The Nephilim Rising™

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Posts tagged with Mental Illness

Taroting Depression with the Death Card

July 11, 2022

Probably the most misunderstood card in the deck, Death does not foretell your or anyone else’s demise. Death is about cycles ending. 

In order to have the new beginning that we humans often yearn for, something needs to end. So that we can make room for the new.

A short (I’ll try to keep it short) but necessary sidebar)

We can’t have a discussion about Depression and the Death card without mentioning suicide. Many of us, if not all of us, who have Depression have considered our own deaths in one form or another.

We may have made a plan, we may have just wished we’d die, we may have engaged in risky behaviors in what they’re now calling “passively suicidal.” 

And when we’re at the bottom of the abyss, death seems so peaceful. A way out of all the pain, particularly if you have spiritual or religious beliefs that mean you’ll go somewhere lovely after death. 

However, when you’re well, you know that the cost of Death by Depression is far worse than any benefits. And if, like me, you believe in reincarnation, there’s a very good chance you’d only have to come back and go through it all again.

It’s a much better idea to get it sorted this time around.

In my opinion, nobody should believe that their best option is to be dead. Nobody. (Not talking about euthanasia here, that’s a whole different ballgame). 

And the only way we’re going to stop suicide in this world is if we create a society where we actively talk about how we feel. Even if we think those feelings will be considered to be weird, stupid, or attention-seeking.

We also have a responsibility to treat other people’s feelings as important as our own. Nobody matters more than anyone else, nobody is better, smarter, or more entitled to…whatever…than anyone else.

Nobody has their shit together all the time. And it’s time we started to acknowledge that. Nobody thinks in exactly the same way as anyone else. And nobody should be alone. 

We need to build a world where being “different” in any way, is celebrated, not scorned.

Okay…Alright…Back to the Topic at Hand

The Death Card. Think of it as a bridge. It’s where you go from one place to another. When it appears in a spread, it brings the message that something is about to end so that something new can start.

When we have Depression, endings can be frightening. Beginnings can be frightening too. The Death card can remind us that we are not alone. We have help as we transition, there are others who have walked before us and many who will walk the same route behind us.

Here’s a very simple exercise to help you get a grip on how the Death card can help you manage your Depression.

  • Grab your journal or a pen and paper
  • Place the Death card in front of you and spend some time gazing at it, until you feel your eyes glaze over slightly
  • Then gaze at the card just a few moments more
  • Answer the following questions:

              What new beginning do I want to manifest?

              What will have to end for this to occur?

              What else might happen when this ends?

By this time, you know the drill. Just let your hand flow and see what comes to you. 

Once you’ve finished writing? Write some more. There’s always room to go deeper and it’s usually in those extra minutes when the real insights come to you. 


Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero through her Mental Health Membership Site: Black Orchid Alchemy. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks, and this link to receive new installments of her online vampire novel: The Childless Mother.

Taroting Depression with the Chariot

May 23, 2022

The Chariot from the Dark Wood Tarot from Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

The Chariot is all about movement. It’s about clearing the path in front of you and taking the direct route to where you want to go. The decision has been made, you know what you’re doing, now get it done.

The demon Depression is really good at taking away our ability to make decisions and pursue our dreams. It wants to keep us buried under the fog and incapable of movement.

Fuck that.

The Chariot can help us to find our motivation again, but it’s not given as a gift. We still have to put our own effort into it. Fortunately, the Chariot can also help with that.

Journeying with the Chariot

The imagery on this card is usually one of a chariot with a rider standing tall and driving the charge towards his goal. However, the deck I use has an Eagle rather than the traditional chariot. Feel free to adapt this meditation to fit with your card if you choose.

Sit, or lie down comfortably and take a few moments to wriggle about and settle yourself. 

Begin with some box breathing. Make sure that when you breathe in, it’s the deepest breath you can manage.

Now, breathe in for a count of four, hold  for a count of four, release for a count of four, hold for a count of four.

Once more, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

One more time, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

Continue to breathe deeply as you picture yourself standing in the middle of a dense forest. You are warm and safe here. You can hear all the sounds of the forest and it soothes your mind and soul.

You notice a path towards your right and you head towards it. As you walk through the trees you feel yourself beginning to relax even more.

Your steps are sure and even as you continue down the path through the trees. Here and there, you stop to check out a tree, a leaf, a forest creature.

You take a few more steps and find yourself in a small clearing within the forest.There’s a tree stump in front of you and a huge Eagle is perched on top of it.

The Eagle nods in greeting and you know that he is offering to take you on a journey, so you nod back in agreement. The Eagle flies towards you and you feel his talons gently land on your shoulders and begin to lift you up.

Where does the eagle take you? Do you land somewhere, or continue to fly? Does the Eagle talk to you as you fly? Do you talk to him?

Spend as much time as you need to, flying with the eagle.

When you’re ready, the Eagle returns you to the clearing in the forest. You gently land on the ground and he returns to his tree stump.

You thank the Eagle for its help and turn, and walk back through the path you came down. 

Continue walking the path until you reach the middle, where you first began. 

Spend a few minutes coming back into your body, give your toes and fingers a wiggle and then come fully back into the room.

Spend some time journaling about your journey with the Chariot. Wherever the Eagle took you, will have a clue to how you can regain our motivation and purpose, in order to move forward with your life.

If you have any problems interpreting your journey, please send me an email to drusilla@depressionmuse.com and I’ll help you figure it out.

Black Orchid Alchemy Logo

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression with The Lovers

May 16, 2022

The Lovers Tarot Card from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

The Lovers speak to us of partnerships, relationships and balance. It brings the promise of romantic relationships and successful duos. It’s the card of attraction.

Depression is not experienced alone, even though it feels like it. Our loved ones go through their own special time of hell, just as we do. And although we can feel guilt for what we feel we’re doing to our families and friends, we don’t know their experience any more than they know ours.

Often, we’ll isolate ourselves from our loved ones, either in fear of being rejected, or simply not having enough energy to interact with others. Sometimes this is absolutely necessary for our own healing and to be able to maintain relationships long-term.

But, we humans are not meant to be solo creatures, and nowadays even if you don’t like to socialize you can still interact with people online. This is often a more manageable approach for people with anxiety. Yes, it does carry the risk of trolls and negative interactions but it can also be a lifesaver for some.

I’m particularly fond of the Lovers in the above depiction as I believe it reminds us that pairings, and other relationships, can be made of many different molds. 

There are some people who simply enjoy their own company, and there is nothing wrong with that. But when you’re deliberately avoiding people because the demon Depression has hold of you, there’s a lot you’re missing out on.

Depression has already robbed you of so much.

Taking a journey with The Lovers can remind you of the joy that can be found in relationships. 

And yes, that includes relationships with pets. 

Dog and cat friends

Sit, or lie down comfortably and take a few moments to wriggle about and settle yourself. 

Begin with some box breathing. Make sure that when you breathe in, it’s the deepest breath you can manage.

Now, breathe in for a count of four, hold  for a count of four, release for a count of four, hold for a count of four.

Once more, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

One more time, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

Continue to breathe deeply as you imagine yourself standing at the bottom of a huge marble staircase. You’re dressed to attend a ball and you feel as fabulous as you look.

You start to climb the stairs, slowly and carefully, and with each step you breathe just a little bit slower and you relax just a little bit deeper. Although you’re excited about attending the ball, you want to be as calm as you possibly can.

As you take a few more steps you can see the Lovers standing at the top of the stairs, waiting to welcome you. You continue to climb towards them, feeling just a little more relaxed.

A few more steps and you reach the top where the Lovers open their arms to envelop you in a huge hug. Stay with this embrace for as long as you need to, to feel completely relaxed and calm.

After a few moments, the Lovers lead you into a beautiful reception hall. There’s red carpet, velvet drapes and gorgeous flowers in gold and silver vases. You can see a row of people, lined up to your left, waiting to greet you.

You have relationships with each and every one of these people. Not all of these people are human, there are also spirits and animals there, and you know them all. 

You leave the Lovers where they are and greet each person, spirit, or animal in the line by turn. Each one has something to say to you. When they give you their message, you thank them, and then move down the line. (You can stop to write down each message as you go, or wait until you finish).

Once you reach the end of the line, you discover the Lovers are there waiting for you. They each take your arm and walk you to the top of the marble stairs, You thank them both for escorting you and looking out for you and you begin to descend the stairs on your own.

After the first few steps, you begin to come back to yourself. 

After another few steps, you start to move your fingers and toes, and wriggle slightly on your seat.

Continue descending and once you reach the bottom of the stairs, you come fully back into the room, feeling grateful, happy, and alive.

You can return to this meditation any time you choose and it’s a good one to do when you’re feeling lonely. A word of warning though, if you find the demon is creeping in and the messages you’re getting are negative, then your head’s not really in the space to do this, for now. So,  make sure that you are well enough to go through this journey with the lovers.

As always, if you have any confusion or need anything clarified about your messages, please feel free to message me.Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression: The Empress Tarot Card

April 25, 2022

The Empress from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

The Empress comes to us as a woman about to give birth. Indeed she can also be seen as Mother Earth herself. She is glowing with life and the fullness that comes from being about to bring something or someone into the world. 

The Empress knows her power comes from love and that is also her gift. She is sure of her place in this world and although her task is to give birth, that is not all she is.

Many of us who have Depression have made a conscious choice not to have children, so that we don’t pass this terrible condition on. And many of us are childless by circumstance, as I am. Children didn’t happen for me and coming to terms with this very nearly put me right over the edge. I came dangerously close to allowing the demon to win and to take me over fully.

Goddess knows that would have been easier.

But it wouldn’t have been true to my path. 

Although I’ve never given birth to a child, I’ve given birth to many ideas, books, relationships, and other creative endeavors. 

The Empress can bring news of the birth of a child, but she can also bring news of the birth of an idea, a project, a new attitude, even something simple as a new day. She’s about the abundance of earth, nature, and love. Simply love.

When we have Depression, often the only abundance we can see is misery. We feel we are too much, too sad, too useless, too…whatever. 

This isn’t true. And the Empress reminds us that abundance can be found in simple things, if we choose to look for it. And she also reminds us that we don’t usually have to look too hard. 

If you’re struggling to see the abundant beauty in your life or in your surroundings, work with the Empress. She’ll show you how and where to find it.

colorful roses

Walking with the wisdom of the Empress

Sit, or lie down comfortably and take a few moments to wriggle about and settle yourself. 

Begin with some box breathing. Make sure that when you breathe in, it’s the deepest breath you can manage.

Now, breathe in for a count of four, hold  for a count of four, release for a count of four, hold for a count of four.

Once more, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

One more time, breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, release for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.

Continue to breathe deeply as you picture yourself standing at the top of some beautiful marble stairs, leading down to a grassy open field. 

As you take your first step down the stairs you start to relax your entire body. Another two steps down and you relax even deeper.

The next two steps have you feeling even more relaxed but it’s tinged with a little bit of excitement as you know you’re about to go on a new adventure.

The next two steps lead you to the bottom of the stairs. You feel the grass under your bare feet and you can smell the faint aroma of roses off in the distance.

You walk towards the beautiful scent and find yourself in a small, circular, garden full of rose bushes, of many different colors. Blue, violet, pink, white, red, even black.

In the center of the garden there’s a marble bench and a beautiful pregnant woman is sitting on it. She beckons you to sit next to her, which you do.

What color is the woman’s dress? What meaning does that color have for you?

What perfume is she wearing? What does that remind you of?

What message does the woman have for you?

If you have any other questions for her, now is the time to ask them.

The woman reaches behind her and pulls out a small package with a red bow on it, and she hands it to you.

What’s in the package? Whatever’s in there is a clue to a part of your life where you can focus on the abundance and beauty of it. It’s something that you can always have with you, to remind you that you do have love around you. 

You thank the woman for the gift and she tells you that you’re always welcome here in her garden and you can return anytime you feel the need to.

You turn to leave and begin your walk back to the marble stairs. You feel warm, relaxed, and confident with your new gift and your new sense of abundance. 

As you take the first two steps you wiggle your toes and your fingers.

The next two steps have you coming back to awareness of your body and your surroundings.

When you reach the top of the stairs, you open your eyes, wide awake and feeling relaxed and grateful.

If you’d like some help with anything the meditation has brought up for you, please just email me at drusilla@depressionmuse.com and I’ll help you interpret your gift.

Tarot Deck used is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting Depression: The High Priestess

April 18, 2022

The High Priestess speaks to us of spirituality. Not necessarily religion, but spirituality. 

The High Priestess Tarot card from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen

What does spirituality mean to you?

For myself, spirituality is my ongoing work with Lilith, my connection to my spiritual guides, and ancestors, and my constant questioning and refining of my belief in an afterlife. It’s my core being. My soul, if you like.

For you, it might be something different. It could be a specific religion, it could be a love of nature and spending time outdoors, it could even be a fandom of some sort. 

Spirituality is the tool you use that feeds your soul. It’s the thing when you lose all track of time, and when you feel fulfilled, and at peace.

We have food to feed our bodies and we have spirituality to feed our souls.

Why is spirituality so important when you have Depression?

Because your soul is hurting. Depression goes beyond sadness, beyond pain, and beyond thought. However it starts, it results in a chemical imbalance in the brain and until you can get the imbalance “re-balanced,” you need something to believe in.

In the deck I’m using, which is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen, the High Priestess is holding a scroll with “Tarot” written on it. This suggests that her version of spirituality involves revealing many secrets and mysteries.

She brazenly, and with pride, shows us the way.

Let’s spend some time with the High Priestess.

When you go to bed tonight, place the High Priestess card under your pillow. If you don’t have your own tarot deck you can print one from the internet or even just write the words “The High Priestess” on a piece of paper and put that under your pillow.

When you close your eyes, out loud, or in your head, ask the High Priestess to send you, in dreams or any other form, during the night, a lesson about spirituality, just for you. 

Make sure you have a pen and paper beside you so that you can write down your dreams, insights, or thoughts as they come to you when you wake up. Don’t worry about writing them down word perfect, you just want the general gist of what you were being told.

This doesn’t have to be a one-off thing, you can do this exercise as many times as you like. And don’t forget that once you get the information, you need to use it. Spend some time working with your new insight, do some research, read more about the High Priestess. 

The goal of the High Priestess is to get you to become, and sometimes create, a spiritual life for yourself. Having something other than yourself to believe in is a powerful tool against the demon Depression. It gives you another focus, something outside yourself, while at the same time, something deeply within yourself.

After all, there has to be a higher purpose of some sort, doesn’t there? 

Tarot Deck used is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.

Taroting the Demon Depression: The Fool

April 4, 2022

And so it begins…with the Fool. Any examination of the Tarot must begin with the Fool and ours is no exception.

Tarot card from the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen: the Fool

The Fool’s journey is the human’s journey and it begins with excitement, naivete, and hope.

In other words, all the things that Depression robs us of first. 

The Fool is not allotted a number like the other characters in the tarot. The Fool is the spark, the idea, the beginning of the beginning, there is nothing or no-one before him. The fool has not been molded by life, joy or disappointment yet.

He is the very epitome of possibility.

Possibility

When you live with Depression it’s extremely difficult to see the possibilities in life. But, trust me, they’re still there.

Working with the Fool to manage Depression can be enlightening. It can reconnect us with all the possibilities in life and give us back that precious hope that seems to be the first thing to go when the demon gets hold of us.

So, how do we actually do this?

Meditation is the key. Now, before you click away in disgust, yes, I’m well aware that meditation is extremely difficult when you’re Depressed. Your brain is far too busy giving you negative thoughts, derogatory self-talk, and fixating on things that simply aren’t true.

However, meditating with the tarot is not a matter of trying to get your brain to stop. Rather, it’s a matter of allowing your brain to take you on a journey.

Silhouette of a woman sitting in front of the moon

And the Fool is always up for a journey.

Here’s the meditation:

  • Sit in a comfy chair, with your feet firmly on the ground.
  • Take a deep breath: in and out. Take another, and another.
  • Picture yourself dressed as the Fool (It doesn’t matter which deck you’re using). 
  • How does your clothing feel against your skin?
  • What does the ground feel like under your feet? Is it grass? Concrete? Something else?
  • Is it a sunny day? Rainy? Are you warm? Cold?
  • Spend some time feeling what’s going on around you.
  • Once you’ve settled into yourself, start walking. Don’t try and force it, just let yourself be taken to wherever the Fool/You wants to take you. 
  • Keep walking until you see a big rock blocking your path. The rock has a box sitting on top of it. 
  • Open the box. What is it? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What color is it?
  • Once you’ve spent some time sitting with your gift (You’ll know how much time you’ll need), slowly come back to yourself sitting in your chair.
  • Wiggle your toes and your fingers about. Stretch. Wriggle about a bit in your chair.

Don’t worry if you’ve struggled through this. We often think that our visualizations must be A-grade cinema quality but they really don’t. The purpose of this journey is to get the information and if you can’t visualize the scene as well as you’d like to? Maybe you can hear it? Feel it? Sense it? What’s important here is that you find out what’s in the box.

Now that you’ve got your gift, your next mission is to grab your journal and tell the story of your journey. Describe the journey as you would explain it to the Fool.

Now, here’s the hard part…don’t worry, you can do this.

What is the purpose of the gift? What does it do for you? If it has a practical purpose, what parallel can you see with your Depression, or a symptom of your Depression? 

If you’re struggling to find the purpose in your gift, remember that you were the fool when you collected it. Pick up your tarot card and scrutinize it.

What parts of the card are jumping out at you? How does that relate to your gift? 

What is your message from the Fool?

Feel free to message me if you’re stuck and would like some clarification around your gift and its meaning. And don’t worry, you can come back to this exercise as many times as you want to. As humans, we are continually moving, nothing stays the same.

Not even Depression.

Tarot Deck used is the Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham and Abigail Larsen.

Fiona Tate, AKA the Depression Muse, is a Lilithian Witch, Writer, and Mental Health Mentor. She helps people with Depression use it as a superpower and turn it into a Creature of Fucking beauty. She’s on a mission to reduce the global suicide rate to zero. Follow this link to receive a free copy of her book Depression Sucks and join the waitlist to hear more about Black Orchid Alchemy: The alternative way to manage Depression.