The Nephilim Rising™

Lux in Tenebris Lucet

Posts tagged with Depression

Taroting Depression with the Death Card

July 11, 2022

Probably the most misunderstood card in the deck, Death does not foretell your or anyone else’s demise. Death is about cycles ending. 

In order to have the new beginning that we humans often yearn for, something needs to end. So that we can make room for the new.

A short (I’ll try to keep it short) but necessary sidebar)

We can’t have a discussion about Depression and the Death card without mentioning suicide. Many of us, if not all of us, who have Depression have considered our own deaths in one form or another.

We may have made a plan, we may have just wished we’d die, we may have engaged in risky behaviors in what they’re now calling “passively suicidal.” 

And when we’re at the bottom of the abyss, death seems so peaceful. A way out of all the pain, particularly if you have spiritual or religious beliefs that mean you’ll go somewhere lovely after death. 

However, when you’re well, you know that the cost of Death by Depression is far worse than any benefits. And if, like me, you believe in reincarnation, there’s a very good chance you’d only have to come back and go through it all again.

It’s a much better idea to get it sorted this time around.

In my opinion, nobody should believe that their best option is to be dead. Nobody. (Not talking about euthanasia here, that’s a whole different ballgame). 

And the only way we’re going to stop suicide in this world is if we create a society where we actively talk about how we feel. Even if we think those feelings will be considered to be weird, stupid, or attention-seeking.

We also have a responsibility to treat other people’s feelings as important as our own. Nobody matters more than anyone else, nobody is better, smarter, or more entitled to…whatever…than anyone else.

Nobody has their shit together all the time. And it’s time we started to acknowledge that. Nobody thinks in exactly the same way as anyone else. And nobody should be alone. 

We need to build a world where being “different” in any way, is celebrated, not scorned.

Okay…Alright…Back to the Topic at Hand

The Death Card. Think of it as a bridge. It’s where you go from one place to another. When it appears in a spread, it brings the message that something is about to end so that something new can start.

When we have Depression, endings can be frightening. Beginnings can be frightening too. The Death card can remind us that we are not alone. We have help as we transition, there are others who have walked before us and many who will walk the same route behind us.

Here’s a very simple exercise to help you get a grip on how the Death card can help you manage your Depression.

  • Grab your journal or a pen and paper
  • Place the Death card in front of you and spend some time gazing at it, until you feel your eyes glaze over slightly
  • Then gaze at the card just a few moments more
  • Answer the following questions:

              What new beginning do I want to manifest?

              What will have to end for this to occur?

              What else might happen when this ends?

By this time, you know the drill. Just let your hand flow and see what comes to you. 

Once you’ve finished writing? Write some more. There’s always room to go deeper and it’s usually in those extra minutes when the real insights come to you. 


Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero through her Mental Health Membership Site: Black Orchid Alchemy. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks, and this link to receive new installments of her online vampire novel: The Childless Mother.

Taroting Depression with the Hanged Man

July 4, 2022

At first glance it may appear as if the Hanged Man has got himself into a tricky situation that he doesn’t know how to get out of. 

On second glance however, we can see that he (or she) is quite happy with his situation. He’s literally “just hanging around.” Suspended as you will, in a bid to suspend time.

He needs to stop. Just for a while. But it is a necessary pause to his life and what’s going on around him.

I’m a big believer in pushing ourselves when we need to. The demon Depression would prefer to keep us stuck in the same spot: never moving forward and never making any progress.

Just stuck in our own misery and despair. 

However, there are times when we shouldn’t push ourselves. Times when we should take a break, sit still, and pause before our next adventure begins.

The Hanged Man turns up for us when we need to stop. To take stock of what’s going on around us. To rest before life becomes busy and tumultuous again. 

No decisions are required here. All you need to do is stop.

Grab a pen and paper and spend some time with the Hanged Man. Let your mind wander wherever it needs to go. This exercise is about recognizing what’s going on around you without making any judgements or forming any opinions. You’re just the observer here.

Here’s some questions to get you going:

  • What colors do you see in the card:
  • Can you see any of those colors anywhere else in the room?
  • What do those colors remind you of?
  • What smells/aromas does the card bring to mind for you?
  • What kind of tree is he hanging from?

These may look like pointless, almost silly, questions to be journaling about, but there’s a method to the madness here. 

When we have Depression we often get stuck right where we are. We’re not able to see what’s going on around us because we have to concentrate so hard on getting through the next moment.

When we stop, really stop, not just pause for a moment, we can take a good look at what’s going on around us. When we deliberately look for small details it shifts our heads and our focus away from what pains us and gets us to focus on minor things that might just make us smile.

But, it takes practice. Particularly if the demon has a strong hold on us. Working with the Hanged Man card regularly will help you to retrain yourself to stop and take stock of your surroundings.

It’s another effective tool that lessens the power that the demon has over us.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero through her Mental Health Membership Site: Black Orchid Alchemy. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks, and this link to receive new installments of her online vampire novel: The Childless Mother.

Taroting Depression with the Justice card

June 27, 2022

The Justice card from the Tarot of the Vampyres by Ian DanielsThe Justice card is about balance and fairness, karma, and legal decisions. It can often turn up in a reading when you’re in the middle of a legal debate of some sort and it assures you that the outcome will be a fair and just one.

Now, there ain’t nothing fair and just about Depression.

It hits people randomly, for no good reason and often without warning. 

Some people believe that there’s a karmic aspect to Depression: something we’ve done in a past life has come back to haunt us.

I call bullshit on that one. I firmly believe that some of us brave souls have some lessons to learn that only Depression can teach us and that we decide to take on Depression before we incarnate.

I don’t know about you, but my Depression has certainly taught me one or two things that I don’t think I would have learned any other way.

It’s best to work with the Justice card when you need to find the balance in your life. I don’t think it’s a card you should work with if you’re unwell and particularly if you believe in karma.

However, when you’re well, when the demon has left you alone for a while, the Justice card can help you to understand how to achieve a balance in your life. How to balance the scales so that when the demon does hit, you have some tools to fight it off. 

Here’s an exercise that will help you get the most from working with Justice.

Sit yourself down with a paper and pen, light a candle, burn some incense or oil, dim the lights, spend a few moments meditating if that helps you relax and access your inner voice (whatever you call it).

Place the Justice card in front of you while you do this, so that you’ll have some inspiration.

On one side of your piece of paper, I want you to write down all the things that are unfair about your Depression. Here’s a few to get you started:

  • I often have to cancel plans I’ve made for social gatherings
  • I can’t hold down a job
  • I can’t maintain friendships

Once you think you’ve finished your list, ask yourself “What else?” and keep going for a few more minutes. Longer, if you feel the need.

Now, on the opposite side of the page, I want you to write the facts about your unfair list. But write them in an affirming way. Like this:

  • I often have to cancel plans I’ve made for social gatherings  – I sometimes have to cancel plans I’ve made for social gatherings but sometimes I get to party.
  • I can’t hold down a job – I haven’t kept a job longer than…but it’s certainly possible that I will in the future.
  • I can’t maintain friendships – People come in and out of my life as they need to and I will develop long-term friendships when I’m able.

Your affirming list doesn’t have to be something you necessarily believe in, it just has to be based on the facts, Ma’am.  If you’re struggling to come up with your affirming list, send me an email and I’ll help you sort it.

Once you’ve finished your list I want you to take that piece of paper and place it beside your bed so that it’s in front of you when you need it. The next time the demon gets you and you find your thoughts are leaning towards the unfairness of it all, grab your list and read through the affirming side of your paper.

And you can read it as many times as you need to. That’s what it’s for.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero through her Mental Health Membership Site: Black Orchid Alchemy. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks, and this link to receive new installments of her online vampire novel: The Childless Mother.

Taroting Depression with the Justice Card

May 30, 2022

Our next card in this journey through the tarot is Justice. Unsurprisingly, the Justice card is about fairness. It’s the promise that a fair decision will be made in legal proceedings, and that the decision won’t be swayed by such things as pretty words or pretty images.

When we look closer at the Justice card we can see he has a sword in one hand and is holding scales in the other. She, and perhaps only she, has the power to ensure that those scales are always balanced and that all parties are treated fairly.

Depression isn’t fair. We did not do anything to deserve it and we are not being punished. 

When we live with the Depression demon we can easily become entrenched in the unfairness of it all. That’s what the demon wants us to do. It wants us to focus on how unfair it all is so that we can’t see, and can’t find the energy to look for, a way out.

We can’t allow that to happen. We can’t allow the demon to take control.

Justice reminds us that we can’t control other people’s actions but we can ensure that we treat others with fairness. What we often need reminding of, is that we should treat ourselves with fairness.

We often expect too much from ourselves, are too hard on ourselves, and if we have depression, we get really good at blaming ourselves.

Spending some time with the Justice card can help us understand that we need to be fair to ourselves as well as others. 

Journeying with the Justice Card.

Sit or lie down comfortably, and take 3 deep breaths in.

Continue to breathe deeply and slowly as you imagine that you’re lying on your back on a beautiful, sandy beach, with your feet on the edge of the water. Your arms and hands are lying flat by your sides and your eyes are closed.

Take a breath in as the water gently flows over your toes and covers your heels. As you breathe out, the water flows gently back into the sea.

Breathe in again, as the water flows gently up your shins and covers your knees. As you breathe out the water gently rolls back into the sea.

Breathe in again, and the water flows gently up to the top of your thighs. As you breathe out the water gently rolls back into the sea.

Breathe in again, and the water gently flows up past your pelvis to your belly button and covers your hands and arms to your elbows. As you breathe out the water gently rolls back into the sea.

Breathe in again, and the water gently flows up to your chest and upper arms. As you breathe out the water gently rolls back into the sea.

Breathe in again, and the water gently flows up over your shoulders and neck and reaches your chin. As you breathe out the water gently rolls back into the sea.

Breathe in again, and the water comes up past your mouth, nose, eyes and covers the top of your head. As you breathe out the water gently rolls back into the sea.

Spend a few moments here, enjoying the feeling of being fully relaxed. 

As you lie there, you become aware that you have something in each of your hands.

Your left hand feels heavier than your right so you look at it first. 

What’s in your left hand?

What’s in your right hand?

Are you able to hold your hands in a way that means both objects seem to weigh the same?

The object in your left hand holds your depression and the object in your right hand holds your joy.

Play with these weights for a while, move them up and down, get a feel for how they naturally weigh. 

Now. Move your Depression up and your joy down until your joy lays gently on the sand. Your joy is grounded.

Look at your left hand, gently blow the object into the air until you see it catch flight, move through the clouds, and disappear. 

Spend some time quietly sitting with your joy in both hands. What message does the object have for you? Who are you now that you have experienced joy?

When you’re ready, place your joy in your pocket and know that you carry it within you.

Take 3 deep breaths and come back into your body.

Wriggle your toes, your fingers, roll your neck, and when you’re ready open your eyes.

Write down your experiences in your journal. 

You are the boss, not your Depression

Although it often feels like Depression has the upper hand, that only occurs when we’re unwell. And when we’re unwell, we need to rest and heal.

When we are well, and there’s no denying that sometimes our well periods can be very small, we’re able to make choices and that’s when we work with the Tarot to help strengthen the chances of us making good choices.

Once you’ve completed the above exercise, pop the Justice card under your pillow and sleep with it for a few nights. It’s there to remind you to be fair and just with yourself.

Black Orchid Alchemy Logo

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression with The Lovers

May 16, 2022

The Lovers Tarot Card from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

The Lovers speak to us of partnerships, relationships and balance. It brings the promise of romantic relationships and successful duos. It’s the card of attraction.

Depression is not experienced alone, even though it feels like it. Our loved ones go through their own special time of hell, just as we do. And although we can feel guilt for what we feel we’re doing to our families and friends, we don’t know their experience any more than they know ours.

Often, we’ll isolate ourselves from our loved ones, either in fear of being rejected, or simply not having enough energy to interact with others. Sometimes this is absolutely necessary for our own healing and to be able to maintain relationships long-term.

But, we humans are not meant to be solo creatures, and nowadays even if you don’t like to socialize you can still interact with people online. This is often a more manageable approach for people with anxiety. Yes, it does carry the risk of trolls and negative interactions but it can also be a lifesaver for some.

I’m particularly fond of the Lovers in the above depiction as I believe it reminds us that pairings, and other relationships, can be made of many different molds. 

There are some people who simply enjoy their own company, and there is nothing wrong with that. But when you’re deliberately avoiding people because the demon Depression has hold of you, there’s a lot you’re missing out on.

Depression has already robbed you of so much.

Taking a journey with The Lovers can remind you of the joy that can be found in relationships. 

And yes, that includes relationships with pets. 

Dog and cat friends

Sit, or lie down comfortably and take a few moments to wriggle about and settle yourself. 

Begin with some box breathing. Make sure that when you breathe in, it’s the deepest breath you can manage.

Now, breathe in for a count of four, hold  for a count of four, release for a count of four, hold for a count of four.

Once more, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

One more time, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

Continue to breathe deeply as you imagine yourself standing at the bottom of a huge marble staircase. You’re dressed to attend a ball and you feel as fabulous as you look.

You start to climb the stairs, slowly and carefully, and with each step you breathe just a little bit slower and you relax just a little bit deeper. Although you’re excited about attending the ball, you want to be as calm as you possibly can.

As you take a few more steps you can see the Lovers standing at the top of the stairs, waiting to welcome you. You continue to climb towards them, feeling just a little more relaxed.

A few more steps and you reach the top where the Lovers open their arms to envelop you in a huge hug. Stay with this embrace for as long as you need to, to feel completely relaxed and calm.

After a few moments, the Lovers lead you into a beautiful reception hall. There’s red carpet, velvet drapes and gorgeous flowers in gold and silver vases. You can see a row of people, lined up to your left, waiting to greet you.

You have relationships with each and every one of these people. Not all of these people are human, there are also spirits and animals there, and you know them all. 

You leave the Lovers where they are and greet each person, spirit, or animal in the line by turn. Each one has something to say to you. When they give you their message, you thank them, and then move down the line. (You can stop to write down each message as you go, or wait until you finish).

Once you reach the end of the line, you discover the Lovers are there waiting for you. They each take your arm and walk you to the top of the marble stairs, You thank them both for escorting you and looking out for you and you begin to descend the stairs on your own.

After the first few steps, you begin to come back to yourself. 

After another few steps, you start to move your fingers and toes, and wriggle slightly on your seat.

Continue descending and once you reach the bottom of the stairs, you come fully back into the room, feeling grateful, happy, and alive.

You can return to this meditation any time you choose and it’s a good one to do when you’re feeling lonely. A word of warning though, if you find the demon is creeping in and the messages you’re getting are negative, then your head’s not really in the space to do this, for now. So,  make sure that you are well enough to go through this journey with the lovers.

As always, if you have any confusion or need anything clarified about your messages, please feel free to message me.Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression with the Hierophant

May 9, 2022

The Hierophant Tarot Card from The Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

As much as I love all the cards in the tarot, I’m always excited when I see the hierophant turn up in my personal readings.

The Hierophant is the spiritual  teacher of the deck. They hold the keys to all the secrets and mysticism that the rest of the cards contain. 

When you have Depression, spirituality can be a tricky thing. In my opinion, the stereotypical idea of the religious fanatic has contributed at least some of the stigma and discrimination that surrounds mental illness. 

There’s no doubt that for some people, a sudden interest or increase in interest in spiritual matters is a symptom of them becoming unwell. For others, it can be a source of huge comfort.

If you’re reading this blog, I’m going to assume the latter. Spirituality, whether or not it includes an organized religion, can often be the one place where we feel completely accepted and safe.

For me, my daily spiritual practice is essential to my wellbeing. It reminds me that this life I’m living is not all there is. And it’s not all I am. It reminds me that I’m part of something bigger, and that I’m going to be okay. No matter what happens.

A man sitting under a purple night sky

My spirituality involves the practice of meditation, which is essential for keeping my emotions from running all over the place. A few minutes a day is all I need and I usually include visualization as I struggle to keep my brain perfectly still.

Journey with the Hierophant

A journey with the Hierophant can open you up to new mystical information and ideas. Or it can reconnect you when your practice is feeling a bit stale. 

Sit, or lie down comfortably and take a few moments to wriggle about and settle yourself. 

Begin with some box breathing. Make sure that when you breathe in, it’s the deepest breath you can manage.

Now, breathe in for a count of four, hold  for a count of four, release for a count of four, hold for a count of four.

Once more, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

One more time, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

Continue to breathe deeply and imagine yourself standing at the edge of a dense forest. You can smell the leaves on the trees and feel the sun on your back. As you take a few steps in, you stop for a moment to listen to the sounds of the forest.

After a few moments, you take another few steps and notice that the sky is getting darker and although the temperature is cooling slightly, you’re still comfortable.

You continue walking in the forest until you come across an old tree standing on its own. 

You sit down in front of the tree. Where the roots emerge from the ground, at the base of the tree, you can see patterns, figures, and scratches. What story are they telling you?

Spend a few moments here and once you feel you’ve uncovered all of the story the tree has to tell, stand up and reach into your pocket. Whatever is in there, is your gift for the tree. Gently place it within its branches.

Slowly walk back through the forest, the way you came, until you reach the edge again.

Take 3 deep breaths.

Wiggle your toes and fingers and come back to yourself.

Spend some time writing in your journal until you have a full understanding of what the tree was telling you. Then decide how you can take this lesson further.

Remember that you can journey with the Hierophant anytime you choose.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression with the Emperor

May 3, 2022

Ahh, the Emperor. Is it a coincidence that he follows the Empress? Actually, in tarot, gender isn’t important to the cards, at least not in the form that we often think of.

The Emperor is known as the ruler of the world. He stands, or sits on his throne, on the top of a mountain, surveying all that is below. He is sure of himself, quiet in his authority, and is now in a position where he can appreciate the results of his hard work.

The Emperor also speaks of advocacy: he looks out for the little guy  and offers protection. But not just that, he also wants to bring the little guy up to his level. He’s the teacher who role models the characteristics and traits of a leader.

The Emperor seems elusive when we are struggling with Depression and it’s hard for us to believe that we could ever reach the top of the mountain. We can’t even see the top from where we are.

But, one thing to remember, when we see the Emperor at the top of the mountain, we don’t know what, or who he was, before he got there. We don’t know if he, too, thought the top of the mountain was unattainable at one time. 

We only see the end result.

When we’re at the bottom of the abyss, the place where all we know is despair and misery, the top of the mountain is something to strive for. But, as in all things in life, we won’t get there in one big step. We need to take smaller, shorter, steps and keep our eye on the goal right in front of us, not the one that seems too high.

In this way, with each goal we achieve, we get one step closer to the top of the mountain. The place where we own our authority, where we become role models to others, and where we finally know, our truth.

Our truth. Not somebody else’s. Ours.

Working with the Emperor is not complicated and there are a few helpful options.

  • Sleep with the Emperor card under your pillow. Before you drop off, set the intention that you’re going to spend some time with the Emperor, learning his wisdom. You can also ask for specific questions to be answered by him.
  • Spend some time meditating with the Emperor card. Ask some specific questions such as: What is the next step for me to take towards going up the mountain?
  • Spend an hour, or however long you need, journaling with the Emperor in front of you. Here’s some prompts:
    • What aspects of the Emperor resonant with me the most?
    • What traits and skills do I expect from a leader?
    • Which traits of the Emperor do I already have? 
    • Which do I need to develop?
    • What message does the Emperor have for me?

The thing about Depression is that it makes everything seem so hard. And that’s why it’s so important that the goals we set for ourselves are achievable. It’s fine to want more, in fact, I’m a firm believer in creating “more” from your Depression. But you can only see the big things in sight after you work through the smaller things.

The Emperor reminds us of what’s possible for all of us. Even with Depression.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression: The Empress Tarot Card

April 25, 2022

The Empress from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

The Empress comes to us as a woman about to give birth. Indeed she can also be seen as Mother Earth herself. She is glowing with life and the fullness that comes from being about to bring something or someone into the world. 

The Empress knows her power comes from love and that is also her gift. She is sure of her place in this world and although her task is to give birth, that is not all she is.

Many of us who have Depression have made a conscious choice not to have children, so that we don’t pass this terrible condition on. And many of us are childless by circumstance, as I am. Children didn’t happen for me and coming to terms with this very nearly put me right over the edge. I came dangerously close to allowing the demon to win and to take me over fully.

Goddess knows that would have been easier.

But it wouldn’t have been true to my path. 

Although I’ve never given birth to a child, I’ve given birth to many ideas, books, relationships, and other creative endeavors. 

The Empress can bring news of the birth of a child, but she can also bring news of the birth of an idea, a project, a new attitude, even something simple as a new day. She’s about the abundance of earth, nature, and love. Simply love.

When we have Depression, often the only abundance we can see is misery. We feel we are too much, too sad, too useless, too…whatever. 

This isn’t true. And the Empress reminds us that abundance can be found in simple things, if we choose to look for it. And she also reminds us that we don’t usually have to look too hard. 

If you’re struggling to see the abundant beauty in your life or in your surroundings, work with the Empress. She’ll show you how and where to find it.

colorful roses

Walking with the wisdom of the Empress

Sit, or lie down comfortably and take a few moments to wriggle about and settle yourself. 

Begin with some box breathing. Make sure that when you breathe in, it’s the deepest breath you can manage.

Now, breathe in for a count of four, hold  for a count of four, release for a count of four, hold for a count of four.

Once more, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

One more time, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

Continue to breathe deeply as you picture yourself standing at the top of some beautiful marble stairs, leading down to a grassy open field. 

As you take your first step down the stairs you start to relax your entire body. Another two steps down and you relax even deeper.

The next two steps have you feeling even more relaxed but it’s tinged with a little bit of excitement as you know you’re about to go on a new adventure.

The next two steps lead you to the bottom of the stairs. You feel the grass under your bare feet and you can smell the faint aroma of roses off in the distance.

You walk towards the beautiful scent and find yourself in a small, circular, garden full of rose bushes, of many different colors. Blue, violet, pink, white, red, even black.

In the center of the garden there’s a marble bench and a beautiful pregnant woman is sitting on it. She beckons you to sit next to her, which you do.

What color is the woman’s dress? What meaning does that color have for you?

What perfume is she wearing? What does that remind you of?

What message does the woman have for you?

If you have any other questions for her, now is the time to ask them.

The woman reaches behind her and pulls out a small package with a red bow on it, and she hands it to you.

What’s in the package? Whatever’s in there is a clue to a part of your life where you can focus on the abundance and beauty of it. It’s something that you can always have with you, to remind you that you do have love around you. 

You thank the woman for the gift and she tells you that you’re always welcome here in her garden and you can return anytime you feel the need to.

You turn to leave and begin your walk back to the marble stairs. You feel warm, relaxed, and confident with your new gift and your new sense of abundance. 

As you take the first two steps you wiggle your toes and your fingers.

The next two steps have you coming back to awareness of your body and your surroundings.

When you reach the top of the stairs, you open your eyes, wide awake and feeling relaxed and grateful.

If you’d like some help with anything the meditation has brought up for you, please just email me at drusilla@depressionmuse.com and I’ll help you interpret your gift.

Tarot Deck used is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression: The High Priestess

April 18, 2022

The High Priestess speaks to us of spirituality. Not necessarily religion, but spirituality. 

The High Priestess Tarot card from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

What does spirituality mean to you?

For myself, spirituality is my ongoing work with Lilith, my connection to my spiritual guides, and ancestors, and my constant questioning and refining of my belief in an afterlife. It’s my core being. My soul, if you like.

For you, it might be something different. It could be a specific religion, it could be a love of nature and spending time outdoors, it could even be a fandom of some sort. 

Spirituality is the tool you use that feeds your soul. It’s the thing when you lose all track of time, and when you feel fulfilled, and at peace.

We have food to feed our bodies and we have spirituality to feed our souls.

Why is spirituality so important when you have Depression?

Because your soul is hurting. Depression goes beyond sadness, beyond pain, and beyond thought. However it starts, it results in a chemical imbalance in the brain and until you can get the imbalance “re-balanced,” you need something to believe in.

In the deck I’m using, which is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen, the High Priestess is holding a scroll with “Tarot” written on it. This suggests that her version of spirituality involves revealing many secrets and mysteries.

She brazenly, and with pride, shows us the way.

Let’s spend some time with the High Priestess.

When you go to bed tonight, place the High Priestess card under your pillow. If you don’t have your own tarot deck you can print one from the internet or even just write the words “The High Priestess” on a piece of paper and put that under your pillow.

When you close your eyes, out loud, or in your head, ask the High Priestess to send you, in dreams or any other form, during the night, a lesson about spirituality, just for you. 

Make sure you have a pen and paper beside you so that you can write down your dreams, insights, or thoughts as they come to you when you wake up. Don’t worry about writing them down word perfect, you just want the general gist of what you were being told.

This doesn’t have to be a one-off thing, you can do this exercise as many times as you like. And don’t forget that once you get the information, you need to use it. Spend some time working with your new insight, do some research, read more about the High Priestess. 

The goal of the High Priestess is to get you to become, and sometimes create, a spiritual life for yourself. Having something other than yourself to believe in is a powerful tool against the demon Depression. It gives you another focus, something outside yourself, while at the same time, something deeply within yourself.

After all, there has to be a higher purpose of some sort, doesn’t there? 

Tarot Deck used is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting the Demon Depression: The Fool

April 4, 2022

And so it begins…with the Fool. Any examination of the Tarot must begin with the Fool and ours is no exception.

Tarot card from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen: the Fool

The Fool’s journey is the human’s journey and it begins with excitement, naivete, and hope.

In other words, all the things that Depression robs us of first. 

The Fool is not allotted a number like the other characters in the tarot. The Fool is the spark, the idea, the beginning of the beginning, there is nothing or no-one before him. The fool has not been molded by life, joy or disappointment yet.

He is the very epitome of possibility.

Possibility

When you live with Depression it’s extremely difficult to see the possibilities in life. But, trust me, they’re still there.

Working with the Fool to manage Depression can be enlightening. It can reconnect us with all the possibilities in life and give us back that precious hope that seems to be the first thing to go when the demon gets hold of us.

So, how do we actually do this?

Meditation is the key. Now, before you click away in disgust, yes, I’m well aware that meditation is extremely difficult when you’re Depressed. Your brain is far too busy giving you negative thoughts, derogatory self-talk, and fixating on things that simply aren’t true.

However, meditating with the tarot is not a matter of trying to get your brain to stop. Rather, it’s a matter of allowing your brain to take you on a journey.

Silhouette of a woman sitting in front of the moon

And the Fool is always up for a journey.

Here’s the meditation:

  • Sit in a comfy chair, with your feet firmly on the ground.
  • Take a deep breath: in and out. Take another, and another.
  • Picture yourself dressed as the Fool (It doesn’t matter which deck you’re using). 
  • How does your clothing feel against your skin?
  • What does the ground feel like under your feet? Is it grass? Concrete? Something else?
  • Is it a sunny day? Rainy? Are you warm? Cold?
  • Spend some time feeling what’s going on around you.
  • Once you’ve settled into yourself, start walking. Don’t try and force it, just let yourself be taken to wherever the Fool/You wants to take you. 
  • Keep walking until you see a big rock blocking your path. The rock has a box sitting on top of it. 
  • Open the box. What is it? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What color is it?
  • Once you’ve spent some time sitting with your gift (You’ll know how much time you’ll need), slowly come back to yourself sitting in your chair.
  • Wiggle your toes and your fingers about. Stretch. Wriggle about a bit in your chair.

Don’t worry if you’ve struggled through this. We often think that our visualizations must be A-grade cinema quality but they really don’t. The purpose of this journey is to get the information and if you can’t visualize the scene as well as you’d like to? Maybe you can hear it? Feel it? Sense it? What’s important here is that you find out what’s in the box.

Now that you’ve got your gift, your next mission is to grab your journal and tell the story of your journey. Describe the journey as you would explain it to the Fool.

Now, here’s the hard part…don’t worry, you can do this.

What is the purpose of the gift? What does it do for you? If it has a practical purpose, what parallel can you see with your Depression, or a symptom of your Depression? 

If you’re struggling to find the purpose in your gift, remember that you were the fool when you collected it. Pick up your tarot card and scrutinize it.

What parts of the card are jumping out at you? How does that relate to your gift? 

What is your message from the Fool?

Feel free to message me if you’re stuck and would like some clarification around your gift and its meaning. And don’t worry, you can come back to this exercise as many times as you want to. As humans, we are continually moving, nothing stays the same.

Not even Depression.

Tarot Deck used is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.