, road opening & haste including Five Finger, Alfalfa, Devil’s Shoestrings, Patchouli, Tobacco, and High John, created and designed to aid you to master yourself & life, surrounding you in formidable protection, aiding you to overcome every obstacle in your path!

Feed your mojo every wednesday with quality whiskey or rum to keep it working strong & steady for you!

Each wicked addition to the Magickal Preparedness Kit is more powerful than the last!

Purchase at:

The Nephilim Rising LLC

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1302365012/magickal-preparedness-kit-magick-on-the/

Or,

Devil’s Conjure https://devilsconjure.ecwid.com/Magickal-Preparedness-Kit-p496596770

The Forgotten Magic

July 15, 2022

Art by Louise Cox original photo Sandra Stalker

Intro

I do not practice magic, I am magic I was born this way, it’s enmeshed in the very fabric of my being. In essence we are all magic it’s only a question of whether you remember your inherent nature or get caught up in the conformity of the world at large and become conditioned to that reality. To a certain extent we all have to conform to society to survive, I have pandered to society norms. I rarely speak of my beliefs and over the years have blocked the intrusions of the Other.

This has is consequences. Firstly as a teenager and well into my thirties I was plagued with Sleep Paralysis attacks. Back when these attacks first started there was no label for my experiences and very little written. Before the invention of the Internet it was a lot harder to research anything without access to a good library. And who do you talk to when you are afraid to go to sleep in case the demons try to drag you away and devour your soul.

Secondly, after NOT learning my lesson of neglecting my magic this first time, I once again became entangled in the snare of conformity. This time it has affected me physically and I was diagnosed with CFS ten years ago. I have done all I can medically and had a refresher course via the NHS at the beginning of this year. I know deep in the recesses of my mind that if I want to truly be well again I need to reconnect with the source, field, universe whatever you want to call it.

Reaching back into my earliest memories I was living a magical life, only, I had to start hiding it, as I realised not everyone was interacting with the world as I did. Now I wish to rekindle the connection I’ve lost and reconstruct the things I did intuitively as a small child, when there where no boundaries between magic and reality. I need to remember the Forgotten Magic.

Part 1 – Black Horizons

Art Louise and Ian Cox

My earliest magical memories from childhood started young, around the ages of three to eight. Once I was put to bed at night, I would make contact with the ‘beings’ (for want of another word). Inducing a trance state to communicate with them. This was not a dream, all the time I was conversing with these other beings, I was fully aware that I was a child in a bed at night and after our meetings were over, I would settle down and go to sleep.

Drawing on these memories what were the mechanics of the trance inducement. I would sit calm and still, feel the energy which flows through all of us. This energy always concentrates in the palm of my hands. When the energy felt strong enough, I would place my hands over my eyes so that the base of my palm was covering the socket of my eyes. Eyes closed I would look into the darkness and wait. At some point there would be a shift and my ears would feel like there had been a change in pressure. In the vast darkness there is an horizon. The beings would come towards me from this horizon. Sometimes one or two, sometimes up to five of them. They appeared to me as coloured luminous energy. The conversations happened telepathically, more emotion than words. Some were more friendly than others, some in different towards me and one seemed to dislike me and the feeling was mutual.

I was very fond of one of the beings in particular, he is the one who visited the most. I painted a picture of him at Sunday School (this would be the one and only time I went to Sunday School). I wasn’t very old, pre-school days. Easels where arranged in a circle and we were painting. The lady looking after us asked me what I was painting. I felt panic, I know I can’t tell her who this is.

“It’s a Horse”, I tell her.

“That’s a funny looking Horse”, she declares, “where’s his eyes”?

“I’ve been making the colour for his eyes”, showing her my paint brush which has a lovely shade of pale blue. I’d spent a long time trying to get the right shade of luminous blue, which was highly frustrating with the low grade poster paints at my disposal.

She promptly snatched the paint brush out of my hand and blobbled a dot, where she thought the ‘Horse’ should have an eye.

“There that’s much better” she declares and walks off. I was furious, how dare she, she has no idea about how the world works and she’s supposed to be teaching me about spirituality! That was not where his eye was supposed to be! I refused to go to Sunday School ever again.

Art work by Louise Cox

When I was much older I read ‘The Tibetan book of the Dead’ and felt a connection to the descriptions of experiences you are to encounter when you die, with the visits of the beings I encountered as a small child. Was this some kind of cross over stage? I was alive but interestingly in the memories I have of conversations with these beings are mostly about the fact that I was not happy to be here. Why was I here? I didn’t want to be here, I wanted to go back home. The people I was with, my family had no understanding of what I was.

They were adamant I had to stay. Am I supposed to be here for a reason. Why now in this place with these people. I do remember in one of the last conversations, one of the beings saying I was here because I ‘meddled’. With what or whom, in my last incarnation here or in the Other place, where I longed to back to. I have no idea and if I am to learn a lesson then it would help it I had some inkling to what it was.

Then one night I was told that they would not be visiting me again, I was to have no further contact. I was devastated, lonely and abandoned in a place I felt I did not belong. I was probably about six or seven. I have tried many times over the years to get back to the Black Horizon where the beings can be contacted. Sometimes I can see it but don’t quite make that final shift. I suppose it’s like phone call but the line at the other end is dead or is blocking my calls.

I experimented again over the last month or so at one point I saw something like a door open on the Horizon but it was abruptly closed. I guess I have to wait until I cross over to the Other side again.

 

LESSONS IN MAGICK: How Do I Do Shadow Work?

May 15, 2022

A lot of people talk about doing Shadow Work but they don’t explain how to do that. I’ve been doing Shadow Work since I was a teen, never realizing that’s what I was doing. I simply wanted to deconstruct things that I saw in myself that I knew weren’t healthy for me overall. Some I held onto longer than others as a crutch to protect myself until I was in a good place. Some I simply chose to never let go for whatever reason.

If you’re struggling with how to do Shadow Work, here are some prompts to start delving into yourself. Be 100% honest with yourself. It’s ok, no one will see this but you. But it’s important to really call yourself out on things. It’s the only way to get to where and who you want to be.

This is something I’m doing in order to be mentally and emotionally stronger to continue my path in La Regla de Ocha or as it’s commonly known, Santeria / Lukumi / IFA. I don’t want any internal things holding me back from where I will eventually be. External influence is one thing, internal influence is one you can work on intensely.

So here are the prompts. I wish you luck and healthy behaviors. Don’t be afraid of what you find within yourself. This is how to crack yourself open and remove that which doesn’t serve you well.

Shadow Work Prompts

* What are your triggers and what caused them?
* Is there anyone you hold a grudge against? If so, what is holding you back from letting go and moving on?
* Do you feel misunderstood? If yes, what misconceptions do people have of you?
* What do you dislike about yourself most?
* What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done and why did you do it?
* Are you happy with where you are in your life? Is there anything that you can do to improve it?
* Was your childhood negative or positive? Outline the most prominent memories that you have of your younger years.
* What is your relationship like with your family? Has your connection strengthened since you were a child or has it gotten worse?
* What are your parent’s best and worst personality traits? Do you see any of them within yourself?
* Who are you closest to in your life and do they positively reflect who you are? Are you holding on to people that don’t deserve your time and affections? Are you honestly happy in your relationships?
* Are you comfortable in your skin? If there is something that you would like to change about yourself, what is it and why?
* Do you lie to yourself to avoid addressing your fears?
* What characteristics and traits do you dislike in others?
* When are you hardest on yourself and why?
* What emotions do you tend to avoid?
* Do you enforce boundaries with others or are you the type to let people cross lines?
* How did you deal with trauma in the past and what do you do to combat it in the present?
* Are you 100% yourself around others? Do you put on a persona or mask to blend into the crowd? Do you know who you are?
* Do you forgive yourself when you have done something wrong? When you make mistakes can you move on from them or do they continue to hurt you?
* What are your toxic traits?
* Are you happy to be alone in your own company? Do you use other people to fill a void?
* Do you respond well to constructive criticism? Are you over-sensitive to any form of feedback?
* Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable in your romantic relationships? Do you put up walls around yourself and your partner or are you completely open?
* Do you accept yourself as you are?
* What is your deepest, darkest fear?
* Is there anyone in your life that you are competitive with? If yes, what caused this rivalry?
* Do you feel as though people respect you?
* What is your biggest regret and why?
* Do you have any unhealthy attachments or habits? What are you doing to curb them and why have you continued to entertain them?
* Do you practice self-care? Is there more that you could be doing for your wellbeing?

Source:

30 Shadow Work Prompts

Taroting Depression: The High Priestess

April 18, 2022

The High Priestess speaks to us of spirituality. Not necessarily religion, but spirituality. 

The High Priestess Tarot card from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

What does spirituality mean to you?

For myself, spirituality is my ongoing work with Lilith, my connection to my spiritual guides, and ancestors, and my constant questioning and refining of my belief in an afterlife. It’s my core being. My soul, if you like.

For you, it might be something different. It could be a specific religion, it could be a love of nature and spending time outdoors, it could even be a fandom of some sort. 

Spirituality is the tool you use that feeds your soul. It’s the thing when you lose all track of time, and when you feel fulfilled, and at peace.

We have food to feed our bodies and we have spirituality to feed our souls.

Why is spirituality so important when you have Depression?

Because your soul is hurting. Depression goes beyond sadness, beyond pain, and beyond thought. However it starts, it results in a chemical imbalance in the brain and until you can get the imbalance “re-balanced,” you need something to believe in.

In the deck I’m using, which is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen, the High Priestess is holding a scroll with “Tarot” written on it. This suggests that her version of spirituality involves revealing many secrets and mysteries.

She brazenly, and with pride, shows us the way.

Let’s spend some time with the High Priestess.

When you go to bed tonight, place the High Priestess card under your pillow. If you don’t have your own tarot deck you can print one from the internet or even just write the words “The High Priestess” on a piece of paper and put that under your pillow.

When you close your eyes, out loud, or in your head, ask the High Priestess to send you, in dreams or any other form, during the night, a lesson about spirituality, just for you. 

Make sure you have a pen and paper beside you so that you can write down your dreams, insights, or thoughts as they come to you when you wake up. Don’t worry about writing them down word perfect, you just want the general gist of what you were being told.

This doesn’t have to be a one-off thing, you can do this exercise as many times as you like. And don’t forget that once you get the information, you need to use it. Spend some time working with your new insight, do some research, read more about the High Priestess. 

The goal of the High Priestess is to get you to become, and sometimes create, a spiritual life for yourself. Having something other than yourself to believe in is a powerful tool against the demon Depression. It gives you another focus, something outside yourself, while at the same time, something deeply within yourself.

After all, there has to be a higher purpose of some sort, doesn’t there? 

Tarot Deck used is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression: The Magician

April 11, 2022

The Magician Tarot Card from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigal Larsen

The Magician is our first step in the journey of the tarot. He is the all-powerful wizard who understands that nothing can be manifested that doesn’t include all four elements: earth, air, fire, and water.

The Magician speaks of “as above, so below” and we see this represented in the Rider Waite- Colman Smith deck as he stands with his wand pointed to the sky and his other hand pointed down to the earth.

The Magician surrounds himself with the tools of his trade and his table is laid out in preparation for his next ritual. What magic is he about to conjure?’’

At first glance, the Magician may appear to be irrelevant to those of us who live with Depression, but take a closer look and we can see that the Magician has a great lesson to teach us.

The phrase of “as above, so below”, is often followed by “as within, so without.” The lesson of the Magician is simple. To obtain the outer world we want to have, we need to fill our inner world with the things we want.

Let me put it another way. If we want to live a life without the demon Depression on our backs, we have to create an inner life that is in tune with that.

Easier said than done, though, isn’t it?

That doesn’t mean it’s impossible. 

Now, we can go the affirmations route but personally, I’ve never been a fan of the “fake it until you make it” theory. To me, telling myself something I don’t believe is completely pointless. 

Sometimes, starting the affirmation with “I believe I am becoming…” can work, but only if you believe it’s possible and when you have Depression, it’s very hard to believe that anything rather than despair is possible.

To me, it makes more sense to aim for something that I believe is possible for me to achieve. Once I do that, I can set my next goal, and on it goes. The Magician can help us do that.

The Magician reminds us of what’s possible. And when you’re struggling with Depression, you need to be reminded of what’s possible.

Let’s see what the Magician has to tell us.

Wooden gate in a leafy garden

  • Sit, or lie down comfortably, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. And another. And another one.
  • Imagine yourself standing in front of a wooden gate. You open the gate and walk through
  • Take notice of what’s going on around you as you walk. What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you see? Is it a sunny day? Cloudy? Night or day? 
  • As you continue your walk, you can see a tall, robed, figure standing off in the distance, behind a table set with a tablecloth and a number of items.
  • As you approach the figure, he winks at you and beckons you forward so that you can see what he has on his table. 
  • The Magician asks you to choose an item to take back with you.
  • You take an offering from the table.
  • What is it? What color is it? What shape? What size? What’s it for? How does it make you feel? What’s it’s magick?
  • When you’re ready, you thank the Magician and walk back down the path you came.
  • When you reach the gate, take three deep breaths and then walk through.

Take out your journal and write down all the events of your walk and meeting with the Magician. Be as descriptive and detailed as possible.

Take another look at your gift. What about it reminds you of your Depression? What about it reminds you of something or someone that you love? What about your gift gives you hope?

Try not to give these questions too much thought, just go with the first answer that enters your mind. That’s where you’ll find your “as within.” At the end of this exercise, you’ll have an aspect of Depression that you can work on healing from, and a person, activity, or thing that you can reconnect with to bring you even a tiny amount of pleasure. You’ll also have something to hope for.

Come back to this exercise as many times as you feel the need to and if you’re really struggling with it, leave me a comment and I’ll try to help.

Tarot Deck used is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Manifestation Tactics on the Back End

February 22, 2022

Holding hands open with glowing lights on dark background

TUE 2/22/22 Intention setting time, various cosmic energies at work to ensure their manifestation. But even on the most mundane of days, successful manifestation hinges on our ability to direct these energies with a clear mind and focus as well as believe these things we desire are actually possible and that we deserve to experience them,  to not conflate desire with alignment. Because it’s all about alignment!

People can get lost in the idea that we need to stay positive at all times even if it’s completely fabricated in order to maintain this alignment, but ultimately this is a trap. Not meaning one should wallow in it for any extended amount of time, but if you keep telling the universe that you are great even though you are dying inside will have a tendency to signal the universe that “hey, this person is great, let’s leave them right there.” Being uncomfortable and recognizing that discomfort, addressing it, and not ignoring the signs or pasting over it with “everything is fine” is one of the most direct ways of clearing that path.

Some situations are much more difficult to wiggle our way out of than others but with the desire to change and the willingness to believe it’s possible, most situations can be made more positive and in alignment with our desires for them.   In order to have something different, a different space must be made for it, otherwise, the blessings will be more difficult if not impossible to maintain or even be recognized. An open mind is quite helpful in this process but even attempting that can carry inherent discomfort. But if looked at properly this discomfort signals areas that need attention in order to get into the energetic alignment we desire.

woman was meditating in sunrise and rays of light on park and nature, soft focus

Alignment calls for these energies we are directing and following through to have a clear pathway. Do we believe we deserve the things we desire? Do we believe these things are even possible? Are we working from a feeling of lack? Is the energy and inspiration to change being followed or fought against? Are we adding a lot of emotional weight to the request, or letting it flow freely to where it needs to go?

Time to check our feelings surrounding the things and outcomes we desire. By addressing these feelings and underlying emotions we clear the path for this light, these energies, to work through us thus we become clear conduits. Now deep breaths, relax the jaw and unclench the stomach and buttocks… Find that flow, release judgment of ourselves and these desires, and try and work from there. Light on our feet, the cosmic dance.