LESSONS IN MAGICK: How Do I Do Shadow Work?

A lot of people talk about doing Shadow Work but they don’t explain how to do that. I’ve been doing Shadow Work since I was a teen, never realizing that’s what I was doing. I simply wanted to deconstruct things that I saw in myself that I knew weren’t healthy for me overall. Some I held onto longer than others as a crutch to protect myself until I was in a good place. Some I simply chose to never let go for whatever reason.

If you’re struggling with how to do Shadow Work, here are some prompts to start delving into yourself. Be 100% honest with yourself. It’s ok, no one will see this but you. But it’s important to really call yourself out on things. It’s the only way to get to where and who you want to be.

This is something I’m doing in order to be mentally and emotionally stronger to continue my path in La Regla de Ocha or as it’s commonly known, Santeria / Lukumi / IFA. I don’t want any internal things holding me back from where I will eventually be. External influence is one thing, internal influence is one you can work on intensely.

So here are the prompts. I wish you luck and healthy behaviors. Don’t be afraid of what you find within yourself. This is how to crack yourself open and remove that which doesn’t serve you well.

Shadow Work Prompts

* What are your triggers and what caused them?
* Is there anyone you hold a grudge against? If so, what is holding you back from letting go and moving on?
* Do you feel misunderstood? If yes, what misconceptions do people have of you?
* What do you dislike about yourself most?
* What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done and why did you do it?
* Are you happy with where you are in your life? Is there anything that you can do to improve it?
* Was your childhood negative or positive? Outline the most prominent memories that you have of your younger years.
* What is your relationship like with your family? Has your connection strengthened since you were a child or has it gotten worse?
* What are your parent’s best and worst personality traits? Do you see any of them within yourself?
* Who are you closest to in your life and do they positively reflect who you are? Are you holding on to people that don’t deserve your time and affections? Are you honestly happy in your relationships?
* Are you comfortable in your skin? If there is something that you would like to change about yourself, what is it and why?
* Do you lie to yourself to avoid addressing your fears?
* What characteristics and traits do you dislike in others?
* When are you hardest on yourself and why?
* What emotions do you tend to avoid?
* Do you enforce boundaries with others or are you the type to let people cross lines?
* How did you deal with trauma in the past and what do you do to combat it in the present?
* Are you 100% yourself around others? Do you put on a persona or mask to blend into the crowd? Do you know who you are?
* Do you forgive yourself when you have done something wrong? When you make mistakes can you move on from them or do they continue to hurt you?
* What are your toxic traits?
* Are you happy to be alone in your own company? Do you use other people to fill a void?
* Do you respond well to constructive criticism? Are you over-sensitive to any form of feedback?
* Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable in your romantic relationships? Do you put up walls around yourself and your partner or are you completely open?
* Do you accept yourself as you are?
* What is your deepest, darkest fear?
* Is there anyone in your life that you are competitive with? If yes, what caused this rivalry?
* Do you feel as though people respect you?
* What is your biggest regret and why?
* Do you have any unhealthy attachments or habits? What are you doing to curb them and why have you continued to entertain them?
* Do you practice self-care? Is there more that you could be doing for your wellbeing?


30 Shadow Work Prompts

HOW TO SUCK D*CK: A Guide for the Awakened Mind


Image: Julia Randall

“There is nothing more feminine than a blowjob. You naked on your knees. Your guy with his hand resting on the back of your head. A really good blowjob confirms some primal nostalgia. It puts the world in balance.”

Chloe Thurlow

I am stepping way, way outside of my comfort zone as a writer and person to put this piece together; this is not usually my topic of choice and many of you who know me are probably, literally, thinking “Jac, what the fuck are you doing?”

Well, folks, you see I feel like someone needs to address this subject and since my two greatest talents were once well known as “rolling blunts and sucking dick” maybe I am qualified to speak on the matter.

“Did she just say sucking dick?”

Yes, yes I did.

Giving Head.



Whatever you want to call it, that is EXACTLY what I am talking about.

I shared an article the other day from one of my favorite Facebook pages called My Tiny Secrets; the article was about How to Eat Pussy—if interested, click here.

As expected it got so much attention and even more interaction but, one comment stood out; it suggested that someone come up with an article on How to Give a Guy Head.

At first my inner Feminist (the comment was made by a man) was all huffy and puffy that he had the audacity to even ask but then I stopped and thought, what makes his request different than the article I just shared?

Then I asked the biggest question of all: have I ever even seen such an article?

Followed by:

Why doesn’t anyone talk about sucking dick, in a non-demeaning type of way?

Why are Feminists scared to say they love sucking dick—why is anyone scared to say it?

Why is it seen as something only “Sluts or freaks” do and are proud of?

Why is it viewed as a reward for remembering an anniversary, or “good behavior” instead of a regular, frequent, healthy part of a sexual relationship?

And the questions went on and on…

I mean…I am celibate and have not had a dick in my face in 3 years but I will still say, proudly, that I love sucking dick, and I am quite good at it. Full disclosure, I do not have a gag reflex and was taught some tricks of the trade by one of my favorite gays; still, sucking dick, just like eating pussy, is an art form and it’s okay to not know what you’re doing.

Furthermore, it’s okay if you don’t want to do it.

This leads me to my first tip (pun totally intended, ha)

YOU HAVE TO WANT TO SUCK IT: As with all forms of intimacy, from personal conversations, touch, straight down to sexual acts, there must be a want, a desire behind the action or else there is no purpose in doing it in the first place. We all know that everything is energy but, sexual energy is the life force; it’s strong, powerful, potent, and should be respected. It’s totally cool if oral sex is not your thing, some people really *don’t* like it; if that is the case for you then you need to be open and honest with your partner. You should never do something simply because you believe it will please another or keep them in your life; seek out someone who accepts you as you are. To sum it up, if you don’t want to suck it (or eat pussy) then don’t! Sex is most pleasurable when both partners are wholly present and involved in what is going on.

SIZE DOESN’T MATTER: A dick is a dick, and of course inches may determine how far it can go in your mouth, it does not determine how enjoyable the sex will be. This is a huge point to make because for many Women that I speak to, they equate a big dick with a good lay and well, I can speak from experience that this is not always the case. I think there is far too much pressure put on men to have a decent sized dick, and honestly, it’s ridiculous. Sex is a huge part of a relationship but it is not all of it, and if you are judging your partner on the size of their dick then you need to re-evaluate yourself.

GRAB THAT COCONUT OIL: This is something that I learned after finding out that I have an autoimmune disease called Sjogren’s, which causes dry mouth and dry eyes, among other symptoms.

Fact is, you need a wet mouth to suck dick, so when in need, improvise. Coconut oil not only tastes good, it adds an amazing texture; it also becomes creamy and white the more you lick, suck and flick so visually it’s sloppy, and kinky. Using a lube like coconut oil also helps create that sucking and gushing sound that so many men (and women) like. Even if you do not have dry mouth like I experience at times, I highly suggest adding coconut oil during your next head session. This works for pussy eating, too!

FIND HIS G-SPOT:  As many people know the male G-spot is located inside the rectum but it can also be stimulated from the outside. The internal method involves inserting a finger, plug, dildo or another object of choice into the rectum, slowly, and with some kind of lubrication (coconut oil is preferred, but saliva can work, too) and gently stimulating the perineum; this is located near the prostate.

The area can be stimulated externally by taking your first two fingers and gently massaging and applying slight pressure to the perineum (this is the area between the testicles and anus and is a highly erogenous zone). You want to stimulate the G-spot while also stimulating the shaft and/or balls (in laymen’s terms, you want to stimulate while you suck)

Start slowly, your man will tell you if it’s too much or not enough. Be warned, the orgasm created from such stimulation will be the most intense orgasm he has ever had.

DON’T LET THE FORESKIN SCARE YOU: In American culture it is fairly common for men to be circumcised so when a woman runs across a dick that is uncircumcised she thinks it’s gross, unclean, and I have even heard women make jokes about choking on the foreskin; as if that is funny, or can’t be overcome. I mean, maybe, just maybe, you’re sucking too hard…

Do your research about foreskin and circumcision before forming an opinion, and for that very reason I will supply a link at the bottom.

If properly cleaned (regular, mild soap and water with a little pulling back of the skin) you are good to go.

I am not going to get started on how unethical I believe circumcision to be, and in reality it is NO DIFFERENT than the Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) everyone cries out about (I am against this as well, duh). My point is that an uncircumcised penis is natural and should be celebrated just as much as a penis that has been cut.

We need to support our men in all of their variations and sizes, just as we expect them to accept us.

So suck it, flick it, lick it, tease it, and enjoy it!

Resources for further learning: