SUCCUBUS: How I Discovered I Was a Sexual Vampyr

katerina-plotnikova-2

Image: Katerina Plotnikova

“Sex is an emotion in motion.”

Mae West

When people hear the word Succubus they automatically think of Lilith, and from there the opinions split; on one side, we have those who think Succubi are nothing more than Women and She-Devils who are out to abuse, manipulate, and feed off unwilling, and unknowing participants. On the other hand, we have those who understand energy Vampyrism (in all its forms) and that many of us apply a code of ethics and morality to our lifestyle.

If I can go off track for a second and refer to my blog about Psychic Vampyrism (a trait I also carry).

From my experience, not all Succubi can feed on both Psychic debris/energy as well as sexual energy. We each seem to be very particular about what we feed on, and how we do it.

There are also Sanguine Vampyrs who incorporate blood but I will not get into that because a.) I am not Sanguine and therefore don’t feel comfortable talking about their lifestyle and b.) Sanguine’s are secretive like no other because of the stigma attached to their practice. You think Sex Vamps have it bad, try being a “blood sucking Vamp” and it gets a lot worse.

They don’t have some weird fetish with blood, at least not generally speaking, they just happen to receive energy that way. I look at it like this, if their participant is willing and not being abused, then no one is in any position to judge adults partaking in taboo acts. I think this goes for all alternative lifestyles.

I feel like my entire fucking life is taboo, and that is why I try so hard to see all points of view no matter how radical, or archaic they seem to me.

Anyhoo…

I talked about Psychic Vampyrism getting a bad rap, and that many of us are truly misunderstood healers.

Of course, as with every group of people, there are good ones in the bunch and there are bad ones in the bunch, you can’t clump us all together. I would not clump all Luciferians, or Satanists together, nor do I clump all Witches together. I know that while we may have things in common we are still very much individuals in every way, and our experiences, no matter how parallel, are subjective, too.

I bring up Psychic Vampyrism because just like them, Succubi either generate complete fascination, or total disdain. Again, completely misunderstood.

I can’t speak for every one out there, duh, and I say that frequently; I just want to tell my story because I get asked questions about this all. the. time.

I am certain some of what I write will raise eyebrows but fuck it. Right?

When I say that I have always been connected to sexual energy, I mean it quite literally.

I remember, and my Mom has backed it up (how embarrassing) that I was masturbating at age 4, and very much in tune with my body. It was much more than just “curious touch”. I remember reaching orgasm at age 6, and from then on nothing was really the same; it’s like a switch flipped.

Some kids had their blankets, and favorite toys, while I masturbated for comfort, insomnia, and as I quickly found out, energy.

I know how this sounds, and I can hear the “you need fucking therapy” comments already.

I have been to therapy, and had many breakthroughs. To be clear, I was not shown how to masturbate, and was not a victim of sexual abuse until I was 8 going on 9; looking back on it and drudging it up in countless therapy sessions as mentioned, the abuse didn’t victimize me.

In a sense, it fascinated me but also made me feel angry and dirty; emotions I couldn’t reconcile until I was older and understood what consent was. Without consent, it’s assault. No one at that young of an age should be experiencing sexual touch with any partner; it should, for obvious reasons, be a solo act. Children are off limits, to everything. Parents should talk to their children about healthy touch and experiencing their own bodies, and not shaming them for it. Talk to any Doctor and they will say, masturbation is normal (probably not at such a young age as myself, but it is normal and nothing to be worried about).

To the surprise of many, including myself, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18. When I was in High School I was going through so much at home, both mundane and Magickally related that boys and sex were just not on my mind like they were my friends’. I had crushes but, they were based on quirks I saw or because a guy was smart, not because he was hot, popular or a good lay.

Once I had sex though, it was as if I had opened Pandora’s Box.

I was not shy, or timid, even during my first time; I remember it hurting so bad that it turned me on even more; the very beginning of my journey down the Masochist rabbit hole.

I enjoyed being dominated but also fighting for dominance myself and afterwards all I could think was, “This is one time, and one guy, imagine what else is out there.”

For many years, I unknowingly was feeding every time I would have a sexual encounter, which was frequent. Sex made me feel empowered, and strong but there were some partners that made me feel heavy; I was taking on their demons and didn’t even know it.

It was not until I encountered a fellow Succubus and she showed me the ropes did I understand that not all partners should be consumed, and not all partners are worthy of us; while Succubi feed off their partner’s life force, their partner also gets a “high” from being in contact with us. Our energy is like no other and often we will hear people say, “I don’t know why, I am just so attracted to you.” We also get comments about how comforting our homes and bedrooms can be.

Therefore, many Succubi are irresistible to their targets when they really put their intentions behind it.

By the way, the consumption of a partner is not just energy wise, either, it’s literal. You should not consume a partner’s vaginal secretions, or semen unless you know for sure you can handle all that comes with it. When we take in their bodily fluids either orally or through our genitals, we are taking in their life force; unless you have a filter set up, you will absorb the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I did not have a filter for the entire time I was having sex; so from ages 18-29 I was having sex freely, wildly, and in a way only a youth with no worries could fuck.

Every single one of those encounters came back to bite me in the ass.

I started to have dreams that were not dreams at all but flashes of memory, but not my own—the memories of people I slept with. I was having fears that made no sense, and began to have health issues that also made no sense. I had taken in too much bad energy without transmuting it to be beneficial, and it caused an Auric tear that allowed a lot of negative debris to come in.

I sought out my Sister Witch who is the Succubus mentioned earlier, and she helped me harness my power and then, I became celibate.

Makes sense, huh? A Succubus being celibate…

But, I had no choice.

I had to clean out all the psychic and sexual debris that I took on, and I had to heal the wounds created in childhood, and young adulthood; I also had to focus on myself because I was at the peak of my Spiritual Awakening.

In 2013 I stopped having sex, and for 1 year and 1 day, I did not even masturbate; I truly needed a full detox of all sexual energy because I had abused it, and in turn it abused me.

When I began to play with sexual energy again it was entirely different; I started with my own, obviously. Masturbation is one of the most efficient ways for us to get energy, and even though it is not considered Vampyrism, as you are using or recycling your own life force, it is something we can and should do in times of drought, so to speak. It is also a guaranteed way to make sure we are not taking in negative energy.

After I harnessed my own, newly awakened Shakti charged energy, I began to incorporate other’s.

This was done through long distance feeding, and usually through synchronized masturbation or, in a few cases the targets were actively engaging in sexual intercourse, and they allowed me to tap in, and feed. The most efficient way for us to get energy is obviously through sexual intercourse, or engaging in sexual acts ourselves but we can be creative with our feeding, too.

For me, it seems that I inherently take on, or seek out negative energy in other people; when I studied my Irish heritage, I discovered my Sin-eating ability and I think it connects to my Succubi side.

Sin eating was a practice that originated in Southern England but quickly spread throughout the UK. Usually a dying or recently deceased person would transfer their sins into a loaf of bread and pint of ale; the Sin-eater would come eat the bread, drink the ale taking on the sins of the dead, and allowing the person to be granted access to Heaven. For more history on this practice click here.

Succubi are the embodiment of all that is carnal and primal within us; she reflects the wild side of our sexual nature, and true empowerment through sexual acts. She shows us not to be ashamed by our desires, and deviations but to embrace them.

The Succubus is a misunderstood healer, a stigmatized and demonized Woman; someone who knows exactly what she wants sexually.

In many ways, the Succubus is the ultimate Feminist.

For these facts alone she is feared.

This is why Lilith is our Mother.

About the Author

Posted by

Jaclyn Cherie, who is also known by the name Noir has her roots in New York. She is an Author, Writer, Hedge Witch Luciferian, and Wild Woman. © Jaclyn Cherie and The Nephilim Rising, 2015-2017

9 Comments

Jaclyn, thank you for your honesty and the ability to explain paths so they don’t come across as dirty or taboo, but are simple truths. By my reading this a light bulb went on realizing that there is a reason I feel powerful durring sexual encounters, Be they self or with a partner. That there is a reason, if I choose to, I can put a spell on someone durribg sex. Growing up it was usually a be powerful or take pride in yourself spell, once in my early 20’s I made someone fall in love with me. That sure as hell went south quickly. Lol
Keep sharing and teaching my sister you are great at it. 💜
SunRay Sorceress

Liked by 1 person

Excellent article dear! I have long considered myself a succubus because of how I consume the sexual energy of others in the way that I do. I look forward to seeing more on this topic when it is time.

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Succubi or Succubus is interestin term used by many i know of but fer you i can see that in many of your writins and your style i can see that fer sure just was wonderin when it was goin ot come to light fer you very awesome writin Miss Jacklyn thank you fer sharin Ma’am

Liked by 1 person

Nice to meet another vamp! It’s intriguing to learn your method of “feeding”. What are your thoughts on literature regarding vampires such as Michelle Belangers psychic vampire codex/vampire ritual book, Father Sebastiaans vampyre sanguinomicon and others? Perhaps they might provide you with other methods and perspectives you haven’t considered? Of course you may be vampyre by nature but what are your thoughts on those who adopt the vampire and its practices as a magical paradigm? Super curious 😉

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Enjoyable post to read btw, I’m sure it isn’t always easy to reveal your nature that’s still considered highly taboo and “unethical” depending on who you’re discussing this with. 👍

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I admit to feeding in very non-conventional ways but it’s what works best for me; I think, perhaps, if I had learned of my Vampyric nature at a younger age and was able to better control it when I started having sex, I would be quite different now in regards to my feeding.

As far as literature goes, Belanger’s work and she herself have never vibed well with me, something about her energy is off putting. I believe she comes across, at times, as being elitist and extremely dismissive to those who do not practice the way she does. I do however respect her work and her ability to live her truth; when people ask me for resources on the subject I still suggest the Codex even though it was not my cup of tea.

As for Father Sebastiaans work, again bits and pieces resonated but not anything mind blowing. I read as much as I can on the subject, and lets be honest, most of what is out there is either extremely negative, or extremely exaggerated; it’s hard, super hard, to find solid content about Vamps.

I think its the secrecy we all inherently have about our lifestyle, especially Sanguines as mentioned in the post.

And, as you mention in your second comment, it’s still very much taboo.

It’s taboo because the information out there is not balanced, as I said above.

It’s morphed into a never ending circle of disinformation.

I have tried many methods of feeding; I find absorbing negative energy, transmuting it, and storing it/using it along with masturbating is what works for me. The former is because I like to use my gift to help other’s. The latter is because I am still celibate.

Anyhoo, on to your question about those who adopt the practice.

I am firm believer that people should live their truth, and if their truth means to adopt this practice and lifestyle then so be it.

I would caution anyone who adopts this lifestyle without the natural ability to be careful that they are not doing this to be “cool” or as a passing phase; I think once you dip your toe in Magick, there is no going back. So, dipping your toe in Vampyrism is absolutely the point of no return.

I have encountered many within our own community who don’t have the fucking slightest clue what they are doing; both natural and adapted Vamps.

I think if the intentions are pure then so too will the result be; if a person chooses this lifestyle because of a Soul cry then they will thrive, if they choose this lifestyle to feed an ego or live out a fantasy, they are in for a rude awakening.

I am glad you enjoyed the post, it isn’t easy to talk about this but it’s necessary. I have received *SO MANY* emails since writing this blog that I can’t keep up and haven’t even been able to reply to them all! I have seen comments on other pages who shared the post of people saying “this is like reading my life story”.

Things like that, the deep resonance that people feel reading my work, is worth ripping my Soul open and showing the world all my parts–even the misunderstood ones, especially those.

As always, it’s a pleasure interacting with you. ❤

Liked by 1 person

There’s alot I could say about your reply but i’ll save it for email, haha. I agree that the information is scarce and full of bias and disninformation like anything else I suppose. I guess the best we can do is read as much literature on this subject to at the very least learn others practices and viewpoints and perhaps learn some new techniques but of course it’s all very individual and we walk the path alone ultimately. In the world of the occult and vampirism ego’s abound and everyone claims there system or viewpoint is the ultimate and most accurate and/or most “ethical”, “responsible”, blah blah blah…. To each their own I suppose. I’ll save the rest for our private correspondence 🙂

Liked by 1 person

Thank you so much for sharing this article and your story. So much of this resonated deeply with me. My life experiences as a child through adulthood very closely parallel what you shared. In fact, you have given me a new perspective and shed some light on things that until now didn’t make sense or indicated I had some kind of hormonal imbalance. The connection between being very picky with sexual partners and the innate ability to take on others energy to transmute was something I had not thought of but now makes perfect sense. Until I learned about transmuting energy I simply had visions and dreams and memories and feelings or thoughts that weighed me down and I know now were not all mine. I wish that these topics were more openly talked about without all the judgement and taboo factor surrounding them, it would’ve saved me so much time and healing lol. Anyway, thank you again, you’ve opened up a whole new area for me to explore and connect some dots I didn’t know were actually supposed to be connected!

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