Q: “I’m looking for advice to be able to deal with living with someone I do not like. He hasn’t done anything to me, but since I first met him my gut has been saying, “no, nope, get him the fuck away from me.” Unfortunately, it is not my choice who rents the other room in the basement. Is there a way that I can ground myself so I stop feeling tensed up and angry every time I see him?”
A: I have to say out of all the questions I received for this new column, this one hit my heart the hardest.
As someone who works from home, has agoraphobia and is a Cancer Sun I am a homebody to the fucking core; my home is my safe zone.
Witches, Empaths and Mystics *need* a Sacred space where they can seek solace.
This Sacred space should be our homes (even if it’s just a small corner Altar, or whatever ‘Sacred’ looks like to you and your Practice).
It’s extremely violating when our homes no longer offer us comfort.
We are left feeling vulnerable, open to attack, unsafe, un-grounded, chaotic, and cornered; each of these can be dangerous on their own, combined? They’re a recipe for disaster.
In Psychology our home is said to represent our psyche, so not only are you feeling an assault on your body (your gut/intuition are screaming “run, run, run”) but you’re facing an assault on your mind.
I think this situation, and any situation that looks similar (ie. Living with someone you dislike and being unable to move because…life) should be handled in steps…
I am going to give a few options, you may choose to do all of them, or you may choose whichever one(s) resonate with your being.
First thing’s first, PROTECT AND CLEANSE THAT HOUSE!
This can be done in totally inconspicuous ways, that your (presuming) mundane roommates will not pick up on.
I love Sigil Magick and tend to do it two ways: I either make my own or use ones that are directly associated with the Spirits I work with regularly.
I don’t think that imploring Spirits we do not regularly work with for protection Magick is as effective; unless we have called upon specific land Spirit’s and/or Fae, but even then, I think sticking with what/who we know is best for this. The choice is yours though.
You can draw Sigils on walls using Florida Water, or certain Essential Oils (high alcohol content dries fastest, usually leaves no residue, and will not stain walls, but spot test first).
Do this in common areas where you and he share the space or put Sigils in his pathway. I would suggest symbols that promote calm energy while also representing power and domination are best.
Laura Tempest Zakroff has great material on creating our own Sigils, check it out here.
This isn’t just about grounding your energy, this is about re-claiming your space.
You can anoint a pillar candle, or a tealight and have it lit in a common area of the home; set it with intentions for your safety, for him to move (if that’s what you want) or just for peace in the home.
Plants are an excellent way to promote peaceful vibes and bring the Earth element inside; helping to filter and ground the energy. Aloe Vera, Snake Plants, Pothos or Ivy are great options to add ambiance, and nature in our homes.
Prisms, or Witch Balls are also good to have around because they absorb negative energy (yours or his).
The next thing you want to do is protect YOUR energy.
Do not engage with him, if you can help it. When you do have to engage, keep it short, and be firm with your words (no matter the topic of discussion) but don’t let your anger takeover.
Shield yourself by using the command ‘Redimio’ (Ree-DIME-ee-O) which means “encircle me” and technique below–
Take a few deep breaths, focus on your Solar Plexus Chakra (bellybutton area) and imagine it opening and fire coming out, the fire goes down your body, beneath your feet, then comes back up over your head to meet at the navel area; once connected project the fire outward so you are encircled. This allows any negative intentions, evil eyes and just bad energy to burn and/or transmute before it hits your Aura.
Putting a bowl of salt under your bed will help ground your energy and cleanse your Aura while you sleep; change it every 3-4 days, add filtered or distilled water to amplify effect. If you have pets, you may use Tupperware with a lid (only use it for this purpose)—it isn’t as potent but will work.
Wear or sleep with crystals that promote grounding/protection: Black Tourmaline (Transmutes negativity), Jet (Returns to sender), Smoky Quartz (Protects), Black Kyanite (High Vibrations to help rise above), Fire Agate (Fiery, shields you from enemies, and is grounding to the Earth), Clear Quartz (Endless Uses) and Labradorite (One of the most protective minerals in the kingdom).
Crystals that are good to help you not feel angry would be: Rainbow Moonstone (Yin Energy), Rose Quartz (Love), Lepidolite (Calming), Amethyst (Peaceful) and Fluorite (Clarity). Having Selenite around couldn’t hurt, either.
Iron and/or Pewter are great grounding materials if you are not into crystals.
Create a candle that represents yourself, I would suggest black, and every time you light it set the intention that your energy is grounded and rooted in your body, and the Earth; that you are present, you are powerful, you are strong, and you will not submit. You could also do a white candle to purify, or cleanse yourself and a red candle for vitality, and Pranic strength (life-force energy).
Remember, we can be both docile and defiant at the same time.
You can carve the candle, dress it with herbs, or keep it simple and use intention only; this doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect (neither exist in Witchcraft).
Cleansing your space and your body with Herbal Smoke Baths on a regular basis will help tremendously, as will Spiritual Showers/Baths.
A good and easy Spiritual Bath could be Epsom Salts, Coarse Sea Salt, Basil, Lemon (don’t use if you just shaved though), a few drops of Florida Water, Lavender and Calendula flowers. This is not a bath for hygiene, this is a bath where you soak and then get out—don’t rinse. You want the ingredients to do their work; when you do take a shower the following day (or whenever you feel necessary) I would suggest using African Black Soap; great for your skin and even better for Spiritual Protection/Grounding/Cleansing.
Good Herbs for Smoke Baths: Cedar, Mugwort, White Sage and Palo Santo.
You could also use resins such as Dragon’s Blood, Frankincense or Amber.
Meditation is something that I firmly believe helps, but I also think it’s a piece of advice that is given so often that people just scoff and roll their eyes. I mean, who the fuck wants to meditate in a toxic environment? But, if you can find the time, and peace, meditate.
Continue to listen to your body, and your intuition and reclaim your power; that alone will ground you and make you an unmovable force.