LESSONS IN MAGICK: The Kali Principle

Kali

Image Source: Rajesh Kumar Singh/AP

“Time, for example, is intimately connected with the goddess Kali, which partly accounts for her destructive nature. Energy – in Einstein’s equation, E=MC2 – is personified in India as Shakti in her various guises.”

Roger Housden

It has been nearly 6 years since Shiva and his dance of destruction entered my life leaving the scattered remains of what was in His wake.

One strange, madness filled summer evening I heard his call and felt his presence; it was undeniable and intoxicating. He appeared at a time when I only related to or saw myself in Masculine or Daemonic deities/energies/archetypes.

For some reason, how I viewed myself (rage filled, rebellious and dark) was synonymous with Masculine (Yang) energy.

Eastern Philosophy has always, always been my main source of study (Yes. I mean all of it; I devour as much as I can.)

Throughout my studying Hinduism, oddly more so than Buddhism (which would seem more in line with the LHP) has become a passion of mine, and a Pantheon (and culture) that have become cornerstones of my personal Philosophy and practice as a Witch.

Lord Ganesha, Shiva’s elephant headed son and the remover of obstacles had been present and active in my life a few years beforehand and even still today; in hindsight He was preparing the path for Shiva.

Shiva was preparing the path for Kali.

Though, she needs no help in that department.

Asteroid

 

I had known Feminine energy because of Hekate and Lilith, but again, when I thought of myself, my rage, my aggression, my fiery passion, and quick temper, it all seemed to be the antithesis of what it meant to be Feminine.

At the time I didn’t see myself as being a balanced, or even fluid individual; I was all rage.

My most natural emotion.

For clarity sake, I am not referring to gender identity. I have always identified as a Woman, but the images society portrayed were nothing like myself; I know many, many Women (and people) can relate to this.

I was one of those “too much” Women.

Which is crazy to think about because I struggled for a long time to take up space, until one day I realized I take up space in this world without trying.

And, so many of my Sisters do too, and they don’t even realize it.

They are all too much Women, as well.

They, like myself, have been told to water themselves down, be less opinionated, be less emotional; don’t be too loud, don’t be too independent, don’t enjoy sex too much.

Don’t be too much.

Too much. Too much. Too much.

It echoes in our heads and hearts.

So, we shrink ourselves.

Our bodies.

Our voices.

Our thoughts.

Our dreams.

We don’t want to be the girl who is too much.

That’s where Kali comes in.

She is the embodiment of the too much Woman.

She is destruction embodied (think of Her as the Tower Card).

She is time.

She is death.

She is justified rage.

She is the void known as the Cosmic Womb.

Womb

The world is in a dark time, I mean there really hasn’t been a time in modern history (or history at all) where it wasn’t dark, but in an age of information and technology the darkness, turmoil, chaos, and divisive tactics surround us.

They are delivered to us through the device you’re holding in your hand right now.

Because of the ability to receive information so quickly we can see in real time what is going on around the world, and close to home; this is a rude awakening for a lot of people who otherwise are blind to the suffering of others.

I see more and more people diverting their path away from religion and back to more earth-based beliefs and practices.

There is a rise in natural, more holistic approaches to health. People in large numbers are going vegetarian and being mindful of their eating habits and the impact they have on the planet. Cities across the world are voting to do away with single use plastic in order to save our planet and oceans.

All of this is happening because Kali’s energy has spread, almost like a virus, throughout the world and the collective at large.

She is doing what she does best: destroying illusions, and deconstructing reality.

People like to romanticize Kali like they do Lilith, but there is nothing romantic about Kali.

She will quite literally, destroy you.

And your life.

Then demand that you rebuild it.

No time for tears.

She teaches discipline and grants us permission to be nothing but authentic.

And, live nothing but authentic lives.

Through Kali I have learned to accept and embrace my rage, as I know now it serves a purpose and has its place.

She taught me that my creativity is my weapon, and I am to use it excessively.

She allowed me to break down the illusions I had built up around me and see the world for what it really is; not through the rose-colored glasses I unknowingly wore.

She taught me that ego is not to be feared but to be accepted and incorporated into our whole.

We are living in a time where the Dark Goddesses rule, and they are teaching us that darkness is energy to be honed and used like all other.

They are teaching us that where we see fault in ourselves lies power.

They are reminding us that darkness is where we come from, and where we shall return.

They are demanding that we re-wild, resist, and rebel.

For this I am grateful.

Jai Maa!

To read about Kali:

Click here

The Beast that Dwells Within

Brooke Shaden

Image: Brooke Shaden

“Rage — whether in reaction to social injustice, or to our leaders’ insanity, or to those who threaten or harm us — is a powerful energy that, with diligent practice, can be transformed into fierce compassion.”

Bonnie Myotai Treace

Ever since I was a little girl I have had a temper; a side to myself that others found unsavory, too wild, too opinionated, too loud, too aggressive, too stubborn—too much free will.

I have said in the past the only thing my Father ever gave me was this temper.

For years, and years people would try to tame me, water me down, try to fit me into a box…

I broke the box every time because what lives within me cannot be contained.

There is a part of me separate from my temper; this energy is not just my Shadow Self, it is fragments of lifetimes, people, memories, and the collective unconscious.

My Beast is justified rage, it’s a collection of all the injustices that have ever occurred; it is all the dreams that were dreamt but unable to be filled because of fear or societal pressures; it is the collection of pain, anger, sadness, and hurt of every life that has ever lived.

My Mom, my beautiful Crone, has come to call this beast Henry, a silly name for a not so silly presence. When we know he is coming we usually keep him at bay with various methods. His destruction knows no bounds, and he sucks the life out of me; though he/it is not separate from me but *part* of me. Mom knew about this energy while I was in her womb; she knew I was NOT made for this world.

This part of me is my connection to the Divine; manifested, glorious, beautiful destruction.

My temper comes in short bursts, destructive still but not long lived.

Henry, he won’t stop, he is insatiable.

I haven’t mastered this whole being human thing, and often I find myself struggling to just exist in this world day to day; adding Henry into the equation is not the kind of plot twist that I like. This destructive force is why I am so critical of myself and others (I can, without even knowing, come off very condescending and elitist; I’m working on it.)

Therefore, I continuously break myself down, study the pieces, just to put myself together again.

Sometimes in the process I break others, too, and that part, that part is the worst.

This morning when Henry showed up after my asshole cat broke my closet door and I hurt my back (I have 3 compression fractures in my spine currently so messing with the closet was no business of mine) I blew two light bulbs in the process.

And, reset the wi-fi—twice.

Part of the reason why Shiva is my Patron deity is because I relate to him in ways I cannot put into words. I relate to him in ways that make me sound insane, to be honest.

Like this post, for example. Makes me sound crazy.

Crazy is relative, I guess, so whatever.

Onwards with the crazy!

In Hinduism Shiva is one of three main Creator Gods: Brahma, the Creator; Vishnu, the Preserver; Shiva, the Destroyer. However, in Shaivism he is all three Archetypes.

In both traditions though he is known as the “God who must be drugged” to keep his destruction tamed.

As powerful and self-aware as Shiva is, he still is at the mercy of his destruction.

Even through Meditation and Yoga (Shiva is the God of Yogi’s; I practice Yoga as active meditation), killing ego and rejecting karma (in this context it means he does not act with the expectation of reward) he still has to conquer his own destructive force every single day.

Am I comparing myself to a God? No.

I am finding pieces of myself and my truth within the energy, Archetypes and stories of a God and in return the synchronicities happening in my life are guiding me forward; they have yet to steer me wrong.

I do use herbs, anti-anxiety medicine when necessary, and methods of channeling the emotion; have even bottled it up (literally) for later use but still, there is this force inside of me that can both wreak havoc and heal deeply; it is both harshly critical and mothering; it is both loving and loathing; it is everything and nothing.

It’s a part of me, and somedays I hate it.

Today I hate it.

Om Namah Shivaya breaks down as:

Om- Before there was a universe, there was (and is) the Great void of existence. Out of this void came the vibration which started the universe, which is known as Om.

Namah- This literally translates to bow.

Shivaya- This, of course, means Shiva; but more than that, it means the inner self.

When understood fully (and per Shaivism), it means “I bow to the inner Self”.

I bow, honor, love and acknowledge all parts of myself because I was told more times than I can count that I was not worthy of love; I was too hard to love; I would prove to be too complicated; too much effort without payoff; too independent.

I honor all parts of myself, even the negative ones (particularly those) because that is where truth comes from, that is where healing is found, and that is where wisdom resides.

I bow to my inner self because I refuse to bow to any other force.

I am sharing this story because today, and the past few months have been hard, words needed to flow and I know there are many of you who can relate to this; there are even a few of you who will relate to this without even knowing that you, too, have a Beast inside of you.

Don’t let them tame you.

Disclaimer: I am not condoning drug use as a means to suppress parts of yourself but I also do not see much of a difference between using marijuana or other herbs and being medicated (with poisons in my opinion) by a Doctor. I have tried both and medication simply does not work for me (I have Hashimotos which causes severe medication sensitivities and allergies).

As always, mental illness and drug addiction are very real and if you believe you have a problem, please seek medical help. I am addressing this because a blog I wrote recently caused another writer (hi, hater) to call into question my sanity. I am under the care of Doctor’s and do not need an uneducated opinion about my mental health but, thank you!

I am also not the type of person who tries to pass off everything “mental” as being spiritual or vice versa; I do believe in some cases they go hand in hand; I believe that in other cases they are completely unrelated.

Know thyself as you love thyself.

Lost in my Thoughts: A Glimpse into the Mind of Madness

Tina Yu

Image: Tina Yu

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”

August Wilson


There has been much on my mind lately, I have been carrying a lot of weight, for an endless amount of reasons. This time of year is always weird and overwhelming for me; the closer we come to October, the thinner the veil, and the more sensitive I seem to be to the outside world. For those who have read my work in the past on Dear Wicked you know that spirits seem to come to me in droves to seek some sort of redemption, or pass to the other side during the month of October, as crazy as it sounds. For some reason, the visits are happening now, as oppose to 3 weeks from now.

This year has definitely been one that many tales in old age will be based on.

Besides the fact that spirits are freely coming into my dreams, and attempting to come into my home, I have been overcome by a deep, soul wrenching sadness. This is a pain unlike anything I have felt before, and it has thrown me and my routine completely off. I am drained beyond measure, and using any, and every back up resource of energy to just keep going.

It was during a conversation with my chosen kin Brother that I learned the pain I am feeling is coming from Syria, and the destruction that is currently happening to all the temples. Just this past week ISIL blew to pieces the Temple of Bel. It was not until my Brother reminded me that this place that is seeing so much bloodshed, so much pain, war and destruction is our motherland, our holy land, a place that we all come from.

For me, I have strong Soul connections to Mesopotamia, and the nightmares of past lives I have been having are almost surely because of what is going on over there currently, in the modern day. I will link you to the full story at the bottom.

The situation begs the question, why are they choosing specific ancient temples to destroy? What are they trying to hide? Who told them to do it?

All rhetorical questions, obviously, because I know the answers, and I hope that you do, too.

So, I have spirits visiting, and there is a terrorist group destroying priceless, ancient artifacts for fun. (Among a wide array of horrific atrocities being committed by them.)

Check.

Then I read an article about sea life, and other animals on the West Coast who are washing ashore, or being observed as being delirious, disoriented and having convulsions. Only two theories here, Fukushima radiation, or the sonic blasts our military does off the coast(s). There is a link for this story as well at the bottom, if you wish to read for yourself.

It seems the world has turned into a shit show, and that says a lot because it has been a shit show for at least 10 years now. What will it take for humanity, as a collective to finally wake up and see all the distractions right before their eyes? We have become nothing but a consumerist society, blinded by fake wars, covering up the real ones, and spewing lies of “Gods and Monsters” (an apt description for the visual I am going for.)

We are supposed to be kept in fear, a fearful herd is a distracted herd.

While on this topic of herds, you know people always call the masses “sheep”, even I used to call the masses sheep. Then I realized, sheep are in a herd for safety, for comfort, they have a well-built social structure that runs effectively, I mean, I think to call the masses sheep, is an insult to sheep.

The stronger the herd, the less likely they are to fall prey to the wolves; humans fall prey to wolves of a different variety every single day, and most walk to slaughter willingly, and blissfully unaware.

I think there is no comparison to the human herd mentality, we as a species have become THAT lost, THAT blinded, THAT fucking stupid.

Our future generation is strong in numbers, and could be an invaluable asset to change the fabric of society but a majority of them are caught up in Instagram likes, and YouTube fame that they can’t be bothered with what Bernie Sanders is doing, or what the GOP wishes to do. They fail to see that not voting in attempt to protest is having the adverse effect of what they wish to achieve; revolution.

You can’t change shit when you surrender, you can’t change shit when you remain silent.

You see? My mind is heavy.

I often wonder when I get like this, semi-manic, completely introverted, lost in my Abyss, if anyone else does this. Does anyone else know the freedom, the reward of allowing yourself to go mad for a bit? To go into the deepest part of your mind in attempts to reach the collective unconscious, but instead you detour off only to reach a grand place where there are endless epiphanies?

Because, if no one else does this, if no one else on this fucking wretched but painfully beautiful planet doesn’t allow themselves to go mad, like this, like me, then what am I fighting for?

What is left TO fight for?

It is in the moments of insanity, that one can gain so much clarity. 

Have people become afraid of their minds? Of themselves? Of what they are capable of?

Have we lost sight of the individual while trying to seek unity?

Any unity we attempt is doomed to fail if the unity is not a group of individuals freely choosing to work together, put aside differences and “get shit done”. Otherwise it is considered forced unity, where the individual is lost; a forced sense of oneness will only lead to resentment, and rebellion (not the good kind).

Break free from your cage, face your demons, and find your truth then jump down the rabbit hole, there is nothing left to lose and everything to gain.

Links:

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2015/08/isil-blows-part-bel-temple-syria-palmyra-150830195420900.html

http://enenews.com/animals-delirious-disoriented-down-west-coast-displaying-unprecedented-behaviors-experts-isnt-govt-waters-offshore-lacking-like-anchovies-sardines-squid-photos-video

Letting Go: A Personal Story of the Phoenix Rising

Phoenix 2

Image: Katie Dawn aka Thy-Darkest-Hour, DeviantArt

“If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.”

C. JoyBell C.


The Full Moon energy has proven to be extremely illuminating, and caused me to become very introspective; I reflected on my entire life it seems. There has been a lot going on in my personal life, and my professional for that matter; the journey that I am on is like a whirlwind at times, and a calm chaos at others, if that makes any sense.

It’s like it will be calm, but you can feel the tension of chaos wanting to rise, and cause ruckus at any given moment.

I have been hit with a ton of emotions, some new physical issues, battled a destructive glamour spell, and a psychic vampire after writing my post about them. On top of all that I have finally let go of my lover, then there was the loss of some friends, and death of my cat. Needless to say it has been a really rough 9 days, and my Soul is feeling it.

But in the midst of adversity, I shall find my strength.

And, I have.

I had blocked my ex, and a few friends, on my personal and both public pages, it was like that was all I had to deal with the pain of betrayal. I am not sure why my thought process was that my power somehow lay within that blocking feature; how ridiculous, how mundane, of me to find comfort, and solace in such a thing, but it is what it is. I then found out by a mutual friend that he had posted something(s) about me on his page, and it infuriated me.

“No, don’t give into that, don’t stoop to his level.” I had to repeat, almost chant to myself.

I could feel my Beast rising, stirring, and calculating from the depths of my being. I had to reign her in, but why? Why was I controlling her?

I decided to meditate on it, and the answer I received shocked me, but made so much sense.

It’s easy to react, duh, it’s a natural instinct but it takes courage, control, and self-awareness to stop the instinct, to step in the moment before the Beast goes for the throat; to know when the instinct is not going to be productive.

In this situation my instinct to react would prove to be wrong, and I would simply give him exactly what he wanted. I am not now, nor have I ever, spoke ill about my ex, or any of my former friends. It is not my style to do so, and besides my narcissist post, and this one, you will not see me addressing this issue.

I am writing this because I’m fucking hurt but, through the pain I have found the way.

I can’t forget, I can’t truly forgive until I no longer hate. I cannot hate my enemy, I cannot hate those who have hurt me because that is MY weight to carry, not theirs, and hate is heavy.

I have to remind myself that at one point I loved that man, and he was exactly what I wanted and needed, even if only for a moment in time. Same goes for my former friends, I will never disrespect those good memories by dwelling on the bad, furthermore, talking ill of them.

The fact that the route he chose was to speak ill of me, speaks volumes about his own character, and I need not say anything more about it.

Again, I loved that man, and I would be lying to you, and to myself if I sat here and I said I didn’t still love him now because I do. Love is not and never has been enough, and ironically I said that to him more times than I can count since the very beginning of our relationship.

So, today, I unblocked him and my other friends from NR and DW, along with my personal page. If they choose to come and cause drama, then they can be found back on the banned list. Otherwise, I no longer want to carry that weight, that hate, that stress.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

While on this path of realization it came to me that I was still carrying around a hatred, and a heavy one at that.

I hated pieces of myself.

Not on a physical level, although as a Woman that is something I will always struggle with no matter how much self-confidence I have. The hatred I speak of was about the bad decisions, or my late blooming with the craft, both Magick and writing; there was a ton of residual hate towards myself, hate I thought I had dealt with.

Hatred of Self is the heaviest of all burdens to carry, and I didn’t want it anymore.

I don’t want to hate them (my former lover and friends) or my past.

Every mistake was a lesson, and every lesson was a blessing.

So cliché, so fucking corny, so Christian-like to say, but so goddamn true.

I can’t regret the fact that I fell in love, no matter how he acts now, no matter how I think his current behavior makes me look bad, I can’t worry about that. I can’t worry about the gossip, I guess if they are talking about me, I am doing, or have done, something right, something to make an impression.

I can’t hate myself, I can’t hate the very temple and mind that makes me who I am; I have to embrace my curves and embrace my crazy.

So, I sit here and reflect back on an eventful life, planning future adventures, and remaining grateful for all the good, and bad that is currently my reality. I will not be brought down by others, and I will not feed into the bullshit, I will rise above as I have always done.

I am a Phoenix, after all.

Calling All Enlightened Ones: A Plea to Humanity

Echo Nittolitto

Image: Echo Nittolitto

“Nothing is as painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”

Mary Shelley


If I had to sum up this past week into 3 words I would describe it as being revealing, hard and weird.  On top of the week just being strange, I have felt weird, in the most broad, general way. I mean physically my thyroid seems to be off again, and I am counting the days down until my Doctors appointment next week, but this is more than that.

I feel like piece of me is missing, like piece of me is existing somewhere else right now.

I can’t really describe it in any other way than this, but I have been feeling like I am crawling in my skin, completely out of my element here, just on auto pilot. I have been pretty busy, and non-stop for the last two weeks, finally able to slow down the last few days, but I still feel off, and it feels like the more I try to figure this feeling out, the more confused I become.

I have been busy working on the book project, which I am really excited about. I think this group publishing is exactly what I need for my first major publication, also having someone edit my work gives me perspective, and helps my craft; although, she doesn’t need to edit nearly as much as I thought she would.

This last week I even ordered business cards—business freakin’ cards! They are pretty bad ass if I do say so myself. There are times when I am out, and random shit happens; I run into people, or have an opportunity come knocking and it seems easier to just hand them a card, and allow them to do what they will.

I will also use the cards once my shop is up and running as promotion inside the boxes, and such. All I keep thinking is that my cell phone number is on those cards, but what else was I supposed to do? I don’t have an agent, eh, it is what it is. I guess it’s a good thing my phone has a blocking feature.

See, how did I even get there? On that little tangent, my mind is just in a foreign place right now. I cannot focus on a complete thought without a billion other thoughts colliding with it at the same time, and sleeping has become a joke.

Each time that I fall “asleep” I immediately start Astral Projecting; my best friend (who is completely mundane) has started traveling with me. I am perplexed as a Witch, as her friend, just in general as to why she has suddenly become a partner of mine on the Astral. The panic seemed to set in when she told me that some of the places were “scary”. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me.

Why am I bringing her with me, why are we having the same dreams, and why is there such darkness?

I could continue on with an endless amount of questions, but that seems to be counter-productive at this point. I can’t handle the questions that have been shouted into the Universe as is.

I have not travelled like this since I was a child, it makes me concerned, but also excited. I am hesitant to open certain pieces of my sight back up, I already think I see too much. I am also nervous about what could possibly be coming, what am I being warned about, or told?

The messages have been everywhere, even in the clouds.

I feel like I am dropping into the Underworld for a long sleep, but it seems more significant than the change of seasons, or spinning of the wheel.

There is something coming.

At 3:33 this morning I was awakened suddenly by knocking, three times on a little table in my room. I sleep with two Himalayan crystal lamps on, so there is a dim orange hue to my bedroom; enough to see pretty clearly. The knocking startled me because it was so loud, I am used to entities coming through that corner and they know the rule is to knock, but three *loud* knocks that jolted my fucking soul made me take note, and have had me on edge ever since.

I felt a comfort in the discomfort, if that makes any sense. As my cats went scurrying I tried to get a feel, or catch a glimpse of what, or who had entered, but they moved too fast; faster than anything I have ever encountered. I can feel a rage, a fiery anger pulsating from their energy trail, and the air tastes of a sweet cigar.

On top of this there has been numerous Kali references, not only articles but pictures, dreams, just everything seems to be about Her. It seems even my Pinterest account has become hacked by the Universe, and there are signs all over there, too.

I am writing, rambling, like this because it has been too long since I said something, but also because I want to know if anyone else has been experiencing this? From my own observations on Fb, the consensus seems to be that things have been “weird”.

2015 has been pretty gnarly when it comes to cosmic energy, this month being particularly hard, but this is deeper.

We are at a breaking point, and the only way to get through this is to destroy ourselves.

We have to destroy that which no longer serve its purpose, this goes for people, relationships, and material possessions, too.

Our planet, our people, are dying: we are dying.

People have become so concerned with themselves, money, and “internet fame” that we have lost track of community, blessings, and humility. It’s like I live here with a bunch of narcissistic pricks who love the sound of their own voice so much that they can’t hear the cries of their fellow human, or animal for that matter.

All of our advances in technology, scientific and medical, and we choose to poison our people through medicine, and vaccines labeled “good for us” or “necessity”. Even our food has become more “food like” than actually nutritious.

We have shown our true colors as a species via the internet. I mean when twerking videos get more views than political debates, or revolution efforts aka the truth movement, it says so much about our society.

We are lied to and poisoned by TV, digital and social media all the time, too. Please do not think that this is only environmental in the sense that it is our food, or medication, no it’s everything.

We have been warned of the consequences of our actions on this planet, both to the Earth itself, and her inhabitants but not enough have acknowledged these warnings. It is clear that the few awakened ones, and our efforts to awaken the masses have failed, miserably. Now, it seems that we are on the brink of disaster, destruction, all in the name of mass awakening because clearly, thus far, nothing has worked.

The murders, systematic racism, inequality of the sexes, the disastrous state of our justice and political systems, all the way down to the endangerment, extinction of animals at a rapid rate, global warming, and war seem to not be enough for people to “get it”.

Maybe when the Divine has had its say and the destruction has hit home, and it’s immeasurable, people will finally wake up from their coma, but right now, right this very second, we are on a collision course with destiny, and I’m not sure if the human race is ready for what destiny has to say.

Wake up, humanity, before it gets too dark.